A New Hope Told All In Facebook Messages

Note: It's a two-parter. Second part is after the jump.
Because a day without a Star Wars post is like a day without drinking to forget how hard I suck at life (I could pull a blueberry through a coffee stirrer), here's Star Wars: A New Hope (AKA the first of the three good ones) told entirely in Facebook messages. Now, for those of you who haven't ever seen the movie -- uh, what the hell are you even doing here? Because if you're gathering recon for the jocks so you can all pick on me later you've got another thing coming. Namely, a call from my mom. Just kidding, I fight my own fights. With a sockful of arcade tokens. That's right, it's quickly "game over" for any would-be bullies! Get it -- arcade tokens, "game over"? What? I'm working with what I was given! (I was given shit for brains is the thing)
Hit the jump for the remainder.

The Entirety of "Star Wars: A New Hope" in One Facebook Thread [dorkly]
via
The Entirety of "Star Wars: A New Hope" in One Facebook Thread [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Rob, who uses Facebook exclusively for plotting revenge on those who have wronged him in the past. OMG -- same here! (Plus making fun of how fat/ugly people have gotten since grade school)
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