For Hansel And Gretel: The Rescue Balloon
Designer Jaeseok Han wasn't fooling around when he created this compact kit -- intended for hikers who get lost or injured in the wilderness and need to signal aerial search teams. It comes complete with a small, lightweight helium gas cylinder and a long, inflatable red balloon that can peer out from the tree canopy and flag down appreciative rescue workers.
Alternatively, give up hope and start scratching your last will and testament into a tree trunk. That's what I would do. Or, oh I dunno, put a bear in a chock-hold until it points me to the nearest town! Then steal its honey. Now I know what you're thinking, "Ooooh, that's just wrong GW!" But if you think that's cold you should see my nipples. F***ing diamond cutters over here.
Thanks to Erin, who has never been lost a day in her life except for the time at the Disney World when she lost sight of her parents and was found by Goofy huddled under a park bench. Jesus, that sounds traumatic. Haha, why are you crying?