Does it hurt when you pee? Look down. Did the toilet lid fall on your penis? If so, disregard. But if not, get tested. And then use the inSPOT website to notify all your past sexual partners you may have given them something. Originally developed for gay and bisexual men, the site can be used by anybody to let their recent partners know they may have have been exposed to disease. I'm sending them instead of Christmas cards this year! Oh, hold on, incoming.
UPDATE: Great, just great. Now my penis is gonna fall off.
Thanks to Kelly, who urges Geekologie readers to wrap it up twice and still rubberband a Funyun bag on for good measure. Remember: you never can be too safe. Or onion-y.