I learned they make it harder for me to sleep at night.
Note: Slightly larger version HERE but you still won't be able to read the ultra-fine print.
This is an infographic summarizing the weaponry used in some of the most well-known zombie movies of the past few decades. Based on what I've been able to gather, my anti-undead armory will consist of the following:
1. Distance: assault rifle (with at least thirty backpacks of ammo scattered across the city)
2. Close range: a broomstick with a knife taped to the end (I really should have looked into how much assault rifles cost before committing to the purchase)
3. Preventative: fireworks left over from the 4th of July (zombies are notoriously stupid so I'm hoping they'll mistake them for dynamite and keep their distance)
4. Melee: chain-mail gloves (I've never actually beat a head in before but one time when I was shaking my wiener dry at a urinal it touched the side so I at least have some experience. Also: a growth. 'Bubba Ho-tep' reference -- count it)
So -- WHO'S COMING WITH ME?! Anybody? Oh you think you're soooooo much better prepared than I am. FINE. Did I mention I also have a tank? TOO LATE! I just found out how many true friends I have, and that number is ZERO. I don't eve know if I want to survive a zombie apocalypse anymore! *watching for a reaction* REALLY -- NOBODY'S EVEN GONNA TRY TO TALK ME DOWN?!
Thanks to Melissa, who agrees the best zombie defense is a strong rocketship.