Smile Or Suffer The Wrath Of Happiness Hat!
The Happiness Hat is a little beanie that senses if you're smiling and stabs you in the back of the head with a spike if you're not. It was designed by Lauren McCarthy to train your brain to smile, but it would probably just train my brain to leak out the hole it's made. You can't teach an old blogger to smile! Or wear pants to the office. Get an eyeful, Superficial Writer, you know you want to!
Thanks to Lauren, the mad hatter herself, for Pavlovian dogging the shit out of modern facial conditioning.