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'Pwn Your Hunger' With Gamer Food Bars

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Whether you're PWNing noobs or just your own little nubbin against the toilet seat fantasizing about how dreamy I must be in real life, the human body needs energy. And while some of us can derive all the necessary sustenance from alcohol and candy, other (read: lesser evolved) folks need more nutritious ingredients. Enter Gamer Food, a line of prepackaged bars aimed at pasty, sun-hating gamers that previously existed entirely on Mountain Dew, Cheetos and broken dreams. $30 takes home 12 bars of deliciousness like Protoss Delight (almond cherry), Zerg Rush (cookie dough), Energy Bar (coffee sunrise), Health Bar (goji macadamia), Mana Bar (honey cashew) and Rage Bar (chocolate infusion). Or you can try four of every flavor for $60. In case you can't tell, they're made with the highest quality, all natural ingredients like *looking at picture* nuts, cherries and...animal turds? Nature's energy pellets, yo! Pac-man loves those things.

Gamer Food

Thanks to Katrina, like the Hurricane, not to be confused with Katrina, like my girlfriend's first Cabbage Patch Kid, whose head may or may yes be in a clear Tupperware on a shelf in my closet.

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