Neckphones are earphones for people with no ears or head. They just hang around your neck and make everyone else on the bus hear firsthand your horrible taste in music. Everybody will undoubtedly give you the stinkeye, hoping you'll take the hint and get off at the next stop, but you won't (you're dense, also, incredibly disrespectful). Available for a staggering $130 from Hammacher Skeletor, they're the perfect gift for that special asshole in your life. God, whatever happened to good old fashioned ghetto blasters? Those were the days, weren't they? I'm talking about getting high and breakdancing. Good times, good times.