Oct 29 2009Wal-Mart: For All Your Funeral Needs


I don't know how long they've been doing this, but Wal-Mart now sells both coffins and urns for all your funeral needs. Currently the website stocks 14 different coffins and 104 different urns. Coffins will set you back between $895 to $2899 and urns from $32 to $243. Now I have no idea how much these things normally cost, but I've got to imagine these are the the most moderately priced receptacles. That said, I'm still stuffing all my relatives in Folgers cans.

Wal-Mart Coffins

Thanks to Chuey The Midget, Blastphemer, Kelly, Josh, Lewis, floor Cheetos and Trick or Trey, who all want to buried at sea in nuclear submarines. Sounds expensive.

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Reader Comments


lol, cheap death. sweet.


its just like that episode of south park where wall mart starts killing people for talking bad about it...now it will kill you and sell your family a cheap coffin for you mangled body.

coffins at walmart? that is just wrong on so many levels.

damn it now that rednecks can afford coffins they'll stop throwin their kin in backyard and bury them next to real people in cemeteries...im against this

This really ain't surprising for walmart...

I want an iCoffin, from Apple. It's got airholes. And a phone.

Although I expect to be taken bodily up to heaven when I "die".

That's funny. When my dad died, his will stated he wanted to be cremated, his ashes put into a coffee can, duct taped up, and thrown into the ocean. And by gods, I did it. Classy.

Costco sells them too. obviously not in stores, but i wish they would have a display next to the food samples. it would be so deliciously morbid


Just because I'm bereaved doesn't mean I'm a sap.

Someone needs to sign in and review these....

"I loved dying and being buried in this. Made my post mortem very enjoyable."


"Would not use again."

This was in the newspaper today

Save money. Die cheaply.

I don't get it...why is this a bad thing? Ever price out a casket via a funeral home.

@12 :D :D :D

people of walmart

I love mine.

Will there be a black friday special on these? I wonder if they can get in on a marketing ploy with the producers of bacon? Save the 10 UPCs from your bacon binge, send them in, get a free eternal resting place. (Urn). Also, do they accept returns if you discover the secret to immortality?

when ur gone, u wont care where ur useless fat ugly body lies. so why cost ur family crapload of money (except when u rly hate them)? let them buy hookers for the saved money, that's what they will need most after a loss.

the integrity of these might be highly questionable considering coffins usually go for upwards of 10,000 dollars

Why not sell them. Funerals are expensive. I dont really care. When i die they can bury/cremate/bbq/disect me/hang me from a flagpole. I guarantee you wont hear me complain. Hell they can even bury me in the park, face down in a shallow grave with my bum sticking out so people have somewhere to park their bike.

A box is a box and when its under 6ft of dirt who cares (or can tell) if its a cheap walmart one or an expensive funeral parlour coffin.

"High-gloss finish with sculpted fixtures"? Is it a death box or a faucet?

lol i posted 1


the second review:D

I wonder if you can price match!

O_o Really? I mean Really?! This makes me think of 'Idiocracy" *Sighs*

ive never had more reason to be anti corporate


Hmmm...even $895 seems pretty expensive. How much would it cost to hire a cannon for the day? I would like to be fired into a brick wall from a distance of only a few feet when I have passed on.

Coffins cost money. What do you think people at funeral homes try to sell you? They want to make money. Dont ahte Walmart for providing you with a cheaper alternative. To LIFE.

Srsly Walmart has everything. Woo.

thats creepy

@ 30

To rent a large working cannon for a day costs $900.00. Also, it will take a janitor 6 hrs to wash you off of the wall. Avg janitor salary: $12 an hour. So all in all the total cost of your demise is $972.00. I'll be happy to chip in...

Looks like one of those coffins can hold at least a hundred cats, maybe more

The Dude Abides

Just checked out the product site - "Gift options not available for this product".

Aww, well there goes mum's christmas surprise.

What! There's no warranty, i won't have it!

When i die, you can put me in a paperbag. It's cheaper, perhaps a bit more festive and a lot more environmental.

Well come to think of it, i really don't give a shit, about what happens to me when i'm dead, for all i know you can feed me to the fishes!

Jesus Christ, Superstar... who in the world do you think you are?
The cops are here, but I don't care... I've got bulletproof underwear.
If I die, bury me, hand my balls from a cherry tree....

Thank you for that Big Lebowski quote, that just made my morning!

that's vonderful! I can tell mah vampire fwriends about these delightful beds.

@34 - Thanks for the offer, and also for the ballpark figure. I think I could save some money on cleaning if I just get fired into a lake, or a swamp or something. That way nobody has to go to the fuss of digging a big hole either. It's also more environmentally friendly, I would wager. I hope to be a trendsetter. KERBOOM! Splosh. Decay.

ohh that's a good deal! lol

Decent price. It's the shipping and handling that kills you. (Get it ?)

I want my body frozen so in the year 5250 Alien hookers could unthaw me by licking me with there 25 tongues

895 dollar for a box in wich you will be decomposing???
after death comes to pay me a visit, i wanna be burned to a crisp
in a biofuel powerplant, making myself usefull one last time.

Times are tough, Times are hard; Buy a casket from walmart, and bury mom in the yard.

Your entering a world of pain.

Walmart "quietly put up about 15 caskets and dozens of urns on its Web site last week." sounds quiet to me. I've been reading all kinds of blogs about it.
Looks like Cost-co has a competitor. Is this really the future of funerals? unreal...surreal.


Disturbing yet I like the price.

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