Oct 31 2009 HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Have Fun Everyone!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE! This is me in my get-up last year just before losing the costume contest and sai-ing all the judges in the face. Everybody have fun out there tonight and remember to be safe (but not too safe). Also, if you see a David after the Dentist stumbling around, that's me (I scored a nitrous tank!). HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
First of all, the only Facebook group you really need to join is Geekologie's (and NOT The Superficial's). But if you're into joining every group possible you can join this guy's, whose girlfriend has agreed to let him pirate-theme their house if he gets 1,000,000 fans.
I've always wanted to be a pirate, and the onlyway I can truely do this is to live aboard a pirate ship, as I am tied into a house and a mortgage with this house, and I dont live anywhere near the sea, the only thing I can do is to turn my house into a massive pirate ship.
I already have enough money to buy some wooden slats from B&Q, I just need to get my girlfriend to agree to remortgage the house so that I can afford decking, and masts, and eventually sails.
If 1 million people joined this group it would help her understand that this isnt such a bad idea, and lots of people would do it as well, and it would help my dream come true.
If you can leave a piratty message on the wall, it would also help.
I was going to join but then I saw dude already has 988,756 fans, so he's practically there. And by 'there' I mean on my shit-list. NOBODY OUT PIRATE-HOUSES ME!
Thanks to Nikki, Dan, AJ and Lemrin, who all live in ninja-houses and have vowed to burn dude's pirate house to the ground to prove their stealthy supremacy.
Oct 31 2009 FYI: This Is How Geekologie Gets Written
I was sitting on it the whole time!!
Thanks to Uberscooter, as badass as a scooter can be.
Oct 31 2009 'Tis The Season: For A Zombie Wedding Cake
Is there any better way to celebrate a couple's undying love and devotion for one another than with a zombie wedding cake? There is not. As you can see, the cake features the lovely couple on top fighting off a horde of the undead with chainsaws. Can you say romantic? This reminds me of the time I took a girl out in highschool
and accidentally ran over a bum with my dad's car on the way to makeout point and made he swear she'd never tell anybody I received straight A's and gave a speech at the graduation ceremony. Whew, good recovery, GW.
Hit the jump for a shot of the lucky couple whose marriage may or may not end in a 911 call about a domestic stabbing (it's totally going to).
Oct 30 2009 Gallery of Stormtroopers On Their Day Off
This is a shot in a series of photographs on Flickr titled '365 Days of Stormtroopers', which features a new picture of Stormtroopers enjoying a day off every day from April 3rd, 2009 to April 3rd, 2010 (I guess every day's a vacation since the destruction of the second Death Star). There are currently 210 pictures in the series and every one is very well done. Granted, not as well done as this tauntaun burger, but I like my meat like I like ex's house: burnt.
Hit the jump for a couple more of my favorites and another link to the massive Flickr gallery.
Oct 30 2009 Pass: Microwaved Wii For Sale On eBay
Some guy is a selling a Wii he microwaved on eBay as a piece of art. It is one of the worst pieces of art I have ever seen. Did you hear that? That was Matisse falling out of his wheelchair in heaven.
For $5,998 on eBay, you could purchase a Microwaved Wii, which was "created through the unique art of microwaving by one of the most prominent entertainers and artists on the web."
"Kenny Irwin originals are projected to only increase in value as a collectors items and museums and media take notice of the world renowned art by Kenny Irwin that is unlike anything the world has seen before."
Wow, self promote much? Don't get me wrong, I do a lot of shameless self promotion myself, but that's only cause IF I DIDN'T I DIDN'T I'D THROW MYSELF IN A VOLCANO. *sniiiiiif* God I need a hug. And more airplane glue.
7:00 video of the whole process after the jump. I made it to 2:13.
Oct 30 2009 Russia To Build Nuclear Powered Spaceship
Roscosmos, Russia's Federal Space Agency has a new design for a manned spacecraft powered by a nuclear engine. Anatoly Perminov, the head of the agency, told reporters yesterday the goal of the Megawatt-class spaceship was "implementing large-scale space exploration programs."
Perminov added that this new spacecraft -- which will have a preliminary design by 2012 -- is supposed to help Russia maintain its edge in space, and possibly allow travel to the Moon or Mars. But Anatoly Koroteyev, president of the Russian Academy of Cosmonautics and head of the Keldysh research center, told RIA-Novosti that setting up permanent base on the moon was still out of the question.
Listen, I'm all for atomic energy, but I can't imagine the aliens being too thrilled about the Ruskies launching an atomic missile in their direction. AND YOU WONDER WHY THEY COME TO EARTH AND STICK THINGS IN OUR ASSES.
Поехали! Russia Plans Atomic-Powered Spaceship [wired]
Thanks to Nick, who built a nuclear reactor in his parents' basement but got grounded when they found it.
Oct 30 2009 It's About Time: Glow In The Dark Lingerie
LuminoGlow is an Australian company that makes unmentionables that look normal with the lights on, but glow in the dark when they're turned off. Pretty neat, but don't glow in the dark items need to be left in the light for a while before they glow? Are you supposed to wear these around the house all day first just to charge them up before gametime at night? And will they glow through your clothes if you wear a thin shirt or dress?
Unmentionables, I love that term. Because they're actually totaaaaally mentionable. PANTIES PANTIES BRA THONG BOOBIE BELT. See? No big deal. Also, call me old fashioned but I prefer non-glowing genitals. Just sayin'.
Because I love you, hit the jump for four more full-body shots of the undies in action.
Oct 30 2009 NASA's Ares Rocket Breaking Sound Barrier
This is a beautiful shot (super high-res version HERE) of NASA's Ares rocket taken earlier this week just as it broke the sound barrier. Pretty awesome, huh? Just imagine if you were sitting on top. WHEEEEE!!
What you're looking at is called a "shock egg," or the Prandtl-Glauert singularity, or a shockwave that compresses air and forces the vapor out of it. You see this kind of stuff a lot in photographs trailing behind fighter jets, but it's especially awesome when it happens to rockets. According to NASA, the shot was taken by one Scott Andrews, who used a Canon of some sort.
Hell yes, shock egg. Now tell me -- which do you think came first: the supersonic chicken or the shock egg? Trick question! Dinosaurs.
Oct 30 2009 I'm Digging It: Anatomical Furniture Designs
This is a sweet furniture ensemble designed by Vladi Rapaport that features a skull chair, brain ottoman and spine lamp. I want them all. And by all I mean just the skull chair. But I want it throne-sized and it needs to shoot flames.
A collection of products inspired by the Dutch "vanitas" still life paintings from the 16th and 17th century. The characteristic type of symbolic still life painting is the one where the symbols of emptiness, time and death were placed on the canvas as a reminder of the vanity of one's earthly life.
Listen, I don't know about Dutch symbolism or whatever but I do know an ottoman I want to kick the hell out of when I see one. And that brain, my dear Watson, is one such ottoman. *kick kick* You like that? You will never build an empire!
Hit the jump for one more shot of the awesome.
Oct 30 2009 $899 For The World's Cleanest Keyboard
Germaphobe? Worried about the bovine flu (it's coming, you watch)? Tired of operating a keyboard when you're 99.98% sure The Superficial Writer was touching with himself while using it? Enter the $899 Vioguard self-sanitizing keyboard.
The Vioguard keyboard is aimed at medical market uses and consumers in Canada. It uses two 25-watt UV lights to kill 99.99% of viruses and bacteria in about 90 seconds. Ultraviolet light is known to be affective against harmful microorganisms such as H1N1 flu, MRSA and molds.
Alternatively, only operate the keyboard while wearing surgical gloves, which is what I do. You should see everybody in the office tense up when I'm slapping them on! I think it's the winking that really gets to them.
The Cleanest Keyboard From Vioguard [techfresh]
Thanks to naas, who doesn't need a keyboard because he rocks dual mice.
Oct 30 2009 I'd Twist It: A Nintendo Rubik's Cube
This is a Nintendo Rubik's Cube made by deviantARTist r4r3truffle. Instead of just different colored sides it has elements from some of the most popular games over the years. I like it. Of course, I've never actually solved a Rubik's Cube before. Which, I SAID I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
Thanks to matt, who solves Rubik's cubes like Jesus's father -- with a hammer.
Oct 30 2009 Making Not So Beautiful Music Together
Ever wanted a toilet seat that looks like a guitar? It's not high on my list of priorities either, but if you already have every other thing in the world maybe it's time for one. Jammin' Johns come in guitar and piano varieties and will set you back about $180. They go perfect in music themed bathrooms. Which -- oh God please tell me you don't have a themed bathroom. Unless it's beach themed, those are fine. I love the little shell soaps!
Hit the shot for another guitar and a shot of a piano.
Oct 29 2009 A-Ha!: So THAT'S How Twins Are Made
This is a cute pair of twins rocking Mac copy/paste shirts. There's a shot of twin boys after the jump wearing the Microsoft equivalent. Honestly, did you know this was how twins were made? Because I didn't. I just thought you had to do it twice in a row!
Hit the jump for the boys.
Oct 29 2009 Wal-Mart: For All Your Funeral Needs
I don't know how long they've been doing this, but Wal-Mart now sells both coffins and urns for all your funeral needs. Currently the website stocks 14 different coffins and 104 different urns. Coffins will set you back between $895 to $2899 and urns from $32 to $243. Now I have no idea how much these things normally cost, but I've got to imagine these are the the most moderately priced receptacles. That said, I'm still stuffing all my relatives in Folgers cans.
Thanks to Chuey The Midget, Blastphemer, Kelly, Josh, Lewis, floor Cheetos and Trick or Trey, who all want to buried at sea in nuclear submarines. Sounds expensive.
Have a spare flat-screen television sitting around and want to trick-or-treat as a giant
iPhone? Me neither. But these two guys did (who, it turns out, are the same cats in this video with their 2007 iPhone costumes), and more power to them. And by more power I mean less candy. GET OFF MY LAWN! iHole
Thanks to Bryan, ViLLaiN, ashlyn and Chrissy, who will be trick-or-treating as total badasses. (No costumes necessary)
Oct 29 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Robbery Masks Fail
Police said they had no trouble identifying two men accused of trying to break into a Carroll apartment.
Police were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects' vehicle. Inside the car, officers found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker.
Police said the caller described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment Friday night before driving off.
Wow. I haven't seen two bigger bags of fail in a long time. I can't stop laughing! Mmmm, nitrous. Makes me want to go to dental school.
Thanks to Kelly, who once tried robbing a house with a bra over her face but was arrested when she got stuck trying to climb through the doggy door.
Oct 29 2009 DO WANT: This Giant Freaking Treehouse
Where was this when I was growing up? Not in my backyard, that's where! I did have a Cabbage Patch Kids playhouse though, so there. And you know what? There was a wasp nest in the roof, but did that stop this future blogger from playing house? HELL NO IT DIDN'T.
Well, if you did find yourself fancying your childhood treehouse as the world's greatest, you may find yourself having to think again after getting to see the treehouse Horrace Burgess has built around Crossville in the United States state of Tennessee.
You start to appreciate the greatness of the treehouse Horrace Burgess has built when the figures are brought in. Standing at 97 feet in height, one agrees that the structure Horrace Burgess has built is the structure to beat, if you want to lay a claim to owning (or even having seen) thegreatest treehouse in the world.
Impressive, Horrace, but where's the 'No gurlz allowd' sign? And don't EVEN tell me you let females in that thing. THAT IS BREAKING THE SACRED BOND OF TREEHOUSE OWNERSHIP. Punishable by, um, letting me crash there for a
week month. Come on, I'll eat your squirrel problem!
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures and the link to even more.
Oct 29 2009 I'd Watch It: LEGO Reality Show Coming?
Allegedly there are several LEGO-themed television shows in the works. What does this mean? It means THERE ARE SEVERAL LEGO-THEMED TELEVISION SHOWS IN THE WORKS. Geez, stop trying to read into things, this isn't a mystery novel.
Variety reports that reality TV producer Scott Messick has teamed up with the Lego Group to build a series around the popular toy.
Messick has plans to create several non-scripted programs -- including a documentary-style show about the "Lego Masters", three men who are paid to travel the world building huge Lego constructions, as well as a game show based on a line of Lego board games released in Europe.
The theme park Legoland could also be the new home of a competition-based reality TV show in which contestants are eliminated on an episode-by-episode basis.
In August, Lego announced that it is developing a live-action movie based on the toys."
Listen -- if they can make a show around LEGO, they can definitely make one about Geekologie, right? I mean, I do interesting stuff. Like this morning I got up and had a multi-vitamin with my coffee. It made my pee so green! Aaaaaand CUT -- that's a wrap.
Lego: the reality TV show?! [yahoonews]
Thanks to Grace, who is the textbook definition of herself.
Oct 29 2009 Uh-Oh: Another Little Running, Jumping Robot
ROPID is a little robot created by Robo Garage (burn it down with an oily rag!) whose name combines the words 'robot' and 'rapid'. Very clever. Or should I say vever? I'm gonna stick with very clever. Anyway, this is a video of ROPID showing off his moves at a press conference. He (sometimes) responds to voice commands and can run (which technically isn't running, just walking fast), dance and jump. Plus look kinda cute. There, I said it -- just because you hate something with all your heart doesn't mean you can't find it beautiful. Take Edward Cullen for example.
ROPID Can Jump And Run, Almost [botjunkie]
Thanks to partychancer, fabian, Xkrimeg, Richthegringo, Harsh and Mira, who aren't ashamed to admit they've thought about what it would be like to be with a robot romantically. Bad move, guys -- burn them at the stake!
Oct 29 2009 I See You!: 8x Zoom Case For Nintendo DSi
Want an 8x zoom lens for your DSi because you're secretly a spy? Me neither. Want an 8x zoom lens for your DSi because you're in love with the receptionist at the free clinic and you want to candidly take pictures of her? You've got problems. But if you've also got $25 you can have the Nyko DSi Zoom Case, a case and lens that attach to your DSi and allow up to 8x zoom. Plus, it's super inconspicuous. Goodbye bow tie camera!
Hit the jump for a shot of it's zooming capabilities and all the accessories.
Oct 29 2009 HORF HORF HORF: Halloween Brain Shots
Listen, I love the booze more than anything, but there's no way I'm drinking a curdled shot, I don't care how much it looks like a delicious brain. I've been tricked into it before, and I'm definitely not doing it on purpose. But, if you insist on being grody:
bloody brain shooter
1 1/4 oz. strawberry vodka such as Stoli
1/8 oz. Rose's lime juice
3/4 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream
Splash of grenadine
Chill vodka for better smoothness. Add vodka and lime juice to a shaker, shake and strain into a shot glass. Using a straw, dip some Bailey's Irish Cream into the shot. Once you submerge the straw into the Bailey's put your finger on top of the straw to hold the Bailey's in the straw. Dip the straw tip into the vodka and slowly release your top finger. The Bailey's will curdle a little bit due to the lime juice and you should be able to make strands of Bailey's.
Repeat the straw/Bailey's process to build a "brain" in the shot glass. Add a splash of grenadine to the concoction to add the 'blood' to the mix. Down the hatch as a shot.
Alternatively, have a friend hold a shot of Bailey's in their mouth and then add one of lime juice and swish it around. Cement mixer! Puke! Lose a friend!
Thanks to Blastphemer, who doesn't even care if he's drinking solid booze he wants it so bad.
Oct 28 2009 Save The Nails For Me, Clark: Meat Hands
Meat hands are exactly what they sound like unless you thought they were gloves printed to look like your hands without skin, in which case, God you're sick. No, basically they're meatloaf molded in the shape of hands with onion slices for fingernails and arm bone and some melted cheese on a bed of mashed potatoes. Would you eat them? Because I wouldn't. I don't care how much hair you sprinkle on top! Okay, yes I do. No pubes though! Fine, MINIMUM PUBES.
Hit the jump for several closeups of the arguable deliciousness and a link to step-by-step instructions.
Oct 28 2009 Smile Or Suffer The Wrath Of Happiness Hat!
The Happiness Hat is a little beanie that senses if you're smiling and stabs you in the back of the head with a spike if you're not. It was designed by Lauren McCarthy to train your brain to smile, but it would probably just train my brain to leak out the hole it's made. You can't teach an old blogger to smile! Or wear pants to the office. Get an eyeful, Superficial Writer, you know you want to!
Thanks to Lauren, the mad hatter herself, for Pavlovian dogging the shit out of modern facial conditioning.
Yes, Barbie Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken is really happening. If you're interested, the dapper doucheberry will be available in April 2010 for $82. If you're not interested, congratulations: we can still be friends.
Cool sophistication in breezy Palm Beach! Sporting a dashing jacquard-patterned jacket with a light pink polo shirt and crisp white pants, Ken doll is ready for Palm Beach social season, sunning by the pool and a stroll with his little companion. Fashion designed exclusively for the Silkstone Barbie doll body. Includes Ken doll, jacket, pink polo shirt, white shoes, dog with leash, swim trunks and accessories, doll stand and certificate of authenticity. For the adult collector.
Oh, it's for the ADULT collector, what a relief. Because adult collectors aren't creepy as hell. Trust me, I knew one. I heard voices coming from the basement!
Thanks to Blastphemer, who is an adult doll collector, which is only moderately less creepy.
Oct 28 2009 Road Rash: Crazy Four-Wheeled Motorcycle
The 2010 Cosmos 4RW V8 Muscle Bike sports four 17-inch wheels, a 250 cubic inch V8 producing 350 horsepower and an extra helping of deathtrap. Want one? Expect to spend $93K. Unless you're Batman, in which case it comes standard in the front end of a Tumbler. Unless he's been drinking, in which case it may come smashed in the grill of an 18-wheeler.
Thanks to Chris, who drives a four-wheeled moped which I think we can safely assume has never felt a woman on its Italian pleather seat.
Oct 28 2009 Just Ordered Two Cases: Dinosaur Condoms
That's right, dinosaur shaped condoms. Available from Willy Wardrobe (probably NSFW, but also has a bunch of other novelty condoms), each Stegosaurus E-Rex will set you back £2.50 (~$4) and is not recommended for re-use (even though you and I both know you totally will anyway).
A bit of a sexual fossil? Then this dinosaur condom is for you!
Warning: Sold as novelty only. Product may be used during intercourse although there is no guarantee that it will prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.
Also, not responsible for lost spines.
Okay, so I made that last part up. Still, you've got to wonder. WONDER WHY NOBODY WAS MAKING THESE EARLIER! Plus, they like a perfect fit to me. Pfft, don't even act like your penis doesn't have feet too.
Thanks to Starchitect, Ezrail, david, DatsMark, Xavire, Ross, John, sara, Jody and clipper, for knowing me all too well.
Oct 28 2009 Haha, Sucker!: Bugatti Veyron Gets The Boot
I like making fun of ridiculously rich people because it makes me feel better about not knowing where I'm sleeping tonight. Take this Bugatti Veyron owner, who thought he could park his land-jet wherever the hell he wanted. Think again, Richie Rich! But seriously, you'd think somebody who can afford a $1.2 million car could also afford to hire a band of mercenaries to hover above the thing in a helicopter and scares off parking enforcement with a little friendly fire. I swear, no class.
Bugatti Veyron Illegal Parking FAIL [totalprosports]
Thanks to Asbo, who only parks his van in front of schools. No, that's not creepy.
Oct 28 2009 Don't Swat Me, Bro!: Ad-Carrying Flies
This is a video of some tradeshow in Germany where a company released flies with advertisements attached to them like those little planes at the beach. It's pretty awesome and really got me thinking about hiring mosquitoes to start promoting Geekologie. And by promoting Geekologie i mean flying a video camera into your sister's bedroom. I am a modern Don Draper!
Thanks to Harald, who still advertises in the newspaper. THE NEWSPAPER! What is this, the 40's? Geekologie is where it's at, son!
Oct 28 2009 Ever Wonder What Mario Looks Like Naked?
Scary as hell, that's what. Like an adult-sized baby with a serious case of the wonk-eye. I don't think I'll never be able to look Mario straight in the face again. Like a friend who catches you staring at his package in the locker room after some racquetball. That said, how about somebody make one of these for Princess Peach? Unless that makes me a creep, in which case my tipster requested it. Yeah Aisha, you perv!
What's Underneath, Mario? [kotaku]
Thanks to Aisha, who totally asked for the Princess Peach thing, swear.
Oct 28 2009 Good Friends: I'm Afraid That's What You Get
Don't even act like you didn't deserve it.
Twilight Saga: And so it begins... [lamebook]
Thanks to pstone, who always remembers to take his shoes off before passing out.
'It certainly opened up my eyes. I mean the shark that was caught is a substantial shark in itself,' says Jeff Krause of Queensland Fisheries.
The great white, the most dangerous creature in the sea, was still alive when hauled onto a boat near Deadman's Beach off north Stradbroke island.
'Whatever attacked and took chunks out of this big shark must be massive,' said 19-year-old surfer Ashton Smith. 'I've heard about the big one that's lurking out there somewhere.
'We're all being very, very cautious.'
Listen, I'm not saying I'm the world's manliest man, but for a lifetime supply of Australian beer and the chance to ride in a kangaroo's pouch, I will kill this shark anyway you want. Provided you want me to throw dynamite from a helicopter.
Thanks to Ann, wes, Blastphemer, neo geo, Chris and salsa shark, who have all ridden sharks before and said it was a memorable experience.
Oct 27 2009 Cameo!: Balloon Boy Spotted In Fallout 3
This is a screenshot from Fallout 3 taken by Geekologie Reader Fallout Boy that clearly shows balloon boy's dirigible (SANS BALLOON BOY!) floating by in the wild blue yonder. Shoot it! SHOOT IT DOWN NOW!
Thanks to Fallout Boy, who was once the center of a conspiracy involving a young boy trapped in an old fallout shelter.
Oct 27 2009 Amazing!: A Hummingbird Feeder Helmet
This is a video of a hummingbird feeder that's incorporated into a $80 flowery mask. You leave it outside for awhile to get the birds used to it, then put that sucker on one day and sit still while the hummers come to feed right between your eyes. INTENSE! Reminds me of the time I let a murder of crows peck my eyes out. Probably shouldn't have done that. But like they say, hindsight's 20/20. Except mine, I'm totally blind now.
Thanks to Fally, who once fed an owl a mouse right from her hand because she's an adrenaline junkie.
Oct 27 2009 How To: Never Lose Your Remote Again
Dad's Lost The Remote For The Last Time [thereifixedit]
Never lose your remote control again with this simple, cheap DIY solution [crunchgear]
Thanks to jules and DaveS, who only use the controls on the television because they lost their remotes. Should have had them grafted to you like I suggested!
Oct 27 2009 Delicious Memories: An Awesome 80's Cake
This is an awesome 80's cake that combines elements of this cake, this cake, sort of this cake, and these blue bastards. Really takes you back, doesn't it? I remember watching Smurfs. And I, for one, am not ashamed to admit that I know you had a crush on Smurfette. She's not even your species! Plus blue! *high five*
Hit the jump for closeups of the different elements.
Oct 27 2009 A Real Comic Book Character For Halloween
This is a picture of a woman who is Halloweening as an actual comic book character. You know, like the way a woman would look in an oldschool comic -- with the crappy dot printing and all. Except, in this case, she actually looks pretty good. Granted not as good as I'd look as a comic book character, but I'd draw myself with giant
shirt chain-mail ripping muscles and a laser cannon. Did somebody say dinosaur mount? Plus dinosaur mount. Did you know my handsomeness is actually considered a super power? Because it is.
Hit the jump for several shots of the makeup going on.
This is the second song/video in the Symphony of Science series, a project designed by John Boswell to spit scientific knowledge in an auto-tuned musical format. The first chart topper was 'A Glorious Dawn' with Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking. Now Carl is back with backup singers Neil deGrasse Tyson, Richard Feynman and Bill Nye, and let me tell you -- these beats are FREEEEEESH.
"We Are All Connected" was made from sampling Carl Sagan's Cosmos, The History Channel's Universe series, Richard Feynman's 1983 interviews, Neil deGrasse Tyson's cosmic sermon, and Bill Nye's Eyes of Nye Series, plus added visuals from The Elegant Universe (NOVA), Stephen Hawking's Universe, Cosmos, the Powers of 10, and more. It is a tribute to great minds of science, intended to spread scientific knowledge and philosophy through the medium of music.
Again, another job well done. Really made me want to blast off in my rocketship and crash into a planet. And by that I mean drop a bunch of acid and listen to these guys talk about outerspace while I roll around on the carpet.
Thanks to Lookaze, Austin, Marc, crispy85, eelee and meeotch, who travel across the country singing to children about possible careers in science but mostly just getting high in the tour bus. Need groupies?
Oct 27 2009 World's Largest LEGO Mario Up On eBay
Biggest Lego-Mario in the World - (Size over 5 ft 9 / 70.8 in)
Game Mania Started the build of this statue with aid of a professional Lego builder 2 weeks before officially revealing it at the LEGO WORLD fair 22nd October 2009. This statue measures 70.87 inch (5.9 ft / 180 cm), contains more than 40.000 Lego bricks and weights over 110 lb (50 kg).
Profit will be donated to charity: The Ronald McDonald House Charity in The Netherlands.
Mario has been completely glued together so he doesn't arrive like that pre-built LEGO castle I ordered and is currently at €3,250 (~$4,800). Anybody own an arcade? Because I think he'd look great standing outside an arcade (not unlike a cigar store Indian). Haha, like arcades even exist anymore! Wait -- what do you mean your mall has one? ZOMG CAN YOU GET YOUR MOM TO DRIVE US?!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to the auction.
Oct 27 2009 Clever, Very Clever: Three Worf Moon T-Shirt
Well there's the original three wolf moon t-shirt, a three keyboard cat moon t-shirt, and a three Teen Wolf moon t-shirt, so why not a three Worf moon t-shirt? I have no idea if these are actually for sale, but send me $25 and a blank t-shirt and I'll see if I can't iron one on for you. Sadly, I won't be able to.
Thanks to Blastphemer and Riker, who don't have to wear shirts because they're so hairy. Gross.
Oct 26 2009 What Could Go Wrong?: Razor Blade Soap
Razor blade soap is exactly what it sounds like, unless you thought it was razor blade shaped soap, in which case it's not. No, razor blade soap has an actual razor blade inside. A nice rusty one. But don't worry -- you'll bleed out well before the lockjaw sets in. Available for $7/bar, it makes the perfect gift for that special someone in the slammer. Alternatively, Polish roulette!
Razor Blade Soap Puts Your Nipples At Risk [nerdapproved]
Thanks to Closet Nerd, who once made soap with a revolver inside and shot himself in the butt. Use a wash cloth, bro.
Biped robot the balances dynamically using a human-like walking motion. It is a close relative to BigDog, sharing elements of the mechanical design and control.
PETMAN is an anthropomorphic robot for testing chemical protection clothing used by the US Army. Unlike previous suit testers, which had to be supported mechanically and had a limited repertoire of motion, PETMAN will balance itself and move freely; walking, crawling and doing a variety of suit-stressing calisthenics during exposure to chemical warfare agents. PETMAN will also simulate human physiology within the protective suit by controlling temperature, humidity and sweating when necessary, all to provide realistic test conditions.
Just watch and tell me that's not scary. Especially how it catches itself after being pushed at 0:25. I swear, you mount a couple machine guns on this thing, and presto, you've got yourself a real-life Terminator. Listen, Army -- you really want something to test your chemical protection suits on? I've got a whole neighborhood full of people I don't like. You think about it, I'll start marking doors.
Thanks to Tobyraider, who knows the only good walking robot is one who can't walk and isn't a robot.
Oct 26 2009 What In The...?: Vampire Mouth In A Can
This vampire mouth in a can is actually a male sex toy. It's the completely inappropriate $45 Fleshlight Sex in a Can 'Succu Dry'. Not even kidding, no matter how badly I wish I was. Now I don't really want to go into too many details, but those fangs aren't even functional. Oh, hold on, I'm getting an email.
----- Original Message -----
To: The Geekologie Writer
Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 3:21 PM
Subject: Geekologie Tip - Male Sex Toy
Instead of selling guys on that vampire mouth in can, could you just pass my # along? Thanks champ, love the site.
I knew it! Sorry you had to find out this way, ladies.
Thanks to Aisha, Closet Nerd, smith, Gable and Root Beer, who don't buy sexy toys, they buy sex tools. I don't even know what that means, but I think it involves at least a 2-stroke motor.
Oct 26 2009 The Lullabelly: Music To Your (Baby's) Ears
The Lullabelly is a prenatal (I love those vitamins!) musical belt that pregnant women can strap on and connect to an MP3 player so they can play tunes to their babies while the little tykes are in utero. It's supposed to make them smarter or something but it will probably just make them want a drum set when they're young and fill your house with cacophony and make daddy drink more (I say go for it).
There's a volume control dial so things don't get too loud as well as a pocket for holding your player, and the whole thing is machine washable, after you take out the easy-to-remove speaker of course. It's available in 3 different fabric patterns (pink, green or blue polka dots) directly from the Lullabelly website for $55.
Pregnant women are beautiful, aren't they? God, sometimes I wish I could experience childbirth. But not as a father -- as a mother. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Did I get anybody? You all know me too well.
Lullabelly Prenatal Music Belt [ohgizmo]
Oct 26 2009 Homeless Style: Cardboard Print Bed Covers
Ever wanted a bedspread that's printed to look like a bunch of cardboard boxes taped together? Who hasn't!? And one that looks like a snake pit, am I right? No -- just me? What the hell's the matter with you people?
This high quality duvet cover features a photographic print of a cardboard box. This produces an extremely sharp image that stays flexible because the ink is printed directly in the cotton. The image will stay crisp after frequent washing.
The cotton has a thread count of 144 threads per square inch, so it's soft to the touch virtually non-iron. The duvet cover is produced in Pakistan and child labour is not used.
30% of the gross profits go to Centrepoint, the UK charity for homeless young people aged 16-25 (charity number 292411). Every night Centrepoint provides support and housing for 800 vulnerable homeless young people.
I actually kind of like it, and $81 for a king size ain't bad (plus $10/pillowcase). Of course, you're going to have a lot of explaining to do if you try bringing a girl home. Namely, why there's a homeless person sleeping in your room. I'm a drifter, okay?!
Thanks to Closet Nerd, who made a quilt out of trashbags but it blew away and got stuck on top of a light pole.
Oct 26 2009 Lookin' Gooood: Star Wars: Uncut Trailer
For those of you who don't know, Star Wars: Uncut is a fan film being made in which Star Wars: A New Hope is divided into 15-second increments and a different fan is responsible for making those 15 seconds of the movie. It's a very cool concept. And this is the very cool trailer for the film, which I think we can all agree, has
summer blockbuster George Lucas panty-bunch written all over it. Don't hate, George!
Thanks to bert, Nate, Tim, Will, josh, edo8, and everyone else who sent this in, the force is with you. Plus Casey, the man behind the whole operation. Good lookin', Casey.
Oct 26 2009 Do Tetrads Make Me Look Fat?: Tetris Dress
This is a Tetris themed dress created by Erin, the writer of A Dress A Day. I would totally wear it, and I don't even care who sees me, provided nobody sees me. Then, I'll take pictures of myself and leak them on the internet. I am such a pretty girl!
Hit the jump for a shot of the back and a closeup of décolletage area. Yes I know what that is!
Oct 26 2009 That's It, I'm Moving To Dinosaur, Colorado
Unbeknownst to me there's an actual town in Colorado named Dinosaur, making it one of the coolest places in the continental United States -- right up there with Anti-robot, West Virginia! Plus, all the road names are dinosaur themed. Now I can't decide if I want to live on Triceratops Terrace or Brontosaurus Boulevard! What's a boy to do? Make love to city hall? Get out of my brain!
Thanks to Sir Roman the Galiant, pants and Kristin, who live in Aliens, Nebraska, Zombie, Arkansas and Vampire, Illinois, respectively.
Oct 25 2009 Gutsy: This Dead Tauntaun Wedding Cake
Listen, if you can convince your wife that a dead tauntaun would make the perfect wedding cake I WANT YOU TO HOLD ON TO THAT WOMAN. I want you to hold on tighter than you do the dashboard when she's driving (I've seen your knuckles! Also, the way she drives). That said, you think they cut the cake with a lightsaber? I mean, it's only appropriate. Also, a slave Leia jumping out and humming the Star Wars theme. What can I say, I'm a natural wedding planner.
Hit the jump for four more shots, including a cute Stormtrooper couple.
Oct 25 2009 All Windows Start Up And Shutdown Noises
Ever wanted to hear all the Windows startup and shutdown sounds from Windows 3.1 to Vista (suck it, Windows 7, you can't play with us!) in one short 1:11 video? Well you're in luck, cause here it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AYE AYE AYE!!!! Really brings back memories, doesn't it? Yeah, mostly bad ones, but still. Hey -- just be thankful you're not that guy in Momento.
Oct 25 2009 I'd Wash My Mouth Out With It: Bacon Soap
Soap can be made from just about any kind of fat. Even though fat from bacon, called lard, isn't the finest of fats to use for making soap, it somehow seemed to be the most exciting. Why? Because bacon is amazing. It has an almost mystical power to it and is a food that can be craved to almost no end. I figured what better way use the extra grease I had from cooking bacon then to turn it into soap!
If you want make some, there's an Instructable posted with all the details you need to Tyler Durden it up yourself. Unfortunately, I could never do it -- I like to drink all the fat out of pan after cooking. It scalds so good!
How to Make Bacon Soap [instructables]
Thanks to naas, who once made fried chicken soap and ate a thigh and two drumsticks sitting on the can one morning.
Oct 25 2009 For A Very Limited Time: Dino-Arm T-Shirts
Even while I write this the clock is ticking. There are only 13 hours left to order this shirt (or save the image so you can blow it up and print it yourself) before it's gone forever. And, because I'm slow, by the time this actually gets posted you'll probably have less than 12. $11 gets the shirt sent anywhere in the continental US via a combination of airplanes and ground transport vehicles. Get one for yourself and a lady-friend and then challenge her to a dino arm wrestling competition! Wow, did I really just hold your hand and walk you to second base? I think I did! (Don't forget to send a thank you)
TeeFury (will be a different shirt tomorrow, so order if you want it)
Thanks to two sledgehammers dennis, who BOOM....BOOM!
Oct 24 2009
Internet Moon Is A Series Of Tubes!
Images have revealed a hole on the Moon's surface that is at least 260 feet deep and may lead to an underground tunnel more than 1,200 feet wide which is part of an entire network of such winding tubes.
Scientists are hoping for clearer shots from NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter, but the impression so far is that such a tunnel network could provide shelter for astronauts or potential future Moon colonists.
Two words: giant space worms. Shut up, the giant is silent! But only while he sleeps. Kidding, he's a snorer! I'm not insane, you're insane! Plus a jerk.
I'm pretty sure half the people that sent this in thought it's an actual robot, but being the astute robot slaya that I am, it wasn't hard for me to tell this is just a jackass in a robot costume. Don't get me wrong, I'd still burn that bitch like a witch (or doobie), he just doesn't pose the threat an actual robot would. Or DOES he? *pew pew!* He doesn't.
Thanks to Rich the destroyer, paul, KennethJ, Ted, Mungo9000, chris, Albert, Tuggis, karrameg, Steven, hatcher, Big Bug, parking block and Wendy, who actually knew it was a person the whole time and just wanted to scare me.
So this might seem strange and really offensive to some but hopefully someone will reply. I have always loved the scene in Empire Strikes Back where Chewbacca has to carry around a half reconstructed C3PO in a backpack because he hasn't reattached his lower body yet. For Halloween I would love to dress up like this. I am big enough and strong enough to both pull off the Chewbacca look and to carry around a lot of weight for the night. So basically I am looking for a double amputee (somebody missing both legs - preferably at the hip) to accompany me as C3PO for the evening. We should probably meet ahead of time so that we can work out the backpack/harness system. There are a few parties that I want to hit and I think we will be the hit of any event we attend. Anyone up for this?
So do you think there's like a special hell for people like this or do they go to the regular one? Because this sounds like a Hell 2 kind of situation to me.
amputee-halloween-costume-craigslist ad [filmdrunk]
Thanks to Coby, Tom, Blastphemer and Spoonman, who don't need human props for their Halloween costumes.
Oct 23 2009 Lies!: Germans Have Broken Speed Of Light
According to Einstein's special theory of relativity, it would require an infinite amount of energy to propel an object at more than 186,000 miles per second.
However, Dr Gunter Nimtz and Dr Alfons Stahlhofen, of the University of Koblenz, say they may have breached a key tenet of that theory.
The pair say they have conducted an experiment in which microwave photons - energetic packets of light - travelled "instantaneously" between a pair of prisms that had been moved up to 3ft apart.
The scientists were investigating a phenomenon called quantum tunnelling, which allows sub-atomic particles to break apparently unbreakable laws.
Dr Nimtz told New Scientist magazine: "For the time being, this is the only violation of special relativity that I know of."
Yeah, no. Is the universe still here? Then these two crackpots didn't shoot shit faster than the speed of light. And speaking of shooting shit faster than the speed of light: the new Black Jack taco from Taco Bell. Plumber!!
'We have broken speed of light' [telegraph]
Thanks to Allegro, who once ran out for beer and returned before he even left (got hit be a street sweeper and passed out in a ditch for a whole day).
Oct 23 2009 Okaaaay: Kenwood Mixer/Cooker Combo
Kenwood, a company best known for making the aftermarket car speakers in the back of my truck, is making this kitchen appliance. The Kenwood KM070 Cooking Chef is a mixer/cooker combo, capable of mixing shit together and then heating it up to 140°C (240°F) so you can eat it and get all full and then sit around watching TV with your hand in your pants. I've seen you before! And I liked what I saw.
It looks like your standard mixer, with a large 6.7L bowl capacity and 8 mixing speeds, but it also features an 1100W induction heating system that allows you to cook food directly in the mixing bowl.
Temperatures can be set between 20°C to 140°C for warming or actual cooking, and there's even a steam basket attachment allowing you to prepare an entire meal without ever turning on the stove. The only downside is that once again convenience doesn't come cheap, so you can expect to pay around $1,600+ for the Cooking Chef.
I honestly don't know anything cooking except eating pizza and ice creams, but maybe this is a handy appliance. I don't really know how, but maybe it is. But hey, you could write upward of thirty pages about the things I don't know. Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why did Judas rat to Romans why Jesus slept? Kidding, I know all those. I'm sure there's something though.
Oct 23 2009 CHOO CHOO!: A Little Superconductor Train
This is some French guy making a little superconductor train out of a bunch of magnets and a cup of magic potion. I have no idea what's in the magic potion but that won't stop me from chugging a whole chalice in the hopes of floating. Plus, it even works upside down which is super cool because I've always wanted to take a nap on the ceiling. I will drool on you!
Thanks to Rich the destroyer, who destroys because he's Rich the destroyer damnit, you know who he is!
Oct 23 2009 LED Eyelashes: No, That's Not Weird At All
LED eyelashes are exactly what they sound like: LEDs that attach to your eyelashes and light up to freak everybody out. I would wear them but my eyes are perfect the way they are. Read: eyepatched. YAAAAARR! Now, somebody put my cutlass in my hand and point me toward the liquor store: I'm feeling plunder-y.
Hit the jump for one more shot of the ridiculousness.
Oct 23 2009 Indiana Jones Action Figure (Plus Fridge!)
I never saw the new Indiana Jones movie because I prefer my childhood memories un-desecrated, but for those of you that did, and actually liked it, there's this $175 Kingdom of the Crystal Skull action figure. And it comes complete with the lead-lined fridge Indy uses to survive the nuclear blast! What an accessory! Unfortunately, it doesn't come with that fake apple, which is a shame because that was the only reason I was going to buy it. Oh, and why Indy's face looks like an orc from Lord of the Rings is beyond me. That ring belongs in a museum!
Commemorate The Worst Indiana Jones Scene With This Action Figure [nerdapproved]
Thanks to tom and Mark, who like a little lead in their vegetables because they want to be retarded.
Oct 23 2009 Man Pleads Guilty In La-Z-Boy DWI Case
62-year old Dennis Anderson of Bumfunk, Minnesota was arrested last year for drunkenly driving his motorized La-Z-Boy into a parked car. Anderson's blood alcohol content was 0.29, which is impressive for a sexagenarian, but if mine falls below that I start to feel sick.
Anderson's customized vehicle, seen in the police evidence photos on the following pages, is powered by an eight horsepower Kohler lawnmower engine, and has a stereo, headlights, a built-in cup holder, and a "Hell Yeah It's Fast" bumper sticker. The ride, however, does not have a seat belt. Anderson, pictured above, controlled the La-Z-Boy via a steering wheel protruding from its seat cushion. The vehicle's headrest was adorned with the logo of the National Hot Rod Association. Following his guilty plea, Anderson was sentenced to 180 days in jail and ordered to pay a $2000 fine. A judge stayed Anderson's jail term in lieu of his successful completion of a two-year supervised probation term.
First of all, I can't believe it doesn't have a pop-out leg rest. And secondly, I can't believe it doesn't have a built in cooler. Where the hell was Anderson getting all the beers? And don't tell me a beer tree because I'mma rent a backhoe and uproot that tree. I wanna know where the beer at. I want the beer. Gimme the beer -- I want the beer.
Man Pleads To La-Z-Boy DWI [smoking gun]
Thanks to Closet Nerd, Occasional Reader, Kevin, B-Rad and Lord Tarl, who would have been smart enough to kick up the leg rest (because they would have built theirs with leg rests) and nap it off.
Oct 23 2009 Dirt Slingers!: Apple Ad Taking On Windows 7
This is a just-released Apple ad making fun of Microsoft's new Windows 7. I thought it was smarmy and, despite not knowing what smarmy means or if it's even a real word, spell check didn't say anything so I'm going with it. Also, enough with the dirt slinging, Apple. Geekologie is 100% composed on a PC. But Apple, if you're reading this: I'd be willing to try writing Geekologie on a high-end Macbook Pro. Just sayin' (contact me for shipping address).
Thanks to Kevin, who doesn't take sides because the likes the way fence feels on his butt.
Oct 23 2009 Geekiest Game Of Scrabble Ever Played?
First of all, acronyms aren't allowed in Scrabble. Or proper names. Making this 'the least played by the rules' game of Scrabble ever. That aside, is it the geekiest? Maybe -- you be the judge. I will be the jury. Except, instead of paying attention and taking notes, I'll be doing a Sudoku. You hear that, court system? STOP CALLING ME FOR JURY DUTY! I have the attention span of
Oct 23 2009 I See You!: Lexus LF-A Crystallised Wind
The Lexus LF-A Crystallised Wind is a car made entirely of acrylic glass. I know, I thought it was real crystallized wind too. LIARS! Anyway, I don't recommend stuffing any dead bodies in the trunk. I do recommend wearing pants.
Hit the jump for another shot of the car with some lighting effect that makes it look like ice.
Oct 22 2009 Geekologie Review: Blood Energy Potion
I drank this stuff, it was good. It's thick and tastes like Hawaiian Punch concentrate. They recommend you put it in the microwave for 14 seconds to heat it up to body temperate. I did that. That made it warm. It was weird warm. Like licking a fresh wound, but sweeter. I think it gave me superhuman strength and speed but I won't know for sure till after I whip this nancy Edward Cunnilingus' pale ass.
Synthetic blood substitute. The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! Re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch. Contains no real blood, just synthetic!
A 4-pack will set you back $16 but they get cheaper the more you buy. It's definitely a cool product for Halloween and certainly an attention getter. Not as attention getting as actually biting a stranger, but why risk the disease? Because you're crazy, that's why. I say do it. Bite that old lady. BITE HER NOW!
Product Site (order before 3PM tomorrow, October 23rd for Halloween delivery)
Oct 22 2009 I'd Rock It: The Three Teen Wolf T-Shirt
It was only a matter of time before somebody smoked enough weed to realize how cool a Three Teen Wolf Moon t-shirt would be, and here it is. Available from 80's Tees for 20 silver bullets, the shirt is sure to be a hit at parties. Mostly sausage parties, but still, you might make some friends.
Thanks to chris, who howls at the moon to attract girls. He's a furry lover!
Oct 22 2009 I'm A Ninja, I Can Do That: Crazy Trampolining
This is a video of Oli Lemieux doing some wild ass trampolining plus wall walking and other ninja-y stuff while practicing for a Cirque du Soleil show. It's pretty cool but I could do it all twice as good but I would never film it because I'm modest. Also, the most handsome man on the planet.
Thanks to The Gurr, MoD, Asbo and Jennie, who once jumped so high on a trampoline they showed up on radar and the government shot missiles at them.
Oct 22 2009 DO NOT WANT (To Pet): Chinese 'Cat Girl'
Normally I love making fun of other people's misfortune, but it's sad when it's a six year old girl. Hopefully this is fake though cause it's coming from The Sun. Although, this IS China we're talking about here, which is notorious for freaky cat shit.
Li Xiaoyuan, from Fengkai in southern China, had a small birthmark on her back just months ago, which has since grown to cover her entire back and parts of her arms and face, The Sun reports.
"None of the other children want to play with her, they are calling her cat-girl and are really mean."
A surgeon at Zhaoqing City Dermalogical l Hospital in China's Guangdong province said Li Xiaoyuan may have a rare skin disease that makes normal moles run amok.
I swear, I can't stand it when moles run amok. You know what you need to do? Pour gasoline down all their holes then light that shit. BOOM! Woops -- must have found the gas line. Remember folks: call before you dig.
Chinese 'cat-girl' baffles doctors [ninemsn]
Thanks to Sam, Turtle Boy.
Oct 22 2009 BSoD Belt Buckle: A Problem Has Been Detected And Your Pants Have Been Shut Down To Prevent Damage To Your Privates
This is a blue screen of death belt buckle. It costs $17 and is currently on back order until November because everybody wants one for Halloween so they can dress up as people with novelty belt buckles. Pfft, like that'll win the costume contest.
The Blue Screen of Death (also known as a stop error, BSoD, bluescreen, or Blue Screen of Doom) is a colloquialism used for the error screen displayed by some operating systems, most notably Microsoft Windows, after encountering a critical system error which can cause the system to shut down to prevent damage.
Let's just hope the wearer of this sexy geek belt has a bit more luck!
How can you tell if a geek belt is sexy or not? Because looking at this one I wouldn't have known. But now that I do I'm gonna wear like four around my head like karate headbands. Sweep the leg, GW!
Thanks to naas, who doesn't need a belt because boxers have elastic bands.
Because there's no better way to market a new operating system, Burger Kings in Japan are selling limited edition Windows 7 Whoppers to coincide with the release of the operating system today. What is a Windows 7 Whopper? Try seven mostly-beef patties stacked high on a sesame seed bun with lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles, ketchup and mayonnaise. What, no cheese? But I want to die! 30 customers a day will be able to buy the whopping Whopper for ¥777 ($8.55), but after that it'll set you back a staggering ¥1,450 ($17.10). Which, I'm sorry, but no way. $17 for a burger? THOSE BETTER BE SNOW LEOPARD PATTIES. See what I did there? God I'm L337.
Thanks to nichire, Jamez, and Billy Avenue, who could each eat two of these and still down a chocolate milkshake and some onion rings.
Oct 22 2009 Impressive: Ghostbusters Theme Multi-Track
This is a video of a curly haired (and sometimes shirtless) Matt Mulholland performing the Ghostbusters theme song by combining 14 separate tracks of him making noises. Now I know we've already seen examples of multi-tracking before, but I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night, know what I'm saying? I'm saying there was blood on the mattress and they wouldn't give me a discount. Pay me, Marriott.
Thanks to Edd, who sleeps in the car on long road trips to save money.
Oct 22 2009 Retractable Speed Bump Awards Slow Drivers
Dubbed the Intelligent Bump, this clever system by Mexico-based Decano Industries actually retracts if you're "going slow enough", rewarding cautious drivers. These bumps are priced at an affordable $1,500 each.
"The system uses metal plates that measure the force of an impact against them. Cars going slow enough will cause the plates to lower, though any faster and the speed bump will remain where it is."
Listen, I hate speed bumps as much as the next person, but if I find out my state government is blowing $1,500 a pop for the things I'm gonna stop paying taxes. And by stop I mean never start. I'm flying under the radar, whee! Oh -- now I'm barnstorming! NNNNNNEEEEEAAAROOOOOOOM.
Hit the jump to see an animation of the bump in action that may or may not have contracted out to a kindergarten art class.
The 2,400 page Defense Manual of Security, authored by the Ministry of Defense to help high-ranking military and defense officials keep documents safe from leaks, was published on Wikileaks, a Web site designed for anonymous leaks of documents from governments and other organizations, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday.
"Leaks usually take the form of reports in the public media which appear to involve the unauthorized disclosure of official information (whether protectively marked or not) that causes political harm or embarrassment to either the U.K. Government or the Department concerned," the document reads in its "Leaks of Official Information" section.
That's funny. Now I'm not saying I would have leaked the document as well, but I'll be damned if I'm reading 2,400 pages of jibber-jabber. Better to let the media summarize it for me. Hire me, government!
British anti-leaking document leaked [redorbit]
Thanks to Lee, who doesn't leak anything but beer.
Oct 21 2009 WoW Tankard O' Terror To Be Real Product
I'm not allowed to play World of Warcraft anymore because my mom canceled my account but I'm still buying this Tankard O' Terror stein because I want to brain my enemies with it. For those of you not the know, the Tankard O' Terror is a mace weapon dropped by Coren Dinebrew during the 2009 BrewFest event in the game.
Those guilty of emaciating their bodies by whiling away months of life in World of Warcraft are probably going to have a little trouble with the heft of this 4 lb tankard, especially if it is filled to its two-liter capacity (which will add another 4.5lbs to the overall weight).
The tankard will cost $50 and be available in January. Plus, I heard chugging the full stein provides +10 drunkeness. Better equip your Pukey Boots!
Oct 21 2009 Stop Motion Of Papercraft Link Construction
This is a little stop motion video of a papercrafter constructing a Link model. The model is amazing, and so is the build, so you should check it out. But you shouldn't check out library books that will get you blacklisted. Or women on the street. BECAUSE I AM AGAINST THE OBJECTIFICATION OF WOMEN. Women are people too, you know. Except those crazy bodybuilding ones. They're wild animals.
Thanks to Jessica, who once made a papercraft model of the Geekologie Writer and then burn it as an effigy. Gee, thanks.
Oct 21 2009 Good Job: Guy Builds Giant LEGO Castle
This is the Hoernersburg Castle, a LEGO castle constructed by NoName Hoerner because castles are awesome and he must have known I want to live in one. You can see a hi-res cross section of the castle HERE but it's really worth going to the website to see it in all its detail and read the little story he made up about it (plus videos). He even built a little town full of peasants down below the castle. So, in the metaphor of Geekologie, those people are you. Me? I'm the prince. The handsome one. That slays dragons. With his penis. You hear that, Puff? I'm coming for you! (Double entendre FTW)
Thanks to Matty, who can live in my castle provided he kill any dragons that may attack and tell everyone I did it.
Oct 21 2009 Anvil Launching: The World's Manliest Sport
Anvil launching is probably the world's manliest sport in front of great white hunting with a soggy pencil. I just happen to excel at both. And this is Gay Wilkinson, the self proclaimed anvil launching world champion about to send one skyward. Hit the jump for a video of the anvil in action (skip to 1:20 for the actual launch), then get out there and shoot your own dangerously heavy objects in the air. Just remember: what goes up is probably going to come down on a bystander. Happy launching!
Hit it for the video.
Oct 21 2009 Oh Wow: Illegal Alien Halloween Costume
Many are outraged over an "Illegal Alien" costume that depicts its wearer as a space alien in a prison jumpsuit brandishing a giant "green card." Understandably, those concerned over immigrant rights see this as a swipe at the Hispanic community.
The products official description reads:
"He didn't just cross a border, he crossed a galaxy! He's got his green card, but it's from another planet! Sure to get some laughs, the Illegal Alien Adult Costume includes an orange prison-style jumpsuit with 'Illegal Alien' printed on the front, an alien mask and a 'green card.'"
Listen, I promised myself I wouldn't use this blog to push my own political agenda on you folks, so I'm not going to. But I am going to use it to shamelessly self promote and sell some t-shirts. So buy my book and some t-shirts, damnit.*
*Book and t-shirts possibly coming soon. Maybe.
'Illegal Alien' Costume Being Pulled from Some Store Shelves [hispanicbusiness]
Thanks to Alex, who has been a pirate four years running and is going for a fifth. Of rum. HIYO!
Oct 21 2009 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Bacon Jam
Bacon Jam is jam made out of bacon. It is probably man's crowning achievement and goes great on toast alongside some super-runny eggs. I know this because I have a knack for choosing incredible food pairings. You ever tried peanut butter and jelly? That shit's legit!
.....what the heck is bacon jam?...
It is something we've been cooking up for a couple of years now on our trailers and for our burgers
.......we take a big bunch of really really good bacon, and render it down...add a bunch of spices..onions, etc..and let it simmer for about 6 hours...give it a quick puree, and blast chill it...and you have bacon jam..
8oz jars will set you back $17 including shipping and probably won't even last a day at the rate you go through bacon. Admit it, glutton. Order two.
Thanks to Bay Kon, mike469x, Bolleke, Aisha, Alejandra, Leslie, James, Spikey DaPikey, and anyone else who sent this in becausebecause searching 'bacon' in my tip box nets 1,900 results.
Oct 21 2009 Holy Amazing: POP-UP Book LEGO Scene
This is a LEGO scene constructed in the form of a pop-up book. It's absolutely amazing and has a giant pagoda that folds together in the middle. I couldn't even imagine building something so impressive so I'm just going to hang my head in shame and cry into this pile of DUPLO blocks. Yes, DUPLO -- I'm not allowed to play with LEGO. IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO CHOKE ON THEM THEN WHY DO YOU MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE CANDY?!
Thanks to david and Lee, who once popped out of a pop-up book at a birthday party and scared a bunch of children.
Oct 21 2009 NASA Testing First New Rocket In 30 Years
NASA, an organization that has actually convinced itself they put men on the moon despite it being all staged in Hollywood, is now testing a new rocket. The phallic booster is the first new design to come out of agency since 1981. Which, incidentally, is the year I was born. What does all this mean? I'm 28!
The rocket is Ares I-X -- a suborbital prototype for the Ares I rocket NASA plans to use to launch its shuttle successor, the Orion spacecraft. Currently the world's tallest booster, the Ares I-X rolled out to the launch pad early Tuesday and is slated to blast off Oct. 27 at 8 a.m. EDT (1200 GMT) on a short demonstration flight.
"The Ares I-X is going to fly straight up and straight out," said NASA commentator George Diller as the 327-foot (100-meter) tall rocket began moving toward Launch Pad 39B at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. "During that time we'll be testing the stage separation to determine how well the first stage separation motors perform, as well as the performance of the booster itself, namely the parachutes and other apparatus that will deploy."
The $445 million rocket's rollout comes on the eve of a final report from an independent committee appointed by the White House to review NASA's plans for future human spaceflight.
You want me to tell you about the future of human spaceflight? Cause it goes like this: The Geekologie Writer builds a rocketship in the shed behind his house and blasts himself into the sun. Everyone is so sad rockets are banned for ever. Then everybody dies because you couldn't colonize Mars. The end.
Thanks to joseph, who tied his little brother to a bunch of fireworks and was just about to light the fuse when his mom caught him and yelled at him for having matches.
Oct 21 2009 Tiny North American Dino Discovered, I Want
The newly identified creature weighed less than two pounds and stood about 4 inches tall. From head to tail, it measured a little over 2 feet long, said Luis Chiappe, director of the Dinosaur Institute of the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County where the fossil bones are stored.
It likely ate plants and hunted bugs during the late Jurassic period, about 150 million years ago. It was so tiny and fast that it probably darted between the legs of larger dinosaurs, researchers said.
The dinosaur "would have looked like a roadrunner on steroids," Chiappe said.
Oh man, can you actually imagine a roadrunner on steroids? That poor coyote.
Thanks to zerv, who asked if I have a size cut off which was rude because I DON'T DISCRIMINATE AGAINST LITTLE PEOPLE WHY WOULD I DINOS?
Oct 20 2009 It's About Time: An Affordable 3-D Copier
You see that guy in the picture? You know what he's doing? He's making a 3-D copy of his genitals because his office just installed the new ZPrinter 350 3-D copier. And now you can too for the low, low price of $25,900! The device can recreate any object put into it's scanning bay out of plastic. Unfortunately, the thing can only copy units smaller than 8 x 10 x 8 inches, so mine's out. HIYO!
Oct 20 2009 I Would Munch Those Dots: A Pac-Man Cake
This is a Pac-Man cake created by CupcakeJonas for an undisclosed Pac-Man fan. Some suspect it was Pac-Man himself but that's ridiculous because....actually, I bet it was him. Dude does have a big mouth and love sweets. That's why he doesn't have any teeth! Now I have no idea if that Pac-Man arcade cabinet is actually edible, but I would 100% take a bite out of it anyways. I don't care if it has razor blades in the middle, I am curious and not a cat!
Oct 20 2009 Haha!: Home Shopping Network Wii Accident
This is a video of some idiot on the Home Shopping Network trying to sell a Wii bundle that includes the console and 15 piece of shit Wiimote attachments for a staggering $330. He doesn't do a good job, which brought great joy and happiness to my life. Just watch, you can probably guess what happens. Unless you guessed, "he stabs himself with a samurai sword or falls off a ladder", in which case, God you suck at guessing.
Thanks to jessica, who once put her fist through the television playing Wii boxing but it's okay because it wasn't a flatscreen.
Because life is progressively becoming a series of nightmares, scientists want to develop a robot that mimics the movement of a cheetah so they can chase us down and maul us to death. Why did I even get out of bed this morning? Oh, right. Well why did I even wake up this morning?
Professor Sangbae Kim designer of the Stickybot and a Robotic designer at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Is trying to understand how he can replicate natural animal mechanisms by creating a robot inspired by the cheetah.
The idea is to build a prototype robot from a construction of lightweight carbon-fiber-foam that will then be able to match the cheetah's speed of 70 miles per hour.
Over the next 18 months, Kim and four other MIT graduate students are going to start constructing the prototypes. Starting with a computer model of the robotic cheetah to establish the optimal limb length, weight, gait and torque of the hip and knee joints.
It's an ambitious project. Current wheeled robots are efficient, but can be slow in rough terrains. For instance, iRobot's PackBot, which is used by the U.S. military, can only travel at speeds of up to 5.8 miles per hour.
I'm sure this seemed like a good idea to somebody at some point, but it's not. Like I don't have enough to worry about without a 70 MPH cheetah-bot running around. Also, like four children. And you wonder why daddy drinks in bed all day!
Cheetah Inspired Robot [geekygadgets]
Thanks to Excaliber, who I will use to slice through these bastards like room temperature butter.
Oct 20 2009 No, You're The Trashcan: An R2-D2 Hoodie
This is an R2-D2 hoodie made by Etsy seller frosti. It's available right now for $92 but you better hurry before I finish writing this post because I'm going to buy it as soon as I'm done. Haha, you never stood a chance! Just kidding, I don't have $92 and the seller just informed me she doesn't accept unicorn semen. That shit's better than gold!
Hit the jump for a Robin (of Batman's homosexual lover fame) hoodie made by the same seller.
Oct 20 2009 I'd Wear Them: Nikes Made Out Of Junk
This piece was a continuation of my previous piece JUNK DUNK (Right) I wanted to attempt this approach again, with a more refined and detailed outcome. I used very little wire and more glue to keep the piece more clean, and less bulky. I also added new details, a hinged tongue and nike logo's on both the tongue and back of the shoe. On previous models I used a real nike sole to build of off. With this piece I started from scratch and build the sole from circuit boards.
Impressive, Gabriel. But there is no doubt in my mind I could dunk in these things. And I don't care if they do cut off all my toes off and give me tetanus -- I don't like standing or talking anyways! I'm more of a lie down and type kind of guy anyways. What? YES I'M STILL IN BED.
Hit the jump for a bunch more shots plus three other Nike models Gabriel has created.
As you already know because you read Geekologie religiously and don't get news from anywhere else (nor should you) Marc Ecko already has a line of Star Wars themed hoodies out. And now he's teaming up with Timex to release a series of Star Wars watches.
This post on The Marc Ecko Blog actually dates back to July, but it shows off a couple of watch designs including a Stormtrooper model and a Boba Fett one, which each feature a mixture of metals, rubber and nylons as well as sounds and light-up 'Indiglo' features. Pricing and availability info is still scarce, though the blog post does mention "Holiday 2009″ so if there's a Star Wars fan on your Christmas list you might want to keep an eye out for them.
Let me get a show of hands for who would wear one of these. Okay, now a show of hands for who would rock a Geekologie t-shirt. Hell yeah you would! And you know what? You'd look gooooood. Doable even.
Oct 20 2009 Fight!: Mortal Kombat Vs. Donkey Kong
This is a short video of Scorpion from Mortal Kombat playing Donkey Kong. I don't want to ruin it for you so I'll just tell you a funny story instead. I went to the zoo last week and saw two tortoises going at it. I was gonna stick around to watch because I'm a pervert but they were taking foreeeeever. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU WIN RACES.
Thanks to naas, who, GET OVER HERE! I'm serious, I need a hug.
Oct 20 2009 Skateboard + Keyboard = Skatekeyboard?
I am not really sure if one can actually balance on this and I am not aware if this piece of artwork has hidden ports to which you can connect to the PC. Either way, it seems like a keyboard that you can't use, and a skateboard that you can't ride on. However, it certainly underlines the importance of fun and frolic in an otherwise dreary lifestyle that we have come to live.
I don't care what they say, I would totally ride this thing. And you know what? I would kick flip its caps lock off. *wicka-pow* THERE I THINK I GOT IT!
THANKS TO JEREMY, WHO LIKES YELLING BECAUSE IT REMINDS HIM OF HIS CHILDHOOD. ME TOO, JEREMY.
This is a flowchart for determining if you should accept a friend request from someone on XBox Live. And I've got to admit, it's pretty spot-on. Of course, I don't accept ANY friend requests because I'm a loner. I even eat alone and, more often than not, have sex. You never seen a bigger bunch of concerned Wendy's employees!
Thanks to Grantly, who only accepts requests from people he knows in real life because he doesn't want to risk befriending a robot. Smart, Grantly, smart.
Oct 19 2009 Aww: Custom Mario Level Wedding Proposal
My nerdy way to propose. On October 15th 2009, it was out 5 year anniversary so i decided to propose. Using a program called lunar magic I was able to spell "lisa... Will you marry me?" she may not look too surprised in the video but you should of seen her afterwords, she couldn't sit still!!! And no it wasn't staged, but I did sit her down told her to play some Super Mario World, but she totally didn't know she was being recorded!!
Cute! This gives me a great idea about how I'm going to propose. By never asking. What do you think -- too romantic?
Thanks to mygirlfriendtoldmetosendthisin, Alex, Geo, Steve and Chaemelion, who all proposed the old fashioned way: by hacking roadsigns.
Oct 19 2009 South America + Africa = Tyrannosaurus Rex
Proof that God loves dinosaurs, when South America is superimposed over Africa, it forms a Tyrannosaurus Rex head. Now don't take this lightly -- several people died getting this information out, as the Catholic Church has been trying to keep this from us for centuries. Suck it, Dan Brown, I own you!
Thanks to b00m, who found out if you superimpose me on top of a dinosaur you get a picture of me having sex with a dinosaur. Cool!
Oct 19 2009 Luxury SUVs: Now With Whale Penis Interiors
Italian leather is okay, but you haven't experienced luxury until you've peeled yourself from whale penis leather on a hot day. And now you can thanks to the $1.6 million Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored car! Also, penis leather is fundamentally wrong.
The leather is not the only tacky accessory on the Prombron, which Dartz claims is the world's most expensive SUV.
The bulletproof windows are gold-plated, the exhaust is made of tungsten, the gauges are encrusted with diamonds and rubies and the exterior has a Kevlar coating.
The car also comes with three bottles of the world's most expensive Vodka, RussoBaltique, although the website does warn prospective buyers not to drink and drive.
Dartz's armoured vehicles weigh roughly 4 tonnes, are powered by V8s putting out between 300kW and 400kW and are "rocket grenade-proof" according to the website.
For those wondering just how may whales may need to be harvested to outfit the special edition, the answer is not many. The penis of the Blue Whale, for example, can grow up to 2.4 metres.
Yeah, no. If I catch anybody with one of these you can rest assured I'm stealing your windows, exhaust, instrument panel and vodka. AND I MAY RUB MY FACE ALL OVER YOUR SEATS.
The 4WD with seats made of whale penis [sydneymorningherald]
Thanks to Russell and Dan the man, who both drive unicorn penises.
Oct 19 2009 Stop Laughing, Dog: Duck Hunt Tramp Stamp
This is Crystal. Crystal doesn't get much sun and has a Duck Hunt tramp stamp. Anybody else get the shivers when they see that dog? God, I hated it when he would laugh at me. Now I'm not saying I want to shoot him with my lightgun, but I would stab this chick and steal one of her kidneys. And by one I mean both. I have a drug addiction.
Thanks to Alan, who was considering a Contra tramp stamp but then bailed at the last minute and got Metroid instead. I think it was the right decision.
Oct 19 2009 BOOM!: Massive Underwater Mine Detonation
This is an old-ass video of somebody's (the French's?) Navy detonating an underwater mine. The picture quality is pretty poor but the explosion is amazing and I'm not afraid to admit I got aroused. Twice. Plus I love how at the very end they realize their boat's gonna be capsized by the resulting wave and start going apeshit. Talk about poor planning -- that's something I would do! But it's cool because I'm a blogger and not a Navy.
Thanks to Trogdolorian, who plans on traveling back in time to seize and burninate a castle.
Oct 19 2009 DO WANT: Tyrannosaurus Rex Wall Decals
This $45 Tyrannosaurs Rex wall decal is available from Etsy seller lildecalshoppe (who will make you any decal you want) and is definitely something I'd never tire of waking up next to. Also, a box of Thin Mints.
* Made from 7 year high quality vinyl * Measures 65 x 45 inches * Available in many other colors. Please email color choice or black will be sent.
We use a durable high grade matte finish vinyl which gives a painted look and feel to your wall. Decals are self adhesive making them easy to apply and remove, leaving no residue behind. This material is specifically made for interior walls and will last a very long time indoors.
7 year vinyl? They're aging their vinyl! If that's not a sign of quality I don't know what is. Because one time I drank 12-year old bourbon and then when I was puking it felt like I was breathing fire. DAMN YEAH JUST LIKE BOWSER!
Thanks to twellve, who is totally gonna get one for her new nephew. Jealous!
Oct 19 2009 DIY: Homemade Exoskeleton Costume
Looking for a Halloween costume idea? Have lots of time and silver spraypaint? Then you can build your own exoskeleton (suck it, regular skeletons!) like Mario Caicedo Langer the creepy starer. Just don't go showing up in these parts expecting candy OR I WILL BURN YOU WITH A CAULDRON OF SCALDING BAT'S BLOOD. You're not purple nurpling me with that robot hand!
Oct 18 2009 Beautiful Tragedy: Burning City Firescreens
It's been a long time since fire ravaged London and Rome in 1666 and 64 AD respectively--which must be why we can feel okay about making cool firescreens based on these tragic incidents today.
Very clever. Of course, I want a custom one with a bunch of mangled robot corpses in the back and me riding a dino in the foreground. Just like how it happens in the future. Don't believe me? Then where did this passage come from:
And on the seventh day, while God was resting, man foolishly invented robots. Man, being the idiot moron that he is, said, "be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it", and they did. Then God woke up and saw the metallic shitstorm down below and sent the Geekologie Writer to whip their robotic monkey asses atop his wicked dino-mount. Plus laserbeams.
This is the word of the Geekologie Writer.
Amen Pew pew.
Hit the jump for Rome burning.
Oct 18 2009 Okay: Man Raps Eminem Songs In Klingon
This is a video of German rapper Klenginem covering Eminem's 'Without Me' in the Klingon language. Apparently this guy actually dresses up and plays gigs doing this. And, honestly, I'm not surprised, Germans are weird as shit. Videos. Case closed!
Klenginem: Eminem Meets Klingon [poppedculture]
Thanks to Matthew, Chrissy and dan, who, from the quality of their emails, don't even know one language. Kidding (but not really)!
My mom, her name is Kathrine if you care to know, has always been big into making splendiferous cakes for me and my brother on our birthdays. This year for my brother's 10th, she went all out and learned how to use fondant and whatnot and we made him a Piranha Plant cake. I had to help out, as she had little knowledge of the reference material, and me, her and my grandmother put it together for him. He was so happy he didn't even notice his presents.
I've been a longtime reader, as has been my mother (she got me started reading) and it would be awesome to see you put this up, or even to just have you tell me what you think.
Did you just read that? It said Chris's mother got him started reading Geekologie. Is that not the most beautiful thing ever? It is. And if you even think about calling child services and costing me a reader I WILL MURDER YOU. Happy Sunday! Seriously, I will murder you.
Hit the jump for one more shot of the birthday boy and cake and a link to the Flickr gallery with some build shots.
Oct 18 2009 I Would Eat That: The Cheese Burgkin
In the Halloween spirit, this is a picture of a pumpkin that's been turned into a cheeseburger. Impressive, but I would have made all the fixin's out of candy. What can I say, I have vision. 20/200! Now, somebody lead me to the bathroom.
The Burger Pumpkin [extremepumpkins]
Thanks to Jacyln, who once turned a pumpkin into a carriage and rode to the ball in style. On pecan pie dubs.
Oct 17 2009 Europa Has Enough Oxygen To Support Life?
The global ocean on Jupiter's moon Europa contains about twice the liquid water of all the Earth's oceans combined. New research suggests that there may be plenty of oxygen available in that ocean to support life, a hundred times more oxygen than previously estimated.
The chances for life there have been uncertain, because Europa's ocean lies beneath several miles of ice, which separates it from the production of oxygen at the surface by energetic charged particles (similar to cosmic rays). Without oxygen, life could conceivably exist at hot springs in the ocean floor using exotic metabolic chemistries, based on sulfur or the production of methane. However, it is not certain whether the ocean floor actually would provide the conditions for such life.
Hell yeah, Europa -- I've always wanted to visit Holland! Do they really wear those wooden shoes?
Thanks to Kelly, who can come with me provided she steer the spaceship while I get drunk and puke out a porthole.
Oct 17 2009 Almost Cute, Almost: A Robot In Love
This is a little video entitled 'Robot In Love' that features a little robot named Bit Beat putting the moves on his woman. I don't want to spoil it for you, but he sadly doesn't get destroyed by a powerful burning laser in the end. Just wait for the break-up, little robot, she'll get ya.
Thanks to Oscar, who has never fallen in love with a machine because automatic coffee makers don't count. What about self-cleaning litterboxes? I need a ruling.
Oct 17 2009 DO WANT: Full-Body Leather Lion Armor
This is a full set of leather armor created by DeviantARTist Azmal. As you can see, it is bad to the ass and I would be proud to rock it into battle any day (except Saturdays, I drink beer on Saturdays).
En garde! RAAAAAWR!
Made entirely from leather and nickel finished hardware. Production time was about 3 weeks with the help of a couple friends. Chris and George.
Lion Head Helmet
Breast and Back Plate w/ Overlays
Pauldrons with Heraldic Rampant Lions
Full Arms: Rerebrace, Vambrace, Elbow & Guard
Full Legs: Cuisses, Knee Cop & Guard, demigreives & full grieves, and sabbatons
All with tons of claws and block dyed tooled borders.
Don't you wish we still lived in a time where you could slap a guy with your gauntlet without fear of him shooting you? I mean, whatever happened to good old fashioned dueling? Also, fair maidens and dragons and all that. Man, the 2000's suuuck.
Thanks to sham, who once slayed a dragon with nothing but her willpower.
Oct 16 2009 Map Shows All Flights Over North America
This is a screenshot from the National Air Traffic Controllers Association (an organization that knows how to party) real-time map of flights over North America. Except it's not actually real-time, it's delayed 5 minutes. Of course, judging from the 2005 copyright in the lower left this may have existed for awhile. But what it lacks in newness I think we can all agree is more than made up for in, uh, little white dots. Don't let Pac-Man see it!
Flight Explorer [natca]
Thanks to e, who's contemplating flying south for the winter. Smart -- I don't jive with the cold either.
Oct 16 2009 That Looks Awful: Samurai Gaming Joypad
There comes a time in every gamer's life when you have to ask yourself, "Is the original manufacturer's controller good enough, or should I opt for a questionably constructed peripheral that looks like a skeletal samurai?" Enter the $25 Warrior USB Joypad. Did I mention the samurai's eyes glow green and the face mask is removable? Because that should make it a no-brainer. Suck it, Dual Shock, your ass just got feudal Japan-inated!
Hit the jump for a picture of the rear and one with the face mask on and eyes glowing. YOINKS!
Oct 16 2009 Highly Questionable Japanese Sniper Prank
Is there anything funnier than tricking a Japanese man into a meeting and then faking the death of everybody else in the room by sniper fire? No. Unlessssss the alleged gunman then bursts in and puts his weapon to the man's head and pulls the trigger. Seriously, you're sick, Japan (keep the freaky Hentai coming).
Thanks to Closet Nerd and Harry, whose parents don't allow them to watch Japanese TV for fear of them becoming morally corrupt.
Oct 16 2009 Coool!: Earth And Jupiter In The Same Photo
Sometimes the planets line up in such a way that you can see Earth and Jupiter in the same wide-angle shot. That is, if you were aboard the Mars Global Surveyor on May 22, 2003. When the Mars Orbiter Camera snapped this unique view, Earth was 86 million miles away, and Jupiter was 600 million miles away.
Wow, that really gets you thinking, doesn't it? Like about how far objects in space are from one another. Really far. And speaking of which -- will one of you be so kind as to walk the remote over here?
Hit the jump to see a diagram explaining how the planets were aligned.
These Create-A-Dino fruit snacks from Betty Crocker are hands down the best thing to happen to non-nutritional gummy snacking since Shark Bites. Each package contains a collection of different dinosaur parts and allows you, the snack-star, to create your own dino! Want to gobble a Tricera-raptor? No problem -- the possibilities are limitless! But not really, there ARE a finite number of pieces. Still, I WANT TO EAT EVERY COMBINATION! And even if you do eat a whole box, you've still consumed 0 grams of protein, so you don't have to worry about building any pesky muscle. WIN-WIN? No, WIN-RAWR! Now get inside me you sexy little Stegasaurus-Rex. Oooh -- I've got your tail!
Thanks to Brian, who misses those Garfield shaped fruit snacks that came out when I was in 3rd grade. Me too, Brain, I used to trade M&M's to a friend of mine for all his Odies.
Oct 16 2009 Wicked Transformer Halloween Decorations
This is a video of some guy in Cleveland that made giant Bumblebee and Optimus Prime Halloween decorations. They are most impressive. Granted, some teenage jerks in the neighborhood are gonna wreck them, but they're still cool while they last. Not unlike snowmen. Which, funny story: last winter I saw one with a hotdog for a nose! I mean, who doesn't have carrots?!?! I suspect his eyes were dog turds.
Thanks to kat, Dave and Paul, who are all ready to transform and trick-or-treat the hell out.
Oct 16 2009 I Like: Superheroes In Old War Photographs
This is a little gallery of old photographs with pictures of superheroes Photohaxored in. I thought they were pretty neat, but perhaps you don't. And maybe that's the fundamental difference between you and I. Well, besides how handsome and smart you are. Did I say you? I meant me. It's true, one time I looked in a mirror and it shattered itself because it was so jealous of my handsomosity (and word wizardry). I jest -- I was so ugly I put my fist through it. REFLECT ON THAT, YOU STUPID MIRROR! Also, my hand bled and this nancy Edward begged to lick it but I wouldn't let him. Just sayin', I can be a lamb too.
Hit the jump for three more, including a little Fidel action.
Oct 16 2009 Okaaaay: Children's Giant Gaping Jaws Shirts
These are two $25 hoodies designed by Mouthman that, when a child crosses their arms, appear as though they're going to eat you. Now I know that one's a dinosaur, but rest assured I would never make out with a child's elbows. Seriously. You know, that pose reminds me of middle school when you'd wrap your arms around yourself like that and pretend you were making out with someone against a bank of lockers. Except it was just you, and the other kids would start laughing. But not with you, AT you. And then the tears would start to fall. I just wanted to fit in so bad!
Thanks to b00m, Peter and Aubrey, who don't wear hoodies because they mess up their beautiful manes. RAWR!
Oct 15 2009 But I Wanted Braaains!: A Skull Cake Gallery
Because there's no better way to celebrate something than with a bitchin' skull cake, this is a little gallery of bitchin' skull cakes. I've decided I want a giant one for my next birthday. Except I want it to be on fire. And I want the Rockettes to leap out of that shit and kick-line me right in the face. Every last one of them, right in the face. And you know what I'll do? Spit out my teeth and smile. Hardcore, HARDCORE!
Hit the jump for the rest.
Oct 15 2009 *Sniff* A Street Fighter 4 Love Song
This is a Street Fighter love song. It made me sad, especially after reading about missing balloon boy (who better just be hiding under a neighbor's porch). Anyway, it may not be as good as the Mario Kart love song, but it still got to me. And by got to me I mean I
wept like a baby chopped down a sequoia with my bare hands and had sex with ten alligators. Excuse me, crocodiles. And there were twelve.
Hadouken: The Street Fighter 4 Love Song [techeblog]
Thanks to naas, who knows how to throw hadoukens in different colors because he practices black magic.
That's no 'Get Well' balloon, that's a 20' foil aircraft with a 6-year old boy inside, floating aimlessly 8,000 feet above eastern Colorado. Uh-oh.
The helium balloon was tethered to the boy's family home in Fort Collins, the Larimer County Sheriff's Department said. The boy got into the craft Thursday morning and undid the rope anchoring it.
Margie Martinez of the Weld County Sheriff's Office said a sibling saw the boy climb into the basket before the balloon took off. Since the door on the balloon was unlocked, Martinez said it's possible the boy had fallen out.
"The structure at the bottom of the balloon that the boy is in is made of extremely thin plywood and won't withstand any kind of a crash at all," said Erik Nilsson, Larimer County emergency manager, according to CNN affiliate KMGH.
Great, so he either fell out or won't survive the crash. Hooray for positive thinking. Come back down safely, balloon boy.
UPDATE: No boy when balloon landed. Not good.
UPDATE UPDATE: Falcon (the boy's actual name) was found hiding in a box in the garage attic (great search effort). This calls for celebration! (you hold him down, I'll tie on the fireworks)
Thanks to Jimmothy, stacy, jordana, dorothy, NICKSTER, rya, Jake, e.,The Superficial Writer, steven, Nigel, Valhalla, Lizzie, Noah and pepe la PEW PEW, whose parents thankfully never let them play around giant UFO balloons unsupervised.
Oct 15 2009 Uh-Oh: Chinese Scientists Create Black Hole
The device, which works at microwave frequencies, may soon be extended to trap visible light, leading to an entirely new way of harvesting solar energy to generate electricity.
A theoretical design for a table-top black hole to trap light was proposed in a paper published earlier this year by Evgenii Narimanov and Alexander Kildishev of Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana. Their idea was to mimic the properties of a cosmological black hole, whose intense gravity bends the surrounding space-time, causing any nearby matter or radiation to follow the warped space-time and spiral inwards.
Now Tie Jun Cui and Qiang Cheng at the Southeast University in Nanjing, China, have turned Narimanov and Kildishev's theory into practice, and built a "black hole" for microwave frequencies. It is made of 60 annular strips of so-called "meta-materials", which have previously been used to make invisibility cloaks.
You can hit the link to read how the black hole actually works, but that's not what's important. What's important is that it DOES work, and we're all doomed. And here I thought my stomach was the only black hole on earth. Don't believe me? Somebody toss a cheeseburger in the air. Did you see that? Works for hot dogs too. Haha, nice try buddy -- you keep those pants zipped.
First black hole for light created on Earth [newscientist]
Thanks to Equalizer and Chris, who have both lost spaceships to black holes before.
Oct 15 2009 Brass, Glass And Ass: A Steampunk Toilet
This is a picture of a highly questionable steampunk toilet. This is just the tank here, you have to actually watch the video after the jump to see the brass (painted) seat and shit (but not literally, the bowl's clean). Still, a cup holder, that's smart. Who knew those Victorians were such forward thinkers? BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T. I'm pretty confident they pissed in clay jugs or, worse, right out the window. Which, OMG, I'm relieving myself oldschool style! Haha -- sorry Mrs. Harding, but you should watch where you're walking!! Cute dog.
Hit the jump for a the video of the brass throne in action.
Oct 15 2009 Didn't Need To See That: Hello Kitty Anatomy
As part of the Dr. Romanelli x Hello Kitty collaboration we see the release of the "Anatomy" toys. The toy comes in two colorways and features a true Dr. design, revealing the inner organs of the iconic character. The toys have been produced by Medicom Toy.
Wow, so it's a real toy. That's cool. I guess you have to teach your kids about anatomy somehow. And no, NOT BY LETTING THEM SHOWER WITH YOU. Also, I like the Band-Aids on Hello's heart, I thought that was a nice touch. TELL ME WHO HURT YOU, KITTY, I'LL KILL THEM! Also, I'm no vet but you might not what that turd floating so close to your vital organs.
Hit the jump for the other color and a shot of the two models together.
Oct 15 2009 Fail: Drunkest Man Ever Tries To Buy Beer
MUST WATCH. Sad and funny at the same time -- my favorite!
This is what may very well be the world's drunkest (plus pills!) man attempting to buy beer from a convenience store. His perseverance is amazing. Don't get me wrong, he still fails miserably, but he's a hero in my book. Because, sometimes, trying is enough.
Thanks to Eddie, who's been known to stand outside the convenience store at 7AM waiting for it to open so he can buy beer. Been there, Eddie, been there.
According to a couple nutjobs that I'm actually starting to believe, the Large Hadron Collider is actually destroying itself FROM THE FUTURE to prevent the discovery of the Higgs boson particle. Whoa.
According to the Times, two physicists posit that the reason that the Large Hadron Collider (and, previously, its unbuilt American counterpart) keeps running into problems isn't bad luck or shoddy workmanship. It's that the LHC's quest to discover the Higgs boson--a heretofore only theorized particle that scientists believe is what gives objects mass--is creating problems to keep itself from being discovered:
"A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather."
I didn't even think about that. But now that I do, it makes perfect sense. And by perfect sense I mean none at all. Unlessssss the LHC is actually a giant T-1000! Then we're back to making perfect sense. I think. I dunno man, I smoked weed for breakfast.
Thanks to ffffffffffffff, Patrick, Elizabeth and burntout, who have secretly been sabotaging the LHC for the sake of humanity. Don't worry guys, your secret's safe with me.
Oct 15 2009 Abe, Nooo!: Gallery Of Geek-ily Defaced Bills
Because it's illegal and I don't do anything illegal, I've never defaced currency or put pennies on a train track. Nor have I looked at another man's junk while standing at a urinal. Or have I? I totally have -- I do it often!
Hit the jump for 15 more presidents dressed as different characters. There are laughs to be had!
Oct 14 2009 Now That's Fine Art: A Coat Hanger Gorilla
Apparently this is old but I don't care because it's the first time I've seen it and if you've seen it before then maybe YOU should have sent it to me earlier. That's right, YOU'RE the one to blame here. Jerk. Anyway, this behemoth was created entirely out of bent coat hangers by Scottish artist David Mach. And I think we can all agree, it speaks volumes. About how, you know, gorillas like to hang from stuff. Get it? Because of the hangers!! God, I slay me.
Coat Hanger Gorilla [reubenmiller]
Thanks to naas, who once Donkey Kong'ed two chicks at once and even though I don't know what that means I'm going to play along like I do. Sweeeet.
Oct 14 2009 Live Action Mario, Lou Albano, Dies At 76
Some of you whippersnappers may be too young to remember the awesomeness that was the Super Mario Bros. Super Show, a 52-episode series that come out in '89. But I do, because it was on tv, and tv was my only friend (plus on Fridays there were Zelda cartoons!).
Wrestling fans know him as the WWE Hall of Famer who managed more than 50 wrestlers in his day, with more than two dozen championships won by athletes taken under his wing. 80's music fans might remember him from his appearances in many Cyndi Lauper music videos, including "Girls Just Want To Have Fun", "She Bop", "Time After Time" and "The Goonies 'R' Good Enough." As gamers, we of course remember him as the best live-action Mario of all time.
Sadly, Lou Albano passed away today at 76. He will be missed.
Live-Action Mario Dead At 76 [kotaku]
Thanks to Doctor Steel, Aisha and Gabriel, who promise to send flowers to the funeral. Good looking, guys -- but they better be fireball flowers and not Piranha plants.
NOTE: Video is arguably NSFW due to cartoon violence and what may or may not be a penis (it's a penis. It's 100% a penis) from 0:30 to 0:35.
I have absolutely no idea what I just saw even though I watched it five times in a row. I really loved the style, but the subject matter gave me siesta-mares this afternoon. I know I promised I wouldn't nap on the job anymore, but a siesta's different. It's cultural.
Oct 14 2009 We're As Good As Dead: Robots Driving Tank
We can only pray this is an elaborate Photoshop hoax or we're all as good as dead. Well, you are, I'm as bad as dead. And twice as bad as that nancy Leroy Brown. That jive-talking mother ain't got nothin' on me!
Thanks to Daniel, who actually is meaner than a junkyard dog and once pushed an old lady into traffic.
Oct 14 2009 Build Your Own Roller Coaster Ride At Disney
No this isn't Roller Coaster Tycoon, this is real life! The "Sum of all Thrills" is a new ride at Disney's Epcot Center that allows children to design their own roller coasters and then ride them in a virtual reality environment with the aid of a giant robotic arm. I smell vomit! No, seriously -- I think a cat puked under the bed.
Epcot on Wednesday opened a new attraction called "Sum of All Thrills," which lets kids use computer tablets to design a virtual roller coaster, bobsled track or plane ride. After inputting their designs, kids climb into a robotic carriage that uses virtual-reality technology to help them experience the ride they've created.
"This is really the next generation -- where there's a lot more personalization involved" in the amusement-park experience, said Eric Goodman, Disney's lead project manager on the ride.
Cool. Of course, I question how much customization you'll actually get to do (I want 30 loopty-loops in a row!), or how much you should actually trust a child with anyway (100% of 0). Just saying, I have the feeling a lot of coasters are gonna end with a giant robotic arm slamming you into the ground repeatedly. YOU KIDS WILL NEVER BE IMAGINEERS!
Hit the jump for a better shot of the last thing you'll ever climb inside.
Oct 14 2009 Bottle Tops: Because Cans Can Be Tricky
Bottle Tops are plastic lids that snap onto aluminum cans. You know, because you're too special needs to drink out of a can without spilling. Jesus, ask your mom for a sippy-cup already. However, if you absolutely must, a 12-pack of different colors will set you back $10. But be warned!
But seriously the tops of canned drinks can be really dirty; one commenter on Boing Boing Gadgets agrees with me and gives the thumbs down to the Bottle Tops as well. But the others say that it's perfect for beer for a couple of reasons - one, because it keeps the carbon dioxide from escaping, so you don't have to worry about not being able to empty huge cans of booze, and two, because if you cover the can itself the bottle top makes it look like you're drinking an energy drink.
No. But you know what IS perfect for beer? My mouth. Which, MEDICAL FACT: is also perfect for burritos!
Hit the jump for the terrible tv commercial.
Oct 14 2009 Pop It Like A Beach Ball!: Shape Shifting Bot
iRobot, a diabolical company best known for convincing millions of housewives to allow rug-munching robots into their homes, has now developed an air-filled shape-shifting robot that will climb into your bed and smother you while you sleep.
Unveiled at the International Conference on Intelligent Robots and Systems (IROS) yesterday, this palm-sized troublemaker is being billed as "the first demonstration of a completely soft, mobile robot using jamming as an enabling technology." The "jamming" in question is something called "jamming skin enabled locomotion," which traps air and a collection of loosely packed particles in a package made of silicon rubber. When air is removed from the pocket, the silicon restricts and seems to solidify. The robot consists of several of these pockets, which can be inflated or deflated separately, giving the device the ability to perform simple actions.
The first part of the video explains how the technology works, but the actual bot-test begins around 1:50. Sure, it may look like a harmless beach ball, but do you know how many people drown each year trying to retrieve beach balls that have been swept out to sea? Now multiply that by every single person on earth and you have an idea of this thing's killing potential.
Thanks to JKirchartz, hayden, NF, Michael, Tuggis, matt and We'llmissyoujehudah, who vow to pop every last one of these things with fiery arrows. Good looking, guys, but you might wanna brush up on your archery.
Oct 14 2009 More Spork Art: This Time A Human Carcass!
This is a piece we did at Uni early this year and I just saw your feature article on the plastic dragon. The skeleton has been getting some nice features so thought you might be interested! :) It was a comment on the ironic contrast between our disposable fast-food culture and the problem of world famine. This received a D&AD Commendation at the '09 Awards.
Well done, Ashley. I'd like to take this time to point out that I, for one, am 100% against world famine. Now I know that I usually try to avoid getting political, but I firmly believe that all people should eat food. Except the fatties. They should exercise.
Hit the jump for three closeups.
Oct 14 2009
Change Rawr: Canadian T-Rex Coin
The Canadian Mint, which surprisingly doesn't come in flavors like chocolate-moose (ZING!), is releasing this $4 silver dino coin because dinosaurs are awesome and they deserve to be on money even more so than some presidents I know. Ahem, Eisenhower.
A selective aging effect creates a powerful impression of fossilized bones in stone. In fact, this technique ensures no two coins are exactly alike. Each 99.99% pure silver coin is unique and--with a design that was developed in close collaboration with palaeontologists at Alberta's Royal Tyrell Museum--is an original and compelling keepsake of one of humanity's great fascinations.
You can order your $4 t-rex dino coins from the mint today for the low, low price of $43. So every time you spend one you're out $39. But who would do that?! This guy -- I'm richer than God! You know, If God were sleeping in his car tonight.
Hit the jump for a Dromaeosaurus coin the mint is also selling.
Kellogg's embarked on the project to reinforce that they don't make cereals for any other companies and to fire a shot across the bows of makers of 'fake flakes'.
Helen Lyons, lead food technologist at the company, said: 'In recent years there has been an increase in the number of own brands trying to capitalise on the popularity of Kellogg's corn flakes.
'We want shoppers to be under absolutely no illusion that Kellogg's does not make cereal for anyone else.
First of all, I'd like to point out that, unlike Helen Lyons, I would make a great food technologist. I don't even know what that is, but if it involves cereal and lasers I AM THE MAN FOR THE JOB. As a matter of fact, I just invented a new cereal just thinking about it. They're called Laser Flakes, and they're jam-packed with real bits of blinding laserbeams. Marshmallows? Hell no -- try cut up circuit boards. NOW WHO'S THE FOOD TECHNOLOGIST?!
Thanks to SONJEETA, who doesn't eat cold cereal because her refrigerator broke and the milk spoiled. I like milk chunks!
Oct 13 2009 Genius: The 100' Extension Cord Coil Lamp
Craighton Berman may or may not own stock in an extension cord company (I think he does), but he did design the Coil Lamp, a lamp constructed of an acrylic frame around which you wrap a 100' electric cord.
When fully-assembled, the Coil Lamp is a striking addition to any room, but when you look at the raw elements of the lamp, you'll be scratching your head saying "that's all there is?" This is truly a case where the whole is much greater than the sum of its parts.
You can order the Coil Lamp over at Craighton Berman's website. The D.I.Y. version (B.Y.O. extension cord) retails for $75 (USD), while a hand-coiled edition, signed and numbered by the artist sells for $150 bucks.
Impressive, Craighton (can I call you Craig?), but what happens when, oh I dunno, an unruly blogger bites through the corn?! Did I say corn -- I meant cord. Damnit, now all I can think about is Mexican-style corn on the cob. Curse you, obesity!
Hit the jump for a shot of the lamp on and a picture of the unassembled unit.
Oct 13 2009 Aliens Are Here, Apparently Vodka Drinkers
Aliens were recently spotted (well, not literally) hovering over Moscow and playing with the clouds above the city because they have that technology and like to make our meteorologists jealous for sucking so bad at predicting the weather (you said no rain today, jerks!). And don't even try to tell me there's some other reasonable explanation for this video, because there isn't. Even Stephen Hawking agrees with me, and that guy knows his stuff. Isn't that right, Stephen? STEPHEN?! Need I remind you you're parked precariously close to the stairs?
Thanks to Sergey, melissa and roy, who would have at least thrown a rock at it or something.
Oct 13 2009 I Said Protect The Leftovers!: Plasticdragon
Raise you hand if you like dragons. Whoa, that's a lot of hands. Okay, let's try this -- raise you hand if you don't like dragons. What the hell's the matter with you -- HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE DRAGONS!? What about Falkor the Luck Dragon? Yeah, I bet you feel stupid now, don't you? Well you should. Anyway, meet Plasticdragon. He's best friends with Metaldragon. Unfortunately, they had a falling out with Leatherdragon, which is a shame because dude's cool as shit.
A Dragon made entirely out of Plastic Kitchen Utencils (Spoons, Knives, Forks abd cups glued together using a glue gun)
approx 80 hours
material cost: all from 99 cent store
completely freestyle - no plans/blueprints/drafts
Plasticdragon was made by DeviantARTist ~toge-NYC and protects leftovers in the breakroom from hungry coworkers. Which is a good idea. Just sayin', you ever been stabbed with a plastic fork before? You have? Jesus, what were the circumstances?
~toge-NYC's DeviantART Page (with a nice high-res picture)
Thanks to sham, who doesn't need a dragon to guard her leftovers because she booby traps the fridge. Smart.
Oct 13 2009 Pack Me Up, Scottie: An Enterprise Bong
This is a cheap plastic bong made to resemble the USS Enterprise. Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead smoking out of it BECAUSE OD'ING ON WEED IS PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. Trust me,
I've tried scientists told me.
*Geekologie does not endorse the use of illegal substances, as they may make you retarded. Touche -- even MORE retarded.
Thanks to Wilson, who claims he's hit the USS Enterpuffs before and said it was out of this world. Like the moon!
That doesn't look like any deer I've ever seen. But maybe they used that picture because they want you to slow down like an elephant. Elephants, after all, are notoriously lumbering beasts. Not unlike -- wait for it, wait for it -- mammoths! I don't care if you are frozen solid, consider yourself burnt you woolly mammaries!
Google Maps (actual location)
Google Street View confirms Elephantitis strikes deer population in Canada [autoblog]
Thanks to fdsy, who once saw a children crossing sign with a picture of Sasquatch. Hey, some kids look like that.
Oct 13 2009 It's Just So....Beautiful: Amazing Sand Art
This is the winner of the hit television series Ukraine's Got Talent, Kseniya Simonova, showing off her sand manipulating skills. And let me tell you, it's impressive. Almost as impressive as the time I made a three-bucket sandcastle at the beach before the ocean washed it away. DAMN YOU, POSEIDON, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!
Thanks to Joemo, Misa, Harriet and naas, who have all kicked sand in an opponent's face during a fistfight.
Oct 13 2009 Power Wheels Modded Into Halo Warthog
I was never allowed to have a Power Wheels growing up because my parents were too afraid I'd back over my own head, but that's neither here not there, it's just one of the reasons I have parent issues. Anyway, some lucky tyke's father went and modded his to look like a Warthog from Halo. Sweet!
Fortunately, thanks to the folks at Bungie, we're all that much more knowledgeable about the DIY Power Wheels modder set. All it took was one M12 Light Reconnaissance Vehicle--better known as the Warthog--fashioned from the guts of a Power Wheels miniature truck--a "very used 2001 G3740 Street Scene Silverado," according to its creator.
That creator, flux83, has done a capable job of turning that Silverado into a teeny-tiny Warthog that looks to seat a maximum of two wee Spartans.
OMG how different my life would've been if only I'd had a Warthog Power Wheels growing up! I probably would have been popular in school and maybe even had a girlfriend. And you know what having a girlfriend means! Nagging, LOTS of nagging. Oooooh, swift burn to the ladies!
Hit the jump to see a video of the awesomeness in action and a link to the build page.
Oct 13 2009 Because Crocs Suck: Sweet Dino Shoes
Dinosaur shoes: more erotic than having your junk stomped in stilettos. And now, thanks to Weboo, you can own a pair -- provided you can stuff your man-feet into toddler sized footwear (is it too late to bind my feet?!). Plus, no laces! It was funny, just this morning an elderly woman on the bus asked me if I had a dinosaur shoe in my pocket or if I was just happy to see her. I told her it was petrified wood and winked!
Kid's Dinosaur Shoes Threaten Bugs With Teeth & Arms [fashionablygeek]
Thanks to Dick, who doesn't wear shoes because he has ninja feet and can walk on hot coals and razor blades.
Oct 12 2009 I Would 100% Eat Those: Mario Bon-Bons
These Mario bon-bons were all created by L337 skilled pastry artist (and Flickr user) Ana Fuji (like the apple!) and feature a fondant character atop a delectable chocolate ball. I think my favorite is either the fire-flower or Bomb-omb (another picture after the jump). Also, Ana did a series of Pokémon characters as well, which I think we can all agree brings new meaning to the term "Poké-bons", am I right? Or any meaning at all SEEING HOW IT DIDN'T EXIST BEFORE I JUST MADE IT UP! Word wizarding degree: I got mine from Hogwarts. Get jealousful!
Hit the jump for another shot of the Mario-bons and one of the Poké-bons.
Oct 12 2009 BEEP BOOP Arrrr!!: Transformer Pirate Shirts
These Piratron shirts come in Autopirate and Deceptipirate models and are perfect for showing your support for both high seas plundering AND vehicles that turn into talking robots at the same time. Each shirt will set you back a cool $20, and I recommend getting one of each just in case, well, I don't know why. Just do it. No I don't profit from these. But seriously, you can't have enough. Buy like thirty. Million. DO IT NOW!
Thanks to tim, who agrees that in the battle of pirates vs. robots, the ninjas will prevail.
Oct 12 2009 Sad: Donkey Kong Reduced To Selling Soda
Seen here unsuccessfully threatening a blurry old man with the 1-2 punch that used to make Mario shit his pants and cry, Donkey Kong, the once fearful gorilla, has been reduced to hocking root beer at local grocery stores. It's a sad day. Also, those arms look a little precarious. I'm definitely gonna stand under one and have a friend push a bunch of cases onto my head. Then, provided I don't get all brain damaged, sue the grocery store. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?! Cleanup in aisle six.
Donkey Kong Soda Display [pixelatedgeek]
Thanks to Jessica, who once laughed so hard she shot root beer out her nose when a friend was telling a joke. It stung. Like a bee, but different.
Oct 12 2009 Good Ideas: Roofie Detecting Lip Balm
2 Love My Lips is $16 lip gloss that comes with test strips to determine if your drink has been roofied with drugs like GHB or Ketamine. It's a smart idea and I urge everyone to keep a close eye on their beverages at all times (and not just because I'll ninja-drink that shit, but I 100% will).
"If a drink tastes funny, or you are suspicious something is amiss simply dab the ends of the taper in your drink and if they turn blue tell your friends immediately and get help from Security and the Police."
Seriously, roofies are no laughing matter and if you suspect your drink's been spiked I want you to ask me to chug it. BECAUSE I WOULD DO THAT FOR YOU. Knight in shining armor? No, I'm trying to forget that bad.
Oct 12 2009 Legit Looking Master Sword For Sale On eBay
Hand-painted solid wood replica of the Master Sword from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Top quality craftsmanship, can be used as a wooden practice sword for fencing and martial arts. Blade is 17" long. Has a triforce carved into the blade.
Amazingly, current bidding is only up to $0.05 with five days remaining. But now that I've let the cat out of the bag, I don't expect to see it go for any less than $2.00. To yours truly. I only told you because I like a little competition! Try and beat me, I dare you! (yes I'm the seller)
Thanks to Ricardo, who mastered the sword in grade school and now swings a cannon.
Oct 12 2009 Kill It With Fire!: A Robotic Talking Piano
This is a piano, which, through the use of the black magic and robotics, is able to speak in one of the scariest voices I've ever heard. Well, besides the one that comes attached to the figure that sneaks into my room at night and tells me to write dirty things on the internet. I think it's my uncle!
Thanks to J.D., Rodger and Alexandra, who are already planning to push this thing out a window.
Oct 12 2009 Eh: Marge Simpson In Upcoming Playboy
Whee, Marge Simpson is gonna be in the upcoming November issue of Playboy. Great, like I haven't already seen her naked a million times in those racy cartoon pop-ups that
I got from that sketchy hentai porn site came pre-installed on my computer.
Playboy said the cover and a three-page picture spread inside was a celebration of the 20th anniversary of the "The Simpsons" and part of a plan to appeal to a younger generation of readers.
Scott Flanders (IRONIC!), the recently-hired chief executive of Playboy Enterprises, told the Chicago Sun-Times in an interview that the Marge Simpson cover and centerfold was "somewhat tongue-in-cheek."
"It had never been done, and we thought it would be kind of hip, cool and unusual," Flanders told the newspaper. He said the magazine hoped to attract readers in their 20s compared to the average Playboy reader's age of 35.
Right, "hip, cool and unusual". Listen, Playboy, this guy sucks. You want somebody to help you appeal to a younger, more influential demographic, I'm your man. And by man I mean huckleberry. You're no Daisy -- you're no Daisy at all! Wow, that just took on an all new, much sadder meaning.
Marge Simpson makes cover of Playboy [yahoonews]
Thanks to Scarlet, Camille, john and Duke, who aren't stimulated by cartoons because they're sexually repressed. Geez, you guys need some Saturday morning therapy.
Oct 12 2009 WTF Is That?!?: A Frozen Blood Head
Let's cut right to the questionable chase: this is a sculpture (or mold) of artist Marc Quinn's head made from 4.5 liters of his own frozen blood. Really gets you in that Halloween spirit, doesn't it? No, not so much.
The blood is taken from this own body over a period of five months. The work is then repeated every five years to establish a unique record of the artist aging.
Now I'm not here to judge art, but that seems pretty sick. Plus, what if the power goes out on your freezer while you're away on vacation? How do you explain the 4.5 liter bloodstain in your garage? You hunt deer. That was a freebie -- next time, you owe me.
Creepy And Disgusting "Self" Art By Equally Creepy Artist Marc Quinn [youbentmywookie]
Thanks to eric, who once made a head out of frozen orange juice concentrate. It was delicious.
Oct 11 2009 Backwards!: NES Cartridge Plays Games
My nesP is basically a noname china brand portable media player, with the advantage of being able to play nes roms, and a nes controller hacked to the controls....Well it worked perfect, it was like it was made to fit, I didn't use any hot glue or anything other than some double sided tape to hold the battery in place. It's a really tight fit though. It's got 4gb built in memory, with a sd card slot in the inside so you could expand the memory if needed, and not only does it play nes games, but it also plays gameboy and gameboy color roms as well. 2.8" TFT LCD, built-in rechargeable lithium battery, Video player, MP3 player, FM radio, Picture viewer, Audio recorder, it's got a camera and video camera (but I disabled them to fit in the case), built in speaker, and the best part... TV-OUT !!! so you can play on the big screen!
I would rock that. Of course, I would rock a lot of things. Including, but not limited to: your ass at some Powerstone 2 on Dreamcast! Bring it, chumps!
Several shots of the innards and a video (extra points for being Youtube user 'robotswillkillyou') of the console in action after the jump.
Based on models of rampant infectious diseases, say researchers, civilization would be doomed if we were ever attacked by zombies.
If society were ever attacked by zombies, we would probably be doomed, and quickly. That was the conclusion of two university researchers in Ottawa, Ontario, who set up mathematical models hypothesizing zombie attacks as infectious diseases with the well-known characteristics of zombie biology from popular fiction. In fact, according to a July BBC News report, zombies are more threatening than virulent diseases because they can regenerate (unless decapitated or incinerated, of course). More troubling was the researchers' presumption that zombies move slowly, as in older movies, but in recent fiction, they're super-quick, making them nearly invincible.
Oh man, as much as I do respect a couple of Canadians with calculators plugging away at a mathematical model they created using the info they gathered from Shawn of the Dead and Zombieland, this is one blogger who isn't succumbing to the zombie apocalypse. Robot, sure, but not zombies.
Thanks to Gideon, who isn't going out in any sort of apocalypse. Except perhaps a sexpocalypse. Just kidding!
NOTE: Double shot of bare ass at 1:24 and 1:28. You can't get that at Starbucks!
This is a video of some crazed Asian man dancing his ass off while displaying some of rarer Neo-Geo titles in his collection. It's by far one of the most disturbing things I've seen, but I can't help but watch it again and again. It has something to do with the way he dances, which is technically amazing. You can't learn those moves in gym class! I don't care how many times you offer to stay after school and help pick up the orange cones.
Thanks to Aisha, who once danced the devil under the table and then stole the bitch's horns. Nice, I want to wear them!
Oct 10 2009 Gears Of War: A Steampunk Wedding Cake
Liz and Austin's steampunked wedding cake. The metallic gears, doors, rivets, and panels were all made of fondant and were entirely edible. This is probably the baddest-ass wedding cake you will ever see. Respect.
Best part: the cake tasted just as decadent as it looked! I had a slice of the lemon layer after photographing it.
Anybody else like the title I came up with? Thanks, I thought that was pretty clever myself. Gears Of War: A Steampunk Wedding Cake. Because marriage is like a war or something. Except mine. Mine was like GW genocide.
Hit the jump for a closeup.
Oct 10 2009 Arguably The Best Haircut OF ALL TIME
This kid has what might very well be the best haircut of all time. It definitely beats the bowl cut I used to rock as a kid. Also, I had a rat-tail. Which, I'm not ashamed to admit, my mom still has saved in an envelope somewhere (not even kidding). What?! Don't even act like your parents don't still have all your baby teeth!
My Hair is Batman, Your Argument is Invalid. [geekstir]
Thanks to cody, who didn't have hair until he was two and then only on his back. Tough break, kid. There's always the carnival.
Oct 10 2009 They're Good For Something: Dead Fly Art
Dead fly art: it just makes sense. Now I don't really want to go into the kind of person it takes to collect dead flies and glue them to a piece of paper to make "art", but suffice it to say they're our kinda person. Plus, I really dig the final results. Well, except for the moth in the last piece -- didn't see that one coming!
Hit the jump for a whole bunch more.
Get a Corvette engine, rig it up with a Dominator Jet drive, and then strap it into a floating car, and you get the WaterCar Python, the fastest and highest-performing amphibious vehicle in the world. If zipping over the water at a top speed of 60mph doesn't float your boat, it'll accelerate on land at a neck-snapping 0-to-60 speed of a mere 4.5 seconds.
Call me old fashioned, but I like all my vehicles single-purpose. If it drives on the road, I don't want it in the ocean or sky. I mean, that's just more stuff to go wrong. And wrong, my friends, is the opposite of right. And two Wrights made an airplane. ZING! Thanks for that one, dad.
Hit the jump for several more shots and a video of the thing in action (worthwhile stuff starts at 0:50).
A million FPS, is that even possible? Because that's crazy if it is (also, black magical). I'll probably never do anything a million times, let alone in a single second. But regardless, this is a 10:00 video of bullets doing their thing in super slow-motion. There's some pretty sweet glass breaking action at 4:30, some ballistic gel destruction right after, and some absolutely amazing footage of bullets disintegrating against a steel plate starting at 6:20. It's just so....beautiful. I can honestly say I've never wanted to be shot so badly. Anybody here in a gang?!
Thanks to jamal, who has never missed the bullseye or a day of class. Good attendance AND a sharp shooter -- I like your style, jamal.
Oct 9 2009 Not A Plane: Nissan's Futuristic Land Glider
This is the Nissan Land Glider, an electric car with two seats. it has a narrow body, which Nissan says will help reduce traffic congestion by allowing more cars in the same city space, as well as making parking easier. It has a balancing system to make it stable as it takes curves, compensating for inertia with the car's body movement.
I actually like it (hit the jump for more shots and a video). And not just because it looks skinny enough to bob and weave between a giant robot's legs, but that's something you have to think about when you're in the market for a futuristic car. Also, standard weaponry and estimated RBI. Ha, what do you mean that's a baseball stat? SHUT UP I KNOW CAR STUFF!
Hit it for for more pictures and a 6:00 video.
This is a picture of a Nordic looking dude who may or may not be Link's biological father. He probably is, I just never pictured Link Sr. as a pantless cigar smoker. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. Love you Grandpa!
Picture (WARNING: all other images on that site are verrrrry NSFW. Clicking any of the other tags on the page will take you to cartoon pictures that will get you fired, including a ton more Zelda-themed ones I didn't look at, I swear).
Thanks to Yopoleo, who I question how he found the picture in the first place. Suuuure you just stumbled across it searching Google!
Oct 9 2009 That's No Playground, That's A Dieground!
Apparently Giganta was a piece of robotic playground equipment available in the late 70's for really sadistic playground designers. I'm just thankful the Baptist preschool I went to didn't have one or I may have not made it past five. Seriously, who the hell would want to play inside the cage-like belly of a two-ton robot? You've got to hand it to the manufacturer though -- I love how they awarded themselves a fake prize for the product to make it look better. "Miracle Medalist", that's great. What's the real miracle is that Giganta here didn't send kids running into oncoming traffic.
Playgrounds From the 70s [make]
Thanks to BiSScuiTT, who grew up playing with bears in the woods like a normal kid.
Oct 9 2009 NASA's Moon Bombing High-Five Fail
This is a short video from the live-feed at NASA showing the group responsible for bombing the moon celebrating after a job well done. Just watch red shirt there get snubbed by black shirt after initiating a high-five sequence. THEY EVEN MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT. Geez, talk about awkward. I've only aborted a high-five once, and that was because I knew the guy didn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. Seriously bro, I'm not touching your junk.
Thanks to Martyn, who has never been denied a high-five BECAUSE HE WILL RIP YOUR ARM OFF AND DO IT HIMSELF IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
Oct 9 2009 What If?: There Were No Super Mario Brothers
Thanks to PK, who once stopped a Bullet Bill from destroying the earth by deflecting it with a giant tennis racket. TOO BAD YOU BLEW UP THE SUN.
Oct 9 2009 Cool!: Beluga Whales Can Blow Bubble Rings
IMAGES REMOVED AT REQUEST OF Minden Pictures
So apparently beluga whales know how to blow bubble rings, making them perfect for children's birthday parties and arguably the smartest creatures in the ocean. You hear that merfolk? Your finned asses just got demoted!
And while they chug through the water at a sluggish 2 to 5mph, their mental power more than makes up for their slowness. Scientists don't really know why Belugas - like their fellow marine mammals, the dolphins - are fond of blowing bubbles and then chasing them. But it's likely that, just like children, they simply enjoy messing about.
Some scientists have called Belugas the most intelligent creatures on earth. But don't confuse that large forehead with a huge brain.
It is actually filled with a lump of wax, which is thought to help the whales communicate. In fact, they are so talkative - using chirps, squeals and squeaks - that their nickname is 'the canary of the sea'.
Yes, 'the canary of the sea'. Not to be confused with 'the poisonous chicken of the sea', which is the Japanese Puffer Fish. I ate twelve and still lived! NOW WHO'S THE DEADLIEST CATCH COMPETITIVE EATER?! This guy.
Hit the jump for several more of the ring-blowing fun.
NOTE: If you're reading this after 7:30AM Eastern you may be dead.
As you may recall from the Pulitzer-winning article I wrote back in June (and an even ooolder article from April '06) , NASA plans to blow up the moon by crashing the $79 million Lunar Crater Observation and its Sensing Satellite (LCROSS) into the Cabeus crater on the moon's south pole.
When the twin crafts hit the lunar surface at around 6,000 mph, NASA expects "plumes of moon dust -- perhaps full of ice -- (to soar) 6.2 miles high above the moon's Cabeus crater."
NASA hopes the explosion and resulting unmooning (see what I did there? Like unearthing!) will finally settle whether there's ice and water under the moon's surface. And, if so, if it's potable. Nice, NASA -- TOO BAD YOU'RE GONNA BLOW THE MOON IN TWO LIKE BUTTCHEEKS! And do you even know what that's gonna do to the ocean's tides? I mean, besides make for the most epic day of bodyboarding EVER. See you at the beach, suckers!
Thanks to JFreezy, Sean, The Superficial Writer, Benjamin and moses, who are gonna finish the moon off with a giant laser if NASA's plan doesn't work.
This is a video made at a subway station in Stockholm that asks the question, "can we get more people to choose the stairs by making it fun to do?" And the answer, amazingly, is yes -- by converting the stairs into a giant piano a la Big. Granted in the U.S. not a single extra person would have taken the stairs and at least two women would have called the cops about a possible bomb. Still, good going, guys, but I would have just turned off the escalator.
Oct 8 2009 Genius!: Mug With A Cookie Holding Shelf
There's "no need to juggle with a plate and cup and of course, you also save on the washing up afterwards."
If you're a lefty, fear not, this mug comes in right handed or left handed styles. Your left handed deformity will no longer hold you back from enjoying your hot beverage and cookies at the same time.
Wait -- did that say deformity? Because somebody just got their ass boycotted! I don't know who, but somebody. These things happen all the time, probably an oil company. Deformed and proud, baby! You too? Whoa whoa whoa, it's cool -- leave the bag on.
Thanks to Sarene, who throws all her cookies in at once and lets them sink to the bottom. Me too -- I like them supersaturated!
Oct 8 2009 Glass And Brass: This Steampunk-y Table
This is a steampunk inspired side-table created by Tom Spina Designs (the same man responsible for the Han Solo frozen in carbonite desk). Prices start around $1000 and vary depending on size and design. I want one. Granted it may just be a bunch of painted PVC pipes and a couple gauges and glass baubles, but I could never make one. And that has nothing to do with the fact that I've been drinking all morning. Haha, now I see two tables. No -- three! Aaaaaand I'm puking in my mouth. I feel noodles. WHEN DID I EAT NOODLES?!?!
Product Site (with a couple other sweet products as well -- I'm looking at you, t-rex desk and skull throne)
Thanks to Tom, the man behind the brass curtain. Now send me one.
Oct 8 2009 FAKE SCAR IS FAKE: FX Halloween Tattoos
FX Tattoos are temporary tattoos that help spice up your costume with a little bit of gore. But don't think you can get away just wearing a few and calling it your costume, cause that's weak as hell AND YOU WON'T GET ANY CANDY. A single sheet of tattoos costs $10 and come in varieties like wounds, injured cyborg, reptile skin and insects. The wounds are the best ones though, just look at those things. I'm going as a place holder!
Product Website (make sure to click adult tattoos in the top right corner and read the warning)
Thanks to Pat, whose cardboard robot costume has been months in the making. DON'T COME AROUND EXPECTING NO CANDY, BOY.
Oct 8 2009 Wow, That Was Sad: Tree Electrocutes Itself
This is a video of a tree which, unable to cope with the unruly birds and squirrels that have taken up residence in its branches, has decided to off itself with the help of a nearby power line. It's almost as painful to watch as your apartment building going up in flames because you were trying to grow pot in your closet. Almost. NOT THAT I'D KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT. Pfft, I went to D.A.R.E.!
Tree Electrocutes Self [collegehumor]
Thanks to NUTZBABIE, who I would probably steer clear of.
Oct 8 2009 Raptor Jesus Went Extinct For Your Sins
First of all, we're not going there. I just thought this would be a good time to open up a discussion about what sort of dinosaur mount you think Jesus will ride into battle against the robots. My guess is a supersweet t-rex/raptor hybrid God made just for him. That can fly. Oooh -- and breath fire. Okay, basically a dragon. Puuuuuuuff!
Thanks to tripcreator, who may or may not be a travel agent.
Oct 8 2009 More Sprinkles!: Custom $25K Cupcake Cars
These are three examples of custom cupcake cars that Neimen Marcus is selling for Christmas this year. Each cake will set you back $25K, but makes the perfect gift for the Lollypop Guild member on your list who has everything. Plus, they come with matching hats!
Put on your matching hat, slip under the muffin top of your Cupcake Car, and let the world figure itself out for awhile. Get (or give) the sheer, joyful chaos of a gift that is mind-blowing, triple-dog-dare, double-infinity forever cool. Make the kids or grandkids literally squeal with joy. Bring it to work and buzz the breakroom. Crash parades! Putter about the 'hood. Ever had a crowd of kids chasing after you just for the crazy gleeful heck of it? (No worries, the top speed is a comfy-safe 7 mph.) What's it made of? A 24-volt electric motor, a heavy-duty battery, sheet metal, wire, fabric, wood...and mad genius. Launched at Burning Man as a cooperative art car project, the Cupcake Car sprang from the fevered mind of Bay Area artist Lisa Pongrace and her less-rules-more-laughs posse of artists and techno geeks. Yours will be tricked out with your favorite topping, so start thinking flavors.
Yeah, if I ever see a cupcake driving down the sidewalk I'm swearing off drugs forever. Except alcohol. Which, fun fact: I'm petitioning to be included in the food pyramid. STOP FIGHTING IT, FDA!
Oct 7 2009 Photosketch: Photoshop For The Unskilled
Photosketch is an intuitive computer program that makes Photoshopping pictures of yourself humping a dinosaur crushing a robot's skull even easier. You just sketch out some stick figures, add text labels, and the program does all the heavy lifting for you.
A group of researchers have put together a system called PhotoSketch which allows the user to literally sketch a desired scene (see above for an example), label each part of the scene with keywords, then PhotoSketch searches the web for photos and assembles a photographic version of the sketch.
Why the hell anybody would want a picture of themself with a strange woman on a beach with a regatta in the background is beyond me, but hey, it's possible. And you know what else is? Anything you put your mind to. I jest, you'll never accomplish anything. Kidding -- you're all winners in my book. I mean that.
PhotoSketch: Make the Internet Create Photos for You [mentalfloss]
Thanks to Richard, Jack, susan and The Superficial Writer, who only use Photoshop for counterfeiting fast food coupons. The gig is up!
Oct 7 2009 Carving With A Lightsaber: Jack-O-Vader
This is a Darth Vader and Yoda display made of fake carve-able pumpkins at some arts and crafts store in Roseville, MN. It serves as a perfect example of how NOT to sell fake pumpkins (Vader -- what the hell's on the end of your lightsaber?!). Listen -- you wanna sell foam pumpkins? I've got two words for you: naked....naked. Haha, I lost my train of thought. Naked something. Anything, I don't care what. BOOM, SOLD!
Darth Pumpkin and Yod-o'-lantern [gizmodo]
Oct 7 2009 New Giant Ring Discovered Around Saturn
Although the ring dust is very cold -- minus 316 degrees Fahrenheit -- it shines with thermal radiation.
No one had looked at its location with an infrared instrument until now, Clavin said.
The bulk of the ring material starts about 3.7 million miles from the planet and extends outward about another 7.4 million miles.
The newly found ring is so huge it would take 1 billion Earths to fill it, JPL said.
1 billion earths -- that's a lot! Not as many as you could fit in my stomach, but I've been expanding it with balloons. I'm gonna be a drug mule!
NASA telescope discovers giant ring around Saturn [comcastnews]
Thanks to Calabasa209, who has been to space and knows things. Things you wouldn't even believe. I'm talking wormhole shit. Makes great fertilizer!
Oct 7 2009 I Like Turtles: Woman Birthing Drybones
I think maybe Amy has been playing too much Nintendo....
(When you work around designers - it only takes an off hand half-mention of something visual for it to end up in a photo.)
Congratulations, Amy. Maybe your little Drybones will be the minion to finally put those pesky Mario Brothers under! Then, Peach will be mine. MWAHAHAHAHA! Suck it, Bowser! No I mean it -- you look like a dinosaur.
Thanks to PolarBearAttack, who will be the last thing you ever see before everything fades to white. Snowstorm!
Oct 7 2009 Oldschool Destruction: Rampage In Real Life
This is a video of the oldschool classic Rampage in real life, brought to you by the same angry bald man that produced the real life Paperboy (but not the movie). I chuckled. But I did NOT upchuck, even though I did two nights ago. That was the night I walked into the restroom at a bar and caught a guy standing at the pisser trying to blow a snot rocket on the wall above the urinal. So you know what I did? I waited till he was done pissing THEN WHIPPED HIS MONKEY ASS. Being gross: don't do it around me.
Oct 7 2009 I Want One: A Dinosaur Head Belt Buckle
I can't remember the last time I had a dino's head so near my genitals because I'm like that guy in Memento, but if I were a betting man I'd say it was sometime last night. But now you can have that happy feeling all the time thanks to this t-rex head belt buckle designed by Kieselstein-Cord.
The t-rex buckle in sterling silver by Kieselstein-Cord. The piece measures 3 1/4 inches by 2 1/4 inches. $2,500.
Wait, did that say $2,500? Because that's ridiculous. I could get you a real dino head belt buckle for that price. Just sayin', I know people (Doc Brown).
Thanks to Blackrider23, FutronicX, Dylan and Raptor on a hoverboard, who don't need belt buckles because they don't wear pants. Enough with the pictures guys, I get it.
Oct 7 2009 It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale
Let's face it, we don't all sell drugs *whistling*, but we do all need pocket scales. Maybe you just want to know how much a letter weighs before sending it. Or like to precisely measure ingredients while cooking. Or maybe you sell coke and weed. Enter the fake iPhone pocket scale. With a cover that looks unconvincingly like a real iPhone, this has got to be the cheese-whizziest scale disguise I've ever seen (and I once owned a scale designed to look like a Twilight dildo). Geez, make a scale that looks like a book already! That's what I did (I've got what you're looking for). You're not a cop, right? Cause boy you'd look cute in one of those hats!
Hit the jump to see the display case the scale was spotted in, just in case there was any question to its intended porpoise. Porpoise? I'm a dolphin, bitch!
Yamaha's HRP-4C robot, best known for having pervs take pictures of its ass and modeling wedding dresses, can now sing song requests sent to it via iPhone. Impressive, Yamaha. I mean, if I DIDN'T SEE MORE IMPRESSIVE TECHNOLOGY AT CHUCK E CHEESE'S 20 YEARS AGO. Oooooh, burn! Seriously -- this thing, with fire. And while we're on the subject, somebody's dad touched my butt in the ballpit.
Hit the jump for a video of the robotic tramp singing terribly.
Looks legit to me.
Thanks to Jessica, who doesn't care if there's rat fur in the pizza, she's going.
Jesse Starr, to thank me for showcasing his incredible Christopher Walken ballpoint pen portrait, took my shoutout at the end of the post, which read, "Thanks Jesse, now how about one of me riding a dinosaur battling a volcano?", and made the dream a reality. This is only a part of the piece, click HERE to see it in all its high-res glory. OH HELL YES! TAKE THAT, VOLCANO. Joe ain't got shit on me!
As an added bonus, Jesse made a video of how he created the piece, which you can see after the jump. But, SPOILER ALERT: there's a picture of my ugly mug involved, so shy away.
Hit it for the video.
Oct 6 2009 Dinosaurs Disrupt German Television Program
This is a scene from some German television program that gets raided by a bunch of dinosaurs. And let me tell you: when that raptor first came running out I thought it was CG. But it wasn't. And neither were my 30 boners! My God, I've never wanted to be part of a live studio audience so bad in my life.
Thanks to Martyn, Chuck and LewisRedd, who would have run on stage like it was The Price Is Right.
Oct 6 2009 Yikes!: Vampire Teeth Baby Pacifiers
Billy Bob pacifiers for babies with personality. You will receive this hilarious, Lil' Vampire Billy Bob pacifier. It is brand new in manufacturers' packaging.
WARNING: Do not tie pacifier around child's neck, as it presents a strangulation danger.
Geez, who on earth would ever tie a pacifier around a child's neck? I mean, besides your parents. One time they left you on top of the car and drove off!
That's right folks, scientists have discovered a new species of tyrannosaurus, completely different than the much larger (and arguably sexier) t-rex everyone is accustomed to. But you've got to admit, this little bugger is cute as a button.
The new, more graceful tyrannosaur is named Alioramus altai.
A. altai apparently has a similar skeleton to larger Tyrannosaur-type dinos such as Tarbosaurus, Alioramus, Gorgosaurus etc. But among these burly heavyweights, A. altai was surely the butt of cruel locker-room bullying and dino towel-snapping, weighing in at a puny 800 pounds or so - half the weight of the regular tyrannosaurs. The ballerina-esque, "gracile" A. altai also differed from the big boys in having horns and an elongated snout.
The new dino was slim, light on its feet, horny and partial to meat
HIYO -- just like every ballerina I've ever known! Except the lesbians (no meat).
Horny new 'ballerina' Tyrannosaur was light on its feet [theregister]
Thanks to Barry and Kelly, who have danced with the dinosaurs in the pale moonlight and lived to tell about it.
Oct 5 2009 Another Gallery Of Video Games In Real Life
This is another little gallery of video games in realer life than they are when you play them. As you can see, this is a game I'm not familiar with. It looks like Tetris mixed with Rampage. I would call it Shape Rampagers, but that's just because I'M A WORLD CLASS GAME NAMER. Super Mario Bros.? Pfft, try Two Plumbers Fight To Bang The Princess. Yeah -- I'm that L337.
Hit the jump for a few of my favorites, and the link to a bunch more if you're interested in that sort of thing (I won't judge).
Oct 5 2009 Wait, What?: Fake Virginity Kits For Sale
I don't even know what to say, except this makes me sad about the women in the world who are stoned and fed to dragons if they're not virgins when they're married. And you thought I was a heartless asshole.
No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.
Wow, did I really just read that? Because now I don't feel so good. The $30 kit ships from China and I suspect is manufactured using recycled condoms. Plus, I don't even know what. [Insert something here while I cry and puke at the same time]
Thanks to Michael and The webcam in your monocle, who can't tell the difference between a virgin and a hole in the wall. Literally, no idea.
Oct 5 2009 Great News!: All Dinosaurs Go To Heaven
In wonderful news, at least according to this $18 t-shirt design from Threadless (where were you on this, CNN?!), all dinosaurs go to heaven. So yeah, maybe there's a merciful God after all. But, as a guy who wasn't ever planning on seeing the pearly gates: does the Catholic church still do that thing they used to where you pay to have your sins absolved? And, if so, can I borrow some money? Couple mill should do me.
Thanks to Adam, who's trying his hardest to go to hell because he heard that's where all marsupials go. You're sick.
David Thorne, a man best known for drawing a picture of a seven-legged spider to settle an unpaid bill, is back at it -- this time staving off another rental property inspection with shark drawings. And while David may never top the spider bit, this one did have its moments. Namely the end. Unfortunately, it also has a lot of words, which I mostly skimmed over. Not unlike the way you read Geekologie. Kidding -- like any of you get past the picture. Your sister's a whore!
Hit the jump to see how the whole ordeal played out.
Oct 5 2009 Little Family Moves Into A Computer Case
Not a real one, silly! You'd have to have a freaking giant computer (or tiny family) for that to happen. What is this, the 50's? No, cause sexual harassment didn't exist back then. Back me up, Mad Men. I love you, Don! I thought that latest cigarette ad campaign of yours was absolutely great -- really killer. See what I did there?! Killer -- like cigarettes! Hire me Don, I have to be around you!
Hit the jump for two more shots of the dollcase.
Oct 5 2009 It Buuuuurns!: Laser Projection Wrist Watch
This conceptual Alessi laser watch by designer Andy Kurovets projects the time onto your wrist with lasers. Pfft, what's the matter with Indiglo technology? That shit's hot! But if you do opt for lasers, just make sure you buy the right powered battery or that bitch might burn right through your arm! Kidding, future laser technology will be kinetically powered by the motion of your arm. So no masturbating. Kidding -- I say go for it!
Thanks to charlie and Aisha, who don't need watches to tell what time it is cause they have magnets in their brains like birds or whatever. Yes I paid attention in school!