AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, SAY IT AIN'T SO!!
Well how was I supposed to know they were talking about the bird?! You can't blame me for thinking like a 12-year old -- IT'S MY JOB. You know who's really to blame here, right? The pervert who named all the birds. I'm looking at you, Adam! Seriously -- Boobies, Tits, Woodpeckers, Morepork, Dickcissel, Cock-of-the-rock, Caucasian snowcock, Red-knobbed coot and Rough-faced shag? (all real btw) WTF, BRO? Freud would have a field-day with your ass! Some highlights from the 'yes, I know I'm childish' article:
Although great tits can live for nine years [GW's note: presumably from 18-27], breeding success declines rapidly after the age of two [WAIT, WHAT?!]. Nevertheless, older great tits keep on breeding every year...
Such hardworking great tits do age more swiftly than tits that get going at a more relaxed pace, but despite this early aging being costly...
Although the decline of the great tits is measureable by their breeding success, it's not easy to spot the older ones by eye [BULLSHIT!]
Bouwhuis does not yet know what's going on with the male great tits...[THOSE EXIST?! MIND BLOWN]
This concludes another segment of 'Middle School Recess with the Geekologie Writer'. Stay tuned next week when we discuss Uranus's composition and debate its solids-to-gas ratio.
Great Tits Also Have Age-Related Defects [sciencedaily]
Thanks to Daniel, who insists there's nothing wrong with not wanting to grow older like Peter Pan just so long as you don't start taking in lost boys.