This is a MacBook sleeve that looks like a newspaper. That way you won't get robbed unless somebody is stealing old newspapers, WHICH HAPPENS. Alternatively, wrap your laptop in newsprint. The protective carrier comes in four different foreign language models and will set you back around $82. Which is a lot for an old newspaper, unless it says something like 'LINCOLN SHOT!' on the front page. Then it's worth more.
Thanks to Shea, whose butter makes my skin feel rejuvenated.