Milking It Dry: Mattel Rolling Out Questionable Analog 'Angry Birds' Games Later This Year

Suckle that teat much longer and you're gonna inhale a nipple!
Because knowing when to stop doesn't exist in the American business model, Mattel is releasing a series of 'Angry Birds' themed games later this year. This is 'Angry Birds: Knock on Wood', a $15 plastic playset in which players try to hit pigs with birds launched from a catapult (just like in the computer game!!!!!11). Are we having fun yet? Maybe for the first 30-seconds. There's also a card-based game in the works that will probably suck equal amounts of pig-peen, BUT I WILL WITHHOLD JUDGMENT UNTIL ITS RELEASE. Sike, it'll blow.
Full disclosure: I have 3-stars on every level (including Holidays) and all the golden eggs but only because I spend a lot of time on the john. Like, a lot a lot. 8 hours a day at least.
Hit the jump for two closeups if you give a cluck. Cluck! God I slay me.


Mattel shows Angry Birds playset at CES [ilounge]
Thanks to Darwin Police and Allyson, who agree the birds that should really be angry are all those dead ones in the midwest.
-
Hustler is releasing a 3-D pr0n0graphic parody of Avatar this fall, and this guy just popped like forty blue boners about it. As a result of all the CG and 3-D work, the smut-peddler is advertising 'This Ain't Avatar XXX' as their highest budget pr0n to date, with production c... / Continue →
-
It was only a matter of time before somebody realized what a cash cow a baby doll Wiimote peripheral would be. Cover your daughter's eyes, it's Baby and Me! Baby and Me comes with a doll, but not just any doll. This doll features a slot for the Wii remote so that the game can... / Continue →
-
The $200,000 WaterCar is the lovechild of a Corvette that fell in love with a cigarette boat. But, like having sex with a mermaid, everyone will tell you it was just a manatee. Get a Corvette engine, rig it up with a Dominator Jet drive, and then strap it into a floating car,... / Continue →

