How Am I Not The Man For The Job?: United Nations Seeks Space Ambassador To Aliens
Sorry folks, I already submitted my application and I'm just waiting for the callback. However -- I will consider you for my cabinet if you can provide me with warm, clean urine on an as-needed basis. *reading article* Wait a minute -- they already chose somebody?! But I haven't even started campaigning!
Mazlan Othman, a Malaysian astrophysicist, is set to be tasked with co-ordinating humanity's response if and when extraterrestrials make contact.
Professor Richard Crowther, an expert in space law at the UK space agency who leads delegations to the UN, said: "Othman is absolutely the nearest thing we have to a 'take me to your leader' person".
Opinion is divided about how future extraterrestrial visitors should be greeted. Under the Outer Space Treaty on 1967, which Unoosa oversees, UN members agreed to protect Earth against contamination by alien species by "sterilising" them.
Mrs Othman is understood to support a more tolerant approach.
*facepalm* Listen: you and I both know I was practically made for this position. Some would even argue it's why I was put on this planet and not Krypton, and those people would be 100% correct. And I'm not just saying that because I want to be first in line for all the blue-green trim that's coming our way, but I did just call dibs. I will let you be my wingman though if you help me impeach this Mazlan character. Oh -- and I always get the one with more titties.
Thanks to Kyol, who will serve as director of the Department For Covering Up My Numerous Alien Affairs.