I'm not gonna lie, I slept in this morning expecting to wake up a multi-millionaire from the $330-million lotto jackpot. But did I win? Nooooooooooooo, apparently somebody upstairs still holds that time I kissed a girl on a church retreat against me. GOD (literally, I know it's you), THAT WAS 16 YEARS AGO. Plus she's all fat and ugly now so you know I regret it! Anyway, the winning numbers from last night were only two off from Hurley's magical 4-8-15-16-23-42 and all the LOST fans that picked them took home $150. How 'bout that? WE'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO THE ISLAND! Just kidding, you guys go back to the island, I'M going back to the future. And if you think I'm not bringing back a newspaper with winning lotto numbers you've got another thing coming. Namely, indentured servitude. You ever gotten down on all fours to scrub behind a dirty toilet wearing nothing but a little Chippendale collar and shirt-cuffs? You have?! I say got-damn you krinky!
Thanks to Das, who actually did win $150 by playing the LOST numbers. Black Smoke took home $300K, just sayin'.