If you're anything like The Superficial Writer, you down several cups of urine-fortified coffee to get you going in the morning (seriously, stop taking my parking spot). Well for those of you out there that aren't into the liquid (or soap) caffeine scene, how about some, uh, chips? That's right, Engobi "Energy Go Bites" are cinnamon or lemon (WTF!?) flavored chips laced with wake-up powder. While I couldn't find the exact amount of crack per bag, each 1.5-ounce serving is advertised as containing "70% more caffeine than those little energy drinks." Yeah, and all for the low, low price of $1.29. To promote the chips, Engobi is taking the chips to the street.
The company is running a "Girls, Guitars and Geeks City Tour," with a Guitar Hero-equipped van, giving gamers willing to leave their basements the chance to compete for Guitar Hero controllers and gear emblazoned with the name of everyone's favorite insomnia-inducing snack product.
And if you were worried that Engobi was run by a bunch of old shriveled nads with no concept of what's cool to their target demographic, fear not.
Says the company's VP, Mark Singleton: ""If this contest, the Engobi girls, or our high-octane Engobi snack chips don't perk you up, I'm not sure you have a pulse. With Engobi on the scene, couch potatoes just earned a place on the endangered species list."
Wow, Mark, wow. You just made a whole bunch of no sense whatsoever. Doesn't gaming promote a certain level of couch/desk chair potatodom? I can't remember the last time I played video games while running a marathon. Unless slapping a Nintendo Power Pad with my hands to beat Cheetah at World Class Track Meet counts. Which, damnit, it should.
NOTE: Whatever you do, don't go to the Engobi website and then click Products, What's Inside and then scroll over the heaps of shit at the bottom. Trust me, just don't.
Thanks Shawn, lets down a bunch of espressos and punch holes in the wall