Sep 27 2010ZOMG, Call Samus: Metroids Are Real


Metroids, best known for attaching themselves to your head and trying to suck your life-force out like an ex, are apparently real. Finally, an excuse to call Samus that doesn't involve "peepin' that sessy ass".

Four thousand feet beneath the surface of the Pacific Ocean, water temperatures hover around a chilly 37° Fahrenheit, and the tiny sparks of bioluminescent life forms provide the only light. In this dark, cold world, scientists have discovered a strange new predator - a gelatinous, blood-red jellyfish that can reach up to three meters in diameter. Named Tiburonia granrojo (Spanish for big red), this massive jelly is particularly unusual because it lacks tentacles, which most jellies use to catch their food. Instead, Big Red has between four and seven thick, wrinkled arms.

And speaking of wrinkled arms: old people. I can't even eat around them it grosses me out so bad. No lie, I was eating at this Jewish deli (Canter's) over the weekend and it looked like this one old geezer had Shar-Peis for arms. Needless to say, my Rueben made an encore.

Hit the jump for two more shots of the "oh shit, will a tin-foil hat help?!"



Jumbo Jellyfish Dubbed 'Big Red' [calacademy]

Thanks to Jodon, who just moved sharks down to oceanic public enemy #2.

Related Stories
Reader Comments

Rick IS A F A G!


If only it was somewhat translucent, like some other jellyfish are. They couldn't deny having to call it the Metroid Jellyfish then. Someone slap a gold Nintendo seal-of-approval sticker on this thing.

The only thing sadder than someone yelping "first" in the first post... when they yelp it but miss the #1 slot.

Man, the water even makes it look like its space! I say this would be perfect viral advertising for a live action metroid movie:)

@4 3 minutes

Three meters is fricken HUGE!
I wonder how big they would be (due to the decrease of pressure) if they lived closer to the surface of the ocean.

Check out the underside of the.. achem.. "flaps" in the first picture. Thats some incredible patterns going on there.

FAKE! the shadows are all wrong.

I don't know what else to say except this is cooool.

Looks like my ex-wife's snatch. Bitch. I hate you.

Probably the best Jellyfish in the world.

You eat at Canters?

Sweet , meet me there. Fairfax, right?

Oh that's just freaking creepy-awesome.

That looks like my asshole on Sundays after drinking all weekend

Where do jellyfish get their jelly?
From ocean currants.

What does a jellyfish take on a camping trip?

I came...


These aren't Metroids. "Four thousand feet beneath the surface of the Pacific Ocean, water temperatures hover around A CHILLY 37° FAHRENHEIT...." Any Metroid fan KNOWS Metroids become sluggish when exposed to cold environments. That's why they're weak against the Ice Beam.

Love love...! Do you like older women!? Sick of those boring little girls? Come to the site::SugarMommyDate.C/OM ^_^ SugarMommyDate.C/OM ::!!This site must be very helpful to you.I bet you can find what you want here! There are Over millions of profiles from all over the world! No matter where you are or what you are~ YOU MUST CHECK IT!!

Canter's rules! And as for the jelly fish? Let's fry that shit. Kill em! Kill em all!

HAHAHA Ford that was the third funniest thing i've read all day, and i've read at least four funny things.

It is circuitry. This is actually a robot. We need to call Mega Man.

It looks like a Mycon from Star Control 2.

Aside from fatty fatty fishy here, I think gw has return with devious splender and gifts for us.

three meters??? isn't that how long a shark is? that's a freaking huge jellyfish O.O

jesus... christ... o___o;

i just threw away my metroid muffin... this is just to cuteeee!!

Post a Comment

Please keep your comments relevant to the post. Inappropriate or promotional comments may be removed. Email addresses are required to confirm comments but will never be displayed. To create a link, simply type the URL (including http://) or email address. You can put up to 3 URLs in your comments.