Finally, after years of watching me struggle with those impossible-to-open packets, Heinz has decided to take my advice and invest in new condiment applicators. Impressive, but I suggested spray cans. Named (and trademarked) the Dip & Squeeze, the new packet-y things offer both traditional ketchup squeezing capabilities with the added benefit of -- wait for it -- DIPPING!! I'm gonna need a spit cup. Plus, 3x the ketchup as a regular packet. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "I'll never have to buy ketchup from the grocery store again", you are. High-five, cheapskate!
Thanks to emerica and Julie, who put ketchup on everything including their partners. Kinky!