I love picking Facebook fights, they're one of my few remaining joys in life. Typically I choose a random girl from high school I used to have a crush on and then start laying into her. Stuff like, "HAY STOOPID!" Then when they try to turn the table on my intentional misspellings, that's when I really pounce. It usually goes something like this:
GW: HAY STOOPID!
Random-ass: If you're going to say something moronic at least use proper grammar.
GW: YEAH WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD USE PROPER HYGIENE BECAUSE EVERYBODY USED TO MAKE FUN OF THAT SHIT-BREATH OF YOURS BEHIND YOUR BACK!
Random-ass: Wow, still a childish loser, consider yourself unfriended.
GW: Consider your mom unfriended -- I totally did her when I was a junior!
GW: Your dad too!
GW: But that was senior year.
GW: And I was starting to eye your pets!
GW: Just kidding.
GW: Didn't you have a ferret or something?
GW: Maybe I'm thinking of Kelly's rat.
GW: You remember Kelly? She has a bunch of ugly-ass kids now.
GW: So do you think of me as a friend or more as like a boyfriend?
Thanks to Matt, who I actually am friends with on Facebook and might fight next. YOU'RE GOING DOWN.