Laser cheese is cheese that comes out of Captain Cheeseface's magical fingertips. According to this commercial, one finger shoots cheese chunks and the other a fine cheesy powder. Together they make pasteurized magic! OOOH OOOH, OVER HERE MR. CHEESE WHIZ -- shoot it right in my mouth! Yes, yes, now my eyes -- DO ME IN THE EYES! OMG -- OMG -- CHEEEEEEESEVISIOOOOOOON!