Nanotech Material Never Gets Wet, EVER
The fabric is constructed of polyester fibers that are covered in a layer of 40-nanometer-wide silicone nanofilaments. These nanofilaments are spiky and cause water to sit in a sphere above the fabric, a permanent pocket of air protected safely below.
The material even reduces drag in water by 20%! I have no idea what sort of implications that has, but I think it's something to do with waterproof sheets. Because I used to date a girl that would drink Redbull and vodka all night and then, WITHOUT FAIL, piss the bed. God she sucked. So if you want to make fun of her or call her a hosebag, feel free. Her name and address are:
UPDATE: Ha, silly lawyers.
Thanks to Richthegringo, who keeps the ladies like a tropical rainforest. You know, with all sorts of crazy animals and shit.