Jul 5 2010Twilight Eclipse Claims Moviegoer's Life


In news that shouldn't surprise anyone who's fallen head-over-heels for a twinkly-ass vampire only to find out that, not only is he pretending his hardest not to be gay, but he's gonna end up marrying a two-timing, wolf-loving floozy, watching Twilight Eclipse has claimed a man's life.

Wellington police spokeswoman Victoria Evans said the man's body was found by a cleaner at Reading Cinemas on Courtenay Place shortly before 8.30pm.

The man had attended a 6pm screening of the film, the latest instalment in the supernatural Twilight franchise, which revolves around a love triangle between human girl Bella, vampire Edward Cullen and werewolf Jacob Black.

At a press conference this evening, police said the man's death was not suspicious and he had no obvious injuries.

The man was slumped in his seat, and the cleaner thought he was asleep.

I 100% believe Twilight killed this man. And I'm not just saying that because the trailer alone was enough to make me throw myself off the balcony into a tub of popcorn below, BUT STOP SKIMPING ON THE FAKE BUTTER SAUCE.

Man found dead after Twilight screening in Wellington [stuff]

Thanks to Beastman AIDS, which, fun fact: was actually Stephenie Meyer's original name for Jacob.

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Reader Comments

This is only the beginning....


@1 very clever wording for a first post.

I knew it was bad... but not THAT bad.

Did he die of boredom? Or was he disgusted to death?

Maybe he choked on his own vomit.

Went to the movies by himself - to see twilight...

@7 it was probably PedoBear, Alias: PedroTheBear, sneeking glimpses at stupid impressionable ten year old girls.

I think for Holloween im going to get some glitter and go show people my true form and by form I mean penis

@9 careful.. last time i tried that durring holloween 2 guys in police officer costumes took me to a suprisingly real jail cell. but i didint use glitter, maybe thats the trick.

Death usually isn't funny but...Bahahhahaha! Wtf? I think this is an exception.

Sounds like those 10 year olds have taken this twilight stuff too seriously + needed some blood.... autopsy will reveal 'insect bites' on the guys neck ;)

Remember that time they made a movie and it killed anyone who watched it within a week or so?

Does Stephanie Meyer make a guest apperance in this movie? Maybe that's what killed him.

#13 that would be the ring

Also yea haha twilight is like the new ring movie but you don;t know when death will hit ya

Hate twilight

check this video out:

Inglorious Vampires

and this

Emo vampires

pretty good funny videos!!

Where's Blade when you need him..


...I guess he wasn't Team Life.

Get it? Because he fokkin' died!

From time to time I go to movies by myself, but I wouldn't even go to Twilight with someone that promised to jump my bones if I did, let alone by myself!

@17 he is afraid to get glitter on him and sparkle in the day time, then he would be one of them. DARKNESS IS. DARKNESS IS....

@17 Evidentally at that guys house.

Blade won't kill the twinkly vampire because he's worried some of it might rub off on him so he settled with twinkly vampires fans.

The butler did it....

It wasn't Paul Reubens was it?

I'm from wellington and this guy was homeless. Probably stumbled into the theatre and od'd without anyone noticing. So in the end, not teribly funny, Sorry to ruin everybody's fun with reality

Holy shit I work at a reading cinemas! I just about shit myself when I read that. Different reading cinemas obviously. But seriously I'm not surprised they managed to kill soneone

Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site[ S E E K C O U G AR (C 0 /M)_]---a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends

I want to see a "my life is emptier than yours" face off between Twilight fans and Avatar fans.

"Who's more pathetic? See it live, SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!"

That being said, that Taylor guy is hot. I'd like to see him in a movie too. Just not Twilight.

May I just say that yeah, Twilight sucks, but seriously. You're going to take the actual death of someone and make cracks about it like this? "Oh maybe he got bored to death" "maybe he choked on his on vomit" Seriously? In my opinion, you guys suck more than Twilight.

You're all laughing but in the meantime this man who is someone's son, possibly someone's father and husband is deceased. You're all making fun of Twilight fans but all of you need to GROW UP! Maybe you should take a good look at yourself before you make fun of someone. Someone is dead and I don't see the humor in it whatsoever. Grow up and have some respect!

I love twilight, but honestly its not really the movies that i like, which r not as good as the book, and i coulda picked a better cast. But i love vampires. but nothing ever stand against interview with a vampire, everything else bites the dust :)

Oh and i completely agree with Cait and Annoyed, grow up. i dont think this should have ever been posted, seriously bad taste.

Stop the laugh wagon, the proper police have arrived. Yes, that is a human life that was lost, that is sad. However, the circumstances are....hilarious. If you find it wrong to laugh at that, find a safer area of the internet, like...peta kitty fish safe; or go to 4chan for some comparison of things that are truely horrible.

this dude was smart i would also prolly kill myself beroe watchin that gay shit

Sounds like Nicky Ridge is trying to get some action from Cait.

Go Nicky, it's your birthday!

Who cares!!! My goat thinks the same with me. It- is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at an age gap dating site[ G O A T F U C K ER (C 0 /M)_]---a nice and free place for Younger- Women and Older Goats, or Older Women and Younger Goats, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or- tell your friends

you fuck goats?

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