Oh God, Please Not Samoas Or Thin Mints!: Girl Scouts Cut Four Cookies From Lineup

Get it, thin mints? EAT A CHEESEBURGER, LADY!

Cookie-purveying giant Girl Scouts of America have decided to cut several of the crappy-ass varieties from their cookie lineup this year, and focus their efforts on hocking the much more delicious (and fattening) flavors. SAMOOOAAAAAS!!!!11

"Our top five varieties make up 77% of cookie sales," Amanda Hamaker, the manager of national product sales for the Girl Scouts, told the Wall Street Journal. "The others are yummy and fun, but they're side dressing--leaving councils with an awful lot of alternate varieties left over."

Still available: Thin Mints, Do-Si-Dos, Trefoils, Samoas (also called Caramel deLites), Lemon Chalet Cremes and Tagalongs (also called Peanut Butter Patties).

Going into retirement: Dulce de Leche, Thank U Berry Munch, All Abouts, Sugar-Free Chocolate Chip

OH THANK GOD. I was literally on pins and needles while reading the article. And not just because I've been sitting on the can for so long I might actually be stuck, I was genuinely worried. Thankfully, we'll all be able to sleep peacefully tonight knowing Thin Mints, Samoas and Tagalongs will still be available. I mean seriously -- who gives a dang about Sugar-Free chocolate chip anyway? THEY'RE PACKAGED CAT TURDS.

Even Girl Scout Cookies Are Victims of the Recession [time]

Thanks to Christina, who has an industrial-size freezer full of Thin Mints from last year. Apocalypse-ready, I like it!

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