Ged Gavin, 55, has a bionic ass and doesn't care who knows. Which is good because I definitely just texted everyone in my phone. And by texted I mean sexted. All the kids are doing it. What? Yes I'd jump off a bridge!
Mr Galvin suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons at the Royal London Hospital could perform the complex operation to rebuild his bottom.
The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves.
These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket.
"They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn't bother me. My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle."
Colostomy bag or a bionic ass, that's a tough call. I'd probably opt for a bullet in my head. Kidding, suicide is never the answer. Unless you're my ex-wife, in which case it totally is.
Man uses remote to control his 'bionic bottom' [telegraph]
Thanks to Ross, who uses a remote control to chew but is starving because he lost the thing in a couch.