I NEVER TOUCHED THAT LAKE!
That's right folks, Antarctica's Lake Vostok, buried under two miles of ice and untouched by outside forces for over 15-million years (you old maid!) is about to get drilled for the first time. Scientists be poppin' all kinda boners about it too!:
"We are terribly interested in what they find,"..."This is a lake that we don't think has been exposed for 15 million years. Therefore, if there is life there, we're going to have so many questions. How has it evolved over those years, how has it survived, what does it look like?"
"Ice isn't like rock, it's capable of movement," Dr. Priscu told FoxNews.com. "So in order to keep the hole from squeezing shut, they put a fluid in the drill called kerosene. Kerosene also grows bacteria, and there's about 65 tons of kerosene in that hole. It would be a disaster if that kerosene contaminated this pristine lake."
But the scientists came up with a clever way to make sure this debacle would not occur. They agreed to drill until a sensor warned them of free water. At that point they will take out the right amount of kerosene and adjust the pressure so that none of the liquids fall into the lake, but rather lake water would rise through the hole.
*Sits back and waits for the report that we accidentally dumped 65-tons of kerosene into an untouched ecosystem* What?! You know it's gonna happen! *Sits back and waits for the report that the spilled kerosene was ignited by a careless scientist's cigarette and that Antarctica is melting and flooding earth* Look at me -- f***in' Nostradamus over here! Haha, bet you can't predict when I'm gonna fini-- "NOW!" Dude's good.
Thanks to ERIk and Pesche, who could have drilled the lake in under a week with their penises starting from the North Pole. WOW.