Magic!: Seven Secret Keys Guard The Internet
I'm bein' for real yo! In case of catastrophic interweb meltdown, seven people across the globe have magical keys (possibly carved from witch's tits) that can reboot the tubes and restore porn to the masses. Well thank God!
The plan was drawn up by the internet domain name watchdog ICANN as a means to protect the internet in the event of a major attack on its infrastructure. The complete key can be used to reboot the systems at the heart of the internet which direct users to the genuine websites.
The BBC reports that UK-based business man Paul Kane is one of the key holders. He was given a smartcard which contains part of the root key needed to initiate the reboot, and plans to store that in a tamper-proof bag in a secure deposit box.
Other key holders include US-based security researcher Dan Kaminsky, who has previously uncovered flaws in the internet directory Domain Name System (DNS).
What the -- WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE ME A KEY?! Huh? You did but I sold it on eBay? Well I probably needed the drinking money, just gimme another one. Haha, what do you mean "why are you making another auction listing"? Booze doesn't pay for itself, stupid!
Not-so-secret seven hold keys to the internet [newscientist]
Thanks to The Kraken, who's gonna start randomly breaking tubes and wait to see what happens. SPOILER: You're gonna accidentally cut one of your tentacles. And to Chris B, who claims he has one of the keys. Nice try, Chris, but I recognize a Holiday Inn room key when I see one.