I Must Have It!: Magical Unicorn Juice
Some guy on eBay recently sold the last jar of unicorn semen in the United States for $31 plus $3 flat rate shipping. If you were the buyer please contact me, as I must have some. *ahem* For science, for science (if I repeat things it makes them real).
This is possibly the only jar of Unicorn semen left in the united states.Unicorns were bred for their magic and keen night hunting skills to protect lepreachauns that had been injured in battle during the civil war. Unicorns were only found in two places on the planet, the northern and southern hemispheres. Anyone in possession of this rare and magical fluid will be able to swim with the wolves and fly with the dolphins as its powers are still being found.I opened the jar while i was on my computer and my computer flickered for a minute and i realized the semen had helped me kill Yogg-Saron on my World of Warcraft account and i recieved the Shawl of Haunted memories and the Mantle of the Wayward Conqueror. i have already been blessed and recieved my gift...so i'm going to pass the power onto someone else. Do not drink the unicorn semen as the power is too much for the human digestive system and could change your DNA and give you the shits. Bid, but Bid Wisely.
Do not drink, my ass. I have an iron stomach (and lung) and am gonna guzzle that whole jar like I'm shotgunning a beer. LASER VISION, YOU WILL BE MINE!
Thanks Chris, but if I found out you bought it and aren't sharing, well, that's just cruel. GIVE ME A SIP!