So is there like a national title-writing competition or something? I think I could place.
Seen here looking suspiciously like Satan's fiery turds, the Naga Viper was recently named the world's hottest chili pepper after beating out the previous hottest, Bhut Jolokia, by over 300,000 units on the Scoville scale of unholy hellfire.
Researchers at Warwick University testing the Naga Viper found that it measures 1,359,000 on the Scoville scale, which rates heat by tracking the presence of a chemical compound. In comparison, most varieties of jalapeÃ±o peppers measure in the 2,500 to 5,000 range -- milder than the Naga Viper by a factor of 270.
...the new pepper is actually the handiwork of Gerald Fowler, a British chili farmer and pub owner, who crossed three of the hottest peppers known to man -- including the Bhut Jolokia -- to create his Frankenstein-monster chili.
"It's painful to eat," Fowler told the Daily Mail. "It's hot enough to strip paint."
"It numbs your tongue, then burns all the way down," he told the paper. "It can last an hour, and you just don't want to talk to anyone or do anything. But it's a marvelous endorphin rush. It makes you feel great."
You know what else makes you feel great? Not shitting f***ing magma. Just sayin', if it can strip paint you better believe it can strip a butthole. Ever seen one? Just like a dried belly button.
Thanks to Bloody Shadow, who doesn't shadowbox as much as he shadowstabs. I like your style!