Wait, What?: Certified Virgin Certificates
People can tell by your social awkwardness, you don't need a certificate. Also, isn't selling $1 virgin diplomas to people who "feel like a virgin, or want to be a virgin again" encouraging deception? And deception, as we all know, is the mantra of the Decepticons. Don't get me wrong, I still ordered like fifty certificates with a bunch of my aliases, but still. Do as I say, not as I do.
Thanks to David, who has a certified sexpert certificate. And I should know, I signed it.