Oct 14 2010Jonathan The Zombie Would Be Piiiiiissed: Guy Attaches Wire Handles To Pet Turtles

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Some jerk went and drilled holes through the shells of his pet turtles so that he could attach wire handles to them and pick them up easier. But turtles don't even like being coddled! Master Splinter, yes.

"They do have nerves in their shells, so it would have been painful for them when they were drilled," says Hopcraft.


Hopcraft says the tortoise appears to be underweight and is unable to walk without dragging its shell on the ground, while the turtle's claws and beak are overgrown.

Marcie Moriarty, an investigator with the B.C. SPCA, called it "accessorizing to the extreme."

"Clearly, this shows a person who has no respect for animals and no knowledge on how to care for them," Moriarty says.

The SPCA has launched a full investigation, which will also look into other animals the Delta man owns, before recommending animal cruelty charges to Crown counsel.

Throw the book at him! Or, better yet: a giant f***ing rock. Actually, don't even throw it, just push it off a cliff. "And smash him like Piggy?" DAMN YEAH AND SMASH HIM LIKE PIGGY! Lord of the Flies? Pfft -- LORD OF THE TURTLES! Now quick Leonardo, put your back into it -- here he comes.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the sadness.

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Pet turtle and tortoise with handles installed may net charges for owner
[theprovince]

Thanks to Ryan, who's never attached anything to a turtle but lasers and night-vision goggles (which they love).

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Reader Comments

FIRST....F'ED UP MAN

OK, I give up. Who the fück is Hopcraft?

Totally disgusting.

The investigators name is Moriarty. Win. Where's Data Sherlock when you need him??

Steampunk Tortoise? We may have a new super hero on our hands.

Someone should drill holes in his spinal chord, and attach chains to them.

How is this any worse than cropping a dogs ears or tail, or piercing your girl's ears?

How about circumcising your son before he can actually voice his opposition?

I don't think it is to be condoned but I don't find it criminal... I'm sure he loves his animals

Who the **** cares?

It doesn't even look good

How does the moron who attached these wires think turtles grow? they arent born with 3ft shells..

Like Alex, make him an eggie-weggie, and smash em!
.....just sayin

@7 congrats you are a retard.... medical science has proven that circumcision is beneficial in many ways for humans... attaching a handle to your tortoise does not equate.

And if you had bother to read the article it states there are other signs of neglect... he or she clearly does not love their animals.

@7 - Agreed.

When does it become criminal? declawing isn't illegal, that has got to hurt...

Parents get their babies ears pierced and that's not a crime...

IT'S A FOCKING TURTLE, WHO GIVES A SHITE!? I destroyed like 12 flies yesterday, any different? NOPE. (on a side note, turtle soup is the shit). Perhaps if it was smarter/better adapted/had thumbs/went to college, it might have avoided becoming a pet. I've seen these things eat dog crap, poop it out, then the dog eat it, then the dang turtle eats it again! STUPID.

So we're going to take a Moriarty at her word? COME ON.

I think he should use those wires to hang his turtles from the ceiling like decorations. That would be sweet!

2nd animal cruelty post on geekologie in a week, wtf.

" 12. quaddmgtech - October 14, 2010 1:19 PM

@7 congrats you are a retard.... medical science has proven that circumcision is beneficial in many ways for humans"

that is factually untrue. The religious superstitious reasons for circumcision have had many attempts to be justified by biased research but it doesn't hold up to real science. there is ZERO legitimate reason for circumcision.

funny how the entire world will piss itself over female genital mutilation, but then pat itself on the back for doing it to men.

amazing, you do this to a turtle and get charges against you, vut up a human babies genitals and call it name for medical procedure (which it isn't without a valid medical reason it is just a mutilation) and everything is just fine

if it's a human chop away, they don't need to have the full sexual experience, it's just sickening

@18 female genital mutilation involves removing the clitoris, which then makes it impossible for the woman to ever have an orgasm.... just sayin

I should do this at my little brother.

Circumcised penises look good. Steampunk portable turtles look good. It's all good.

@18- I'm not entirely sure you can compare male and female cirumcision. Female circumcision happens later in life, removes the clitoris and/or both sets of labia and can go so far as to sew up the vaginal opening after packing it with natural dessicants. Sounds much worse than the old snip n' stich. Next you'll be asking for your umbilical chord back.

C'mon man.... Taint right I tells ya...TAINT RIGHT!

@23,@20 yes you can, they are the same, many female circs involve the clitoral hood and not the clitoris, but even if they do remove it you can't honestly tell me the only part with sensation is the clitoris....

both the foreskin and the clitoris have the most sensitive nerves n each of them, making the net effect of both pretty much the same, yes there are some extreme form of female circ just as there are more extreme forms of male circ (and also less extreme then the typical u.s. circ)

cired women have been able to orgasm
women who are cut often encourage other women to be cut and often choose it for their daughters.....similar to cut men, they don't know the downsides so they assume there aren't any

I think this is quite a good idea.

Good pet transport solution!!!

@20 I have it on good authority that the clitoris is not the only place a woman can achieve orgasm...

Not condoning clitoral circumcision, but I'm just thinking you guys might like to know this.

Being nerds and all.

From turtles and animal "cruelty" to penises and clits, so hot.

I think we are all missing the point.

Maybe he shouldn't have circumcised his tortoise, maybe his wife shouldn't have tried to turn the turtle into a hand bag. Maybe just maybe we should make soup out of lemons (lemons the turtle).

I digress, Aren't their legitimate issue's abroad?
What he did shouldn't be considered a crime, mean yes, wrong yes, crime no. was he having them fight each-other too?
How the fuck did we even get to female genital mutilation? you are all sick, all of you.

WOAH! Thanks for the Lord of the Flies spoiler, jerk! I just rented that movie. Thanks for ruinging my whole fucking night! I might as well just throw these deviled eggs in the trash now.

Apparently, the nerves in a turtles shell are only touch receptors, not pain receptors.

this was on extreme rollercoasters on the travel channel last week

he he... sucks to his asthmar.

In regards the the piercing a childs ears, circumcision of an infant,cropping a dogs tail, ears, and others of the sorts all fall under unconsentual mutilation, and though not criminal, I find it fucking despressing we have digressed to it. KEEP THE SKIN ON YOUR COCK!

Yeah this is messed up but like, um, Hitler killed a bunch of Jews. Killing a bunch of Jews is so much worse than drilling holes in turtles or circumcision.

How can you call this criminal when all those Jews were murdered? Don't even try to tell me that pointing out some fucked up act doesn't negate the existence of another ,albeit less severe, fucked up act. That would be ridiculous!

I'm glad i got all my chickenskin on my Johnson, and tell you what! girls can;t even tell it's uncirced, why? cuz when that shit gets hard you can just roll it back and all that's exposed id the head the foreskin just becomes part of the rest of the shaft! it's just skin! only time chicks have been able to tell is if they actually date me for a while and might see me naked just chillin there when it is limp... so circumcision is dumb!

I'm glad i got all my chickenskin on my Johnson, and tell you what! girls can't even tell it's uncirced, why? cuz when that shit gets hard you can just roll it back and all that's exposed id the head the foreskin just becomes part of the rest of the shaft! it's just skin! only time chicks have been able to tell is if they actually date me for a while and might see me naked just chillin there when it is limp... so circumcision is dumb!

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i'm glad to have been circumcised as a child...1: i don't remember it and 2: my meat hammer looks awesome in pound mode 8=======D

Geekologie: A place where you can attach a handle to your turtle then talk about female circumcision.

I like turtles

1) This dude is fucked up for ever having done that to the animal. There are far better ways of attaching j-hooks under the shell that does not pierce the turtles shell and causes no discomfort to the turtle what-so-ever. As for malnutrition, if you can't feed the fucking animals, then don't buy the fucking animals. Plain and simple.

2) Who cares if a dude has part of the skin or not. When having sex it is all the same. I for one had a circumcision and have no qualms about it. Faster cleaning, a slightly reduced chance of getting HIV, and what have you. I have never had psychological problems by not having my foreskin. I have not had problems having sex. And dear spirits, if I am supposed to be more sensitive with the foreskin, then fuck that. if I were more sensitive I'd be creaming my pants every time I walked and it rubbed against my thigh. And men don't really need the foreskin for any part of reproduction.

3) Female vaginal sewing and mutilation and what not is deplorable. It just aint right. A woman needs that thing for a multitude of reasons.

So comparing the two forms is stupid. One is destruction upon the entire system, the other is just a cosmetic redecoration.


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"Turtles can feel pressure and pain through their shells, just as you can feel pressure through your fingernails."

http://www.sandiegozoo.org/animalbytes/t-turtle.html

(under Turtle shell trivia)

@14 shut the fuck up you uneducated moron. Think before you open your dumbass mouth.

Sherlock Holmes will be pissed.

Louis of http://aprettyage.blogspot.com/

@47 care to explain or are we just going to leave it at that? Btw, FUCK ANIMALS. (I really did think about that one, I promise!)

what an idiot

@18. STFU with your sexism bullshit. They circumsize boys because of religious purposes or just to make sure their son gets laid sometime in his lifetime. So quit your bitching because that is not the same. These turtles are of age and will remember the pain. The baby boys won't remember shit.

f*ck animals. I just ate some chickens and some pigs, I really don't give a f*ck what other people do if I'm just gonna have 'em for din din.


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