You can tell that kid's an exception and not the rule because the beer comes out the side on those lil' mini-kegs. And I must be the same because I was dumb as hell as a child but now I'm a hellaboozehound. RIDDLE ME THAT, "SCIENCE"! Blame life? That's what I've been doing!
Don't worry, all that excessive drinking is just a sign of your intelligence. According to two long-term studies -- one American, one British -- there's a correlation between smarts and a thirst for alcohol. The "more intelligent children in both studies grew up to drink alcohol more frequently and in greater quantities than less intelligent children," says Liz Day at Discover.
The article goes on to propose three different reasons for why this might be, two of which are ridiculously stupid (1. it's evolutionary: booze is relatively new (~10K years of use) and smart people are early adopters and 2. boozing makes up for the childhood you didn't have because you were a bookworm). But the third actually makes sense.
Drinking is the only way to deal with morons: Smart people "booze so we can tolerate everyone else," says Greg at Food & Wine Blog. When sober, we tend to "take people's responses at literal face value." But after a few drinks, "we can relax a bit, stop being so anal with semantics and let comments slide a bit."
Letting comments slide, that I believe. Which is exactly why I have to be at least 40 king-size bed sheets to the wind before venturing into the Geekologie comments. See? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, JERKBAG! *throwing some seriously macho-ass punches* Did I mention booze makes me violent? Because it does. Plus hansome as a mofro. *checking mirror* Oh hai Sessypants!
Why do smart kids grow up to be heavier drinkers? [theweek]
Born a Smartypants? Study Shows You Will Like to Booze it Up [obviouswinner]