Well folks, the apocalypse is upon us. Google has foolishly unleashed the world's first "artificial intelligence tasked-array system" (death-bot) upon the world. CADIE (Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity) is going to kill us all, and, even worse, delete all the porno on the internet (personal speculation).
So although CADIE technology will be rolled out with the caution befitting any advance of this magnitude, in the months to come users can expect to notice her influence on various google.com properties. Earlier today, for instance, CADIE deduced from a quick scan of the visual segment of the social web a set of online design principles from which she derived this intriguing homepage.
Nice homepage, reminds me of my own. But to her credit, CADIE has actually done some good. Namely, creating a Gmail program that answers your emails for you when you're too busy getting hosed down (violently, not sensually) by the coming robot army. It's called Auto-Pilot.
As more and more everyday communication takes place over email, lots of people have complained about how hard it is to read and respond to every message. This is because they actually read and respond to all their messages.
But what happens if a sender and recipient both have Autopilot on?
Two Gmail accounts can happily converse with each other for up to three messages each. Beyond that, our experiments have shown a significant decline in the quality ranking of Autopilot's responses and further messages may commit you to dinner parties or baby namings in which you have no interest.
There you have it folks, April Fools, 2009. See you all tomorrow, when telling your girlfriend you got her sister pregnant stops being funny and starts being real.
Thanks to TJ, sofa king, Smith III, amy, The Mighty Musnud, Dave180!, oisin and Ryan, who only drive on auto-pilot. Nice guys, that's safe.