This is a paper shredding coffee table. It's called the Papervore but it looks more like an Anythingthat'llfitinthatslitavore if you ask me. Unsurprisingly, it's a real-ass product and will set you back a ridiculous $1,950 if you don't have the taste and decency to make your own out of an old pasta maker and breadbox. But go ahead, Mr. Moneybags, do whatever you want (I hope your cat takes to shitting in it).
Thanks to Sharon, who once ran a boyfriend's peener through one of those old-fashioned pencil sharpeners for texting another girl. Lizzy? That's his sister.