Should've called the Maytag Man. Get it? I'm gonna punch myself so hard!
Clearly disregarding Captain America's hatred of illicit substances, 30-year old Colorado meth dealer AARON CASTRO spent all the proceeds from his lucrative drug dealin' on comic books. Like, $500,000 worth. What -- no graphic novels?!
While most people that make loads of money engaging in illegal actives usually open a business that acts as a front that allows them to filter their tainted money through, Aaron, as if through some kind of mystical nerd alchemy, opted to tread on unexplored territory: he transformed a lot of drug money in to comic books -- 18,753 comic books, to be exact.
As is usually the story for big time drug dealers, Aaron was caught. Most of the time federal prosecutors seize the drug dealer's assets, including any and all cash that may be stored away. But in Aaron's case there was no cash. Just 18,753 comic books, which in total are valued at around $500,000.
Lonna Gwinn, who says she used to sell Aaron's meth, claims Aaron's comic book obsession was so bad that she used to make cash exchanges inside comic books stores, at which point Aaron would turn around and use that cash to buy entire boxes of comics.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? "Yeah, all the kids on that comic look like addicts." Exactly. Well -- what're you waiting for, Captain?! SHIELD THEIR F***ING FACES OFF!
Comic Books: The Most Creative Money Laundering Tool [funnycrave]
Thanks to Belpheegor and Thaylor, who launder money the old fashioned way: in a bucket with a washboard.