Wonderful news: apparently my only remaining love in life might be slowly killing me. That's right -- box-springs may act as giant radiation-spewing antennas, filling our bodies with the nasty while we sleep. And all this from trying to figure out why breast cancer is 10% more likely to appear in the left boobie than the right. GOD, JUST TAKE ME NOW! *eying margarita on nightstand* Whoa whoa whoa, not so fast big guy -- I've been saved.
The research, carried out by Hallberg Independent Research and the Karolinska Institute, both in Sweden, attempts to correlate the fact that most people tend to sleep on their right side and that the length of a box spring mattress in America is exactly the right length to make it act as an amplifier for FM and TV waves.
"Thus, as we sleep on our coil-spring mattresses, we are in effect sleeping on an antenna that amplifies the intensity of the broadcast FM/TV radiation," writes Scientific American. "Asleep on these antennas, our bodies are exposed to the amplified electromagnetic radiation for a third of our life spans." The radiation would be the strongest almost a meter above the surface of the box spring, which would mean that the side of your body that you're not sleeping on would get hit the hardest. In most cases, that'd be your left.
Sounds pretty convincing, doesn't it? Too bad it's all fake research. I've got two words for you: Tempur-Pedic conspiracy. Kidding, I'm not really one of those crazy conspiracy theorists (It's those asshats over at Sleep Number and I know it!).