What do you get when you take 500 30-shot fireworks and set them all off at the same time? Haha, besides an opportunity to call 911? Yes -- this video. It takes a little while to get going, but when it does, oh boy, when it does. Almost makes me want to tape a bunch to the hood of my car like a tank and see if I can't get my neighbor to surrender his pool to me for the rest of the summer. *yelling through megaphone* THIS AIN'T SOME THREE LITTLE PIGS FAIRY TALE, MR. JENKINS -- I CAN AND WILL BLOW YOUR SHIT DOWN. YOU HEAR ME?! You have one minute to hoist a pair of water wings as a sign of surrender. Also, I hope it doesn't sway your decision but I am going to have sex in the shallow end.
Hit the jump for the pyrotechnics in action.
Thanks to Alec, who once tried launching bottle rockets from between his moobs and ended up setting his happy trail on fire. Smooth.