The Future Of Eco-Funerals: Freezing Bodies With Liquid Nitrogen And Shattering Them (While Children In Attendance Lose Their $#!7)
You know what sucks about funerals? Everything. There's not a single thing I like about them. And that's not even considering how bad they are for the environment. Whatever happened to dumping bodies in a volcano or leaving them out for animals to gnaw on? You know, like the good ol' days. FEED MY ASS TO LIONS I DON'T GIVE A FUUUUUUUUUU.
A Swedish company called Promessa has come up with a crazy new way of handling the remains of the deceased, and it's straight out of science fiction. First, a body is chilled down to 18 degrees Celsius. Then it's entirely submerged in liquid nitrogen, which freezes it solid, and makes it brittle enough that it can be shattered and pulverized into dust using high power sound waves. Next, the dust (which is still about the same mass as the body was) is exposed to a vacuum which boils off all the moisture contained in the dust, reducing its mass by 70% or so. Lastly, all of the inorganic stuff that may be left over is removed with an electromagnet, and the dust is placed in a coffin made of corn starch, all ready for a shallow burial that'll turn everything into compost within a year.
I'm not gonna lie, that would increase the entertainment value of funerals by at least a thousand-fold. Shit, add some dance music and a laser-light show and I'd pay to go to the funerals of people I don't even know! Hey bro, got any E? I'm coming down already. It's cool if you don't but you could at least answer me. Come on dude, stop bein' such a stiff. *CRASH!!* Oh shi-shi. *runs out rubbing nipples*
Thanks to Martin, who doesn't care how he's buried just so long as it's not alive. AMEN TO THAT, BROTHA!