Astronomers at the University of Arizona recently discovered two really old-ass black holes. Interesting, scientists, but maybe you should consider careers in Geriatric ASStronomy (shoot me now, please -- aim to kill).
As grimy and unkempt as our present-day universe is today, scientists believe the very early universe didn't have any dust -- which tells them that the most primitive quasars should also be dust-free. But nobody had seen such immaculate quasars -- until now. Spitzer has identified two -- the smallest on record -- about 13 billion light-years away from Earth.
What do you mean the early universe didn't have any dust? Of course it did. You can't tell me exploding things don't cause dust ,that's just ridiculous. And speaking of dust: did you know most house dust is skin cells and fly assholes? It's true, I learned that in school. Cosmetology school. Us girls, we get chatty!
Thanks to Mike, who once got sucked into an old brown hole in a dream. Uh, Mike, that's what we call a nightmare. Unless you're a freak.