Aug 31 2009 Branded Jägermeister Cooler With Tap
I can't drink Jäger because it makes my clothes fall off and catch fire and me fight people and break stuff and all kinds of other awesome things that I have to start saving for special occassions. But hey, if you do regularly enjoy black licorice flavored unicorn blood, you're in luck.
The cooler holds 6 bottles of your drink, with two of them hooked into the built-in dispenser. There's plenty of room for other drinks (ie. Red Bull) so as to keep things interesting. If you really love Jägermeister, then $120 (drinks not included) will get you this branded cooler.
I assume it'll work with any bottle that's short enough to fit in the cooler. Which isn't a terrible idea, but you could just get a regular cooler, and then screw the cap off and pour the drink whenever you want some. Archaic, I know, but you did just save yourself $100. And you know how many extra bottles of Jäger that is? I don't -- I TOLD YOU I DON'T DRINK THAT SHIT. Bourbon. So hot it burns my lips.
This is a two and a half minute news report from Alabama about a woman who thinks there's "a little holy spirit" in her new consignment shop because she can stand a broom up unsupported in three separate locations. I watched the whole thing but I highly recommend you not unless you really hate yourself or are into masochism (I am). Which reminds me -- did I ever tell you about the time I had a woman stomp around on my chest with golf cleats on and then hit balls off my nipples? Of course not, cause it's none of your business. Fore!
Hit the jump for an equally horrible (but MUST SEE) news report about a bear in some woman's backyard, complete with cardboard cutout reenactment.
Aug 31 2009 Cheap!: Guy Selling Jetpack Thingy For $500
Jet Pack -- Jumps You 10' in the Air
Handcrafted by myself Using Car and Airplane parts. I spent 15 years as a mechanic. Can Use for 2 High Jumps 10 feet in the air with a safe landing before overheating, takes about an hour to cool down after that.
weighs 53lbs, approx Camping backback in size , dull grey in color.
serious buyers only can test out on my property and of course watch me first for safety reasons and training.
Two ten-foot jumps and then you have to let the thing sit for an hour? No offense, but that sounds like some incredibly weak shit. Just sayin', you know what else costs $500, will jump you 10-feet in the air, and NOT require an hour between uses? Twelve pogo sticks.
Thanks to Pepe La PEWPEW, who is in love with a LED flashlight. Hate to break it to you Pepe, but she ain't a laser.
Aug 31 2009 Disney To Acquire Marvel For $4 Billion
Mickey Mouse, in a power move to impress his ratty love interest Minnie, has decided to buy up Marvel Comics for a staggering $4 billion. With the sale come all the right's to Marvel's cache of over 5,000 characters. FIVE THOUSAND!
We believe that adding Marvel to Disney's unique portfolio of brands provides significant opportunities for long-term growth and value creation," Disney president and chief executive Robert Iger said.
"We are pleased to bring this talent and these great assets to Disney."
"Disney is the perfect home for Marvel's fantastic library of characters given its proven ability to expand content creation and licensing businesses," said Marvel chief executive Ike Perlmutter.
I mean, way to go and all, Disney, but this was a pretty foolish business decision if you ask me. What in the hell are you gonna do with 5,000 Marvel characters? You should have just bought the 30 cool ones.
Disney to buy Marvel in $4bn deal [bbcnews]
Thanks to Reverend Faux, Lomig, Jason, Aaron, Lauren, Cade, A Girl Named Michael, draw and jawn, who have all puked on different Disney rides, including It's A Small World (it was Jason!).
Aug 31 2009 Setting A Good Example: Pole Dancing Doll
These pole dancing dolls are real products despite everything you know about life telling you they shouldn't be. I'll tell you one thing: no daughter of mine is playing with a damn stripper doll. I'm looking right at you, Barbie. Hussy! Product features:
- up and down
- go round and round
Wow. That's, uh, really something. Really something wrong with the world. I mean, how the hell does something like this get approved for manufacture and sale? Japan. Right, I keep forgetting.
Thanks to Octopus Pie, far tastier than Squid Cake.
Aug 31 2009 Fire Hazard: The Wrist Mounted Flamethrower
If you've been reading long enough, you may recall Everett Bradford's Pyro System from early last year. Well now Everett is back with the Pyro System 2.2. Basically, it's a bunch of 3rd degree burns waiting to happen. Ever seen a man melt his own face off before? I have, but only because I was tired of shaving. Suck it, electrolysis!
Thanks to Ethan, Jeff and Matty, who all have flamethrowers mounted on their bikes so you won't follow too close behind. Also, they just look cool.
Aug 31 2009 Ninja Turtles Offering Relationship Advice
TMNT Relationship Advice [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Aisha, who offered up this piece of relationship advice: Chicks dig guys who aren't monster douchebags (douching is so 80's).
Aug 31 2009 Is That A Spaceship?: XBox 720 Concept
This is a conceptual design of an XBox 720 by Tai Chiem. Why he assumes that Microsoft is even gonna call the new console the 720 is beyond me. It's not like there was a 180. Maybe they'll call it a 540. Or, if they're really high, the 420. Anyways, I only posted this because it reminds of the spaceship in 'Flight of the Navigator' and that movie is badass. Who else wants one of those little Puckmaren aliens that the kid stuffs into his backpack at the end? I do. Also, Sarah Jessica Parker when she was 21. And no, that's not creepy of me. "See you later, Navigator!"
Hit the jump for several other renderings from different angles.
Aug 30 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Siamese Rubik's Cubes
As far as I know, these conjoined Rubik's cubes have existed forever but I wouldn't know because I have enough trouble with a regular one without removing all the stickers and then backing over it with my dad's truck while sobbing and subsequently taking out the mailbox. BOOM! Recent post tie-in for the win! I AM THE L337357 bL0993R! But for those of you that are into Rubik's, you may want to consider these conjoined cubes from Deal Extreme. And, as you may well know, Siamese sextuplets are multiple times the fun of a single woman. Isn't that right, ladies? Not you righty, I'm talking to the middle ones.
Hit the jump for a couple of the other configurations available.
Aug 30 2009 Crazy Fool Is "Friends" With A Pack Of Lions
This crazy damn fool, Kevin Richardson, runs a wildlife refuge in South Africa and has become a member of a pack of lions. It is probably the awesomest and stupidest thing I've ever seen (and I once saw a friend jump off the top of his parents' townhouse with a trashbag parachute). Just sayin', you remember how Grizzly Man ended, don't you? SPOILER ALERT: As a giant Timmy Treadwell-shaped grizzly turd. But who am I to judge? I'm just a regular guy who bangs dinos. RAWR! YES....YES....EAT ME NOOOOOOOW!
Thanks to Asbo, who was once accepted into a pod of whales but was later rejected when he tried to suckle one's teat.
Aug 30 2009 You've Got Mail!: Oldschool Computer Mailbox
Who the hell still rocks those oldschool CRT monitors? You do? Oh, sorry. Truthfully, I still rock a 21-incher myself. HIYO! Anyway, this is a $230 computer mailbox fabricated out of wood and a traditional mailbox so that some punkass teenagers can come bat the shit out of it. I don't recommend them. But I do recommend you paying me $100 to make you a modern flatscreen monitor mailbox. Sure it'll just be an unpainted piece of particleboard with a whole cut in the middle, but what did you expect? Watch your bills just blow away! But not into my yard, I'll call the cops.
The Alaska based company, started by Gordon Stewart (yep, that is where the G in gScreen comes from), is aiming its dual screen laptops at professional designers, filmmakers, photographers and really anyone who can't live without a dual screen for everyday productivity...The chassis (which we expect is at least 12 pounds) is built around the 15.4 inch screen (though the first units that come to market will have 16-inch or 17-inch screens) and its twin, identically sized screen slides out from behind the first using a uniquely designed sliding mechanism.
They will run Windows 7 and be powered by Intel Core 2 Duo processors, 4GB of RAM and high-end Nvidia GF900M GT discrete graphics. The plan is for fast 7,200 RPM hard drives and six or nine-cell batteries...."It is absolutely the opposite of a netbook," he told us. Yea that is no kidding with a price tag that he is hoping to keep under $3,000.
Damn! 30" of screen real estate, that's a lot. This thing isn't even a laptop any more. It's a muffintop. ZING!
Thanks to Melissa, Mark and Mike, whose names all begin with the letter M. What? I NOTICE THESE THINGS! Did you get your hair cut? All of them, good one.
Aug 29 2009 I Would Watch That: Mario Kart, The Movie
This is a pretty awesome trailer for Mario Kart: The Movie. Obviously, the movie isn't actually real but the trailer is 3:40 long so you get to see all the would-be good parts anyway. I especially liked the part at the end where Princess gets all nekkid and dancy at the finish line. I jest. OR DO I? You'll have to watch to find out! Or not, because you know that nudity gets pulled off Youtube. Trust me, I've looked. AND uploaded. HIYO!
Thanks to Juan, meeotch and Chris, who always want to play as Yoshi because that little green bastard can drive AND be sexy at the same time. And to Alex, who is actually part of the comedy group (Dr. Coolsex) that made the video. Good lookin', Alex.
Aug 29 2009 Bokeh Filter Turns Light Blurs Into Shapes
The Bokeh filter is a $10 physical filter for your camera that turns out of focus light blurs in the background into shapes like hearts and stars and spirals (separate filter required for each). It works by magic. But not black magic, because you don't want to eff with that shit unless you absolutely have to.
One of the fastest growing fads in modern photography is bokeh shapes. Bokeh shapes are shapes of light in the blurred background of photos. These shapes are achieved by using a bokeh filter over the camera lens. Bokeh is a photography term derived from the Japanese word for blurred. Bokeh refers to the unfocused background in a photo.
The Bokeh Filter is a simple filter that clips onto the end of your lens. This filter blocks out pieces of light that cause the bokeh (blur) in your images to take the shape of the filter.
Neato. Now if they could just create a camera filter that makes my face look like Brad Pitt's, maybe I wouldn't be losing so many Facebook friends. I'M A MONSTER! Truck, monster truck. VROOM VROOM, I AM CRUSHING YOUR CAR!
Hit the jump for a video of the filter in action, directly from a camera.
Aug 29 2009 Classy: This Video Game Shopper At Walmart
Aug 29 2009 There's An App For That: iPhone Fauxmercial
This is a fake commercial for iPhone apps. I thought it was pretty funny. And not just because stalking ex-girlfriends is funny, because that is only mildy humorous (but mostly sad and creepy). No, I just couldn't get enough of the guy's voice. I must have you on my home answering machine!
LEAKED: New iPhone commercial [adamthinks]
Thanks to The Baroness, who had an iPhone for a day and then dropped it and broke it BECAUSE SHE MEANT TO.
Aug 28 2009 I Could Do Better: LEGO House Construction
Remember the story about the house in Britain that would be constructed entirely out of LEGO blocks? Well this is it, mid-construction. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed that it has a wooden infrastructure. I thought the whole damn thing was gonna be LEGO, right down to the john.
This two-story Lego palace, which resides in the middle of a vineyard, sports a working bathroom, and is covered inside and out with bricks pieced together by 272 Legos. Over three million bricks were used to build the Lego pad, so doing some quick math here -- that's over 816 million Lego pieces!
I have no idea whether the math in that quote I used is correct or not, the important thing is that it's Friday and I am putting pants on for the first time this week and getting the hell out of here. Town, prepare to be painted red! With vomit. I like fruity drinks!
This Old House: UK Toy Master Builds House From Legos [geekstir] (with a whole gallery of construction pictures)
Thanks to jessica and Rogefgv, who once built a house of K-Nex but it was blown down by the big bad wolf and then he ate them. The end.
Aug 28 2009 Future Farming: Giant Fish-Filled Ocean Balls
...[A]utomated cages could herald an entirely new form of fish farming.
They might be turned loose to mimic natural systems by following carefully chosen ocean currents. The robotic fish farms could help lead to larger, healthier crops of farmed fish far from crowded coastal areas, where farmed fish both suffer from poor water quality and, by producing waste, add to water woes.
Cages might even generate their own electricity by harnessing solar energy, wave energy, or other forms of renewable power.
This reminds me of middle school. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? You are if you answered "cafeteria fish sticks"! Loved those sticks. One time I even had a fish rock! I chipped a tooth and lost it in my corn. Chocolate milk, whee!!!
Thanks to Resa, who fishes the old fashioned way: with her bare hands (and dynamite).
Aug 28 2009 Kitty Noises, Autotune Used To Make Song
This is song made using videos of kitty sounds that have been auto-tuned (think Kanye West, but with less bitching and whining) to produce some funky fresh beats. Yes, I am hip to your jive. I'm a cool cat, you dig? I jest, I am a warm dog. And speaking of which -- in college I lived in a house with five other guys, and we had this one roommate who would always boil hotdogs in the same pot of water and then lid the pot and save the water for next time. Dude got mad pissed if you even joked about touched his hotdog water. And that pot would sit there on the stove for sometimes a week between boilings. He was convinced it gave each subsequent batch of dogs more flavor. We were convinced it gave us dysentery.
Thanks to Tom and Edd, who once made a song with their voices synthesized to sound like Chipmunks but then deleted it when they realized that shit's not cool.
Aug 28 2009 Perfect With A Lead Vest: The X-Ray Umbrella
The x-ray umbrella is an umbrella with x-rays all over the damn place. It does NOT allow you to see through a woman's shirt. Unless she's wearing white and it's pouring out, in which case, yes, it does do that. And I've got to tell you: as a guy who's broken his arm twice in the same place and now has a plate and a bunch of screws in there (I am NOT a robot, just a man with an advanced biomechanical arm), I'm no stranger to x-rays. Or those gamma joints. You hear that, Hulk? I will arm wrestle the shit out of you!
Aug 28 2009 I'd Sleep Under That: Mega Man 2 Chain Mail
From the same maker as last week's chain mail chess set comes this awesome Mega Man 2 chain mail blanket/wall hanging. I know this little picture doesn't do it justice so click HERE to see a higher res version. Then, click HERE to discover life's greatest secrets. Oh, sorry, hyperlink must be broken (tricked you!).
After one and a half years, the Megaman II Project is finally finished. The dimensions are 38" x 45", as it hangs on the wall, and its total weight is over 16 pounds.
Ring Count: 63,608
Can you imagine crimping 63,000 little rings together? Because I can't. And not just because I'd probably swallow a half dozen for every ten I got together, but I would. I LIKE TO PUT THINGS IN MY MOUTH, OKAY? Just saying, good thing I can type without looking. Those consonants -- delicioso!
Project Page [chainmailbasket]
Thanks to NES--still-the-best, who won't even talk to you about playing Genesis.
Aug 28 2009 Paper Art: Toilet Paper Roll Face Sculptures
Junior Fritz Jacquet is an artist that loves working with paper and has created a series of small masks by bending and folding empty toilet paper rolls. Good looking, Junior (we named the dog Indiana). I really think this is testament to the creativity of the human mind. It's amazing, you know? Junior here sees an empty toilet paper roll and thinks art. Me? I think, "damnit -- what hand's it gonna be this time?"
Hit the jump for a whole gallery of faces.
Aug 28 2009 Real Life Mario Kart Go-Kart Is Super Scary
This is a video of a go-kart with a Honda CBR 900RR motorcycle engine in it. It's the closest thing to a real Mario Kart I've ever seen. I love how the guy driving doesn't even bother wearing a helmet. Because, honestly, heads are overrated, especially when you're drifting into a curve at a billion miles an hour. I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I would have turbo-boosted through those turns, nancy boy!
900RR Go Kart is pure awesome [videosift]
Thanks deadbodyman -- say, you mind helping me get rid of this thing in my trunk?
The Veda International Robot Research and Development Centre (in Japan, of course) is hard at work developing a wheelchair for all the aging fogies in the country. And this is it, the Rodem. It's being touted as the wheelchair of the future. Pfft, I'll believe it when my grandpa has one. Isn't that right, gramps? I SAID, "ISN'T THAT RIGHT, GRAMPS?!"
Right now Rodem isn't much of a robot, but the people at Veda still want to add more features to the not-wheelchair; for example, Tmsuk president Yoichi Takamoto said, "...we could add a new function so it comes to your bedside when you call."
Hmm, I'm not sure how I feel about a wheelchair with robotic features. Yes I do -- I don't like it. No, the only improvements of the current wheelchair we need are an air horn and naked lady mudflaps. Now those would really put the whee in wheelchair -- am I right, gramps? I'm over here, you're talking to a chair. Now drink your juicebox and tell me where you buried the money.
Hit the jump for a shot of some poor bastard with a broken leg toting his own hospital bed around with the thing.
Aug 27 2009 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Banana Phone
The Banana Cellfoam is a $10 piece of foam rubber that molds around your mobile phone, making it appear as though you're taking calls with a banana. Which I think we can all agree is pretty genius. Plus, you can turn your phone on vibrate and tell a friend to call for an instant sex toy! Kidding, that's icky. Holsters for the banana phone are also available, or you can just keep it in your pocket and save $8 while gaining some much needed respect from the ladies. You know, because they won't think it's a banana -- they'll think it's a gun! And firearms, dear reader, should be respected at all times.
Thanks to Matt, who once tried to impress the ladies with a whole pocketful of bananas but ended up getting beat within an inch of his life by a monkey that escaped the circus riding a tiger.
Aug 27 2009 100 Years Of Movie Special Effects In 5:00
This is a little video montage of notable special effects from movies in the past 100 years all packed into a five minute clip. And as you'll see, we haven't come very far. I want to be able to feeeeeel the movies. I read Brave New World in high school! Also, almost half of a Shakespeare play. Now it's all comic books and cereal boxes.
100 Years of Special Effects [collegehumor]
Thanks to Paul, who once got specially infected by the government and now has the power of three men.
Aug 27 2009 Sure He's Happy?: Enterprise Dog Costume
This is a custom canine USS Enterprise costume made out of cardboard and Bud Light cans. And I have to admit, Bud Light was a smart choice because of its superior drinkability. I'm serious, those things are so drinkable one time I guzzled a whole cooler full of them. There must have been at least 20. This was like an hour ago. Then I started cutting up this box and....holy shit that's my dog!
This dog goes where no dog has gone before [scifiwire]
Thanks to FDSY who made a Millennium Falcon costume for his cat but the cat ran away.
Geekologie Reader Fitz and his friends, inspired by the post we did a while back about playing chess on roller coasters, decided to put a different spin on the pastime and make a house of cards on a coaster. This is the resulting shot.
We went to the amusement park yesterday, but we wanted to make it a special day, and after seeing your post with the checkers trick in a roller coaster, we though we could do something even more awesome.
I really hope you'll enjoy it, we putted a lot of effort into it (building a card castle in a water coaster, even with tape is freaking hard!). Plus my friends would be really happy to be on the Internet :P
Good lookin', Fitz. Of course, it would be even better looking if that little Asian girl in the front was puking all over you. What can I say, I like action shots.
Picture (high res)
Thanks Fitz, now how about a game of Risk next time?
Aug 27 2009 Is This Nessie Spotted On Google Earth?
I'm not even sure what I'm looking at. It looks like a snake chasing a giant squid. But according to some security guard who was busy surfing Google Earth instead of patrolling his beat, it's the Loch Ness Monster (love you, Nessie).
Jason Cooke told The Sun he spotted "Nessie" while browsing the website's satellite photos. Mr Cooke, 25, of Nottingham, said: "I couldn't believe it. It's just like the descriptions of Nessie."
The image can be seen by entering coordinates Latitude 57°12'52.13"N, Longitude 4°34'14.16"W in Google Earth (or playing with the map above).
Earlier this year it was reported that climate change may have killed the Loch Ness Monster. There have been "no "credible sightings" of Nessie for over a year.
Veteran American monster hunter Bob Rines thinks environmental conditions in the Highland loch have changed and can no longer sustain the elusive reptile.
Gary Campbell, of the monster's official fan club, said: "I'm concerned. There have been none of the normal sightings that verify that Nessie and her family are still alive and well."
Haha, these people actually think the Loch Ness Monster is real. That's great (bless their special little hearts). You know, these are the same people that keep asking for government grants to go hunt for Bigfoot. Which, SPOILER ALERT: bitch was delish!
Is the Loch Ness monster on Google Earth? [telegraph]
Thanks to Asbo and Praveen, who only hunt for dragons because dragons are real and sit on mountains of treasure.
Aug 27 2009 Freaky: Three Frames Of A Movie At A Time
Three Frames is a website that chooses three frames out of a different movie every day and plays them, looping. It almost gave me a seizure. No, it DID give me a seizure. djla; wl;qwa a la;kaeoee wwpw ww ;llala. Get it? Because I'm shaking so bad! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go back over myself in the face.
Three Frames (slightly NSFW, there's a tasteful boob on the first page)
Aug 27 2009 Cry Baby: Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat (R.I.P.)
NOTE: Video possibly NSFW due to cussing (GD) a couple times.
This post originally started as a tribute to Keyboard Cat, who I just found out passed away earlier this year (around May). But then I saw the play him off video featured above of a kid crying about a hockey game and filming it for his Youtube channel when his dad walks in and yells at him for being such an idiot moron. It is amazing. Not that I'd know anything about filming myself crying because sex tapes don't count, right?
There was something in my eye!
Hit the jump for another classic play him off from Walker, Texas Ranger (it's even more f'ed up).
Aug 27 2009 Stripteas Teabags Aren't What You Think
Unless you thought they were teabags that cling to the side of your teacup via paper stripper, in which case, congratulations, you were correct. Unfortunately, unlike those novelty pens that showcase a naked women when you turn them upside down, you don't get to see any privates. Which is actually fine with me CAUSE I DON'T WANT NO MAN'S JUNK IN MY TEA ANYWAYS. Except you, Earl Grey.
Super sexy tea bags [newlaunches]
Thanks to Tim and sergei, who never miss tea time because they like to put on their big hats and be dainty.
Aug 26 2009 Do Want: Dinosaur Shaped Sandwich Cutter
Thanks to boo, who actually took the picture but didn't bother buying me the cutter. Damnit, boo.
Aug 26 2009 I Can't Ever Get Enough: Kitty Om Nom Noms
We've already seen a video of a kitty literally OM NOM NOMing it's food, but guess what? I love kitties (I even heart hairless cats, it's true) so here comes another. Plus, as an added bonus, there are two, count them, TWO kitties in this video. And two times five is ten. And ten, my friends, is one hell of a threesome.
Thanks to josh, who collects little porcelain cats on the window sill in the kitchen because he's your grandma.
This is a bento box made by Laura Bento (that would be like me being named Charles Blog!) for her husband's lunch. It looks pretty delicious. And I'm not just saying that because the only thing I've had to eat was a stale biscuit for lunch yesterday, but I am starting to see mirages.
The controller itself is obviously mostly comprised of rice, but the D-Pad was constructed from naturally grey Konnyaku (Japanese yam cake), while lemon peel, green apple peel, red pepper and dyed blue egg white make up the four colorful buttons.
Geez, look at all that SPAM. I sure hope Laura's husband works in a toilet testing factory. Get it? Because I heard he likes to eat on the john! Hey, me too!
Thanks to Heather, who once bento boxed a Sumo wrestler and won in the first round.
Aug 26 2009 Genius: Booze Light Helps Prevents Spillage
The ElectraPour LED bottle top was designed to light up the stream of fire-water pouring from a bottle so that when you're home alone drinking in the dark you don't miss your glass (read: man up and drink from the bottle like a normal damn person). Each top will set you back $7.30 or you can pick up one short of a baker's dozen for $81. Alternatively, only drink liquor over 150 proof and always light it on fire. But if you do, remember these important words: stop, drop and pop & lock. Now you're breakdancing on fire!
Hit the jump for a video of the light in action.
Aug 26 2009 Another Literal Music Video: Beck's 'Loser'
I know half of you love these literal music videos, and the other half wishes they'd fall in a volcano and die a quick, lava-y death (and not return from the ashes like a Phoenix). So for you literal video lovers out there, here's Beck's 'Loser', which just so happened to be one of my anthems in middle school. Not that I was a loser though, because I totally wasn't. I SAT BY MYSELF AT LUNCH BECAUSE I WANTED TO!
Loser: Literal Video Version [funnyordie]
Thanks to Aaron, who wasn't a real loser either, the man just loved wedgies.
Aug 26 2009 Smoke Bud: Another Hacked Roadsign
Another day, another hacked roadsign, this time in Raleigh, NC outside North Carolina State University. Honestly, I have no idea what this bud is of which the sign speaks (you hear that, mom -- no idea!), but if it's anything like banana peels and grape leaves, you count me in. Whee, I see stars! I mean it -- I'm passing out somebody catch me.
Thanks to Milkman, who better stop using the backdoor.
In the best news I've heard in a while, a scientist at McGill University in Montreal (I love you, Canada) is attempting to reverse engineer a dinosaur from a chicken "by altering chicken genes known to have evolved since the Cretaceous."
Needless to say, there are many problems with the very concept of making a dinosaur out of a chicken. For one, dinosaurs, as a group, are defined by only a few characteristics: a hole in their hip socket, some limb bone flanges, and other minor anatomical features. Changing chicken DNA won't produce those traits, because chickens already have them. A chicken, like all birds, is already a dinosaur. Getting rid of its feathers or giving it teeth won't make it more of a dinosaur than it already is.
What in the -- chickens ARE dinosaurs? To the colonel's farm, STAT -- I'm gonna roll myself in corn and die happy!
Thanks to James, Alexander the Viking, Mr. Robbot, Adam, Dustin, Erik, Myriapode, Tigerh8r, Pepe la PEWPEW, Dominik and Caroline, who will never look at a drumstick the same.
Aug 26 2009 Microsoft's Questionable Photoshop Job
These pictures come from Microsoft's Business Productivity websites. The top picture is from the US version, and the bottom is from Poland's. Apparently Poland isn't as hip to diversity as other parts of the world. Which reminds me, how many Polish people it takes to Photoshop a black man into a white one? Poles using computers -- BWAHAHAHAHA!
Thanks to Curtis, Norman, Lewis, Chrissy Poopy Pants McBacon Lover, draw and jawn, who once Photoshopped themselves into a picture of Dora the Explorer and Bob the Builder so they could pretend they have celebrity friends.
Aug 25 2009 You're Doing It Wrong!: Bacon Oakleys
Bacon, as you may well know, is supposed to go in your mouth or be worn like a coat. It is NOT supposed to be worn like a pair of sunglasses. That is ridiculous. But DQM and Oakley went ahead and teamed up to make a limited run of 50 pairs of bacon goggles anyways, which went on sale today for an undisclosed amount of fatback. Did I buy a pair? No. Did I lick a pair? Maybe.
DQM x Oakley Frogskins "Bacon" [hypebeast]
Thanks to Chris, who rocks a meatball necklace because the man knows fashion.
Aug 25 2009 Wrong, Just Plain Wrong: Two Robots Kissing
Listen, as long as you're human I firmly believe you should be able to kiss and have relations and relationships with whoever you want (provided they feel the same about you). I don't care if you're black, brown, yellow, blue, red, white, clear, striped, dotted, Canadian, from Australia, have food allergies, are bi, straight, gay or super gay, I say go for it. Robots, not so much. Robots should all burn in a fire.
Thanks to Xavier, Mr. Robbot, Peterman, Joe Mamma, 3d, Kenneth and Captain Awesome, who swear they've never tried kissing themselves in the mirror and are all terrible liars.
Aug 25 2009 How Not To Private Message On Facebook
This is 41-year old idiot moron Tracy T-something trying to send lover Michael a Facebook message expressing how much she loved him recently railing her but instead posting the note ON HER OWN WALL (admit it, we've been there). Wow, Tracy, what are you doing with this Michael character anyway if you're engaged? And what the hell is a permanent invitation to "the-love-cave-between-my-legs?" Don't get me wrong, I love camping with bears as much as the next guy, BUT I'M NOT MOVING INTO THE CAVE. I would, however, start a fire in there and grill some mammoth.
Thanks to Lee and Lisa, who understand the internet is magic but can still send a message where they mean to.
Aug 25 2009 For Your Car: Web Programming Stickers
Want to let commuters know what you're favorite web programming language is? Well now you can thanks to this 5-pack of CODE Stickers by John Freeborn. $5 takes home all five and I think they're worlds better than the stupid Outer Banks (OBX) stickers I see around here. So you like the beach, WHO DOESN'T? I mean, besides redheads and vampires.
Aug 25 2009 Don't Smoke It!: Lighter Looks Like Cigarette
This $1.50 lighter from DealExtreme is in form factor of a regular sized cigarette and can set stuff on fire. Including, but limited to: cigarettes, spliffs, joints, hair, your sister's Barbies, cologne, fireworks and witches. I jest, there's no such thing as witches. Isn't that right, sorceress? Also, is it true what they say about a sorceress's nipples -- they can shoot flames?
Aug 25 2009 Never Pick Up After Your Dog Again!
An amazing new device that picks up after your dog without any hassles. Dog feces is extremely dangerous to people even if you pick it up. A residue is left over and can cause blindness, liver damage and death. The Pootrap solves these problems once and for all.
Are you serious? I mean, are you serious? They should at least be advertising how you don't have to bend over and not sensationalizing how dangerous dog waste is. And to prove a point (don't ask me what), I'm gonna pick up after my dog this afternoon with my bare hand.
Dog shit: It's more dangerous than you think
Thanks to Gargamel, who huffs Smurfs like nobody's business. Because it's not, so stop asking questions.
Updated by popular request... Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience (OR A FIRE!).
JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Who doesn't love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That's what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won't be the only thing coming for you in the night.
The Vamp is a realistic form based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow. Since it's a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus' own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.
Yes, out in the sunlight. Because a public park is the perfect place to vamp yourself. Also, to rollerblade. Don't forget your pads and helmet!
NSFW Product Site (with video!)
Thanks to Shannon, LisaMarie, Joemo, Cloie, Ashley, sham, Evy, rya and anyone else I may have forgotten, for all chipping in and ordering me one. You did order me one, right guys?
Aug 25 2009 Geekologie Reader's DIY Cell Phone Charger
Proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that you all are the most cunning, clever and best looking blog readers out there, Geekologie Reader Magnus recently fashioned himself a cell phone desk charger MacGyver style.
As my new phone came with no desk charger I had to make one. The desk charger was fashioned from my old N95 which did not survive the 40degree wash (thanks for that Jo), the better part of an eraser, a broken cigarette lighter and about 30 Royal Mail elastic bands.
Plus, it looks better than anything you could buy. I still think it could use some more rubber bands though. And maybe a stapler.
Thanks Magnus, now how about a docking station for my pager? I know it takes regular batteries, I just want one!
Aug 24 2009 Finally!: Heart And Star Shaped Cucumbers
These cucumbers represent the cumulative efforts of an agricultural coop determined to make food preparation a little bit more exciting. Comprised of nine women in Chiba, a suburb of Tokyo, this grass roots organization cleverly uses plastic molds affixed to the stem of the plant, with which they can create heart and star shapes when the cucumber is sliced cross-wise.
These romantic cucumbers are selling at fancy supermarkets in Tokyo and as specially ordered wedding gifts at ceremonies throughout Japan. They cost 300 yen each (about $2.50).
Nice try, growers, but Lucky Charms has been growing marshmallows in different shapes for years. Anybody ever picked through a whole box to make a bowl of nothing but marshmallows? Well I hope you washed your hands first.
Hit the jump for what the vegetables look like ON A SALAD.
Aug 24 2009 Eye Candy: Beautiful Dancing Smoke Video
This is a video created by Esteban Diácono to the music of Olafur Arnalds' Ljósið using "Adobe After Effects, particular v2, soundkeys and a little starglow". It's basically a bunch of smoke dancing around. But not like that shit in Lost!
i first imported the audio and set up 2 sounkeys layers, one for the piano and one for the strings. Then i worked the particles and the particle subsystem and linked things like the emission, the turbulence, the velocity, the spin amplitude and the strenght of the fields to the soundkeys outputs. Then i set up the colors with 2 different palettes, and well, after that there was a lot of trial and error in order to achieve what i was looking for. There's a lot of randomness involved in here, so there was also a lot of luck, of course.
I don't really understand any of that, but what's new? The important thing is that you just got paid for watching a three and a half minute video at work. High five!
Thanks to Andrew, who once inhaled some of that smoke and got all high as a kite and forgot to catch the bus.
Aug 24 2009 Questionable: A Shocking Beer Bottle Opener
This is a cheap $3.50 bottle opener that shocks any idiot moron foolish enough to ignore the giant 'Shock Can Opener' graphic on the front. Plus, hopefully their hand will be wet so they really get it. Me? I wouldn't care. You could hook a car battery to my nipples every time I opened a beer and I'd still drink a whole case CAUSE I AM A THIRSTY DUDE.
Aug 24 2009 Wow, That's Ridiculous: This Pizza Cutter
Because rich people sometimes struggle to find new things to blow their money on, Frankie Flood makes custom, one-of-a-kind pizza cutters. No word on price or if they're dishwasher safe, but from the looks of this one, no. That thing will kill every dish in the washer and then start eying your cupboard. Look out, little Indian!
Thanks to Dan, who cuts pizza the way nature intended: with a rusty battle axe.
So yeah, this is sad. Private Richard Hunt, the 200th U.K. soldier to die in Afghanistan, was buried over the weekend. He would have been 22 yesterday.
His father Phillip, enjoyed playing Call of Duty: World at War with his son. He left a copy of the game at his grave.
"Happy Birthday 'Hunty'. Play you again one day. Dad."
Wow, that tore me up.
Thanks to Solozaur, whose single tear splattered F10.
Aug 24 2009 1,500 Hours Of LEGO Photography In 3:49
This is a short video entitled 8-Bit Trip that is a tribute to 8-bit video games made entirely out of LEGO blocks. Personally, I would have gone with a 16-Bit Trip, but I like good visuals (one time I saw the face of Loki from Super Ghouls n' Ghosts come out of a brick wall and try to lick me). A brief explanation of the video:
1500 hours of moving legobricks and take photos of them.
You'd think think with 1,500 hours to kill the maker could have afforded a couple hours of grammar lessons. I jest. But seriously: He who casts the first stone should always aim for the face.
Thanks to Aisha, matt, Towhee Monster and deebo, who went on a 64-bit trip and nearly lost their minds.
Aug 24 2009 Do Want: This Human Ingredients T-Shirt
This is $20 t-shirt listing the ingredients of human bodies in percentage order from largest to smallest. Did you know we're 0.25% sulfur? Because maybe that's why you smell so bad. Or maybe it's just your upper lip! BUUUUUUUURN. Your momma wears army boots and dresses you funny!
Thanks to Towhee Monster, who is actually 100% awesome.
Aug 24 2009 Sure, Why Not?: A Tetris Haircut Design
This is a guy with a Tetris themed shaving in the side of his head. The rest of his hair has got kind of a rainbow motif. I suspect he's French. And, not unlike that toast of theirs, delicious. Syrup me!
Hit the jump for a couple more.
Aug 23 2009 Video: The New Super Mario Brothers For Wii
This is a video preview of the new Super Mario Bros. coming out for the Wii. It looks promising and I really like how it's a nice throwback to the original. So you know what that means -- I'm gonna beat my brother in the head with the controller if his turn takes too long! (Frank, buy a helmet)
Thanks to Jason and nommer, who have never assaulted a family member over a video game. YET.
Physicists have invented a coffee mug to keep your beverage at the ideal temperature for 30 minutes. What is the ideal temperature? Allegedly 58 degrees Celsius (136.4 degrees Fahrenheit). I beg to differ.
The key for this magic trick is physics and PCM--phase change material--an extraordinary substance used in construction and winter clothing. PCM is capable of storing and releasing heat or cold.
The perfect mug follows the same principle: It is made of hollow ceramics. Inside there's an aluminum structure--as you can see in the image above--which gets filled with PCM. When you pour in your hot coffee, the heat gets absorbed reaching your personal optimum level based on the amount of PCM in the cup's interior. According to Klaus Sedlbauer, head of the Fraunhofer Institute for Building Physics, you can customize this on manufacturing.
You want to know the ideal temperature of my beverage? It's called ICE COLD BEER. But I will drink it hot if I have to. Last summer I drank a case of beer that had been in the trunk of my car for a week. I peed fire, true story.
Aug 23 2009 They're Coming: Space Invaders Lamp Shade
This Space Invaders lamp shade is available from meninos in both ceiling and table varieties for 60 bones. Each side of the cube features a different invader from the game and is sure to scare the crap out of you on your way to the kitchen in the middle of the night. Just sayin', I used to have a Frogger lamp in the dining room and some of the shit on the walls is so high I can't even reach it. Dinner anyone?
Thanks to Tizer, who knows the only acceptable lamp shade comes in dinosaur form.
Aug 22 2009 High Security: USB Drive Has Number Lock
Worried about somebody getting at the precious files on you flash drive? Try keeping it in your pocket and not leaving it on the bus. But if you're really worried you should handcuff it to your wrist like a briefcase filled with pirate treasure. Alternatively, get a Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive ($99).
[The drive] features a built in num keypad that requires you to enter a pin code before you can access your data. It is the 256bit encryption, if someone try to access your data by forcing access, the Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive will automatically destroy all data stored on the drive. However, if you do worry that you'll forget your PIN you can back everything up online, and there's also an optional PIN replacement assistance service available too.
Wow, that seems pretty intense. You must have some seriously serious files in order to require this much security. What are you, a spy? And, if so, how about hooking me up with a bow tie camera?
Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive [likecool]
Thanks to Ste, who keeps his data protected the old fashioned way: with hungry lions.
Aug 22 2009 You've Got To Be Kidding Me: Winkers Jeans
Winkers are jeans that have graphics on the ass that appear to move as you walk. They're called Winkers because the first pair they designed have a pair of eyes that appear to wink. These are by far the most ridiculous pants I've ever seen, so, yeah, sure to be a hit. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with an active volcano.
Thanks to Richard, Brandon in New Orleans, Dude McRad and Dan, who prefer to wink with their hats like normal people.
Aug 22 2009 Chicken Buns: KFC's New WTF Sandwich
That's it? That is the sandwich? That's not worth five dollars. Oh... oh my God. That is the best thing ever. I don't know what "Colonel's Sauce" is, but it is like a party in my mouth. This is completely worth the five dollars. Unfortunately I'm going to end up weighing 700 lbs after this, but it is simply amazing.
Wow, I kind of absolutely don't want to try that. But I will tell you a chicken joke I came up with last night.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To nug-get to the other side. HIYO! I should do stand up.
Hit the jump for an actual product shot and a commercial.
Aug 22 2009 New World Of Warcraft Expansion Coming
The latest World of Warcraft expansion, Cataclysm, is coming and there are gonna be lots of exciting new things to play and do. Plus, there's a wolf-people race. That's right: wolf people. OW OW OOOOOOOOOOOW!
* Two New Playable Races: Adventure as one of two new races--the cursed worgen with the Alliance or the resourceful goblins with the Horde.
* Level Cap Increased to 85: Earn new abilities, tap into new talents, and progress through the path system, a new way for players to improve characters.
* Classic Zones Remade: Familiar zones across the original continents of Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms have been altered forever and updated with new content, from the devastated Badlands to the broken Barrens, which has been sundered in two.
* New High-Level Zones: Explore newly opened parts of the world, including Uldum, Grim Batol, and the great Sunken City of Vashj'ir beneath the sea.
* More Raid Content than Ever Before: Enjoy more high-level raid content than previous expansions, with optional more challenging versions of all encounters.
* New Race and Class Combinations: Explore Azeroth as a gnome priest, blood elf warrior, or one of the other never-before-available race and class combinations.
* Guild Advancement: Progress as a guild to earn guild levels and guild achievements.
* New PvP Zone & Rated Battlegrounds: Take on PvP objectives and daily quests on Tol Barad Island, a new Wintergrasp-like zone, and wage war in all-new rated Battlegrounds.
* Archaeology: Master a new secondary profession to unearth valuable artifacts and earn unique rewards.
* Flying Mounts in Azeroth: Explore Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms like never before.
OMG, OMG -- I'm soooooo gonna be the first level 85 Worgen! AND THEN I'M GONNA COME BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN, THREE LITTLE PIGS STYLE. Afterward, a luau.
Thanks to Pedro and lauren, who already have level 90 Worgens because they're from the future.
Aug 21 2009 Interesting: Video Explaining The Big Bang
This is a video produced by Columbia University explaining the Big Bang in terms even a sped like myself can understand. I thought it was pretty interesting, especially the notion that nothing, not even time, existed before the Big Bang. That blew my mind. Or should I say Big Banged my mind?! Blew? Okay.
Aug 21 2009 Segway's Little Sister: The eniCycle
The EniCycle is powered by an electric 1000 watt hub motor that you lean forward to set into motion--just like a Segway. Measuring your vertical angle 100 times a second, the gyroscopes make adjustments to help keep you balanced.
Not only would I ride the hell out of this thing, I would do it juggling bears. And not just because I'm hardcore, but because I'm classically trained for the circus. Just sayin', I can eat fire (now booking birthday parties).
Q: What did the snail riding the turtle say?
Hit the jump for a video of the uni in action.
Aug 21 2009 Uh-Oh: Gamers More Likely To Be Depressed
The average gamer is 35, overweight, and more likely to be depressed, says a new study conducted by researchers at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
The study, which was carried out in the Seattle-Tacoma area, found that gamers reported "lower extraversion, consistent with research on adolescents that linked video-game playing to a sedentary lifestyle and overweight status, and to mental-health concerns."
Oh yeah? Well I'm only 28, overweight and depressed. So put that in your study and smoke it like a bong (BLUBLBLUBLBLUBLBLUBLUB)!
Thanks to Matt, who is like a giraffe in a potato sack.
Aug 21 2009 Does The Dissolving Bikini Really Work?
This is a teaser trailer for a video demonstrating whether or not the dissolving bikini I posted earlier actually works. SPOILER ALERT: It does. Except it's way freaking lame and the whole bikini doesn't actually dissolve, just a couple small bands holding it on. Go HERE to see the full video, which is advertised as SFW but I'm pretty sure I saw a nipple at 0:31. Yep, there it is. Also, there's a NSFW version HERE which has a lot more nipples. Which, I think we can all agree, are what Fridays are all about...
...to the nudey bar! You're driving.
Thanks to Jef, who makes bikinis disappear the old fashioned way: with x-ray vision.
Aug 21 2009 Creepy: An Edward Cullen Shower Curtain
Because it's a well known fact vampires are pervbags that like to stare at you while you piss, here's a custom Edward Cullen shower curtain. It was handpainted by Etsy seller CustomShowerCurtains and will set you back a cool 75 bones. Now, you may be wondering why I'm posting a Twilight shower curtain in the first place. And the answer to that, my friends, is for the womens. Apparently they love this shit. Also, shoes and cooking. DO I KNOW THEM OR WHAT?!
Thanks to Jay, who caught Bella watching him projectile vomit after a long night of drinking.
Aug 21 2009 Safety First: A Chain Mail Chess Set
This is a chess set made out of chain mail. It is impervious to arrows and sword attacks. Which is good because a lot of times I like to threaten my opponents with weapons while we're playing. You know, to keep them on their toes (beat me and you're dead). You ever been maced in the face before? I'm talking about the spikey ball not the spray. That shit hurts like a mother. But not half as bad as getting trebuchet'ed in the taint. AND I CAN MAKE THAT DREAM A REALITY. Checkmate.
Hit the jump for a bunch more shots.
Aug 20 2009 RAWR!: The Best iPhone Dock Ever Made
This is an iPhone dock made out of a dinosaur toy. You can make one yourself if you want. You just cut a hole in a dinosaur toy, maybe pleasure yourself with it a couple times because I mean, it's there, and then stuff the docking wire in there. It is seriously the best iPhone dock you could possibly ever make and I don't want any lip about it. I mean it, what I say goes. I am the world's greatest lover. BUT YOU'LL NEVER KNOW CAUSE I'M SAVING MYSELF FOR SOMEONE SPECIAL. No, I said special, not special needs.
iPhone Dinosaur Dock Is Bound To Rule Them All [iphonesavior]
Thanks to Byll and Aaron, who, RAWR! Okay, now I'm in the mood.
Aug 20 2009 Sweet Costume, Bro: Bumblebee Transformer
If you've been reading Geekologie long enough you may recall the homemade Transformer costume videos I posted way back in October '07 (the dark years). Well this Bumblebee costume is similar, just not made out of cardboard (skip about halfway through to see the transformation). Apparently it's being worn by some poor sap at a car dealership in order to hype some sort of 'Transforming Deals!' promotion. The point is, I need you to help me whip this guy's ass and take that costume. I'm tired of always being a ninja turtle. Psyyyyyyyyche -- TURTLE POWER!
Thanks to Yopoleo, who once wore a gorilla suit to promote a mattress store and whistled at girls as they drove by.
Aug 20 2009 Wonderful News: Robots Learn How To Lie
In an experiment that shouldn't surprise anybody with half a brain that sleeps with a giant robot-burning laser under their pillow, scientists have shown that robots have the ability to evolve and lie. And this is to one another -- imagine what they'd tell a human! Also, this quote is kind of long, but it's interesting and important to read if you want to understand the experiment. However, if you just want to type FIRST! in the comments and not learn anything, you should probably skip it (and then off a building). Did I say skip? I meant dive. Just kidding, I don't care.
In an experiment run at the Laboratory of Intelligent Systems in the Ecole Polytechnique Fédérale of Lausanne, Switzerland*, robots that were designed to cooperate in searching out a beneficial resource and avoiding a poisonous one learned to lie to each other in an attempt to hoard the resource.
The experiment involved 1,000 robots divided into 10 different groups. Each robot had a sensor, a blue light, and its own 264-bit binary code "genome" that governed how it reacted to different stimuli. The first generation robots were programmed to turn the light on when they found the good resource, helping the other robots in the group find it.
The robots got higher marks for finding and sitting on the good resource, and negative points for hanging around the poisoned resource. The 200 highest-scoring genomes were then randomly "mated" and mutated to produce a new generation of programming. Within nine generations, the robots became excellent at finding the positive resource, and communicating with each other to direct other robots to the good resource.
However, there was a catch. A limited amount of access to the good resource meant that not every robot could benefit when it was found, and overcrowding could drive away the robot that originally found it.
After 500 generations, 60 percent of the robots had evolved to keep their light off when they found the good resource, hogging it all for themselves. Even more telling, a third of the robots evolved to actually look for the liars by developing an aversion to the light; the exact opposite of their original programming!
Notice how I bolded that last line? Reread it. Anybody else see something inherently wrong with that? Now, if you will recall the first law of robotics: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. See where I'm going with this? OUTERSPACE BITCHES, I'M NOT WAITING AROUND FOR THIS SHIT TO GO DOWN.
Thanks to Sarah, biggity2bit, greg, Phil, John, Pepper, Sven, Shawn, Rossco, Terrance, timpeva, ffffffffffffffffffffffffffff, SharaSue, Sn0zz, SeanJon, billcollider, Tyrogyro and yayinternets, who only lie about their age and marital status.
Aug 20 2009 About Time!: Glow In The Dark Toilet Paper
The pinnacle of human achievement: glow in the dark toilet paper. Finally, I can sleep at night...knowing that if I have to get up to go to the bathroom, I at least won't sit in the sink again. Or will I? I probably will. It's like a bidet!
Perfect for power cuts, this groovy glowing loo roll means that if you don't want to wake anyone up in your household by turning on the light, it'll cast its green glow over your bathroom, so you can find your way around.
Neat, but each roll will set you back $8 and change. And, as cool as glowing toilet paper is, I can't imagine you'd want something radioactive so close to your privates. I mean, who wants glowing children? Besides everybody! Which is exactly why I just wrapped my penis in a roll. See -- it looks like a mummy!
Thanks to naas, who doesn't need glowing toilet paper to find his ass.
Aug 20 2009 Screw The Future(!): Robotic Prostitutes
It sounds like science fiction, but robot bar staff, hotel rooms that change colour, cruise ships as big as aircraft carriers and even robot sex are part of the future for travellers, a tourism conference has been told.
Even robot "prostitutes" that would not pass on diseases such as HIV could make an appearance...
"But you're talking about extreme futures."
First of all, no. Secondly, I would rather jam my penis in an electrical outlet (and have before -- now it can shoot lightning) than have sex with a robot. And thirdly, this certainly brings to meaning to the phrase 'sex machine', doesn't it? No? Well what about robo-hos?
Robot prostitutes tipped to tempt future tourists [theindependent]
Thanks to Caroline, who once pulled the old quarter-on-a-string trick and managed to score free services.
This is a video of a shop keeper in Mexico fighting his laptop away from two would be thieves while being shot at. Now I'm not saying this guy has cojones de oro, but I am saying he must have some seriously illegal shit on that laptop.
Aug 20 2009 For The (Clumsy) Ladies: Twilight Bandages
Look down. Do you have breasts? If so, you're a woman or a man who could afford to lose some weight. Either of which may be interested in these Twilight bandages. They're band-aids, but with Twilight shit on them. Now, not to flaunt my superior product design skills or anything, but they should have made the bandages look like vampire bites. BOOM, $1 million idea. You'd have girls throwing themselves off their bicycles just so they could wear more of them. Oh, right, Twi-hards are cutters.
Product Site (sorry ladies, currently sold out)
Thanks to ech0z, who doesn't wear bandages because he has the healing properties of Wolverine, but is way more rugged and handsome. There, I did it -- now pay up.
Aug 20 2009 Whee!: See-Through WindowPhone Concept
I am back home safe and sound. Geekologie will now return to its regularly schedule program.
The phone would essentially be translucent, displaying information and images on a window-like surface in a form factor relatively similar to the iPhone's.
The killer feature of this concept phone is its ability to change the look of the display glass to match the current weather conditions of your location (i.e. sunny day equals clear screen, rainy day equals virtual droplets on your screen).
I know how much some of you hate things that are only conceptual, but remember: concepts are what push us towards the future. And the future, as you may know, is filled with giant, terrifying robots. Which is why these designers should all be killed. Also, if the battery dies in this thing you can forget about ever finding your phone again.
Aug 19 2009 Screw Mother Nature: HP Shipping Fail
Not to be outdone by Dell's L337 shipping practices, HP decided to ramp up their efforts to show that THEY hate this planet even more. What's in the box? Hit the jump to find out. And no, it's not a tiger. But good guess.
Hit it. DO IT NOW!
Aug 19 2009 Sport?: Indoor Synchronized Bicycle Riding
I can honestly say I had no idea indoor synchronized bike riding was a real thing. But now that I do, I can't say I'm surprised (I once saw a grown-ass man lounging in a kiddy pool in his front yard, beating himself in the head with an oversized plastic bat). So yeah, I guess what I'm getting at is this: they need sexier uniforms.
Thanks to twellve, who once synchronized her fist with some guy's face for looking at her funny. He had a wonk eye, twellve, geez.
Aug 19 2009 Awh: A Sentimental Super Nintendo Tattoo
I would never think to associate video game tattoos with sentimental memories, but apparently it happens.
My Super Nintendo controller tattoo. It says "Mom Mom" because I got it in memory of my grandmother who died 06/08/04. I grew up playing Super Nintendo with her. It's real patchy & I need to get it touched up because that grey color is a b, but it means a lot to me.
That's cute. Now I don't feel so bad about getting a tattoo of my first dog with a Game Boy for a head. *sniff* Miss you, Tetris face.
Super Nintendo Controller Tattoo [fyeahtattoos]
Thanks to Jonah Ray, who got a tattoo of Garfield humping a Dreamcast because it means something to him.
Aug 19 2009 Is This The New PS3 Slim? (Yes, Yes It Is)
Sorry folks the internette at the hotel was bitchtitting me this morning so I just gave up and came to LaGuardia to post from here. Don't think I forgot about you. I could never. Anyway, I'll post as much as I can before my flight, and Geekologie will return to its regularly scheduled program tomorrow.
Soooooo, this is the new PS3 Slim. The 120GB console will be available the first week in September for a price cutted $299. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL THEY CUT! The unit is 33 percent smaller and 36 percent lighter than its chubs predecessor. So what does this mean for you? It'll be easier to lose. Hell, I even thought the original PS3 was too small to keep track of. WHICH IS WHY I GLUED IT TO THE COUCH.
Thanks to Mr. Tiddles, catch22, Nate and The Superficial Writer, who tape their consoles to cinder blocks. Hey, that works too.
Aug 18 2009 What Could Go Wrong?: Zombie Themed Bar
The stunning new interior comes straight out of a 1950s Las Vegas lounge (the classic part). The zombie stuff (i.e. the kitsch) is hilarious, and more nuanced than you'd expect from a bar named Donny Dirk's Zombie Den. In the corner, a small chainsaw sits inside a glass case that reads "In case of zombie attack, break glass." The bartenders all dress like Simon Pegg in "Shaun of the Dead" -- white button-up, red tie and blood stains. The friendly female servers wear long black gowns. Again: This is a classy zombie joint.
First of all, classy and zombie should never appear in the same sentence unless we're talking about an undead Mr. Peanut or Monopoly. And secondly, a zombie bar, not unlike a robot bar, is a bad idea. There's a reason you're not allowed to bring weapons into drinking establishments, you know. A stupid reason. pew pew!
Zombie resurrection [startribune]
Thanks to deadbodyman, whose dinosaur bar I always rent for my private parties.
Aug 18 2009 Kid Showing Off His Parallel Parking Skills
This is a short video of a future stunt car driver showing off his parallel parking skills to all the neighborhood ladies (6 and under only, please. Cougars need not apply). Impressive, little guy, but can you, oh I dunno, PERFORM A THREE POINT TURN?!? Because I can't, I failed the driving test four times. The GW: Driving without a license since '96.
Thanks to NEWS TIP!, who may or may not understand what you're supposed to put in the 'Name' box.
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
USA! USA! USA! Truthfully, this piece is actually OLD. It was created by Mike Wilkins in 1987 and is on display at the Smithsonian. Which I might have actually seen if I didn't always shoot straight towards the museum of natural history. BUT ONLY BECAUSE THE STREET VENDORS AROUND THERE HAVE THE BEST FALAFEL. I kid, I kid, I bang the dinosaur skeletons. Also, which ever one of you jerks keeps stealing my 'GK WRITR' license plates better stop before I give it to you. And I don't mean 'the business' either. Yes I do. BUT LIKE IN PRISON.
Thanks to Matt, who tried to recreate the Gettysburg Address in license plates but stopped at 4 SCR. Valiant effort, Matt.
Aug 18 2009 Mom, Where Do Video Games Come From?
This is a little gallery of photographs by Marc Da Cunha Lopes showing the factories where video games come from. This photo here is the factory where Tetris blocks are manufactured, but if you hit the jump you'll see (in this order) the Sonic, Pong, Mario and Arkanoid factories. And to think my mom told me video games came from a Japanese stork. That's only true for Asian babies, silly!
Hit the jump for the rest, and the link to see the shots in high-res.
Aug 18 2009 I See You, Little Stuff!: A USB Microscope
Hey guys I'm getting kicked out my hotel (which is fine because it's a shithole and caught fire yesterday) so I have to relocate. I'll be back this afternoon with more posts though, I promise. In the meantime, here's a $130 USB powered microscope.
This week e-Supply Japan announced the EEA-MAN1011, an digital USB microscope to use with a PC. It's powered by a 2Mpix censor manufactured in by Sanyo Japan with a 5x to 150x zoom.
Oh man, I want one. Remember the first time you ever looked at something under a microscope? What was it? Mine was a scab. And no, I didn't eat it afterwards. It's not eating if you swallow something whole!
e-Supply Japan's New USB Microscope [akihabaranews]
Thanks to naas, who once looked at a fingernail clipping under a microscope and never bit his nails again.
Aug 18 2009 Music Video: Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?
Thanks to Mel, who farms awesome like some poor saps farm WoW gold.
Aug 17 2009 No Broken Bottles: Trash Filled Punching Bag
The man seen here, demonstrating there's nothing wrong with some good ol' fashioned man-bag love, is hugging a Do Box punching bag. A Do Box punching bag is a fist receptacle made to be filled with trash and then assaulted. Now, not to brag or anything, but I filled mine with grizzly bears. Good warm up.
Beat up trash instead of people [dvice]
Since there's no hockey on some Canadian mathematicians have shifted their efforts to creating a mathematical model for surviving the zombie uprising. And you said nothing good ever came out of Canada! That guy, right there -- he's the one that said it. GET HIM, CANUCKS!
Anyway, the model focuses on modern zombies, which are "very different from the voodoo and the folklore zombies." It takes into account the possibility of quarantine (could lead to eradication, but unlikely to happen) and treatment (some humans survive, but they still must coexist with zombies), but shows that there is only one strategy likely to succeed: "impulsive eradication."
"Only sufficiently frequent attacks, with increasing force, will result in eradication, assuming the available resources can be mustered in time," they concluded.
Pfft, I came up with a better model than that. It goes like this: me + shovel = zombie - head. Zombie - head = that zombieskin rug I've always wanted in front of the fire place! Now, who wants to make out on top of it?!? I'm not sick, you're sick.
Thanks to Dahbie, who will survive the apocalypse no matter what because of jet propulsion (I'm coming with you).
Aug 17 2009 British Government Releases UFO Files
The British government, in an attempt to cleanse its fish and chip stained hands, has released previously confidential documents regarding little green men who come to stick things in your butt while you're sleeping (elves).
The National Archives on Monday released the government's complete file on the "Rendlesham Forest Incident" of December 1980, one of Britain's most famous UFO sightings.
Halt reported that two servicemen had noticed "unusual lights" about 3 a.m. in the woods outside the gates of RAF Woodbridge, a U.S. base in eastern England. He wrote that patrolmen sent to investigate saw "a strange glowing object" in the forest.
The metallic, triangular object "illuminated the entire forest with a white light," he wrote.
The next day, investigators found depressions in the ground and unusual radiation readings. That night many personnel -- including Halt himself -- saw a pulsing "red sun-like light" in the trees that broke into five white objects and disappeared.
I mean, is it not common knowledge by now that aliens exist. Because if they didn't, where did *rummaging around in ass* THIS come from?!? And no, this isn't just a television antennae with aluminum foil wrapped around it. Okay, so maybe it is. Still, there's something else in there, I can feel it...
...a dinosaur toy -- I've been looking for that!
Thanks to Brad, who once slept with an alien chick and didn't even bother phoning her home the next day. Bad form, Brad.
Aug 17 2009 What Took So Long?: A LEGO Clock Radio
The LEGO Clock Radio is ten times the size of an original LEGO brick with knobs that work as volume and tuner controls. With an AM/FM radio and snooze feature, you'll start the day off right every morning!
* AM-FM Clock Radio with battery back-up
* 10 times the size of an actual LEGO block
* LCD display with color matched backlight
* 120V AC power adapter
* Requires 4 AA batteries
Wow, not even a CD player. But it does have small parts!
WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD - Small parts. Not for children under 3 yrs.
Listen, if my child decides to rip off those buttons and eat them, that's his prerogative. Isn't that right, GW Jr.? Awww, you look so cute holding that knife.
Thanks to naas, who wakes up the old fashioned way: to gunfire.
Aug 17 2009 New Line Of Marc Ecko Star Wars Hoodies
Sorry for the lack of posts folks, I was supposed to leave New York yesterday but I decided to stay till Wednesday because I do what I want. But I'll try to make it up to you, I swear. Body massage?
So anyway, you may recall Marc Ecko's last collection of Star Wars hoodies. Well this is the latest line, available this October for about $100 a pop (click HERE to see them all). I'm really feeling some of the designs, but I'm still holding out for a Chewbacca model. BUT NOT WITH REAL FUR. The Geekologie Writer does not do fur. Unless we're talking furplay, in which case, all systems go. I'm looking at you, guy at the car dealership in a gorilla suit.
Hit the jump for two more models.
Aug 17 2009 Fail: How Not To Use An Automatic Door
This is a video of an alleged Pakistani engineering student failing to use an automatic door correctly (read: with his face). You just have to see it to believe it. God only knows how he treats escalators.
Aug 14 2009 Real Life Duck Hunt Is Not THAT Real Life
This Duck Hunt game from Hammacher Schlemmer costs $30 and involves shooting a mechanical flying duck with an infrared gun. Plus, if your gun runs out of batteries you can still throw rocks at it. Just like our ancestors used to do!
A 10-second charge on the barrel of the gun energizes the mechanical duck for a 30-second flight. The duck's 6" long mylar wings flap up and down nearly 500 times per minute, and it can be set to fly in an erratic left- or right-turning circle or a level, straight line. Sharp-eyed hunters take aim with the infrared gun--the first two hits merely stun the waterfowl, momentarily interrupting his flapping; the third hit downs the duck for good.
I like how it takes three shots to bring it down, that's pretty neat. Not as neat as my cocktail, but that's only because I DON'T DO ICE, HOMEY.
Learn to Aim With Flying Duck Hunt Shooting Game [walyou]
Aug 14 2009 Rain-Free, Hands-Free: The Shoulderbrella
This isn't the first hands-free umbrella we've ever seen, but it does rank right up there with the stupidest (you're going to get one, aren't you?). The Shoulderbrella is a $25 flexible dong that attaches to the end of any umbrella so that you can form it around your shoulder for hands-free umbrella usage. Also works with parasols! Unfortunately the Shoulderbrella does NOT work with taste and decency. Or shoulder mounted cannons. Which, okay now I'm thinking about boobs. My God I love those things.
Aug 14 2009 Solar Shower Provides Hot Water In 2 Hours
It's a lot more sophisticated than a simple camping solar shower, because this one mixes that 140° water with cool water from the garden hose, giving you plenty of toasty warm water at just the right temperature.
Impressive, but I don't really have a need for a solar powered shower. I do, however, have a need for that chick in the picture. Seriously, I'm getting hungry. HIYO!
Aug 14 2009 Impressive: This Ridiculous Star Wars House
I don't really have any more info on this house except that it's filled with virtually every single piece of Star Wars memorabilia short of Lucas's corpse. Plus, it was done in such a tasteful way that I dare say this man might actually get laid in his house -- WITHOUT PAYING FOR IT. No, seriou-- BWHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! I almost had you, didn't I?
Hit the jump for more of my favorites, then hit the link to see the high-res versions and a bunch more.
Aug 14 2009 WTF Is That?: The Lazareth Wazuma Bio V12
The Lazareth Wazuma Bio V12 is the lovechild resulting from the night a 4-wheeler banged mother nature and then slept with a Formula-1 car for good measure (read: a 500-horsepower death trap that runs on E85 ethanol and costs a staggering $285,000). You'd think for more than a quarter of a million dollars you might get a roof and maybe an airbag, but no, YOU ARE TOO RICH TO DIE. Don't worry, your money will save you (no, no it won't).
Thanks to fleity, who's smart enough to know that race car is a palindrome.
Why it's taken so long to produce some good looking lightsaber chopsticks is beyond me. I mean, they just make sense. Like wind energy and peeing in the sink, but with a culinary flair. Available in three colors, the $10 sticks are the perfect utensils for devouring tauntaun and Ewok dishes. But don't go trying to eat that shit Yoda fixes on Dagobah! The runs like you're about to be trampled by an AT-AT.
Hit the jump for one more shot of the sabers in hand.
Aug 14 2009 Booze Detector Reveals Purity Of Your Drink
Just dip the Rotgutonix pen into a glass of alcohol (no mixers, please), and let it soak for 20 seconds. The pen's liquid-crystal display will tell you if you're about to drink some real whiskey or some nasty rotgut, it'll tell you.
Unfortunately the device can currently only detect the chemical composition of 6 brands of liquor: Johnnie Walker, JB, DYC, Havana Club, Pampero and Brugal....The good news is that makers of the Rotgutonix are working on a future update that should allow it to detect up to 20 different booze profiles.
You know, there's any easy way to get around the need for a Rotgutonix detector. It's called ALWAYS ORDERING THE CHEAPEST BOOZE POSSIBLE. Any funny switch-o change-o business works out in your favor! Well, provided they're not just watering the alcohol down. Which, FYI, is grounds to stab a barkeep with a little plastic sword or umbrella. YES I DRINK FRUITY DRINKS, WHAT?!
Hit the jump for one more shot.
This is some wack-ass ad by MSI that shows off how good their laptops are at fitting between your butt cheeks in case you ever need to sneak a computer into prison. Impressive, but not THAT impressive. I saw The Superficial Writer and IWatchstuff doing the same thing this morning WITH THEIR DESKTOPS. Printers and everything!
Thanks to jhidekim, Lindsey and Chris, who can all catch laptops with just the gooch.
Aug 13 2009 Lookin' Sharp: Periodic Sweater Of Elements
This is a periodic sweater of elements made by knitter apinnick. It looks sharp and I would wear it EVEN WHEN IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS. The table continues around the sweater to the back, and the sleeves contain the names of different fungi (right sleeve) and bacteria (left sleeve). Because, as we all know, bacteria and fungi like to party with the elements. It's true, one time -- and you've got to promise you won't tell anybody I told you this -- I saw Penicillium touching Argon's butt at a school dance. THEY WERE BEING SO FREAKY!
Hit the jump for several more shots of the awesomeness.
Aug 13 2009 RIP: Les Paul Has Left The Recording Studio
Les Paul, famed musician and inventor, has passed away.
Les Paul, who invented the solid-body electric guitar later wielded by a legion of rock 'n' roll greats, died Thursday of complications from pneumonia. He was 94.
With Mary Ford, his wife from 1949 to 1962, he earned 36 gold records for hits including "Vaya Con Dios" and "How High the Moon," which both hit No. 1. Many of their songs used overdubbing techniques that Paul had helped develop.
As an inventor, Paul also helped bring about the rise of rock 'n' roll with multitrack recording, which enables artists to record different instruments at different times, sing harmony with themselves, and then carefully balance the tracks in the finished recording.
Wow, talk about changing the face of music. Good lookin', Les. Here's to joining that great jam session in the sky.
Guitar legend-inventor Les Paul dies at age 94 [yahoonews]
Aug 13 2009 Women In Bikinis Reading Star Wars Script
WTF ARE YOU WAITING FOR, HIT PLAY MORON!
Thanks to MoD, who once read star wars in the nude. I'd cast you.
Aug 13 2009 Why Not?: Send A Text Message To Aliens
HelloFromEarth.net is a website where you can submit text messages to be broadcast to Gliese 581d, a planet 20-light years away that may or may not support life (but 100% does). You have until the 24th of the month to submit your texts. Aaaaaaand here are some awful examples of why the aliens are gonna come kill us all.
Come here and take me with us. Here everyone is crazy.
Ever heard of Jesus? He's pretty awesome. Yay space travel!
... hi....... hehehehehhehehehehee (runs off giggling like a little school girl at lunch over a cute boy)
Of course, not everyone can be an idiot moron, so thankfully there were a couple people who actually know how to talk to aliens.
You are cordially invited to an Interplanetary BBQ. 6.00pm, 4th October, 2452 at my place BYO Meat and Beer. RSVP: Year 2100 Cheers
Junjun, I love you forever. Although we are different and our love is not accepted by others,I cant stop loving you.I want to share my dream with you forever.
Hell yeah, Junjun, get you some! Share that dream. Share it ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
Thanks to Katie and Harsh, who accidentally sexted the aliens. Nice going, guys (forward them to me).
So apparently astronomers have spotted a planet that orbits its sun in the opposite direction that the sun rotates, the first known of its kind. Nice. WAY TO BE DIFFERENT YOU STUPID LITTLE PLANET, YOU JUST BLEW MY WHOLE THEORY OF PLANETARY ORBITY THINGS! You jerk.
The star and its planet, WASP-17, are about 1,000 light-years away.
WASP-17 likely had a close encounter with a larger planet, and the gravitational interaction acted like a slingshot to put WASP-17 on its odd course, the astronomers figure.
You know, this reminds me of a special little planet I knew growing up. He always put his shoes on the wrong feet and had to wear headgear to school. But you know what? HE TURNED OUT TO BE THE LITTLE PLANET THAT COULD. What -- no I'm not talking about myself, this kid was actually retarded (of course it was me).
Newfound Planet Orbits Backward [yahoonews]
Want your own Batman Tumbler but can't afford to hire Morgan Freeman to build you a full-size one? Well fear not, intrepid crime fighter, because some guy on eBay is selling $30 plans to build one out of a go kart. Of course, if you don't want to pay, I'll tell you how to make one for free.
Step 1: Steal a go kart.
Step 2: Add a bunch of spray painted sheet metal.
Step C: Multiply your chances of getting tetanus and lockjaw by four score.
Step 4: Subtract any street cred you may have accumulated over the years.
Step 5: Divide by Robin. And by divide by I mean have intercourse with in the back.
Step 6: Safety first -- make sure to wrap your junk in a costume (I guess this should have been Step 5).
Step G: Get tested.
Hit the jump for a video of a finished Dangermobile in action.
Aug 13 2009 Pen Lets You Draw With Any Color You See
First of all, thank you all for the kind birthday wishes. I just went through and read them all and that was some seriously sweet shit you all said (I'm so eloquent). I almost cried, but then I wrestled a bear (and won) so that I wouldn't. But seriously -- thanks, I had the best birthday I can remember in a long time. BUT NOW IT'S THE 13TH! And you all know what that means, don't you? International Left Hander's Day! Two days in a row, baby!
The Color Picker pen by Jinsu Park is a drawing device that allows you to write in any color you can scan with the pen's color sensor. You just hold the Color Picker up to something, push a button, and PRESTO! it mixes the right amounts of blue, green purple and yellow to make the brown you were looking for. Unfortunately, the Color Picker is currently only conceptual, UNLIKE MY CEREAL PICKER! It's a spoon that, when you think about a certain kind of cereal, fills itself with that kind! I use it to invent new delicious breakfast morsels. *concentrating* Okay, so this one tastes like shit -- you've gotta try it!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots.
Aug 12 2009 Kettle Plays Song Instead Of Just Whistling
The Musical Kettle, designed by Naoki Kawamoto, has some sort of electronically controlled flute attachment that allows the device to play a song instead of just a boring whistle when the water is boiling. Now, are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you answered, "rocking out with your teabags out to some Jethro Tull", you are. HEY AQUALUNG!
Aug 12 2009 "We Don't Date N00bs, We PWN Them!"
This is a video about the problems associated with dating a World of Warcraft n00b when you come from a L337 family. Namely, that your parents won't approve of the relationship. Sadly, watching this video reminded me of the time when I started dating
one of those RealDolls a supermodel. I miss you, Silicon Sally hot supermodel with a real name, we just came from two different worlds.
Thanks to jessica, Robert and jack, who PWN both n00bs and non00bs with equal dexterity.
Aug 12 2009 I Want All Three!: Do It Yourself Dino Lamps
All three (triceratops, diplodocus and t-rex) of these dinosaur lamps are constructed from precision cut sheets of flexible plastic which you slot together to create the finished glowing sculpture. Construction time is about 30-40 minutes, but the directions are very clear with detailed photographs of each step.
Each lamp will set you back a cool $20, and, obviously, I want all three. Now I'm not saying I've never made love to a lamp shade before, because I totally have. But I actually like these ones enough to call them the morning after. You hear that, banker's lamp shade? Your green ass meant nothing to me!
Thanks to ryco, virus and Watch-303, who know what I like. I like pizza!
Aug 12 2009 Birthday Wish: I Wish For A Real Wishosaurs
Since it's my birthday and I can do whatever I want, I'm continuing with the celebratory theme with this $7 Wishosaurus candle holder from Fred. It's a plastic molded dinosaur that can hold up to ten candles. So, for my cake, I'm gonna need three. On top of each other. KISSING. With me in the middle. Ever had a four-way with dinosaurs? Me neither. Which, OMG -- *PFFFFFFFFFFFT!*
Thanks to The Baroness, who can borrow my Wishasauruses for her birthday BUT ONLY IF I CAN COME TO THE PARTY (I'm coming to the party).
Aug 12 2009 I Made It!: Your Geekologie Writer Is 28 Today
Dearest Geekologie Reader,
Against all odds I've survived another year and made it to 28. TWENTY EIGHT! That's like, almost a quarter of a century. So yeah, that's a real picture of me taken a few years ago after I drank my weight in Kool-Aid and went on a sticker binge. Damn I looked good back then. Seriously -- what happened? Anyway, I'm gonna be flying up to New York City today to treat myself to a birthday celebration fit for a Geekologie Writer (read: ice creams). And, because I love you, I already wrote several posts so you lovely folks won't miss me too much while I'm flying. Feel free to fill the comments with birthday wishes or how much you hate me (I'll read them all, so now's your chance to say something), and I'll be back with a full day tomorrow from New York.
Your Geekologie Writer
P.S. Where's my dinosaur cake. No, really.
Aug 11 2009 Spoiled: Dad Makes Son Y-Wing Bunk Bed
Obviously vying for a coveted 'Father of the Year' award, some guy went and made his son a Y-Wing bunk bed and hangar themed bedroom. Impressive, guy, but what you don't know is that your son didn't want to sleep in a Y-Wing -- he wanted to sleep in a tauntaun! He was just too embarrassed to say so because he knew how much it meant for you to be able to drink beer in the garage and play with power tools. Son of the year? No, but I wouldn't put him up for adoption either. He's a keeper.
Hit the jump for several more shots of the ridiculousness.
Aug 11 2009 I Almost Cried: The Ballad Of G.I. Joe
Scarlett - Julianne Moore
Zartan - Billy Crudup
Snowjob - Zach Galifianakis
Baroness - Olivia Wilde
Lady Jaye - Alexis Bledel
Dr. Mindbender - Tony Hale
Duke - Henry Rollins
Gung-Ho - Chuck Liddell
Shipwreck - Alan Tudyk
Destro - Vinnie Jones
Doc - Laz Alonso
Sargent Slaughter as himself
Now, it's no pork chop sandwiches, but I did hear it was better than the new movie. Which I wouldn't know because I went to a special screening of Iron Man 2. IT PAYS TO BE THE GEEKOLOGIE WRITER, SUCKERS! (I sat at home all weekend and wept into my dog)
The Ballad of G.I. Joe [funnyordie]
Thanks to Riddle, Abbie and The Superficial Writer, who have all done their makekup in Destro's head before.
Aug 11 2009 Eh: World's Largest BLT Is Fairly Large
The record for the world's largest BLT (bacon, lettuce and tomato) sandwich was broken over the weekend with a massive baconator that would made even Wilbur proud. But NOT that stupid talking spider. I'm looking at you, Charlotte. WHY'D YOU HAVE TO DIE ON ME?!?
At the fifth annual Tomato Fest in St. Louis, Tom Coghill and 90 volunteers put together a BLT that stretched 179 feet, two inches, breaking the world record for the biggest bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. They used 500 pounds of bacon, 1,280 pounds of tomatoes, and 100 heads of lettuce.
Eh, I dunno. It looks like they could have made it twice as long if they didn't make it so wide (like me -- lunch ladies?). Also, who cares about making the longest sandwich, I want the record for the tallest one. Because one time I made a peanut butter, banana, honey, graham cracker, marshmallow fluff and chocolate syrup sandwich that reached TO THE MOON. Yeah, unicorns and rainbows helped me eat it and then I found a leprechaun's gold and blew it all on hookers. True story. Except for the hookers, BECAUSE I DON'T PAY FOR SEX. Anymore. Starting after tonight.
Making the World's Longest BLT at Iron Barley, 8.9.09 [riverfronttimes] (with a ton more pictures and information about the build)
World Record Bacon Sandwich [neatorama]
Thanks to Eric, who wants to build the world's sexiest sandwich. Piece of cake, Eric: slap yourself between these buns and we'll call it a record. Invite a friend and we can make a club!
Aug 11 2009 Questionable: The Personal Rockin' Computer
The PRC chair allegedly stands for Personal Rockin' Computer. But how on earth you would ever use a computer in that thing is beyond me. I mean, I couldn't even comfortably fry my nuts with a laptop in it. Plus, it costs a staggering $4,200. Can you say, "tractor tire"? Because I can. No, I'm fairly confident this thing is a glorified sex swing for the rich. Seriously, just look at that provocative tart in the picture. She definitely only knows one kind of hard drive and RAM if you ask me. Gosh what a hussy (let me get those digits, girl).
Aug 11 2009 I Like: Sticky Notes In Wooden Block Form
This is a block of sticky notes that was designed to look like a chunk of wood. And, as I'm sure you all know, wood is good. But metal -- metal is bettel. I AM THE RHYME MASTER! Although, truthfully, metal is not bettel. Because that's the stuff they make modern robots out of. And by the associative property of mathematics (I'm excellent with numbers), that makes the material inherently cold and evil. Ever seen a wooden robot? HELL NO, I BURNT THEM ALL. High-five! Now, help me drag this BEEP BOOP BOPPER to the fire pit.
This is a video of an artificial intelligence program playing a Mario level created by another program that can create infinite variations of levels on its own. Obviously, this is how robots will entertain themselves after there are no more humans to torture. Well, this and massive oil-fueled orgies.
Infinite Mario AI [collegehumor]
Thanks to jimmy, who can design and play Mario levels flawlessly with genuine intelligence. None of that artificial crap for him.
Aug 11 2009 How To Lose Your Job Via Facebook Status
We already saw one jackass nearly lose his job over his Facebook status, and here comes a chick that actually managed to go all the way. Congratulations -- you're an idiot moron! This is exactly why you can't be social networking friends with your coworkers. Am I right?
Thanks to Allison and max, both of whom I talk smack about behind their backs.
Aug 10 2009 That Was Quick: How Not To Wash A Car
Thanks to Joemo, who once drove a convertible through a car wash and ruined the interior.
Aug 10 2009 Billy Mays Was OxyCleaning His Nostrils?
An official autopsy report released Friday found that cocaine use contributed to the heart disease that suddenly killed TV pitchman Billy Mays in June, but his family called the finding "speculative" and considered getting an independent look at the results.
The medical examiner "concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and thereby contributed to his death," the office said in a press release.
BILLY MAYS WAS SNORTING THAT NOSE CLEANIN' CANDY! Do you think he was huffing Orange Glo too? Because I did once, and let me tell you -- KABOOM! See what I did there? Because I can do that all night. And by that I mean it (my Mexican boner pills just arrived). Cleaning ladies?
Thanks to Jason, who once drank a bottle of Orange Glo and had the best night ever. Hospitals are fun!
Aug 10 2009 I'm At A Loss For Words: An LOL Swastika
For once, I'm at a loss for words. But not bullets.
LOL Swastika Tattoo [buzzfeed]
Thanks to stephen, who went all Inglourious Bastards on this guy.
Aug 10 2009 Bad Idea: Creepy Surgical Masks For Dentists
Clever surgical masks with funny cartoon mouths were sent to dentists in Hamburg, Germany. The goal was to lighten up a visit to the dentist for the kids and everyone else, as well as to promote Colgate Smiles Kids toothbrushes.
Honestly, I'd rather knock all my teeth out with a cinderblock than face a dentist wearing a mask like that AND I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH NITROUS YOU GIVE ME. I'll tell you what, give me a take-home tank and you've got a deal. Okay now I -- I have two fingers.
Hit the jump for several more shots of a terrible idea.
Aug 10 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Fireplace In A Tool Chest
The 'Mall Fire' by Ataria is a $5,400 tool chest (sans tools) that turns into a romantic ethanol fireplace whenever opened. Well, as romantic as a fireplace in a tool chest can be anyways. Which is very. And also why I just had one mounted in the bed of my truck. What do you say I spread a tarp back there and we make ourselves a little pool? Me, you, a box of wine and a pool with a fireplace. I'm sorry, am I being too romantic? Because I can't help myself. Bathing suits optional. For you. Me? I'm a nevernude.
Thanks to Julian, who knows a romantic evening when he hears one (nuclear hot wings and a titty bar).
Aug 10 2009 Holodeck Coming Soon: Touchable Hologram
That's right folks, a fully functional Holodeck may be just around the corner. Using a combination of hologram and ultrasound technologies, a group of Japanese scientists have created a touchable, feelable 3-D image. Imagine the possibilities! I'm looking at you, Princess Leia.
Using ultrasonic waves to provide the resistance and tactile presence, the hologram simulates the sensation of rain drops or a small ball, all without interfering with the projected 3-D image. A couple of Wiimotes provide the tracking, and the programing provides the fun.
That's actually pretty freaking awesome. And I, for one, can't wait to see the long term, practical applications of this new technology (read: porn and video games).
Thanks to Mih0, Will, eazie, Pete, Brocknoviatch and Daryl, who all prefer real life touching. Good, now rub my back.
Aug 10 2009 Man Blames Cat For Downloading Illegal Porn
Griffin told police he had been downloading music, and that his cat jumped on the keyboard when he left the room. He said "strange things" appeared on the computer when he returned.
He is being held in Martin county jail on $250,000 bond. No word on any charges against the cat.
In related news, all poorly written Geekologie posts were actually my dog. WOOF!
Florida man blames cat for illegal downloads [guardian]
Thanks to twellve, Richard and Chuck Nunchuck, who only blame their pets for missing homework and farting.
Aug 9 2009 No, Wrong, No: $32,000 Golden Computers
I don't care if a computer can run a real-time simulation of the Big Bang while playing Crysis at the highest settings and rendering a HD home movie you made of the neighbor's dog humping a stray cat, it shouldn't cost $32,000.
Gaiser High End Design PCs range from $7,820 to $32,300, and it isn't because they've got such great components. No, it's because they have 24 carat parpartial gilding with gold leaf.
Yeah, no. Although, I DID just think of a computer that is worth $32,000. It's called my old laptop, and I'll even sign it for you. And, not to get your hopes up, but it may contain some nudey pics (I'll make sure it does).
Aug 9 2009 Not Surprised: Bacon Flavored Rolling Papers
Seeing how every flavor of rolling paper already seems to exist (I've heard -- I don't know anything about these things in case my mom is reading), it was only a matter of
time bong rips before somebody put two and two together and then got the munchies and forgot what they were doing. Then, sometime much later, somebody else created bacon flavored rolling papers. Made by Juicy Jay's, the papers promise a sizzlin' bacon taste and aroma. Interesting. Unfortunately, I only smoke REAL bacon (I swear, mom) and banana peels. I AM THE BBQ WIZ-ARD!
Product Site (must be 19 or older)
Thanks to The Robot Slayer, who got high and thought I was a robot. Well, I'm not. BEEP BOOP BOP. Kidding!
This is a video of a kid playing Guitar Hero on expert and solving two Rubik's cubes simultaneously. Now I'm not sure where that's gonna get him in life, but I'm guessing far. Far, far away from the ladies. Kidding little buddy -- now you go out there and get 'em, tiger! No, put the cube down first.
Thanks to Julian and Chuck Nunchuck, who can play Guitar Hero on expert while solving Rubik's cubes AND texting and eating a cheeseburger.
Aug 8 2009 Light Graffiti: The LED Spraypaint Can
the LED light can change colors and brightness on the fly and while it's powered by an internal battery that can be charged by shaking of the can.
"Graffiti artists can conserve their own gesture they have with an aerosol spray. It is possible to change the color and the brightness of the led to change the graffiti's styles. If the light doesn't have enough battery, the user must shake it to have energy again."
Sure you could do the same thing with any LED, but I like the can form factor. Plus, I like shaking things. So, what should I spray first? I'm leaning towards A WAY TO YOUR HEART. Then, once you're mine, a dinosaur eating an airplane.
halo - LED Spray Paint [likecool]
Thanks to naas, who once sprayedpainted the side of an entire building with urine.
Aug 7 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Dell Shipping Options
I don't even want to know how much this shipping option is, but one thing is certain: it's not worth it. Not only is the box being crushed, but it's upside down! Dude, you're getting a
Dell broken computer.
Thanks to Todd, who, for actually taking the picture, receives today's unsafe driver award. Congratulations!
Aug 7 2009 Why Not?: Playing Half-Life With A Real Gun
This is a video showing how, with a piece of sheetrock, a handful of accelerometers and a digital projector, you can play Half-Life by firing at the projected screen with a real gun. The first two minutes of the video explains how the system works, so if you don't care you can shoot(!) straight to 1:55 to check out the game play. Which, I should warn you, won't work with a regular LCD television. Or will it?!
UPDATE: It won't. And, uh-oh, looks like the Geek Squad is calling the cops.
Thanks to Alexandra, who actually knows the guys who made this and should introduce me so that I can shoot guns with them. pew pew!
Aug 7 2009 Chinese Farmer Builds Wooden Roflcopter
20 year old Chinese farmer Wu Zhongyuan built himself a helicopter using only -- according to the man -- what he remembers of middle school physics lessons and "relevant knowledge [found while] surfing the Internet via my mobile phone."
His single-seater conveyance has blades made from the wood of an Elm tree, a frame reinforced with steel pipes and uses an engine from a motorcycle -- all for around $1,600. Wu claims the 'copter can get him as high as 2,600 feet, though it seems he's grounded for the time being as the Chinese government has forbid him to fly because of safety reasons.
First of all -- 2,600 ft? Sure you're not exaggerating a little, Wu? By say, oh I dunno, 2,599 and 3/4 feet? Also, that is just like a government to prevent a man from having any fun. Know what I'm sayin'? Legalize it!
Aug 7 2009 Bark Translator Tells What Your Dog Wants
Developed by Takara Tomy, a Japanese toy company, this little gadget is supposed to translate your dog's feelings into words you can understand (while making your dog look like something out of a sci-fi movie). The gadget can tell you if your dog is sad, joyful, alert to danger, needy, happy or frustrated.
The £129 ($215) gadget can be placed on the dog's collar and includes a receiver which would translate the dogs' barks. The translated bark is displayed on the receiver which also plays in audio phrases like 'I feel sad' or 'Leave me alone', the toy will hit the Japanese market on August 27th.
I question how well the device actually works, but what's $215 to pretend you're your Doctor Dolittle? Read: buy a stethoscope and rectal thermometer and call it a day.
Bowlingual Voice Can Help You Talk To Your Dog! [trendsupdates]
Thanks to Trevor, who once had a conversation with a mounted dear head when they were both on peyote.
I've gotten this tip like a thousand times and have been trying to avoid posting it because, damnit, I'm just too classy for this kind of thing (yes, this is a monocle). I mean, it goes against all the theological and geometrical principles I hold dear. Then I realized I was lying to myself and this is the shit I live for. Enjoy!
Thanks to everyone who sent this in. I'd try to find all your emails but I'd hate to leave anybody out, so, yeah. Send more tips!
The ChefStack Pancake Machine is my dream come true and can produce up to 200 golden brown patties from heaven every hour IN THREE DIFFERENT SIZES. WEEEEEEOH WEEEEEOH WEEEEEOH! Sorry, that was an ambulance passing. Where were we? Oh yes, I LOVE PANCAKES. One time I even had some with blueberries in them. They were good -- BUT NOT AS GOOD AS THE ONES WITH CHOCOLATE CHIPS AND SPRINKLES! You just throw a bag of batter (pancake only, please) in the machine and you'll be neck deep in circular syrup receptacles before you can say, "Remember when Vito turned out to be gay and made out with Johnny Cakes towards the end of The Sopranos? I thought that was romantic." Aaaaaand now I want some johnnycakes.
Thanks to twellve and Mih0, who prefer their pancakes made the old fashioned way: with real cocaine.
Aug 7 2009 Seriously, I Would Eat This Brain Cupcake
I would eat this zombie brain cupcake (made by Flickr user xsomnis) and then ask for seconds. And if there aren't any seconds, well, I'm looking at your head. I WILL EAT YOUR BRAINS, SON. The hypothalamus is my favorite!
zombie food [xsomnis' Flickr]
Thanks to Jessica, who once brained a zombie with a crowbar and then licked the crowbar afterward. It's true, I saw her.
Aug 7 2009 The Most Romantic Love Letter Ever Written
Jessica, you'd be a fool not to marry this guy. I mean, Star Wars references aside, just look at that penmanship! I'll bet you he was at least a solid B student in writing class. And if you won't have him, I will.
Dear Letter Writer,
You know that thing you said about crawling inside Jessica like a tauntaun? I want you to do that to me. Bring your lightsaber.
The Geekologie Writer
Star Wars Love Letter [emailsfromcrazypeople]
Thanks to G, who prefers Star Trek themed love letters.
Even if this is fake, I could do it in real life. Except twice as far, and with an infinite times more flips (front AND back) BECAUSE I AM KING OF WATER SLIDES. You hear me? THE KING! Go ahead, try to push me off, I dare you. You can't do it can yo-- WHOA, WHOA, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Spectacular waterslide daredevil [dvice]
Thanks to Nate, steve, Jake and brown, who would have done it with a rocketpack and skis on.
Aug 6 2009 My Son Must Have This: Baby Link Outfit
I don't actually have a son, but if I did, he would be wearing this Link costume until he was 15. Doctor's orders! Made by craftster user UpKnitCreek for a friend's baby shower, it is hands down the best thing that's ever been given at a shower. And one time I gave a mother to be's best friend the business. And a rash. Double whammy!
Hit the jump for a couple more shots.
Wow. That's uh, that's really something. Mind if I punch you in the fa...POW! Haha, I guess not. Uh-oh, here comes another proton torpedo! pew pew! Listen: I'm sorry buddy, but the Dark Side makes me violent. You were gonna kill all those teddy bears!
Thanks to Julian, who's dressing up as Geekologie for Halloween and is gonna get mad laid.
Aug 6 2009 Gotta Eat 'Em All!: More Geeky Cupcakes
If there's one thing I learned in baking school it's how to put out a fire (stop, drop and roll). And there's another, it's how much I enjoyed eating the things other people made. Mine? Mine never turned out because baking is a women's sport. High five, ladies! Wait -- is that batter? Let me lick your fingers. Anywho, this is a little gallery of geeky cupcakes. It's just a grab-bag really, so there's something here for everyone -- including you folks in prison (I slipped a file into the third robot). And for the last time, DON'T SWALLOW IT.
Hit the jump for nine more, including some Dangermouse action. DANGERMOUSE, SON!
Aug 6 2009 Burn It With Hot Water!: Ramen Cooking Robot
A Tokyo restaurant has programmed an industrial robot nicknamed Ramen-Bot to cook Ramen noodles for soon to be poisoned customers. Now I don't know about you, but I don't trust it. And as a matter of fact -- I only eat food processed in non-robotic factories. Because, damnit, I'm a humanitarian. Mmmm, people.
Thanks to Drew, Michael, cathatter and Chris, who would rather take their chances with employees not washing their hands.
Aug 6 2009 Fisticups: Because I'm Not A Morning Person
Sure we've already seen brass knuckle inspired coffee receptacles in the past, but, quite frankly, those ones didn't look as good (I did like the blood splatter though). Now the Fisticup from Fred (available mid-September for around $15) -- this is a coffee mug I can really sink my fingers into. But a warning: I will mug you in the face if you even think about asking me to do any work before lunch. You hear that, Steve? You hear that, Dan? Otherwise, two guys, one fisticup, I WILL MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
Thanks to Gino, who one punched a coworker with his coffee mug and spilled bourbon everywhere and that's how we all found out he drinks all day at work.
Aug 6 2009 Two 14-Foot Laptops + Terrible Hosts = This
In an attempt to sell me parts to make a bomb, Radio Shack is hosting 'The Shack Summer Netogether' for the next couple days. What the hell's a netogether? Imagine two 14-foot laptops, one in San Francisco and one in New York. Now imagine two idiot moron hosts with distorted mics talking to each other about the most asinine bullshit. "What do you know about Miami?" "I know they have a basketball team". I'm not even kidding, I almost impaled myself on my laptop. But I didn't because I love you. No, not you, you. Mmmm, those massive jaws and little arms. "RAWR!" OMG -- you know what that does to me!
Thanks to Stephen, who saved himself the trouble and punched himself in the eyes and ears for two hours.
Aug 5 2009 Cool: When Lasers And Sharpies Collide
I honestly have no idea what I just watched but it had something to do with lasers and Sharpies, both of which I am huge fans of (I love your music!). Something about a laser and music and following a line. Honestly, the video could be fake for all I know. Haha, kidding -- I know everything. Well, not everything. I WAS ASKING FOR YOUR NUMBER, GOD!
Thanks to chubo, who once mounted a laser inside a Sharpie and then forgot and burnt a nostril trying to huff it.
Aug 5 2009 Is This The Luckiest Man On Planet Earth?
What I wouldn't give to switch places with this guy for 30 minutes. 30 minutes!
Sure it's not heart-shaped, but I still like it. And I'd like it even more if it were finished (work in progress) and the laser beam went all the way to the person's eye. But that's definitely not a superlaser you want to look directly at. Am I right, Alderaan? Oh I'm sorry -- too soon?
Thanks to Maggie, who once Death Starred in a Broadway play and was a huge hit.
Aug 5 2009 Dang, You've Got It Rough: Video Game FML's
Even if you were just born this morning you've probably heard of FMyLife. The concept is simple: you make up some cheeselog story about how much your life sucks and then you post it on the internet (which is magic) so people can feel better about how much their lives suck. It's really a victorious feeling. So yeah, these are some FMyLife's written by famous video game characters. Now, I encourage you all to write your own video game inspired FML's in the comments. I'll get you started:
I think I'm in love. Unfortunately, every attempt I make at sweeping my love interest off her little feet is thwarted by a Big Daddy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (0) - you totally deserve it (24933024 jillion)
On 08/05/1960 at 8:24am - love - by Jack - Rapture, Atlantic Ocean
Hit the link for a couple more.
Video Game FMyLife [collegehumor]
Thanks to Joemo, whose life is awesome. Good for you, Joemo. No, really, I'm happy for you.
Aug 5 2009 Oh That's Cold: Laser Pointer And Dog Trick
This is a video of a guy performing a very special trick with his dog and a laser pointer. Now I don't want to ruin it for you, so I'll just say this: at least he didn't draw on the dude's face, because that would have been wrong (his shoes are, in fact, off). Also, not to start a heated debate in the comments about cropping a dog's ears, but I just did. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
How Not to Play With a Laser Pointer [gizmodo]
Thanks to Ryan, who once meant to bring a laser pointer to a presentation but accidentally grabbed his girlfriend's dildo instead. He pointed with it anyways.
Aug 5 2009 I WANT TO EAT MY LIPS: Bacon Lip Balm
What do you get when you cross Cheetos lip balm and bacon flavored lube? A BACON-CHEESE ORGY TO REMEMBER, AM I RIGHT? God, I sure hope I'm not. You people are freaks. Anyway, bacon lip balm is exactly what it sounds like: bacon flavored lip balm from the porky purveyors over at J&D. A 4-pack will set you back $13, but it's gonna take a lot more than that to fill you up! I'm a pretty skinny guy and I still ate ten sticks for breakfast. PLUS TWO ROCKS AND SOME DIRT.
Thanks to RÃ©my, Ste, tkuper and PrestickNinja, who are smart enough to know hotdogs aren't really just assholes and lips. There are elbows in there too, you know.
Aug 5 2009 This Page Is Stupid And Cannot Be Displayed
This could be older than dino bones (but NOWHERE NEAR as sexy) for all I know, I just thought it was humorous because I pretty much see this message all the time and it makes me want to put my fist through the computer screen. Which I don't hesitate to do. Seriously, I'm already on like my fourth laptop. Of the day.
Thanks to Nik, who once punched through his monitor and broke one of the internet's tubes.
Aug 5 2009 I Knew It, I Knew It!: Toad Is A Rude Jerk
That's right folks: that no good, mushroom topped jerkbag Toad has been flipping us off for almost 25 years now. And honestly, I'm not surprised. I always got a bad feeling from the guy. I mean, I bust my ass to get through a castle to rescue the princess, AND THERE HE IS ALREADY STANDING AT THE END OF THE LEVEL. Anybody else find that a little fishy? Like, why didn't you save her yourself? UNLESS YOU'RE WORKING FOR KOOPA! *DUM DUM DUM* But seriously bro, I want to eat your head and go to a concert.
Thanks to 4thirty, who once licked like six Toads and then talked to a parking meter for 12 hours.
Aug 4 2009 Okay: Lamps That Look Like Security Cameras
The Antrepo 'I'm Not A Security Camera' is a desk lamp in the form factor of a security camera. Set it on the desk or hang it on the wall -- either way you'll think twice before looking at what you and I both know you looked at online while at work. Tsk, tsk. Plus, it might help deter stapler theft. Better than a loaded gun? No, but safer. Remember when you shot yourself in the leg trying to fill up a cup at the water cooler? That was funny. Your blood makes me laugh.
Spoticam Lamp [ohgizmo]
Thanks to Steven, who just booby traps everything instead.
Aug 4 2009 Mario And Peach, Together (Sexually) At Last
NOTE: VIDEO IS NSFW DUE TO LEWD SEXY TALK AND LOTS OF MOANING.
This is a video of Mario and Princess Peach finally consummating their relationship. I almost cried it was so romantic. But I didn't, because I'm a big boy and I wear big boy pants (I sobbed like a baby). Also, fair warning: there's a whole lot of Peach moaning in the video which is kind of weird if there are other people around. Hell, I felt awkward and I'm the only one here. Except for the dog, who I'm pretty sure thought I was watching porno. I said stop staring at me -- it's a cartoon!
Mario and Princess Sex Tape [collegehumor]
Thanks to Julian, who dated Princess Peach in high school but broke up with her because she wouldn't do his algebra homework. Pfft, what are girlfriends for?
Spaceball is hands down one of the most ridiculous looking games I've ever seen and costs $700. Plus, it sucks to always have to go retrieve the ball when you throw it out of the court. If you can call it a court. Which I just did, SO IT'S ALL GOOD BABY. Basically, you bounce around in there like an idiot and try to throw the ball through the hole in the middle and past your opponent. WHEE! Plus, it's endorsed by astronauts.
According to former astronaut Scott Carpenter, it's "the best conditioning exercise for space travel."
Yeah it is. Because if there's one thing I've learned about space travel it's how similar it is to jumping around on a trampoline and trying to peg your friend in the face with a rubber ball. No -- two men, a ball and a hole -- this is more like that game I play in the truck stop bathroom.
Aug 4 2009 Cops May Get Portable Drug Detectors Soon
So apparently law enforcement agencies may have access to roadside drug detectors soon, to determine if you've been been drugging and driving EVEN IF YOU HID YOUR STASH SOMEWHERE REALLY GOOD (read: not your butt, they always look there).
Spit into this little plastic test tube, and you're busted -- any cocaine, heroin, cannabis, amphetamines, and methamphetamine you might be partying with is no longer a secret.
Phillips, a company that makes TVs and all kinds of other techno-stuff, created this sophisticated dope-a-lysing device using nanotechnology, with a clever use of electromagnets and nanoparticles that can separate the sober from the impaired. After 90 seconds, the verdict shows up on a color-coded readout.
Damnit Phillips, you just made it a whole lot harder to talk my way out of a ticket. You know what i told the cop the last time I got pulled over? Me neither, I was high. ON YOUR NATURAL MUSK. Now get over here and let me whiff those pits.
Roadside dope tester on the way [dvice]
Aug 4 2009 Voltromas The Transforming Tank Engine
I like trains, and not just because they go CHOO CHOO. I also like the hobos that jump on them! THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME, OKAY? Anyway, this is a Thomas the Tank Engine/Voltron mashup toy available from Singapore for around $8. It is in no way shape or form licensed or legal. But it is cool. Everybody's calling it a Transformer but it is clearly a throwback to Voltron. Who, despite being a robot, I still liked as a child because he was rainbow colored and, damnit, I'm a sucker for a rainbow. One time I even got a girlfriend to dress up as Rainbow Bright on Halloween. And not to brag, but she did go home with the handsomest pirate at the party. I was one sad ninja turtle. :(
Hit the jump for a couple more shots.
24-year old inventor Dominic Hargreaves has designed and built a bike that folds up to the size of the bike's wheels. Not as impressive as a bike that folds up into its own squeaky horn, BUT NOT EVERYONE IS THIS GENIUS.
"I couldn't find a folding bicycle I liked...I wanted something that could take a bit of punishment and that you could have fun with. So I made one myself."
Mr Hargreaves has been in contact with various manufacturers and hopes to get the bike into production soon.
Cool. I've never ridden a folding bike before because I value my safety, but I have ridden a bike with no seat before. It was good times. For both of us.
Inventor's Bike Folds Into Its Own Wheel [yahoonews]
Thanks Pete, now get your top men on a folding jetpack STAT.
Aug 4 2009 Goodbye Cruel World: Snuggies For Dogs
Snuggies for dogs. Or, "Why the Geekologie Writer had a staring match with an oncoming train and lost on purpose." $15 plus $8 shipping gets you a dog Snuggie, a recordable dog tag, and a complete loss of respect for your dog. Just pay additional shipping and you'll get two of each! Act now and I'll even knee you in the genitals -- FREE! And you will like it. YES SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER? You may!
Thanks to David, who loves his dog too much to do this to it. Right, David? RIGHT?!
Aug 4 2009 What Took So Long?: A Death Star Cookie Jar
I don't know if you could tell, but that's not an actual photograph. It's just some concept art for what the cookie jar should look like when it's actually manufactured in some third world nation for pennies. Available in September for $50, this Death Star cookie jar protects your delectables with a giant, planet destroying laser beam. Okay, maybe just a lid. BUT A LASER WOULD BE COOL TOO, AM I RIGHT? No, I'm left. Haha, who's sinister now?! I kicked an old lady!
Thanks to Julian, who once used the Force to taste brownies while they were still in the oven. Impressive.
These LEGO minifigs aren't just any LEGO minifigs, these 2.5" sums of beeches have keychains growing out of their domes AND A WHITE LED IN EACH FOOT. Sounds like somebody grew up under power lines. Available this fall for around $9, their torsos are sadly not interchangeable. Remember when you used to do that with your G.I. Joes? Because one time I replaced Gung Ho's torso with Lady Jaye's. It made me feel funny. Good funny. Down there. The tips of my toes, silly! Now rub them. DO IT NOW!
Aug 3 2009 Tough Crowd On Tatooine: Star Wars Comedy
VIDEO SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO A COUPLE BAD WORDS.
This is a video of a stand up comic doing a set at Jabba's palace on Tatooine and bombing miserably. Personally, I thought he was funnier that hell (it's surprisingly serious down there), but what do I know about humor? BESIDES EVERYTHING. People hurting themselves is the best.
Star Wars Stand Up Comic [funnyordie]
Thanks to Cocoa, who once made me laugh so hard I haven't been the same since.
Aug 3 2009 Teen Girls Gaming: Twilight MMORPG Coming
I can't even begin to express how excited I was when I found out a Twilight massive mutiplayer online roll playing game (MMORPG) was in development by BrainJunk (no kidding) Studios. Seriously, I got so worked up I almost jumped off the roof of my apartment building.
Brandon Gardener, head of the software development for the project recently spoke to the Examiner. He describes the game as:
"an open non-linear world set around Forks. I like the idea of letting players explore the world, and discover new amazing things that are not even covered in the book or the movie..."
Mr. Gardener based the story line around Twilight and Midnight Sun so players can play from Edward or Bella's perspective. He also wants to include New Moon so players can experience phasing into a werewolf.
Wow, can you say a bunch of creepy old guys trolling for teen girls in a video game? Because I can. It's pronounced Twilight: The MMORPG.
A Twilight based MMORPG is in development [twilightsource] (I lurk the shit outta that site)
Thanks to Arron, who is buying multiple PC's even as we speak.
Aug 3 2009 Candle Melter Makes New Candles From Old
The Candle Quick is a glorified stove pot that melts pre-burnt candles to make new ones. Melt multiple candles together for unique smell combinations! Including, and virtually limited to: complete stinking ass! The Candle Quick costs $25 and, despite what the picture would have you believe, is best used WHILE PAYING ATTENTION. I can already hear the fire trucks from here.
Before I go any further, you need to cut those toenails. That ring toe looks like it could cut glass and the middle one reminds me of a little fleshy grape. Great, now I want to eat it. I SAID, "PUT IT IN MY MOUTH!" So yeah, Mario and Luigi tattoos on the bottom of some guy's feet. I reckon he opted for the feet because his mommy would be disappointed if she found out he had them. So you should have seen the look on her face when he put his feet on the coffee table. It was like she just seen a ghost! Or video game tattoos on her son's feet. IT'S THE SAME LOOK!
Hit the jump for a shot of Luigi and one of both feet together.
Applied Electronics, a company we last saw developing lightning guns, has now been handed a big ass check by the gubment to start strapping lasers to planes. And, I, for one, am all about it. NEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOW -- pew pew!
the Navy and the Marines have given a company called Applied Electronics about a million dollars to attach lasers onto planes. The weapons would be ultra-short-pulse (USP) lasers, which shoot beams of frequent-pulse light that create a path through the air, via which bolts of electricity can travel toward a target.
Okay, I have no idea what all that meant, but I'm pretty sure Zeus just popped like 16 electric boners.
Thanks to Mih0, who, for two tips in a row, gets to yell "lightning bolt!" and hit me in face with a foam dart.
Aug 3 2009 Toyota Develops Running Humanoid Robot
[The video] from Toyota demonstrates the running capabilities of the new humanoid robot. The robot takes a step every 340ms and has no contact with the ground for 100ms of that. Notice in the video how the robot remains balanced even after pushed by the human
Did you read that? Did that not sound like it was written by a robot? "...pushed by the human"? So eloquent. You know, robots DO make the best writers. BEEP BOOP BOP. Oh that? Nothing.
Thanks to Mih0, Matt and Pew Pew Jenkins, who can all run faster than the Gingerbread Man and are gonna need to when these things hit full production.
Aug 3 2009 Luke, I Am Your Hood Art: Darth Vader Car
The Yoda Van and now this. I suppose all of the Star Wars cars in the universe slowly migrate towards me.
You might be right, Dustin. Also, I'm pretty sure this painting has cut the car's resale Force by at least a Skywalker arm. Oh, what's up with the custom license plate? STRW ARS? Your guess is as good as mine.
Thanks Dustin, and I'm glad to see you weren't driving and taking pictures this time. OR WERE YOU? You were!
*Please don't email me about the license plate. I get it, okay. But obviously, you don't get me. WHICH IS WHY WE'RE NOT DATING. I'm looking at you, Mr. and Ms. About To Send An Email Calling Me An Idiot.
Pieter from Leiden had this afternoon, unfortunately the Dutch premiere of his iPhone 3G spontaneously started burning. His iPhone 3G was on the passenger's seat in standby mode and not the charger. By returning to his car came thick black smoke through the door to the outside and the cause was his iPhone 3G in spontaneously fire was flown. Besides a total devastated iPhone 3G Pieter has also considerable damage to his car.
Pieter has direct contact with Apple Netherlands and T-mobile but n och Apple or T-mobile still take some responsibility.
Hey, weirder things have happened. I can't think of any right now but I'm sure they have. Well, there was this one time I parked my car, opened the door, and there was a $10 SITTING RIGHT THERE. Explain that one without aliens. Exactly, you can't.
Hit the jump for two more shots of the damage.
Aug 2 2009 You Did It Wrong: Building Demolition Fail
Thanks to Lord Tarl, who once imploded a building simply by looking at it funny (and secretly pushing the detonator).
Aug 2 2009 Craft Time!: Make Your Own D-20 Handbag
Be honest, every single one of you would rock this handbag. I know I would, and I don't give a dang if it clashes with my live bear chaps or not (all man, baby). Available from evilmadscientist as mini and full-size kits ($20 and $25, respectively) you're still gonna have to know how to sew. Which I, unfortunately, do not. Last time I tried mending a tear in my jeans I ended up sewing my penis to my ankle. True story.
Hit the jump for some shots of the unfinished kit so you can get a real sense of all the fun to be had.
Aug 1 2009 Geekologie Reader Makes Plasticine iPhone
Geekologie loyalist Mark went and made an iPhone out of Placticine modeling clay. Now I know what you're thinking, and I agree -- JUST LIKE THE REAL THING! Granted, people have already made iPhones out of all sorts of stuff, but, quite frankly, those people don't read Geekologie. Or if they do they don't write telling me how much they like me and how awesome I am. FLATTERY PAYS, FOLKS. And, amazingly, blogging.
What you see is the result of a bored day at work plus a box of plasticine. The colours are a bit messed up as we only had yellow, red, orange, green and blue.... the rest we had to mix up.
(sorry I didn't add a dinosaur app to it)
So here's what you do: you ask to borrow somebody's real iPhone, and then, once you have it in hand, you slyly turn away and then replace it with this one. Then make ringing sounds until they try to pick up! HAHAHAHAHA -- good times.
Thanks Mark, now make me a dinosaur. Go on, you promised.
Melissa Catherine Smith-Means (she is too!), 37, of Gaylesville, Alabama, was arrested for child abuse after dragging her unisex child through a Verizon Wireless store using a kiddy-leash. As punishment, Melissa is going to be leashed and dragged down every aisle of a Best Buy. Just sayin' -- it's Alabama, folks, they do things differently. Like talk and guns. I've lived there, I know.
Woman Drags Child Through Verizon Store [techeblog]
Thanks to trishna87 and gypsyking, who don't drag anything but their feet. Seriously, stop being so lazy you two.
Aug 1 2009 TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED TASERED!
The TASER Shockwave is a modular system, letting you bunch together dozens of these TASER X26 stun guns. That oughta keep those evildoers at bay -- when they get within 25 feet of this monster, you open up a can of electro-whoopass while you sit pretty with your remote control trigger 100 meters away.
This beast is designed to "instantaneously incapacitate multiple personnel," and is designed for violent crowds and riot situations.
Really? Because this seems ridiculously expensive for something a little tear gas could do. Or a tank. You steer, I'll man the cannon!
That. Felt. AMAZING. Like love, but even better. Plus, it won't tear your heart out afterward. *sniff* Hold me, cannon.