STD Testing: There's An App For That

That's right ladies and gentlemen, scientists are currently working on a way to run do-it-yourself STD tests on your cell phone. Awesome. I bought a 99¢ app and all I got was the clap. Hey that rhymed! And so does this: Caring means NOT sharing. BOOM -- STD slogan central over here!

Doctors and technology experts are developing small devices, similar to pregnancy testing kits, that will tell someone quickly and privately if they have caught an infection through sexual contact.

People who suspect they have been infected will be able to put urine or saliva on to a computer chip about the size of a USB chip, plug it into their phone or computer and receive a diagnosis within minutes, telling them which, if any, sexually transmitted infection (STI) they have. Seven funders, including the Medical Research Council, have put £4m into developing the technology via a forum called the UK Clinical Research Collaboration.

Hell yeah, pissing on your cell phone! Who hasn't been there before? Also, because I'm such the tireless public servant, I stayed up all night developing my own foolproof cell-phone based STD test. Wanna give it a go? Cool. 1. Remove your cell phone from pocket 2. Access phone book 3. Are there any hookers' #'s in there? Yes = you definitely have something. No = you might have something. 4. Pee on all the buttons.

Mobile phone kits to diagnose STDs [guardian]

Thanks to ultrapony, Valerie and Gunnit, who sell STD tests out of the back of a mobile food truck during lunch hour. Wait a minute -- this is just litmus paper!

• Mood Wounds: Bandages That Change Color When A Wound Becomes Infected

  November 3, 2010

  Remember when mood rings were cool? That was a trick question, they've never not been. As a matter of fact, I'm wearing like forty of them even as I type this. Two on my penis! He's super sad right now. This is one of those things that is so obvious that you want to smack ... / Continue →
• Fill Me Up: DARPA's Body-Filling Foam To Save Lives

  December 12, 2012

  So some DARPA robot stabs you in the gut, what are you gonna do? ANSWER: Get pumped full of some DARPA Wound Statis foam to apply pressure to the wound, slow the bleeding, and save your life. DARPA: Monopolizing both sides of the robotic apocalypse. A foam-based technology ha... / Continue →
• I'm On To You!: Wall Shelf Moonlights As Secret Drawer

  August 20, 2012

  This is the Clopen Shelf from Torafu Architects. It might just look like a plain old shelf, BUT IT CONTAINS A HIDDEN DRAWER FOR VALUABLES. Don't own any valuables? Welcome to the club. The drawer is only 23mm (~0.9 of an inch) tall though, so you can forget about stashing a... / Continue →