No, NO, NOOOOOOOO!!: The Hug E Gram
From the 'There's No Way F***ing Way This is Actually A Real Product, Please God Tell Me This Is A Fake Commercial' department comes the Hug E Gram, by far the biggest piece of shit I've seen in recent history (and I stepped in Bigfoot scat hiking over the weekend).
The patent pending Hug-E-Gram consists of two soft plush cotton arms with cartoon hands that are held together by an elastic band. They are stuffed with a polyester fiber to create a soft and cuddly hug giving a heartwarming feeling. Each arm is 32 inches in length and the Hug-E-Gram is held in place with velcro strips so that one size will fit all.
Even when you can't be with them, they can still experience your loving embrace. The Hug E Gram is the warmest, most personal gift you can share.
"The warmest, most personal gift you can share"? Really? Because I'm pretty sure I've already got that, and it makes it burn when I urinate. Also, do you have to buy two if your special someone is , how should we say, larger? Because I refuse. Wrap it around your leg, God.
Thanks to Jenny, who's sticking to real hugs.