Water Coffee Burn Baby Weiner!: Drinkclip
The Drinkclip Beltclip is a $5 clip for your belt that holds a beverage instead of a cellphone or laser blaster. You should still wear it right next to your cellphone though. Both of them. I mean, if you want to look cool. Plus fill it with the hottest coffee possible. I'm talking boiling. With no lid. Just trust me -- I'm the king of cool. If your penis catches fire you know you're doing it right.
Thanks to Dan, who doesn't want one himself but encourages you to get one and burn your privates off so you can't breed. Yes, that.