This is a short video of Scorpion from Mortal Kombat playing Donkey Kong. I don't want to ruin it for you so I'll just tell you a funny story instead. I went to the zoo last week and saw two tortoises going at it. I was gonna stick around to watch because I'm a pervert but they were taking foreeeeever. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU WIN RACES.
Thanks to naas, who, GET OVER HERE! I'm serious, I need a hug.