Baking: I'm not good at it. Wake-n-baking: I'm an allstar. But when I am doing some actual cooking I usually only cover myself with enough to protect my johnson from any scalding oil (typically a game-worn NBA athletic sock I've pre-stretched over a milk jug). But that's me. Maybe you want a Super Mario apron. Thankfully, Bethany Sew-&-Sew has you covered....with fabric!!!!!!!!1111 You have to contact her to actually get one made, but they each go for around $35 with $5 shipping. Plus you can get child sizes ($20) so your children can share in the baking fun! Don't have any children? Tie them to your cats! Don't have any cats? Steal a neighbor's! Don't have any neighbors? Move out of the woods before you're f***ed by a bear, crazy!