Apr 30 2008 For Real: Man Regrows Finger With Pixie Dust

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Lee Spievak cut his finger off and then regrew it using pixie dust.

"I put my finger in," Mr. Spievak says, pointing towards the propeller of a model airplane, "and that's when I sliced my finger off."

Wow, Lee, wow. Reminds me of the time I stuck my tongue in an oscillating fan.

Today though, you wouldn't know it. Mr Spievak, who is 69 years old, shows off his finger, and it's all there, tissue, nerves, nail, skin, even his finger print. How? Well that's the truly remarkable part. It wasn't a transplant. Mr Spievak re-grew his finger tip. He used a powder - or pixie dust as he sometimes refers to it while telling his story. Mr Speivak's brother Alan - who was working in the field of regenerative medicine - sent him the powder.

The pixie dust, or more appropriately "pigsy dust", is actually made by scraping the cells from the inside of a pig's bladder, treating them with acid, and turning them into a powder. In addition to smelling like urine, the magical substance can regrow fingers lost in the propellers of model airplanes. Scientists hope that within 10 years we will be able to regrow arms and legs. Cool, scientists, but let's think outside the box for a second. How about you grow me a sweet pair of wings or a tail? That's what I want. Seriously though, I'm a little skeptical about this whole thing. I smoked a little angel dust once and I didn't grow a penis out of my forehead. I just felt like there were worms burrowing under my skin.

An uncensored picture of dude's severed finger (GRAPHIC), along with a link to the BBC article (which includes videos), after the jump.

Continue Reading " For Real: Man Regrows Finger With Pixie Dust "

Apr 30 2008 Umm, Sure: Animal Head Bicycle Seat Covers

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These are bicycle seat covers for all you pervs out there with a "sitting on animal heads" fetish. You're my kind of people, high five! Okay, now police, round up anyone who just tried to give me a high five. Whew, now that the freaky deviants are out of here, let's get down to business. These bike seat covers come in goat, bear, and dog varieties and all cost about $15. If you want to get the most bang for your buck though I recommend the dog or goat ones, since they're made of way more material than the bear. I considered one, but I'm holding out for a crocodile. Have you ever sat on a crocodile's head before? Let me tell you -- it's a rush. Like huffing airplane glue, but with more sharp teeth inches from your manhammer.

Product Site

Thanks to Melissa, who doesn't need a bike because she rides a unicorn, for the tip

Apr 30 2008 Portal Technology Makes For Neat Video

Remember Portal, the sweet little game that came with The Orange Box? Yeah, I heart my companion cube too. Well, using the technological basis of the game, a company has made a video demonstration of what portals would look like in the real world (and yes, it's better than the see-through display video).

Created by EmmanuelMFr of France's Total Immersion, the illusions in the video really are reminiscent of those in the game. Using his company's D'FUSION software, he was able to swap the images on each virtual screen surface in real time, including full 3-dimensional transformations.

Okay now that video left me pretty confused, but I think what they're getting at is how awesome it would be to grab a beer from the fridge without leaving the couch. And I think we can all agree that would be Nobel Prize worthy. Hell, if I could grab beer from the grocery store (and not pay) without leaving the couch, I'd nominate that shit for a Pulitzer.

portal technology in the real world [technabob]

Apr 30 2008 Water-Cooled Shirt Keeps You, Well, Cool

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The Cool Shirt is a water-cooled t-shirt. It keeps you cool. Not cool in a "I'm gonna get mad laid in this Geekologie t-shirt" way, but rather in a "not warm or hot" way. They were designed for race car drivers, and pump 45-60 degree water around your nipples through 50 feet of rubber hose. You just plug the ends into a pump, and away you go. Since I couldn't find any pricing info, and my trusty Metro doesn't have any AC, I decided to make my own for the hot summer months. Unfortunately, the water was recently cut off in my tenement, so I had to use bourbon instead. Well this morning I was halfway to the grocery store when a crappy song came on the radio and really pissed me off. I yanked one of the tubes out of the pump and let it work all that delicious bourbon down my throat. I got drunk pretty fast (drinking out of a straw gets you drunk faster) and drove my car through a Hardees. I made the most of the situation though and had a delicious order of biscuits and gravy before the police got there. In hindsight, filling the shirt with bourbon was a bad idea. Vodka or gin is probably the way to go.

Water-Cool Yourself With a Cool Shirt [uberreview]

Thanks to Wes, who everyone finds both hot and cool

Apr 30 2008 I'm Getting Hungry: Another Mario Cake

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Two Mario posts in a row! *jackpot buzzer* I think I've won a prize! Damnit, it's just the fire alarm. The girlfriend must be burning something in the kitchen (surprise, surprise). So, here we have another Mario cake. We certainly have seen quite a few Mario-themed edibles here on Geekologie, haven't we? We sure have. And it won't stop until the world is void of fondant. Speaking of which, I don't want any damn bickering about how much fondant tastes like shit, etc. etc., in the comments section. You behave yourselves. This isn't about fondant and its properties, this is about Mario-cake artistry. And, quite frankly, I'd eat that cake if it was made of cat shit. You see, I lost my taste buds in a bet that I couldn't eat 20 wasabi filled habanero peppers in two minutes while my roommate continually kicked me in the ballsack. Everything went numb after about twenty seconds, but sadly, my taste buds never returned (and neither did one teste -- I think it's floating around in my pelvis).

Several more pictures of the cake, as well as the artist's original drawing of the thing, after the jump.

Continue Reading " I'm Getting Hungry: Another Mario Cake "

Apr 30 2008 SuperMario Plumber May Have Legal Issues

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Some UK plumbing firm thought they'd ramp up their business with video game lovers and name their company SuperMario heating and plumbing. Now I don't know if this has already been resolved, but Nintendo may have something to say about that. To be fair though, at least one of the founders is named Mario. Well, Mariusz "Mario" Gruszka. Hrrm, that's pretty questionable. So yeah, Mariusz may need a new o-ring himself by the time the Nintendo lawyers are through with him.

super mario is really a plumber, really. [technabob]

Apr 30 2008 NeoCube Alpha: 216 Rare-Earth Magnet Balls

I thought this video was pretty freaking neat. It almost made me buy a NeoCube ($30), but I figured I'd wait until you of you did and gave me the real scoop.

Composed of 216 INDIVIDUAL high energy rare-earth magnets, the NeoCube Alpha is capable of a nearly infinite number of possible solutions making the NeoCube Alpha perfect for gaming, expression, stress relief, boredom busting, dual hemispherical brain stimulation, and hours of fun.

Awesome, I could play with that for hours. However, such incredible fun comes with several warnings:

The strong magnets in the NeoCube can damage or destroy some electronic devices. Therefore it should never be put close to or directly in contact with electronic products (including medical devices). Never attempt to burn the NeoCube. The NdFeB material which is the magnetic material in the NeoCube is a relatively new material, and long term effects of direct skin exposure are therefore unknown. Although there have been no studies which indicate that it is in any way transdermaly toxic, there have been studies that prove the Geekologie writer is a sexy, sexy man. This product is not intended to treat, diagnose, or cure any diseases. This product contains small balls.

I'm a little scared now. But I think the fun I'd have playing with the NeoCube would outweigh any adverse health risks. I mean I can play with little magnetic balls for hours. Same goes for mercury.

Product Page
via
The NeoCube [albotas]

Apr 30 2008 Nose Plugs Keep You Safe From Bio-hazards

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Well I'm not really sure how safe they'll keep you from serious bio-hazards, but they've got to be better than just pulling your shirt up over your nose, right? Maybe not, I don't know. I ain't no damn noseologist, I'm a geekologist. Anyway, the Nose Mask Pit cost $14 and fit nice and tight up in your nostrils to keep out allergens and other nasty stuff. Maybe you want them, or maybe you prefer a surgical mask. Personally, I don a full-fledged gasmask. Like my grandpappy used to say, you never can be too safe or too drunk at a seedy strip club. Amen to that, pappy. If you do decide to go with these, let me give you a word of warning: Be careful. As a kid I stuffed two Hot-Wheels tires up one nostril and a cherry pit up the other and had to go to the hospital. My mom was afraid they'd cause lasting damage, but, thankfully, the doctor assured her I was retarded long before the incident.

Nose Mask Pit lets you fight bio-hazards discreetly [dvice]

Apr 29 2008 3,800 HP Jet-Cycle Is A Little Over The Top

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Mad Ron Laycock is a man. Mad Ron Laycock is a man who should change his name. Mad Ron Laycock is a man who should change his name and be careful riding a 3,800 HP jet powered deathtrap. That just doesn't look like a good idea. And this is coming from a guy who gets friends to bet him he won't jump out of tall trees. So I know all about bad ideas. Anyway, this bike certainly does bring new meaning to the phrase "crotch rocket", doesn't it? Hrrm, this time that actually made sense. I don't like that. Oh well, good luck with that thing, Mr. Laypipe. Just one last question -- are your balls really steel? Oh damn, plutonium. Well keep those suckers good and polished -- I've heard chicks dig a nice radioactive glow down there.

Another picture after the jump.

Continue Reading " 3,800 HP Jet-Cycle Is A Little Over The Top "

Apr 29 2008 Uh-Oh: Reassembling Robots Are Hard To Kill

Well, we've seen a reassembling robot before, but that one was a chair, and, honestly, it's hard to get too frightened about a chair unless it's being swung at you by an unruly biker at the bar because you hit on his sister. Well these little reassembling robots are both scary and creepy (skip to around 1:26 for the good stuff). You kick them apart, and they find all the other pieces and self-assemble. Just think of the possibilities.

How would you like to have your very own shape-shifter? Perhaps a liquid metal T-1000 Terminator to help around the house. Or a universal tool kit that could reshape itself into any implement at the press of a button.

Okay, any mention of robots that includes a reference to "shape-shifters" and the Terminator is bound to scare the shit out of me. Needless to say I'm writing this from under my parents' bed. Speaking of which, there's an awful lot of damn squeaking going on up there. Oh no. Oh God, no.

Shape-shifting robots take form
[newscientist]
via
Youtube

Thanks to Karina, who battles robots of all colors except for pink -- those she leaves to Yoshimi, for the tip

Apr 29 2008 R2-D2 Workshop Manual Shirt Is Wearable

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This is a picture from a shirt you can buy that was made to look like a Haynes workshop manual. Except it's for R2 units! Like R2-D2, you know, from Star Wars! The shirt costs $24, and if you look closely at the insides you'll notice that R2 units are packed with a bicycle, turntables, one of those robots from Dr. Who, and a dentist's chair. Who'd have thought? Not me. I may actually get one if I can steal enough money out of my wife's purse without her knowing. My "Level 70 geeks do it all night long with a pack of blood elves on the back of a flying mount" t-shirt is getting pretty ripe from all the late night gaming sessions.

Reece Ward's shirt page on redbubble (with a bunch of other geeky clothing)

Apr 29 2008 Sweet Steampunk Nerf Rifle On eBay

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This is a steampunkified Nerf gun that was recently for sale on eBay. The winning bid was a whopping $455 + $35 shipping, for a grand total of, uh, less than $500. Per the auction:

Good Evening My Lords and Ladies:

Allow me to present to you the latest in steam powered weaponry, straight from the laboratory of Professor Oliver Shagnasty, Esquire.

Up for auction is a ONE OF A KIND, TOTALLY CUSTOM, NEVER DUPLICATED, ORIGINAL STEAM POWERED NERF.

Cast your gaze and wonderment upon the steam age's most advanced Plasmatical Ejector, the Prof. Shagnasty Model 101. Mr. Shagnasty has spent many hours preparing an equalizer that is capable of performing feats that heretofore were unfathomable!

Professor Shagnasty? Was he really calling himself Professor Shagnasty? I mean Dr. Steamdong I could understand, but Shagnasty is just ridiculous, and, quite frankly, a little vulgar. Great job on the mod though, I think it looks great. Just the thing I need to ramp up the cubicle war I have going on with The Superfical Writer. He stapled my head to the desk and drew a penis on my cheek when I dozed off on the job yesterday, so he's got it coming.

Hit the jump for several more worthwhile pictures and a link to the auction (with a ton more high-res eye candy).

Continue Reading " Sweet Steampunk Nerf Rifle On eBay "

Apr 29 2008 The OctoDog Slices Wieners, Is Really Cute

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OctoDog is a $16 kitchen utensil that slices hot dogs into a fun octopus shape (the eyes even poke eye holes in the dog). It's totally freaking awesome. Because, if there's one thing I learned growing up, it's that hot dogs are made of pig lips and assholes and only taste right if they're in the shape of an eight-legged sea creature. Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of what you can do with your newfound hot dog friends as well as an instructional video on how to use the slicer. Just a word of warning though: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT purchase one of these if you're a man and currently cheating on your wife/girlfriend. Or if you just fight regularly and she has ever made any sort of threat to "slice your pecker up". If that's the case you should probably even delete your browser history and cookies so there's no chance she'll ever see this thing.

Worthwhile pictures and a video after the jump.

Continue Reading " The OctoDog Slices Wieners, Is Really Cute "

Apr 29 2008 Another Mind-Controlled Gaming Peripheral

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Remember the Emotiv Epoch neuroheadset from a while ago? No? Well how about this stupid looking head massager? Well there's no way you've forgotten about the thought screen helmet that prevents alien thought control. Well this isn't that. It is similar to the Epoch though. The OCZ Neural Impulse Actuator (~$200) is a gaming peripheral that you program to respond to certain impulses from your brain.

To begin with, you probably only want to map a single event to your games, but as your confidence improves you'll be able to do more and give your hands a break. And as the NIA can speed up response times (200ms to click fire, 100ms to think it), it means you'll be more efficient at shooting before getting shot.

We got to use the device for an extended play in the wonderfully frenetic Unreal Tournament 3, and the buzz you get when you knock up your first frag is every bit as stunning as it is scary.

'I just killed him with my mind' will trip off your lips with your first few kills, but you'll soon get over the awe and focus on the insanely quick fragging.

Freaking awesome! I've always wanted to kill just by thinking about it. And you know what else I wish I could do just by thinking? Bake cookies. Man, I could really go for a snickerdoodle right now. Maybe if I focus hard enough I can make it happen.

UPDATE: Holy shit, the cat's on fire!

UPDATE: I have super powers!

OCZ Neural Impulse Actuator [techradar]

Thanks to Greg, who can control women with his mind (and devilish good looks), for the tip

Apr 29 2008 Imagine This Thing Sucking Your Brains Out

Festo is an industrial automation company that likes making weird shit that creeps me out. This is proof of that. It's a video of their AirJelly, which is a robotic jellyfish that runs on a lithium-ion battery, an electric motor, and a spot of helium. It reminds me of the "floater" (not of the unsinkable turd variety) aliens that Carl Sagan imagines in Cosmos when describing possible life on a Jupiter-like planet. So, yeah. Now imagine this thing attaching itself to your head and sucking your brains out through a hole it cuts with a special drill bit. It won't take your whole brain though, just enough to get a fix. That way it can come and harvest more brain juice whenever it wants. And if you think hiding underwater is the secret to saving your nog, you're wrong. They've already made the robotic bastards for the seas as well. I guess what I'm getting at here is that Festo is an organization run by robot sympathizers from the future that must be stopped. Unless you're cool being some robot's bitch. And trust me, you shouldn't be. I've had sex with a robot before, and I've got three words to say about the experience: cold, metal, could have used more oil.

A video of the underwater version (and no, it's not just a damn jellyfish) after the jump.

Continue Reading " Imagine This Thing Sucking Your Brains Out "

Apr 29 2008 E-Ink Jacket May Get You Punched, Groped

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The BLU e-ink jacket is a concept from Lunar Design. It's an electronic fabric jacket that will shock all your chesthair off in a rainstorm.

Imagine a jacket that could display your mood throughout the day, offer maps on your sleeve for city navigation, or flash intriguing advertisements to passersby -- a fashionable twist on the age-old human sandwich board.

Hrrm, interesting. Because people love ads so much I'm sure they'll be ecstatic to see you've turned yourself into a walking "Head On" commercial. Just don't be surprised if someone applies their fist directly to your forehead. Because they will. That said, I would pretend like I needed to see that girl's map in the picture. Let's see here, if I follow the green-line across Zipper River and around Mammary Mountain...ah yes, Nippleville -- that's where I'm headed.

BLU Jakcet by Lunar Design

Thanks to Karina, who looks stunning in e-ink and fingerpaint, for the tip

Apr 28 2008 The Urban Security Suit Protects, Looks Good

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The Urban Security Suit is the brainchild of Dutch designer Tim Smit. It's a jacket/hoodie made out of neoprene with body molded kevlar added in all the right places. As an added bonus it's got a gas mask pocket and is white with gray accents. No word on if they'll really be made or if Tim is just waving his dong in the wind, but either way, I want one. I already have a gas mask though, so I don't want to pay extra for that. I like the look, I think it makes you look like some sort of modern ninja. And, as someone who was born with a ninjato sword for one arm and a grappling hook (sorry, mom) for the other, I think I'd know. Not only that, but I've since had my eyes replaced with throwing stars. So yeah, I'm pretty much a ninja authority and all around bad-ass mother (literally, I left my kid at Arby's once). Did I mention I've beat every Ninja Gaiden game ever made? Because I have.

Several more pictures of the suit after the jump.

Continue Reading " The Urban Security Suit Protects, Looks Good "

Apr 28 2008 More Custom My Little Ponies For All Of You That Didn't Have A REAL Pony As A Kid

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No matter how many times I asked or how well I behaved, my dad always refused to get me a pony when I was growing up. Something about them not being allowed in the apartment building. Well I've never forgiven him and had to live out my fantasy of having one by playing with girl's toys and dressing up in my mom's clothes. And I think that's why I'm so drawn to these wonderful creations by AnimeAmy (of My Little Master Chief fame). This is Davy Jones, but after the jump there are a couple Links, a Yoda, and even a little Optimus Prime action. And speaking of prime action, anybody know where I can score a little lovin' around here? *wink wink* And by lovin' I obviously don't mean real love, I'm talking about having sex with a hooker. Although truthfully, I have fallen for several in the past.

Hit the jump for the rest and a link to AnimeAmy's deviantART page (with even more ponies!)

Continue Reading " More Custom My Little Ponies For All Of You That Didn't Have A REAL Pony As A Kid "

Apr 28 2008 Sure, Why Not?: See-Through Monitor Display

Remember the Holographic Vaio Zoom laptop concept from awhile back? Pretty titillating wasn't it? I wanted one. Did you want one? If you did maybe we could start a club. You know, something with a secret handshake. My dad said we could even use the storage shed out back as a clubhouse. So whattaya say? Fine, but you're missing out. My mom always makes snacks for me when I'm done playing in the yard. Oftentimes accompanied by, oh I don't know, a piping-cold glass of chocolate milk!

So this is a video of what a transparent laptop display would look like. IT IS NOT REAL, it's just been rendered with a little green-screen magic so you could imagine the possibilities. Which, I've got to admit, seem pretty unexciting. "Holy staplers, that's my desk! I can see my desk through the monitor!" That said, it's cool and I'd buy one if it was the same price as a regular monitor. It would be good for taking notes in class while still managing to sneak a peek at the girl that sits in front of you. The one you've had a crush on the whole semester. You know, the one you finally managed to muster up enough courage to ask out on a date, but mid-conversation you very audibly tooted because you were so nervous and she ran away to her friends laughing? *sniffle* Yeah, that one.

Transparent Display Concept Proves There's a Use For Anything [gizmodo]

Apr 28 2008 Is This What A Real Bowser Would Look Like?

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After all the interest in the realistic Mario, Homer, and Jessica Rabbit, German artist Marcus Blättermann decided to create a realistic looking Bowser by painting him in Photoshop.

Some weeks ago Pixeloo did his great untoonings of Mario and Homer. This inspired me to try something similar. Like Pixeloo I also wanted to use Photoshop. But I didn't wanted to use any Photos. I just wanted to paint the whole thing. In Addition I not just wanted to lay a realistic texture over the original figure, but to rework the forms and proportions as well, to get the whole creature a more realistic look. This isn't a untooning of bowser, it's a redesign. How would he look like if he would be a real animal.

Not bad. Kind of reminds me of Tokka from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. Anybody else getting that? Say, is anybody else gonna get the damn door? I'm trying to blog here. I swear I hate all my freaking roommates. They just run around naked like a bunch of little kids and eat all my damn snacks. It's like living back at home again. Oh. Right. MOM! CAN YOU PLEASE DRAG YOUR ASS AWAY FROM THE SOAP OPERAS FOR TWO SECONDS AND ANSWER THE DAMN DOOR! Oh look, your youngest son is shitting on the carpet again. I TOLD YOU HE'S BEEN STEALING MY SNACK PACKS.

Two more close-ups after the jump.

Continue Reading " Is This What A Real Bowser Would Look Like? "

Apr 28 2008 I-Doser Is Allegedly Like Drugs For Your Ears, I Am (Un)Surprisingly Very, Very Skeptical

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I-Doser is some program you download and it plays music that synchronizes with your brainwaves or something and makes you feel like your own drugs. I could be completely wrong here, because I didn't actually read anything about it, but I'll post some of their captivating marketing bullshit here:

Using proven, scientific, and safe methods of synchronizing your brainwaves, a simulated state can be achieved through the use of our advanced Binaural Methods.

I-Doser for the PC is the most advanced computer application available to achieve a simulated mood or experience through the use of binaural beats. Use I-Doser to play doses purchased through the I-Doser store. Each Dose is scientifically designed to give you the optimal measure of beats Safely and Effectively to induce state.

Now maybe someone can explain that to me. I didn't download the program (despite the two free dose offer), so this isn't a definitive review. However, my tipster (who I have never met but would definitely trust with my life) had this to say about the experience:

i tried "marijuana" and i bashed my head open on a shelf! ahhaha

Well after hearing that I decided that I would at least listen to a few of the I-Doser sample tracks. So I clicked "Sample" button and then selected "Trip". I'm pretty sure it was ripped directly from a Sounds of the Rainforest CD. Then I tried "Orgasm", which was a track of a woman making sounds unlike anything I've ever heard. And no, it's not because I suck in the sack, although I do. It's just because I had a bad experience with an over-talkative ex-girlfriend (read: monster pie-hole, nonstop yap attack) and now date mute chicks exclusively.

I-Doser Website

Thanks to Elizabeth, who is way cooler than drugs could ever be, for the tip

Apr 28 2008 Uno Cycle Looks Like It Has One Wheel, But Actually Has Two (They're Side By Side!)

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Now I'm not here to start an argument over who came up with the first one wheeled motorcycle, so, for simplicity, we'll just assume that I did. Anyways, this is the Uno (which is not as cool as the Wild Card I built), a two wheeled motorcycle that has the wheels placed side by side. Oh snap! It was designed and built by 18-year-old Ben J. Poss Gulak, who is probably a genius. It stays upright thanks to advanced gyroscopic technology and a powerful sorcerer using black magic.

Operation of the 54.4 kg (120 lb) machine is simple, in fact it's so simple there are no controls except for an on-off switch. To go forward you simply push your body weight forward to tilt the machine. To back up, just lean back on the seat to tilt it backwards and back it goes. The farther you lean, the faster it accelerates. The gyro tells the ECU how much to accelerate and that in turn delivers the proper amount of current to the electric motors, one for each wheel.

Wow, that's pretty cool. Too bad you look goofy as hell riding it. Still, my hat is off to Ben for being able to create something so amazing at 18. God knows the only thing I was making at 18 were bongs out of 2-liter bottles. Regardless, I think we can all agree the Uno brings new meaning to the phrase "crotch rocket", doesn't it? HAHAHA HAHAHA! What's that -- it doesn't? Well shit.

Several more pictures of the machine after the jump.

Continue Reading " Uno Cycle Looks Like It Has One Wheel, But Actually Has Two (They're Side By Side!) "

Apr 28 2008 Acoustic Drum Machine Is A-Okay In My Book

Sure I could make beats with a drum synthesizer on the computer, but honestly, that's a little too digital for my tastes. Now I know what you're thinking: short of actually playing the drums, how can I get around this obstacle? Simple -- you make little robotic drums out of coffee cans, toss those mothers in a bomb-looking briefcase, make sure there's lots of sketchy wires hanging out, and then have them controlled by MIDI from a sequencer. And as easy as that you have your own acoustic drum machine. Pretty awesome, huh? I thought so. But I actually posted this though because I'm acting as matchmaker for Little Yellow Drum Machine, and I think this briefcase is right up his alley. What do you think my little robotic friend? *tink tink ta tink TINK* Ha, he said he'd attack that ass like a gong. Do I know him or what?

Youtube

Thanks to the self proclaimed King of the Computer Geeks, for the tip

Apr 28 2008 Word Clock: But I Never Learned To Read!

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If you've been keeping up with Geekologie for a while then you know we've seen a number of different clocks that tell time with words instead of digits. Well designer Hans Tan felt none of those were verbose enough, and thus created the Idea of a Clock II (I've got the feeling someone punched the shit out of Idea of a Clock I and broke it). As you can see it has a whole bunch of words on it, less than half of which have anything to do with the actual time. So you just have to jump to the end to get your fix. Like you people that skip to the end of posts to read the joke and not all this awesome fluff. The clocks are limited edition and you have to contact Hans to get a price quote. Which is code for way too freaking expensive for an LED bulletin board. That said, I'm stealing this idea and making my own damn clock. It's gonna be called Idea of a Laser Clock and it'll basically be a piece of plywood with a laser attached and the following words painted on in bright red:

This is the idea
of a laser clock
that tells you
the time with lasers
at exactly
now a powerful burning laser
is zapping you in the nads.

Makes a great alarm too.

world clock is a little too verbose for me [technabob]

Apr 25 2008 My Little Master Chief Is Just Damn Wrong

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Remember the female version of Master Chief? She was hot wasn't she? Well how about this sexy little number, it doing anything for you? If so, please don't write about it in the comments section (oh what the hell, it's Friday -- go for it, sicko). Well AnimeAmy recently won second place in a custom My Little Pony contest with this Master Chief inspired creation. As you can see, it's the master in My Little Pony form. He was molded entirely out of Apoxie clay and went for over $150 on eBay recently. God, this takes me back. I used to have a My Little Pony when I was a kid (Cotton Candy, the fourth one down). Did I just type that? Well it was a lie. My Little Ponies were for chicks, and I was all man in kindergarten. As a matter of fact, I used to stand on top of the jungle gym and let the other kids to throw rocks at my nuts. That's how tough I was. Just kidding, I did crap my pants in the sandbox once. Yep, I had to run all the way back to the school building holding the load up with my hand so it wouldn't fall out.

My Little Cyborg...Pony: Halo fan horses around [dvice]

Thanks to Karisha, who I'm kind of embarrassed just read that story, for the tip

Apr 25 2008 All-In-One Computer/Monitor Steampunk Build

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Jake Von Slatt is a man who loves steampunk. This is one of his most recent creations, an all-in-one 24" widescreen with computer packed in the back. It looks good (reminds me a lot of this bad-assery). If you're a steampunk fan be sure to check out Slatt's Steampunk Workshop website for all kinds of steamy projects, including a steampunk car. I even found a link to a guy's wicked steampunk motorcycle (picture after the jump) on there. He features some pretty good pictures and details on each build, and even some videos. What he doesn't feature is how to convince your girlfriend to wear one of those old school umbrella dresses so a man can get a little steampunk role playing on in the bedroom. After all, nothing says "Honey, quick, call the fire department and burn ward!" like fooling around with hot coals in the sack.

A bunch more pictures after the jump, including that motorcycle I promised.

Continue Reading " All-In-One Computer/Monitor Steampunk Build "

Apr 25 2008 Where Do I Sign?: This Chick Will Do You If You're A Virgin And Swear By Net Neutrality

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Warning: This is kind of risque. If your children are reading Geekologie over your shoulder then you should probably let them so they grow up to be the awesomest kids ever.

Tanya Devereaux is some chick that claims she'll do every virgin that takes an oath of internet neutrality.

I will make love with every virgin who defends the Internet. Certain ISP's are planning to limit internet access in a way that infringes upon internet freedom or 'net neutrality'. Description of Services The services consist of Tania performing sexual intercourse with the applicant, the form and style of the performance will be discussed prior to the act, Tania tries to allow as much freedom as possible in this area but she does reserve the right to decline suggestions. Tania covers all her personal expenses, including travel. Any sort of recording (video, audio or photographs) of the performance is allowed for non-commercial use. Tania adheres to high standards of service but due to time limitations each performance can last no longer than 30 minutes, no exceptions will be made under any circumstance.

Wow, then she goes on about some rules of conduct (which I have posted in their entirety after the jump), of which one particularly caught my eye: "If anywhere along the process, it becomes clear that the applicant is not a virgin, Tania reserves the right to terminate all activity." YES, I'M IN!! I've been having sex for well over a decade now and I guarantee there is no way in hell she'd ever think I have any experience.

Hit the jump for the full terms of service and an uncensored pic (still no nipple though).

Continue Reading " Where Do I Sign?: This Chick Will Do You If You're A Virgin And Swear By Net Neutrality "

Apr 25 2008 Automated Bike Storage In Japan Is Cool, Fast

This is some sort of news report about an underground automated bike storage facility in Tokyo.

For a single-use fee of 100 yen (about $1) or 1,800 yen for a monthly pass, customers roll their bikes onto a platform and use a control panel to have them whisked away to a rack within the 9,400 spot facility. The video shows that it takes the system 23 seconds to retrieve the reporter's bike.

Wow, 23 seconds, that's pretty fast. But not nearly as fast as my bike storage unit, which is the front yard. I just cruise in and jump off, simple as that. See, it's right -- shit. That's it, I'm planning a sting operation. First I'll hide in the bushes, and then I'm gonna steal from the first person that touches my bike. I may take their wallet, but I'm definitely taking their legs -- with a chainsaw. Now if I could just find one of those hockey masks...

Underground Bike Parking in Tokyo [streetsblog]

Thanks to Karina, who I would be more than happy to pedal around on my tandem bike, for the tip

Apr 25 2008 Balding Penguin Gets Custom Made Wetsuit

penguin-wetsuit.jpg

Sometimes it's a good idea to take a break from the inevitable human destruction by robots and read a beautiful, heartwarming story about a balding penguin. And this, my friends, is that story.

Pierre, a dapper 25-year old African penguin at the California Academy of Sciences, was going bald around his ass (I'm having trouble relating, Pierre) and getting too cold to dive into the water and swim around.

Unlike marine mammals, which have a layer of blubber to keep them warm, penguins rely on their waterproof feathers. Without them, Pierre was unwilling to plunge into the academy's penguin tank and ended up shivering on the sidelines while his 19 peers played in the water. "He was cold; he would shake," said Pam Schaller, a senior aquatic biologist at the academy.

*sniffle* So what did the good people do? They made the little guy a custom wetsuit. And it worked -- he started swimming and diving again. Now Pierre has regrown some of his feathers, is back to being alpha-male, and is even boning his mate again. He is currently being weaned off the wetsuit, and will once again swim au-naturel. Which, incidentally, I can totally relate to. I freaking love swimming naked. Or, you know, just hanging out by the kiddy pool in the front yard, drinking beer and watching traffic go by. If I ever have to stand up for any reason I just cover my junk with a koozie. Are you with me Pierre? Hell yeah you are little buddy, high flipper!

Balding penguin's wetsuit lets him swim again [msnbc]

Thanks to Matt, who looks damn good in a tuxedo himself, for the tip

Apr 25 2008 Cat 5 Wedding Rings Let Everyone Know You're Connected To A Very Special Geek

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Looking for a nice geeky ring to seal the deal with your special someone? How about these Cat 5 rings? No? Okay, just thought I'd throw it out there.

A wedding set for the unconventional! The female ring has a choice of four opaque colors: turquoise, white, orange or black. The male ring stands tall and dramatically transparent. Switch-up the sexes! Order two of the same! The world is your technological oyster.

First of all, the world is not my "technological" oyster. The world is my "kick me while I'm down and then punch me in the throat when I try to get up" oyster. Secondly, I didn't even propose to my wife, she proposed to me. You should have seen the ring she used. Okay, it wasn't so much a ring as it was brass knuckles. And sure, she wasn't so much proposing as she was punching me in the face and telling me to get off her property. But I think you get the point -- we're a match made in heaven. Well technically it was the alcohol safety class you have to take after two DUI's, but whatever.

A worthwhile gallery of geeky rings, including a vacuum tube one, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Cat 5 Wedding Rings Let Everyone Know You're Connected To A Very Special Geek "

Apr 25 2008 Final Proof: Robotic Takeover Is Imminent

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I know I've been going off on a "robots are gonna kill us all" tirade lately, but quite frankly, that's because they are. So I'll just offer this last piece of evidence and let it rest for awhile. Introducing the forest fire prevention robot by Jordan Guelde (that sick, robot sympathizing bastard). The unit was designed to go in and remove (read: cut the everliving hell out of by way of giant spinning blades) trees surrounding a forest fire so it can't spread. To me it looks like it was designed to kill every last human being on the face of the planet. But what do I know? I only have a doctorate in robotic technology from the University of Outer Damn Space. And no, you can't see my diploma -- it's holographic, you'd probably try to steal it.

A ton more pictures of the killing machine after the jump. Oh, and by the way, the robot was actually designed for entertainment, so we might actually be safer than I initially made it seem. Psyche! We're effed.

Continue Reading " Final Proof: Robotic Takeover Is Imminent "

Apr 25 2008 Gryphon Glider Is Wicked Freaking Sweet

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We've seen several different gliding apparatus here on Geekologie, and we've even posted the Gryphon before. So why again? Because many of you probably haven't seen it. Plus it's been updated yo. Now the stealthy looking bastard is down to 30 pounds, can carry 100 extra in a built in compartment (pic after jump), and the best part -- can now be fully weaponized. Two words: missiles and lasers and bombs. Is this making you as hot as it is me?

The Gryphon attack glider, designed to penetrate combat zones at 135 miles per hour, could revolutionize the art of parachuting. Its helmet has a heads-up display and provides on-board oxygen for the jump. To land, a soldier separates the wing from his pack and releases his parachute to slow his descent. The wing remains attached to the soldier by a cord and lands before him.

The wing is currently steered manually via rotary controls connected to the rudder, but SPELCO, the company behind it, hopes to add an electronic system to make it much easier to steer. If successful, they'll be dropping a commercial version! Man oh man I can hardly wait. Sure it's no jetpack, but if my shorts are any indication, that hasn't stopped me from riding the 4-Inch Express to Bonertown. *toot toot* All aboard!

Several more pictures of the pack and a link to a video, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Gryphon Glider Is Wicked Freaking Sweet "

Apr 24 2008 A Vision Of The Future: Robots With Lasers

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These Kondo KHR-1HV robots are all rocking lasers for a world domination training exercise poorly disguised as the Blazer robot tournament in Fukuoka City, Japan. The little guys ran around shooting each other and pew-pewing to their mechanical heart's content in a little mock-up city made just for them. Whoever thought that this would be a good idea was wrong. The little bastards are going to kill us all. I mean, these people are indirectly training our future overlords by allowing them to play these war games. I guess what I'm getting at is that I've built a hidden shelter beneath my tool shed in the back yard and I'm looking for several attractive young ladies to join me. I am now officially accepting applications. But no funny stuff! Namely scrunching your penis up behind you so it looks like you don't have one. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice a week for the entire duration of a five month relationship and I am freaking scarred for life. Thanks a lot.

VIDEO of the little guys duking it out laser style after the jump.

Continue Reading " A Vision Of The Future: Robots With Lasers "

Apr 24 2008 Forget Time Travel, Now We're All Gonna Die

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Remember the two Russians that were convinced the CERN Large Hadron Collider would tear a hole in the fabric of time so we can all travel to the future and ride hoverboards or the past and have sex with dinosaurs? Well now there are two gentlemen fighting a legal battle in Hawaii to prevent CERN from ever colliding anything. Why? They're convinced it'll open a black hole bigger than my girlfriend's gaping pie-hole, swallowing the earth -- and possibly the whole galaxy! My oh my.

Walter Wagner and Luis Sancho contend that scientists at the European Center for Nuclear Research, or CERN, have played down the chances that the collider could produce, among other horrors, a tiny black hole, which, they say, could eat the Earth. Or it could spit out something called a "strangelet" that would convert our planet to a shrunken dense dead lump of something called "strange matter." Their suit also says CERN has failed to provide an environmental impact statement as required under the U.S. National Environmental Policy Act.

Wow guys, way to be a bunch of weenies. You two never blew things up when you were kids did you? You know, you could learn a thing or two from Everett about living on the edge. I say f*** it -- if the thing creates a black hole and turns us into a shit-like lump of dead matter, we won't even be around to notice anyway. Screw it. Besides, I'm really banking on the whole time travel thing. Which is why I volunteered to have the particles collided with my face. If there's anybody who's gonna the be first to ride a tyrannosaurus rex while shooting at other dinosaurs with a giant laser beam, it's this guy. That's right baby, real life Dino-Riders! Now who's with me?

Try this headline: Black Hole Eats Earth
[intl'heraldtribune]

Thanks to Kiyoshi, the only one who can stop the world from ending, for the tip

Apr 24 2008 Kid Makes Wrist-Mounted Flame Thrower, Somehow Manages To Not Hurt Himself

Everett Bradford is a boy. A boy with a dream. A boy with a dream of shooting flames out of his wrist. Well, Everett made his dreams a reality by making, what he likes to call, THE PYRO SYSTEM! It's basically a can of aerosol fuel rigged up to a barbecue ignition system strapped to his hand. It stops working at 0:25 and I thought for sure he was going to burn his face off when he points it at himself at 0:33, but, unfortunately for us, nothing. Now where the hell was your mother during all of this, Everett? Does she know about your little fire bracelet? She doesn't, does she? You told her you were going over to a girlfriend's house to mess around and then you came out here and filmed yourself fireballing it up didn't you? Everett, I'm going to go out on a sturdy limb here -- you have absolutely no idea what that thing dangling between your pasty white legs is for, do you?

Another longer video showing Everett's inspiration for the device, as well as an explanation of how it works (which was actually neat), after the jump.

Continue Reading " Kid Makes Wrist-Mounted Flame Thrower, Somehow Manages To Not Hurt Himself "

Apr 24 2008 Get You Wii Mii Turned Into A Real Sculpture

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When I first got a Wii I spent over an hour making a perfect representation of myself in Wii Mii form. Needless to say, it's fugly as shite. But if your Mii turned out better than mine you can now get it made into a real sculpture. You just send Miisculptures $75 and a picture of Wii Yii (you) and they'll make a 4-inch tall physical model. If you're interested in using them as wedding cake toppers they'll do two of them for $140. And if your wife does let you use them as a cake topper, I have two words for you: holdon tight. You've got a good woman. I do not. I just casually suggested I wanted a video-game (Zelda) themed wedding and you know what she did? She kicked me in the grapes and started crying. You know what theme we ended up settling on? Pretty pretty princess. God, please take me now.

Two more pictures of Bill Gates and Chuck Norris miis they made after the jump.

Continue Reading " Get You Wii Mii Turned Into A Real Sculpture "

Apr 24 2008 Space Invaders Decals A Hit With, Well, Me

space-invader-stickers.jpg

So Space Invaders is celebrating its 30th anniversary and there's a new game coming out. Now what better way (besides getting a themed tattoo and legally changing your name to Space N. Vaders) to let guests in your home know that you love the game than sporting these wicked wall decals? Each set costs $45 and product details follow:

  • 20 decals/pkg
  • 15cm invaders
  • 4 each of the 5 styles shown
  • includes 20 missiles
  • Comes in 4 color combo: classic red, raspberry, kiwi & deep sea

They look red, purple, green and blue to me, but let's not argue over the names of colors. No, let's argue over dinner. *wink* Your place or mine? Actually, let's make it your place, mine's being fumigated for genital lobsters. You make the dinner, I'll make the wine. Just kidding, I'll pick up a box on the way over.

Product Site

Thanks to Jonny 5, whose daughter's father is awesome, for the tip

Apr 24 2008 Fat Lamp Is Like A Lava Lamp But Not Really

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The Fat Lamp (aka the Slow Glow Light) is filled with fat. When you turn it on the bulb inside melts the fat, rendering it more transparent, and the light gets brighter. Each one cost a staggering $774, so you're definitely better off stealing fat from a liposuction clinic (a la Fight Club) and making your own.

this unique lamp is also a great discussion piece and easily lends itself to artistic interpretation. for example, the slow glow lamp is sluggish and fat-representative of our current culture (at least here in the united states). feel free to develop your own interpretation of this thought-provoking light!

Hey, I've got an one: It's a gross freaking lamp filled with fat. It represents some dumb asshole willing to part with $774 for a glass orb filled with my girlfriend's old stomach. That said, I'd buy one if they were cheaper.

One more picture after the jump.

Continue Reading " Fat Lamp Is Like A Lava Lamp But Not Really "

Apr 24 2008 Dude Gets Questionable Mario Tattoos

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You know, sometimes you have to do something you don't want to and "take one for the team". Like when you have to Photoshop pictures of a dude's ass cheeks in such a way that they don't blatantly look like a bare buttocks at first glance. HAHA! That's right -- it's a dude's ass! And you looked at it -- which, according to 3rd grade, totally makes you gay. Anyhoo, these are Mario Bros. themed tattoos on a dude's butt.

Mr. Lobes geeky ass cheek tattoos were done by Brad at Atomic Zombie in Edmonton, Alberta. I don't know if he's planning on pounding more color into them, but I hope so, even though they look great as is.

Yes, yes, pounding more color. Great word choice. I posted two uncensored pictures of Mr. Lobes' ass after the jump -- but a warning: It's NSFW bare ass. I mean, you can almost see his balls. Definitely the taint, almost the balls.

Hit the jump to see the rump.

Continue Reading " Dude Gets Questionable Mario Tattoos "

Apr 24 2008 PETA Offers $1 Million For Test Tube Meat

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Know anything about growing meat in a test tube? If so, bring it to market and PETA will award you with $1 million. I was so excited when I heard about the contest that I couldn't sleep. I stayed up all night in my basement laboratory banging test tubes together. But alas, no matter how hard I banged my efforts proved fruitless meatless. I don't get it, I had a lab coat on and everything. I'm starting to think this is going to be harder than I first anticipated. I bet I'm going to need a laser. *yelling upstairs* Mother! Order me a powerful burning laser! The strongest one they've got. Oh, and bring me a freaking juicebox! My scientific mind can't operate on Fruit Roll-Ups alone you know.

PETA offering $1 million for lab-created meat
[dvice]

Apr 23 2008 Founder Of Jedi Church Attacked In Yard By A Drunk Man Dressed In Black Garbage Bag And Wielding Crutch Yelling "Darth Vader!"

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Barney Jones is the founder of the Jedi Church. One afternoon he and his cousin were doing their typical thing, you know, filming themselves playing with lightsabers in the yard, when Arwel Wynne Hughes jumped over the garden wall donning a black garbage bag and cape. He had recently put down a 10 liter box of wine, and was wielding a metal crutch. He yelled "Darth Vader!" and hit Barney in the head with his makeshift lightcrutch. Laughing, he then beat Barney's cousin in the leg for good measure.

Hughes could not remember the incident and only realised what had happened when he read about it in local newspapers, the court told. Defending, Frances Jones said alcohol was "ruining (Arwel's) life" and he had no idea where he got the crutch from.

Arwel has since been convicted of two counts of assault, and one count of very poorly impersonating a Star Wars villain.

Drunk Darth Vader's Jedi assault [bbcnews]

Thanks to Liz, patron saint of beauty and intelligence in the Church of Geekologie, for the tip

Apr 23 2008 Exhaust Jack Takes The Work Out Of Jacking

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So you got a flat tire, what do you do? Call AAA for help? Make out with your passenger? Cry and punch the steering wheel? Or do you get out there and change the damn thing? You know, changing a tire really wouldn't be that bad if the jacks that come with cars weren't the biggest pieces of shit ever made. Well thankfully, now there's an easier way. Introducing the Exhaust Air Jack ($130). You just throw the orange bag under the car's lift point, attach the hose to your exhaust pipe, and presto, you burnt your hands because you forgot to let the pipe cool before touching it. Not sure if inhaling the bag afterward makes you talk funny like helium, but my guess is no, unless that's how dead people sound.

Exhaust Air Jack Lifts Your Car With Ease [ohgizmo]

Apr 23 2008 Bacon Scarf Sadly Tastes Like Fleece

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If there's one thing I learned repeatedly while growing up it's that a dog can and will bite your genitals if you have a piece of bacon in your pocket. So how's a boy supposed to get his daily bacon quota without rocking a pork pocket? Simply -- with a bacon scarf. Each is made from 100% recycled bottle fleece and costs $38 (plus $7 shipping). You know, I may get one closer to winter, but it's just now getting warm out so I can't think about scarves right now. But what I can think about are summer dresses. You catch my drift guys?. *wink, wink* You do know what I'm saying, right? Good, now tell me if I should wear my black flats or brown leather pumps with this one.

Product Site

Thanks to Mallory, who is new to Geekologie, for the tip. Everyone give her a warm welcome -- but stay away from the snacks, those are for after the meeting.

Apr 23 2008 Cat "Plays" Theremin, It Sounds Like Noise

This is a short video of a cat "playing" a mini-theremin. I wrote playing in quotations because he pretty much sucks. I mostly posted this because I thought the cat was cute. Which he is, isn't he? I like how he sits up on his back legs. I was almost convinced it was a person in a cat suit. Almost, but not quite. It's probably just a leprechaun. Regardless of what it is though, it's certainly got a pot of gold more talent than these cheeseweasels.

An old (but good) video of the Zelda theme on a theramin (because I love Zelda damnit), after the jump

Continue Reading " Cat "Plays" Theremin, It Sounds Like Noise "

Apr 23 2008 Spider-Man Tattoo Sadly Lacks Spidey-Sense

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This is a wicked Spider-Man inspired tattoo that somebody got. It was made to look like the guy's skin is ripped and he's really Spider-Man underneath. There's a picture after the jump with his arms done in a similar fashion. I would have gone for the full-body suit myself, but that's because I'm what's known in the (call center customer service) biz as "a hardcore emmer effer" (I once told an elderly caller to "put that in your donut cushion and sit on it"). Just kidding, I tried to get a tattoo once but passed out. It wasn't wetting my arm that got to me, it was the "press firmly for 30 seconds" part.

Another picture of Spider Man arms, along with a link to the most ridiculous tattoos ever, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Spider-Man Tattoo Sadly Lacks Spidey-Sense "

Apr 23 2008 Run For The Hills Or The TV?: Robot Soccer Players To Compete With Humans By 2050

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The Robocup German Open is in full effect (April 21-25) and it's every bit as frightening as you'd expect. The only thing I found comfort in was that the robots are clearly too stupid to distinguish a soccer ball from an orange tennis ball. Those stupid bastards. We're still doomed though. According to Stefan Kohlbrecher, a member of the Technical University of Darmstadt's Darmstadt Dribblers, "The goal of the RoboCup is to compete against human world champions with robots by the year 2050." Uh oh. No word on whether the robots will be equipped with rockets and laser cannons, but as far as ratings go, I think it's a no-brainer.

Two videos from the 2007 cup after the jump -- one teaser trailer, and one of the final match in the humanoid division.

Continue Reading " Run For The Hills Or The TV?: Robot Soccer Players To Compete With Humans By 2050 "

Apr 23 2008 Jessica Rabbit Is Hot Despite Not Being Real

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Remember the "human-like" versions of Mario and Homer from a while ago? Well pixeloo is at it again, this time with a smoking hot Jessica Rabbit. There, I said it. She's not real and she's hot. Can you see what I'm doing now? I'm doing that thing that the cartoon wolf does where his eyeballs pop out and his tongue rolls onto the floor because he's staring at a hot chick. That's what I look like right now. The cats are getting scared. Anyway, there's Jessica Rabbit with "realistic lighting and textures." Say, have you ever watched the scene in Who Framed Roger Rabbit on laserdisc frame-by-frame to see Jessica's, ahem, rabbit? Yeah, me neither.*

*Unless doing it when you're 12 counts, which it totally doesn't.

Another side-by-side comparison shot of Jessica, and a link to the urban legend page that references the scene I'm talking about (with pictures!), after the jump.

Continue Reading " Jessica Rabbit Is Hot Despite Not Being Real "

Apr 23 2008 Keyboard Pants: Type Your Way To Excitement, Trouble At Work

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These pants were designed by Erik De Nijs and are cleverly called "Beauty and the Geek" jeans. I see no beauty, just a kid that looks like he's playing with himself.


Built into the knees are a pair of crotch rocking speakers, around the back you have the added convenience of a back pocket for your "mouse", and for you gamers, there is a joystick controller located just behind the front zipper.

Wow, joystick behind the zipper. Didn't see that coming. I swear, these are the most ridiculous pair of peripheral pants I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. I've even tried a few pairs, and no matter what, they're awkward as hell to use at work. Hold on.

"No Josh, you can't type another email to accounting. They're right down the freaking hall, just go talk to them. Oh what the hell, but this is the last time. Hey Mary, you got anything you need to type after Josh is done here? Got your own keyboard, huh? Well, if it ever breaks or goes missing, look no further -- than my crotch! HAHA, gotcha! No but seriously, that doesn't count as sexual harassment."

A bunch more pictures of the ridiculousness after the jump.

Continue Reading " Keyboard Pants: Type Your Way To Excitement, Trouble At Work "

Apr 22 2008 Segway Inventor Makes Water Regenerator

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Dean Kamen, who invented the Segway and clearly loves himself some denim, has created a new water regenerator. It's called the Slingshot (?) and has no filters whatsoever. It works via vapor condensation distillation and runs on, get this, cow fudge! Not only can the thing crank out perfectly clean water from any source (sea water, mud puddle, sewage, peepee), but it generates enough electricity to power 70 energy-efficient bulbs!

Kamen estimates the units will cost between $1,000 - $2,000 when they go into production and anxiously wants to get them into areas around the world with poor water quality. I'm all for it, and really do hope they reduce the rate of disease caused by nasty stuff in the water supply. While this waits to be seen, there is one thing known for certain -- I'd pee in it.

Happy Earth Day everyone. Go out there and plant trees. Or smoke some (wait, that was Sunday). Well, do something good for this great big ball we call home. But hurry -- the robots are coming.

Worthwhile video of Kamen showing off the machine on the Colbert Report after the jump or here.

Continue Reading " Segway Inventor Makes Water Regenerator "

Apr 22 2008 Interactive Hologram Chick Looks Kind of Like Natalie Portman, Should Be Princess Leia

We've seen promising holographic technologies here at Geekologie before, but nothing with the sexy interactive potential of this thing. The people at LM3Labs have created a hologram technology that can be controlled by hand, arm and (presumably) penis gestures. The system is called AirStrike, which conjures up images of a massive bombing run and not doing it with Princess Leia while a trashcan robot watches like I hoped. So I'm going to have to suggest they change the name to something a little more catchy. You know, something that gives potential customers a better idea of how the technology can be utilized. I'm thinking My Virtual Prostitute or maybe just Holowhore.

LM3Labs' Airstrike interactive holograms, because they can [engadget]

Thanks to Ryan, who doesn't need a holographic girlfriend because he can have as many of the real thing as he wants, for the tip

Apr 22 2008 Sad: Death By Misinterpreted Text Message

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Ermine and Ramazan Çalçoban were a Turkish couple going through a separation. Like any normal unhealthy couple, they continued to harass the shit out of each other via text message. Until one day Ramazan sent a text message that, thanks to his cell phone not having a "closed i" (ı) character, proved disastrous.

The use of "i" resulted in an SMS with a completely twisted meaning: instead of writing the word "sıkısınca" it looked like he wrote "sikisince." Ramazan wanted to write "You change the topic every time you run out of arguments" (sounds familiar enough) but what Emine read was, "You change the topic every time they are f***ing you.

WARNING: Sad story follows.

Uh oh, not good. Emine showed the text to her father, who called Ramazan and threatened him for insinuating his daughter was a dirty strumpet. Ramazan shows up confused but ready to apologize, and is stabbed by Emine's father and two sisters. Badly injured, Ramazan tried to escape while Emine attempted to finish him off. At the door he managed to pull a knife out of his chest and stab her before fleeing into the street, where he was picked up by police. Emine bled to death awaiting an ambulance. Ramazan, still confused as to what happened, killed himself in jail.

Damn, like a modern Romeo and Juliet.

R.I.P. Ermine and Ramazan.

A Cellphone's Missing Dot Kills Two People, Three More in Jail [gizmodo]

Thanks to Jaden, who is a very careful texter, for the tip

Apr 22 2008 It's Official And It's Not Good: The Robot Apocalypse Is Upon Us, Nice Knowing You

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Well folks, it's been nice knowing you, but we're officially as good as dead. The robot apocalypse is upon us and our new overlords will not stop until every last one of us has been dragged in and chopped to bite sized pieces by these monstrosities. Currently "owned" by the Tokyo fire department, these "Robokiyu" (sound it out -- it means robot that kills you) bots were designed to "rescue" people from any situation. As you can see, rescuing is as simple as being grabbed by the neck with their throat-piercing arms and dragged into their digestive system (read: rotating blades of death). I, for one, am not going to sit back and wait for the robots to destroy me. I'm fighting back. Namely by creating a race of cyborgs that fight on the side of humans. I'm pleased to announce I've already sowed my wild oats with no less than two Roombas, an iPod, an RC tank, and my roommate's DVD player. Speaking of which, I think the DVD player is finally giving birth. At last, the first of my cyborg offspring!

UPDATE: False alarm. It was just an Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem DVD stuck in the player.

A couple more pictures of the last thing you'll ever see before dying, after the jump.

Continue Reading " It's Official And It's Not Good: The Robot Apocalypse Is Upon Us, Nice Knowing You "

Apr 22 2008 NES Stuffed Into Super Mario Bros. Cartridge

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If you can make a NES controller mouse, and stuff a whole system into a shoe, then stuffing one into a game cartridge is clearly the next step (don't question my foolproof logic). And that's exactly what someone did (well, they actually put a Nintendo on a chip (NOAC) in there). As you can see it's got everything it needs to be a fully functional Nintendo. But the real question is this: If you try jamming this cartridge into another NES does it tear a gaping hole into the video game dimension and release retro gaming bosses to wreak havoc on our planet? My guess is yes. And I'm all for it if it means I stand a chance with Zelda. It's not that her doppelganger wasn't awesome in the sack or anything, it's just that one of her pointy ears came off while we were doing it. Talk about awkward.

nes system built into game cartridge
[technabob]

Thanks to Andrew, who once stuffed a pinball machine into a grain of salt, for the tip

Apr 22 2008 LEGO Star Wars Pen Set Is Questionable

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I love LEGO and Star Wars, so one would think that I'd find this LEGO Star Wars pen set ($25) bonetastic. Well that is not the case. But mostly because I have a problem with the advertising.

Each of these pens are a completely personalized writing instrument, since you use the included LEGO pieces to build a favorite Star Wars character, then add your choice of colors and shapes. Set of three includes Yoda, R2-D2 and Darth Vader.

Anybody else have a problem with that? "Completely personalized"? To me it looks like you can only choose whether Yoda has a gumball machine or a silver ball bearing on his head. To their credit though, you can build my favorite character with the set, Darth Yoder D2 -- he's got Vader's body, Yoda's head, and R2's robotic schlong.
Star Wars Lego Pen Set - Lego, Star Wars And Stationery [tfts]

Thanks to Melissa, who has never let me down like this product has, for the tip

Apr 22 2008 Surgeons Implant Bionic Eyes In Blind Patients

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Surgeons have successfully implanted "bionic eyes" (similar in design to this, but not this) in two blind patients, in an attempt to restore some of their vision.

The device -- the first of its kind -- incorporates a video camera and transmitter mounted on a pair of glasses. This is linked to an artificial retina, which transmits moving images along the optic nerve to the brain and enables the patient to discriminate rudimentary images of motion, light and dark.


The Argus II uses a video camera to capture images. These are converted into electrical signals, which are transmitted wirelessly to the implant behind the retina. The electrodes in the implant unscramble the signal to create a crude black-and-white picture that is relayed along the optic nerve to the brain. The brain can then perceive patterns of light and dark spots corresponding to the electrodes stimulated.

That's great news. I'm all for restoring sight to the blind, and this seems like a real promising technology. They throw in the ability to see through cereal boxes so you can spot the ones with secret decoder rings and I'll laser-pointer myself in the eye right now.

Surgeons give hope to blind with successful 'bionic eye' operations [timesonline]

Thanks to Neil, who can see through walls, for the tip

Apr 22 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Shoe Vending Machines

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Here at Geekologie we've seen all kinds of different vending machines. We've seen ones that dispense soccer balls, pizzas, people, pot, other drugs, and even small children. Well now we're adding shoes to that list. As someone who has woken up shoeless and in a ditch on the bad side of town several times, so I can attest to the brilliance of footwear vending machines. This particular dispensary is on London's Carnaby Street and spits out Onitsuka Tigers. The machine holds 24 pairs in 6 different sizes (probably no 14's) and each costs an undisclosed number of coconuts. As you can see from the picture, the machine really attracts the chicks, and I'd totally do them all.

UPDATE: Okay, turns out that third chick is actually a dude. I retract my previous statement. I would now only do chicks 1, 2, and 4, despite dude's silky soft hair, capris, and fetching mustachio.

Shoe Vending Machine, Buy Shoes 24/7 [uberreview]

Apr 21 2008 Nothing Good: What Happens When You Fly An F-111 Fighter Into A Pelican At 340 MPH

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This F-111 hit a pelican in New South Wales, Australia while doing over 340 MPH. As you can see, it's not looking so hot. "The plane was flying at around 3,000 feet during a test bombing raid when a pelican collided with the fiberglass nosecone and was then sucked into one of the engines." Even with a hole in a wing and an engine failure, the pilots were still able to safely land the aircraft. No word on how the pelican is doing, but if I had to guess I'd say seriously freaking not good.*

*Dead

F-111 Fighers And Pelicans Don't Mix [ohgizmo]

Apr 21 2008 Oh Man, That Would Suck: Time Lapse Of Man Trapped In An Elevator For 40 Hours


This actually took place in 1999 (old!), but the video has just recently surfaced via The New Yorker. It's a time lapse of Nicholas White stuck in an elevator in the McGraw-Hill building in New York for over 40 hours. White went outside for a cigarette, came back in, and chose the wrong damn elevator. I really think this video provides some serious insight into the human psyche. What insight that may be is a mystery to me. Maybe something about going apeshit in a confined space. Say, is he peeing down the crack of the open doors at 2:12?

New Yorker Article


Youtube

Thanks to Andy, who was once stuck in an elevator for ten seconds before he punched through the wall got the hell out, for the tip

Apr 21 2008 Buried Red Sox Jersey For Sale On eBay

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If you haven't already heard, the David Ortiz jersey that some asshat buried under Yankee stadium in an attempt to curse the team is for sale on eBay. It's currently at a whopping $70,200 with a little under 3 days to go. The good part about the auction is that 100% of the proceeds will go to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and the Jimmy Fund. So that's heartwarming. And no, I did not call the Red Sox fan that buried the jersey an asshat because I'm a Yankees fan. I have no team preference. The only thing I care about is getting to third base (I have yet to score a run). Just a heads up though for any of you thinking about cursing something in the future -- don't tell anybody about it. Hexes, curses, magic spells, masturbating, and cheating on your girlfriend always work best when no one else knows what's going on.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Stav, who is smart enough to keep his curses to himself, for the tip

Apr 21 2008 Knife Hooks Let Company Know You're Nuts

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Remember all the unusually themed knife blocks from awhile ago? Well in that same vein come these hooks. Each one is a polyurethane and steel hanger that screws into the wall to give the appearance of a knife stuck there. While cool, designer Tianyi Chang is only making 50 of them, and each will go for $50. Needless to say my sweat shop will start manufacturing immediately, and we'll be selling for a lot cheaper. Anyone interested can contact one of my child workers for pricing. Discounts on wholesale orders, no discounts on partsale orders. Any attempt to expose my sweatshop to the authorities will not be tolerated but will likely result in my imprisonment and the subsequent pillaging of my fragile buttocks.

Knife Hooks Keep Up The Trend Of Dangerous Household Items [ohgizmo]

Apr 21 2008 Sweet: We Can Now Grow Plants In Moondust

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I've been itching to live on the moon for as long as I can remember (~ last Wednesday). So boy was I excited when I learned that scientists have figured out how to grow plants in moondust. All it took was some special bacteria that helps transfer nutrients from the soil (if you can call it that) to the plants. As you can see from the picture, those flowers weeds are really thriving in the stuff. Well, except for pot 3, that one isn't doing so hot. Reminds me of the rose bush I planted for my wife in the cat's litterbox.

Scientists figure out how to grow plants in moondust [dvice]

Apr 21 2008 Corolla Rocks NES Controller Engine Cover

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This is a Corolla with a custom NES controller engine block cover. It looks good and I wish my piece of crap Metro had one. That would easily double the car's value. Now if entering the ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A Konami code gave you 30 gallons of free gas, then we'd really be talking.

Car Engine Meets NES Controller [gizmodo]

Apr 21 2008 Tetris - The Movie Makes Me Wish I Flew A Tetrad Shaped Ship In A Monster Tetris Game

This is a teaser trailer for Tetris - The Movie. I'm not sure if they're really going to take it any further but if they do I will definitely be the first in line ride a roller coaster instead. The trailer was made by Black20 (I typically put all my money on red) and features such classic lines as "Life is just blocks...trying to fit together to make lines. And that's...who we are." It basically made me want to kill myself, which may or may not have been what they were going for. I would fly one of those ships though. But likely straight into a power line, just like my kite. Suck it Ben Franklin, that key shit was weak.

Youtube

Thanks to Dustin, who knows a classic when he spots one, for the tip

Apr 21 2008 LED Lemon Lights Up Drinks, Adds No Flavor

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Drink a lot of hefeweizen? Like the flavor a lemon slice adds to your beer? If so this product isn't for you, because it's just a piece of molded plastic with an LED inside. It sits on the side of a glass and run $3.30 for a pack of three. They're guaranteed to make your next party a questionable one. You know what's not questionable though? Baby showers with lots of beer. I went to one this weekend and they were rocking Bass kegs and a roasted boar. It was awesome. There were a bunch of kids running around, and it really made me want to have one. Especially when a group of 4-year olds tackled an 8-year old and the littlest one started yelling "Kick him in the nutsack!" *wipes tear* So freaking cute.

Worthwhile picture I photoshopped together of what one of the wedges looks like in a drink, after the jump.

Continue Reading " LED Lemon Lights Up Drinks, Adds No Flavor "

Apr 18 2008 Jet Car Driver: Must Be Handsome, Charming

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Ed Shadle and Keith Zanghi are two nutjobs that want to break the 800 mph land speed record in the US. To achieve such a breakneck speed they've built the North American Eagle -- a jet car powered by a 1957 Lockheed F-104 Starfighter's 42,500 horsepower engine. The damn thing eats 160 gallons of fuel a minute and costs $16,000 in gas every run. Now I can think of better ways to spend my money, but whatever, I have no record-breaking dreams.

Now the couple is having trouble finding sponsors because no one is interested in two old codgers that built a rocket car, they want a handsome, charismatic daredevil. So now the team is looking for one. You must be between the ages of 20-40, and photogenic. Death wish preferred, but not required. If you want to give it a go send a 400-word email to landspeedracing@gmail.com explaining why you're the man for the job, and attach a photo. Now here's a great idea -- how about getting a woman to drive it? That'll certainly garner some publicity. Think about what Danica Patrick did for racing. I can honestly say I had never masturbated to an IndyCar event before she started. Now I'll even do it to a Nascar Truck Series race. What was my point here? Oh right, a woman. I love women.

Just to give you an idea of how touch with reality these two guys are, Shadle told the Times Online, "It's a lot of fun to drive, but if my age is stopping us getting sponsors, we have to remove that barrier. We'll put some hotshot in the driving seat who looks like Robert Redford and see how that works." Wow, Shadle, wow. The last time I checked (which was 30 seconds ago), Robert Redford was 71 and had a grandfatherly look about him. Not sure that's the look sponsors were going for. Unless, of course, you were referring to Redford in 1969's Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. In which case I loved his mustache in that movie. Wish I could grow one like that, I'd sell rides.

Driver wanted for jet car: must be young, fearless, good looking [dvice]

Apr 18 2008 u-BOT 5 Robot Designed To Help The Elderly

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Well folks, it looks like today turned into robot day at Geekologie. You're cool with that aren't you? You do love robots, right? Because if you don't I'll tell them, and when they take over the world you'll be seriously f'd. Possibly in the a, and almost certainly with something metal. Anyway, u-BOT 5 is a robot designed by researchers at the University of Massachusetts. It may be the missing upper half of the homeless robot and was made to help old people should something happen to them. Its capabilities include "picking up small objects, dialing 911 and even using a stethoscope to check vitals." It packs a webcam, microphone, LCD touchscreen, WiFi, and could potentially be used to make virtual housecalls . As you can see from the picture, if you ever fall and can't get up there's nothing to fear when uBOT-5 is near. He'll just wheel himself over and, uh, kidney punch the shit out of you with his little ball-hands.

uBOT-5 Makes Life Alert Look like Crap [gizmodo]

Apr 18 2008 Carlos The Homeless Robot Pushes A Cart, Lacks A Body Above His Legs, And Is On Fire

Carlos is a robot that was built as a college project that asked how robots could benefit the less fortunate. How this robot does that is a mystery to me.

Carlos was a college kinetic sculpture project. I was interested in the concept of automating aspects of society that were considered not so "glamorous". Robotics are often used in environments which are considered dangerous to humans. Deep sea exploration, nuclear cleanup and volcanism are some of the "higher profile" adverse environments which robots are used. My question was, "What about other dangerous or hazardous areas?". For example, homeless people live in extremely dangerous environments. Shouldn't there be automated equipment used by this strata of society?

Of course there should be automated equipment for the homeless. Companies will finally be able to tap into the disposable income of the elusive homeless demographic. And clearly robots are a natural product choice. Think about it -- what does a homeless person need? A home? A hot shower? Maybe a warm meal? No, a scary torso-less robot that's on fire (wtf!?) and pushes a shopping cart. It just makes sense -- pushing a cart is clearly the most significant hardship facing the homeless community today.

A little picture explaining the robot's setup after the jump.

Continue Reading " Carlos The Homeless Robot Pushes A Cart, Lacks A Body Above His Legs, And Is On Fire "

Apr 18 2008 Sunlight Poem Projector Is Brilliant, Beautiful

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The One Day Poem Pavilion is cool and proof that the sun is smarter than you think. By sending his rays through an arrangement of pre-cut perforations he makes poems appear in the shadow of the little pavilion. You only get to see one stanza at a time, so it takes a good while to read an entire poem (worthwhile time lapse video here).

Using a complex array of perforations, the pavilion's surface allows light to pass through creating shifting patterns, which-during specific times of the year-transform into the legible text of a poem. The specific arrangements of the perforations reveal different shadow-poems according to the solar calendar: a theme of new-life during the summer solstice, a reflection on the passing of time at the period of the winter solstice.

That's beautiful. If I had any talent for building things I'd be tempted to construct one in the backyard with a little bench and maybe a garden gnome. No, a whole family of garden gnomes. I love those ornery little bastards. Well, except for papa gnome -- he's always trying to steal vegetables out of my garden. Plant some yourself you lazy freaking cheeseweasel!

Another picture of the pavilion's poetic beauty and a link to the time lapse video (in case you missed the link in the text), after the jump.

Continue Reading " Sunlight Poem Projector Is Brilliant, Beautiful "

Apr 18 2008 iPod Case Looks Meaty, Doesn't Come Cheap

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The Mosquito Ruby Pod Rare is an iPod case that looks like it's made of meat. Because, well, some people are sick. It comes packaged like a real steak and costs, get this -- $68! Holy shanksteak, that's a lot for a freaking rubber iPod cover. For $68 I'd expect a filet mignon from the last flying unicorn in Fairyland.

Protect your iPod with exposed, pulsating musculature [bbgadgets]

Apr 18 2008 Chill Stick Looks Like Cue Case, Holds Beer

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The Chill Stick ($12) is a neoprene sleeve that keeps six beers cold and looks like the case for a pool cue. That way you can sneak beer into places that have pool tables. Namely bars. Screw paying $2.25 a beer when you can bring your own. Am I right? I am. Same principal goes for outside food and drink at the movie theater. They tell you not to do it, but everybody does. But does everybody throw moistened Jujubes at the screen to see if they'll stick? No, because that's a waste of good candy. So yeah, the Chill Stick. Not sure if the floating arm comes with it or you have to buy that separately, but $12 for both would be a steal.

Chill Stick Disguises A Six Pack [ohgizmo]

Apr 18 2008 Trashcan Robot Is Useless, I Want It Anways

Mr. Push is a trashcan robot that can tell jokes, roll dice, and beat himself in the head with his crablike legs. He was a contender in the Baka RoboCup 2007 competition, in which robots vie to be the least useful but most entertaining. Mr. Push did well, but didn't win. A couple of noteworthy parts in the video:

0:37 This is what I do when I can't find anything worth posting on Geekologie.
1:32 He mocks some guy while waving his penis at him.
2:20 He rolls a 6.
3:45 His little robotic M&M friend (OniRoppo) humps a Roomba.

So precious.

Pusk-kun: Screwy robot trash can [pinktentacle]

Apr 18 2008 Wirepod: A Sexy Looking Surge Protector

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Here at Geekologie we've seen several different products that address wiring, but nothing as wrought iron looking as this thing. The Wirepod is a bendable surge protector that adds a touch of class to an otherwise hideous device. Pretty sexy looking right? It sure is. Well, until it's got five ugly-ass power cords trailing off in different directions. Then it looks like shit.

More pictures after the jump, including one with something plugged in.

Continue Reading " Wirepod: A Sexy Looking Surge Protector "

Apr 17 2008 Flogos Are Logos That Float Like Clouds

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You know when you go to the beach there are those little planes that fly over with the signs trailing behind that tell about awesome all you can eat shrimp deals? I love those. But that's not what these are, these are another sky-based advertising scheme. They're called Flogos, and they're soap bubble formations filled with helium that float your logo around like a balloon. They can be made in 24", 36", and soon to be 46" diameters using some sort of modified artificial snow machine (see videos of them being made here) at a rate of one Flogo every 15 seconds. Each can travel up to 30 miles and go as high as 20,000 feet. Dyed Flogos will be available sometime in 2009, but aren't as cool as Zubbles. Let's see, what else? Oh, rental of a machine starts at about $2,500/day. Which is a lot for logo shaped clouds that, after an hour, disintegrate into a messy foam party in Cancun where I got an eye infection and lost a sandal.

Flogos Site
via
Is it a bird? A plane? No, it's a Flogo! [msnbc]

Thanks to Chad, who floats like a butterfly and stings like a taser to the face, for the tip

Apr 17 2008 Warmth And Privacy While Using Your Laptop

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I'm pretty sure a similar version of this was on the site a while ago, but I couldn't find it so I'm posting this version anyways (if somebody can find the old post I'll link to it here and give you a shoutout. Something like: and thanks to Sherlock _____ for their awesome detective skills and wicked pipe.) Besides, this one has the little handwarmer addition, and I feel the other didn't. A brief description of the project:


Our interactions with personal electronic devices provoke a broad range of emotional states from frustration to confusion to feverish obsession. Increasingly, these devices mediate our everyday work activities, our social network development and our personal communications. In this paper, we propose a participatory installation that aims to bring critical awareness and consideration to the complex relationship between people and their technological artifacts. These 'Body-Technology Interfaces,' (BTIs) in the form of hand-knitted custom wrappers for personal electronic devices, will reflect salient interaction behaviors between the participant and their chosen device.

HAHA, I pissed away thirty seconds reading that and now you did too. No word on what the person that wrote that was smoking, but if I can get my hands on some I'll let you know and we can sit in the park and get f to the ucked up. Maybe throw the frisbee around for a little bit. Seriously though, if you need privacy at your laptop I've got three words for you: Take your pantsoff. And if people don't start filing out immediately, then maybe you don't need privacy after all. *wink* You catch my drift? I'm talking about an orgy. I think. I actually have no idea, I've only seen them in movies.

UPDATE: Pictures of the old units I was talking about located thanks to several detectives, those pictures added at the bottom of the jump.

A bunch more pictures, includes a couple of just the hand warmers, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Warmth And Privacy While Using Your Laptop "

Apr 17 2008 Another Kid Gets Stuck In A Claw Machine

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Do you remember the story from two years ago where the kid in Wisconsin climbed into a crane game trying to score a free Spongebob? If not here's a link to it, and that's actually a picture of him there. Well folks, it happened again, and this time in Australia in a game called Lucky Dip. Weird I was just talking about my love of crane games yesterday don't you think? Coincidence or superpower? You decide. Anyway, there's a video of the amazing rescue (taking off the side of the machine) after the jump. Although I think that was a little over the top. Not to brag or anything, but I could have snagged the little bugger by the head with a single quarter. Sure it wouldn't have done anything seeing how he's just standing in the prize chute, but it would have taught his parents a valuable lesson. A lesson about not stuffing your child into a vending machine for a "time out".

Video of the action packed after the jump.

Continue Reading " Another Kid Gets Stuck In A Claw Machine "

Apr 17 2008 More Fuel For Your Custom Handpainted Shoe Hating Fire: Mario Airwalks For Kids

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Knowing how much some of you love bashing the everliving hell out of handpainted shoes, I thought I'd throw these bad boys up so you could get your daily painted shoe-hating fetish out of the way so we can spend the rest of our time together this afternoon discussing more mature topics like dingalings and how much my wife/girlfriends drive me nuts. So here they are, a pair of kid's size 2 1/2 Airwalks with custom Mario paintjob. They were still for sale on eBay yesterday, but have since sold for $45 plus $12 shipping. I almost bought them last night when I was looking at them, but then I remembered my parents didn't bind my feet when I was a child. And I'm thankful for that, and you should be too.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Tosha, sweet as honeysuckle but even better smelling, for the tip

Continue Reading " More Fuel For Your Custom Handpainted Shoe Hating Fire: Mario Airwalks For Kids "

Apr 17 2008 It's About Time: Massage Pants Are Here!

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These are massage pants from the Wenzhou Wonderful Massage Equipment Company. What do they do for you? Well I'll tell you, by copy/pasting the product features.

Product Features: * Built-7 group of super vibration massage, a scientific and rational allocation * Ring far infrared heaters, automatic temperature control, safe and reliable *A variety of massage * Automatic mode * Automatic regularly work 20 minutes * High-performance rechargeable batteries for exclusive use, energy, security

You know, looking at them I could tell they had a scientific and rational allocation of vibration massage. And that makes me really want some. Just a heads up though, I don't think these are technically pants. Because pants are usually longer. These look more like shorts. Shorts that are missing some fabric in the front. You know, so your balls hang out. Wow, these are even awesomer than I first thought. Unfortunately there's a 500 pair minimum order. Anybody want to go halvsies?

Product Page

Thanks to Zachary, who doesn't need massage pants because he's got a harem that does his massaging for him, for the tip

Apr 17 2008 Ultrasonic Dish Washer Looks Funny, Cleans

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The SWV-08AM Megasonic Cleaning Device is a poorly named kitchen appliance that's supposed to blast your plates clean with the amazing power of sonic, that lovable blue hedgehog that can roll up in a ball and do loopty-loops and collect rings. I'm not entirely sure how it works, but the thing can allegedly "eliminate all the disgusting dirt and agrochemicals on the surface of everything from fruit to frying pans with little or no detergent." Plus it has a "P-Sediment" filter, so you don't have to worry about any urine stains on your dishes. No word on price, but I'm guessing expensive. And that's not even factoring in the cost of your grandmother's china that it breaks. You can't just go around sonic-booming fine porcelain, that shit's delicate.

Let sound waves do the dishes [crave]

Thanks to Huevo, an integral component of delicious Huevos Rancheros, for the tip

Apr 17 2008 I Want: Dangerous House Keeps You Young

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The Lifespan Extending Villa is a house designed by artists Madeline Gins (!) and Arakawa. It was built in East Hampton, and cost about $2 million to complete. It looks like a giant playground, and I want it. The idea is that constantly being on guard against falling serves as a secret fountain of youth.

In addition to the floor, which threatens to send the un-sure-footed hurtling into the sunken kitchen at the center of the house, the design features walls painted, somewhat disorientingly, in about 40 colors; multiple levels meant to induce the sensation of being in two spaces at once; windows at varying heights; oddly angled light switches and outlets; and an open flow of traffic, unhindered by interior doors or their adjunct, privacy.


All of it is meant to keep the occupants on guard. Comfort, the thinking goes, is a precursor to death; the house is meant to lead its users into a perpetually "tentative" relationship with their surroundings, and thereby keep them young.

Man that is so awesome. I've always wanted to live in a treehouse with rope swings and cargo nets and all that good shit, so this is definitely a step in the right direction. Besides, the house makes you live longer. You just trip over a floor nipple, beat your face into something hard, and presto, you're freaking Methuselah. Simple as that.

Hit the jump for several more pictures of the wackiness, including one of James trying to escape the giant peach.

Continue Reading " I Want: Dangerous House Keeps You Young "

Apr 17 2008 Wooden Laptops Just Make Good Sense

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Wood should be the computer component material of choice. It's lightweight, a great heat conductor, and some of the best processors and video cards are made out of the stuff. Okay, maybe none of those things. Still, wood is cool. And that's exactly what Fujitsu hopes people will think about their new Woodshell computer concept. As you can see, it's a wooden laptop nestled inside a hemp bag. Oh look, the keyboard is green. *sniff sniff* Is that patchouli I smell? I don't know about you, but I'm sold.

Fujitsu Cuts Down Trees to Make a Laptop [uberreview]

Apr 16 2008 I Am Sad Today

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While we always have a good time and joke around here on Geekologie, I'd like to take a minute to be serious.

Today marks one year since the Virginia Tech tragedy. It seems like yesterday. I was on my way to campus when my wife (who was starting a new job on campus that day) called me and told me to get back home. Someone in her office was listening in on the police channel, so they had a pretty good idea of what was going on. We both received our bachelors and masters degrees from Virginia Tech (finished last spring), and have remained in Blacksburg and work for the school. A lot of people in the community continue to struggle. Please take a minute to remember the victims, their families, and all those still trying to cope.

R.I.P. Ross A. Alameddine, Christopher James Bishop, Brian R. Bluhm, Ryan Christopher Clark, Austin Michelle Cloyd, Jocelyne Couture-Nowak, Kevin P. Granata, Matthew Gregory Gwaltney, Caitlin Millar Hammaren, Jeremy Michael Herbstritt, Rachael Elizabeth Hill, Emily Jane Hilscher, Jarrett Lee Lane, Matthew Joseph La Porte, Henry J. Lee, Liviu Librescu, G.V. Loganathan, Partahi Mamora Halomoan Lumbantoruan, Lauren Ashley McCain, Daniel Patrick O'Neil, Juan Ramon Ortiz-Ortiz, Minal Hiralal Panchal, Daniel Alejandro Perez Cueva, Erin Nicole Peterson, Michael Steven Pohle, Jr., Julia Kathleen Pryde, Mary Karen Read, Reema Joseph Samaha, Waleed Mohamed Shaalan, Leslie Geraldine Sherman, Maxine Shelly Turner, Nicole Regina White

:,(

Apr 16 2008 Tetris Arm Wrestling Is Freaking Awesome

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Tresling is a combination of Tetris and arm wrestling. You have a button to push with your free hand that rotates your tetrads, but you have to beat your opponent's arm against a sensor in order to move it in one direction (and against your own sensor to move it in the opposite). You each have your own game going, so a typical game consists of two people beating each other's arm around like maniacs. Which is awesome. Man if they sold these systems I'd buy one today. That's right, I like beating my wife at arm wrestling to make myself feel good. This game would be perfect because she's no good at Tetris either, so it'd be a double boost to the ol' ego.

Oh, and I hoping this guy has really weak arms, otherwise there's no reason to bother holding a Tresling World Championship.

MUST SEE VIDEO of the system in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Tetris Arm Wrestling Is Freaking Awesome "

Apr 16 2008 Tree Man Of Java Looks Like A Tree, Ent

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This isn't geeky, but it is awesome, if only in a freakish, sad kind of way. Dede Koswara, 37, is known as the 'Tree Man of Java' because he looks like a tree (those are his actual feet at the bottom of the picture). He has an extremely rare immune deficiency that prevents his body from fighting HPV, resulting in massive growths of bark-like warts. Sick, I know. Over 4lbs of the stuff has already been removed, and now he hopes to get married soon. Not to a bush or shrub either, but a woman. His first wife left him after he got so covered that he couldn't work any more. We all wish you a speedy recovery and healthy living from here on out, Dede. You deserve a good woman after everything you've been through. If I knew of any I'd send them your way, but I don't. All the chicks I know are strumpets, strippers, or psychopaths.

Be thankful everyone.

Several more uncensored pictures and a VIDEO after the jump, but be warned: they're pretty unnerving.

Continue Reading " Tree Man Of Java Looks Like A Tree, Ent "

Apr 16 2008 Album Cover Bento Looks Good, I'd Hit Eat It

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Just a couple weeks ago we had some good looking Mario themed bento on the site, and now I think it's time to show you these album cover inspired dishes. Pretty good looking, huh? I thought so. The Rage one was made with "egg, paprika, nori (seaweed sheet), kamaboko (fish sausage), carrot, potato, ham, black sesame, and rice." Jimi was made much simpler, with just nori, paprika (red & orange), egg, and rice. I'd eat them. No, I'd eat the hell out of them. And I'm not just saying that because I fell down the basement stairs (breaking my back) and have been lying here in a heap at the bottom ever since. But I have been, and my girlfriend hasn't come over in two days. Not that she can cook worth a damn anyways, but I'm not too proud for frozen Eggos. Or medical attention.

Click the jump for several more, (including some Weezer, Kiss, and King Crimson) along with a link to the website with TONS more.

Continue Reading " Album Cover Bento Looks Good, I'd Hit Eat It "

Apr 16 2008 Japanese Cigarette Machine Asks For Your ID

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You have to be 20 to smoke in Japan, but that hasn't stopped those younger than that from buying cigarettes (but not pot or other meds) from machines (which, unlike awesome robots, can't discern age). So now the Tobacco Institute of Japan has started rolling out machines that will only work after a "tobacco passport" age-verification card is swiped. What prevents Japanese schoolgirls from getting somebody else's card is very little, so I wonder how effective these will be. But what do I know? Did you say jack shit? Then you are absolutely correct, knew him in college. Well, his birth name is Jackamo Crapatonian, that was just a clever nickname we came up with.

Japanese Schoolgirl Watch: Tobacco Vending Machines Block Underage Smokers [wired]

Thanks to Melissa, who doesn't need an ID because everyone knows her, for the tip

Apr 16 2008 Eye Candy: Awesome Super Mario Galaxy Wii

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We've seen several good looking Wii mods here on Geekologie, but modder Ramon might very well do it best. Ramon is the same guy that whipped up the awesome Zelda Wii, along with several other mods (be sure to check out the Samus Wii and Legend of Zelda DS). Now he's back with a wicked Super Mario Galaxy Wii. The console took over 100 hours of work and planning and features a backlit Super Mario Galaxy marquee, flashing star LEDs countersunk into both sides, integrated remote holders, battery charger, plaque dedicated to Miyamoto for his awesome work on the Mario series, and several retro Super Mario sound effects triggered by pushing the Wii's buttons. Be sure to hit the jump for pictures of the other side, along with a video demonstrating the flashing stars and sound effects. The unit is for sale on eBay, and is currently at $710 with over 4 days remaining. 15% of the winning bid will be donated to Child's Play Charity, which is awesome. Now if I can just find an easy way to procure a few thousand dollars, that Wii is mine.

UPDATE: Greetings from the county jail! Remember kids, crime doesn't pay unless you don't get caught (I got caught).

More pictures and a video, along with a link to the auction with a TON more pics, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Eye Candy: Awesome Super Mario Galaxy Wii "

Apr 16 2008 Cyborg Keyboard: Not A Rocket Control Panel

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The Cyborg Keyboard can't assimilate worth a damn but it does have glowing keys. The peripheral allows you to mix shades of color from red to amber to green and the hue will glow through all the letters. In addition to all the colorwheel fun, it's got 12 programmable "Cyborg' keys (the ones on the far sides), tough metal-caps in high-use gaming areas, and a Cyborg mode that configures the keyboard to your preferred gaming settings with the push of a button. Plus it looks like something off a spaceship. So you can sit in front of it and make rocket noises and shit and feel like a real spaceman. If, of course, real spacemen sit at their computers going "beepity beep beep", and "pew-pew" in their boxers. Which they don't, so you'll just feel like an asshat. Unless you're high, in which case that'd be awesome.

'Cyborg' keyboard lives up to its name [crave]

Thanks to Huevo, who rocks a pair of monster eggs, for the tip

Apr 16 2008 Guy Proposes To Girlfriend Via Hacked Video Game, She Says Yes, My Wife Divorces Me

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Bernie Ping is a computer programmer that proposed to his girlfriend Tammy Li by hacking her favorite game, Bejeweled. After she reached a certain score a special screen with the message popped up, and she said yes. PopCap, the maker of the game, was surprisingly unpissed (companies typically discourage hacking their games), and is even flying the couple to Seattle as part of their honeymoon and handing out copies of the game to wedding guests.

Wow, that's so awesome. But not nearly as awesome as the way my girlfriend thought I was proposing to her. I'll tell you about it. You see, my girlfriend and I were really big into those claw machines (crane games) where you try to pick up stuffed animals and dump them down a chute. Well some of the machines in the bars around here have jewelry and other crap stuffed in there. So there we were playing when I noticed there was already something in the prize chute. I told my girlfriend to investigate, and it was a little ring box. She started tearing up as she removed it, thinking I was proposing. You should have seen the look on her face when she opened it up and it was a chintzy key fob -- priceless.

From matching gems to the perfect match
[yahoo]

Thanks to Alastair, who no woman could refuse, for the tip

Apr 15 2008 DIY Security System Is Awesomely Dangerous

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I love DIY projects. Especially ones that involve automatic weaponry. So needless to say this one's a hit in my book. Hanif Molavizadeh, an Afghani citizen, rigged up this little security system to keep his home safe from unwelcome guests. If the system's alarm is tripped it dials Hanif's cellphone, which he then uses to talk to the intruders via speaker phone. If that's not enough, he can remotely fire a few rounds from the AK-47. Oh hell yes! During a test run Halif "forgot" to remove the live ammo, and a bullet shot through his window and ricocheted off a neighbor's place. I say "forgot" because I'm pretty confident that was just Mr. Molavizadeh's way of letting the neighbor's know not to f*** with his stuff. Now, not to fire my own assault rifle or anything, but I definitely had the idea of booby-trapping the doors in my house with guns a long time ago. Unfortunately I read a story about how that's illegal. And now I can see why -- I accidentally killed the cat-sitter.

Kalashnikov Equipped Burglar Alarm [uberreview]

Apr 15 2008 RC Car Does 200+ MPH, Is Moderately Fast

This is an older video of a tether car doing 200+ MPH on a circular track. At first I thought the guy in the video was participating in a bat-spin race, but then I realized he was whipping the car around to get it started. Watch the video till the end to see the thing really get up to speed. Pretty impressive. Now I'm not suggesting someone stick their leg out in front of it to see what happens when the car or wire hits it, but for the sake of science it is necessary to know whether you can cut a person's leg clean off with an RC car.

200mph mini-dragster screams around circular track [dvice]

Apr 15 2008 Robotic Heart Surgery Snake Is Mad Scary

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Scientists (or at least people that wear those awesome white lab coats) at Carnegie Mellon University recently unveiled the CardioArm. It's a snake looking robot that was created to aid during heart surgery.

CardioArm is a jointed robot, allowing you to control its head while the rest of its joints follow exactly where the head has been to avoid any accidental internal injuries. The robot wraps itself around the heart until it finds what it's sent inside the body for (i.e., to remove damaged tissues).

They're still working on getting the size of the robot down, and hope to eventually create a unit that can fit inside blood vessels and requires no incision to enter the body. That's right folks, I'm talking about swallowing one.

These modifications include the ability of the robot to pass through natural openings like the mouth, as well creating a model with multiple tentacles able to enter through a single opening, but branch out to where they're supposed to go once inside the body.

So yeah, swallowing a multiple-tentacle robotic snake/octopus. Not too sure how I feel about that. Except for holy shit, I'm going to start eating right and exercising more.

Uncensored picture of the the snake winding through some body part, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Robotic Heart Surgery Snake Is Mad Scary "

Apr 15 2008 Designer Gas Masks Are Freaking Nuts

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This is a set of designer gas masks made for rich people that need protection from lethal gases in the coming apocalypse. Because if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that Louis Vuitton accessories are a must when you've been attacked with poison gas. Unfortunately these are not real commercial products, they're gallery pieces. I'm not sure which gallery, but I imagine it also has a 24K fallout shelter and diamond studded tank. As you may have noticed, I got creative with the picture there and pasted the white mask with the cross over the other two, making it the Holy Trinity of gas maskery. I thought Jesus would appreciate that touch.

Bigger pictures of the individual masks after the jump.

Continue Reading " Designer Gas Masks Are Freaking Nuts "

Apr 15 2008 Custom Painted Iron Man Shoes From Same Guy That Brought Us Marvel Vs. DC Shoes

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Remember yesterday's Marvel vs. DC shoes? Ha, how could you forget, you ripped the shit out of them you heartless animals. Anyway, the creator of those has made several other custom pairs, including these with an Iron Man motif. They're size 10 only, so if you're any other size you're out of luck, unless you don't actually want to wear them. My girlfriend has two different sized feet. HA, I said it, now everybody knows! She tries to sneak one 8 1/2 and one 9 into a box when she buys shoes, but they always check! You know what she has to do? She has to get 9's and wear a sock on the small foot. HAHA HA AHA AH AHAH!

Hit the jump for close ups of Iron Man and a link to his other shoe auctions, which include a Spider Man/Venom/Carnage pair, along with a few alien raygun ones.

Continue Reading " Custom Painted Iron Man Shoes From Same Guy That Brought Us Marvel Vs. DC Shoes "

Apr 15 2008 Mario Theme Played With RC Car And Bottles

In this world there are two kinds of things: those that are awesome, and those that make me want to kill myself. This is an awesome one. AN AWESOMELY AWsome one. That was me yelling. I know, I'm a little hoarse (but not the kind that kids ride around at birthday parties, those ones smell and shit everywhere. Actually, maybe I am). This is a video of an RC car playing the Super Mario theme by driving by and hitting bottles with a little metal whacker. I've watched it ten times and it's still cool. I can't believe the guy can drive the car that straight. Or that they found an empty parking garage to do it in. The parking garage around here is a scary place. The last time I had to store my car there I saw no less than two vagrants peeing in corners, some raunchy couple doing it in the back of a compact car, and what may or may not have been a dead hooker stuffed under an SUV (I didn't have the courage to poke her with my tire iron).

Youtube

A big thanks to Daniel and Tombo, both of whom could write books about being cool, for the tips

Apr 15 2008 Dope: Gold NES With Triforce Window Mod

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Damnit, I hate it when this happens. You find a sick Nintendo painted the same gold as the original Zelda cartridges (if you don't know about those I'm afraid we can't be friends), complete with custom cut-out Triforce window on top, and, just my luck -- the freaking eBay auction has already ended! Woe is me. The console even has a green LED power button (as a tribute to Link's clothing), a yellow LED that makes the Triforce glow, and backlit Nintendo logos on the controllers. And it sold for $52 (plus $15 shipping)! Talk about a disappointment.

And you know what else is disappointing? The open bar situation at the wedding I went to this weekend. No liquor! All the beer and wine you wanted, but none of the good stuff. I couldn't believe it. How am I supposed to dance without some high-octane life juice? I was so desperate I almost drank a bottle of isopropyl alcohol I found in the supply closet. That said, after 14 beers and a couple glasses of wine I did actually make it out onto the dance floor. Except there was no dancing going on! I look up, and the next thing I know, I've caught the bouquet. Two bridesmaids team-punched me in the neck and tried to snatch it. So I gave them the ol' 1-2-roundhouse kick. Their dresses were hideous anyways.

If you're sad about the Nintendo not being available there's still this piece of crap available for $60.

The guy says the pictures suck because his camera is broken and he had to take them with his phone. More shit-quality photos, and a link to the auction, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Dope: Gold NES With Triforce Window Mod "

Apr 15 2008 Tetris Decals Add Blocky Flair To Your Abode

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Seller "Fame" is selling sets of these Tetris Wall Decals for on Etsy for $42. You get two tetrads each of seven different colors and can arrange them however you please. They'd go great alongside your Tetris shelves, Tetris mirrors, breakfast (with iced orange juice), or furniture. I recommend buying several sets, since this "Fame" character on Etsy is actually me trying to make a quick buck off Tetris lovers. And don't go getting the idea that you can make these yourself, my house nearly blew up twice during the manufacturing process. Just kidding, that was the meth lab.

One more picture of what you get after the jump.

Continue Reading " Tetris Decals Add Blocky Flair To Your Abode "

Apr 14 2008 MonoTracer Covered Motorcycles For Sale

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The MonoTracer looks like a covered motorcycle. And that's pretty much what it is. It features an aerodynamic cockpit that reduces the bike's drag, and seats two (one behind the other). It looks alright. Its 130 horsepower engine gets it going to 60 in 5.7 seconds and maxes out at 155 MPH. Now I know what you're thinking -- the Geekologie writer is a total wanker. And you're right, I am. The MonoTracer will set you back a staggering $82,350 and are available now. I don't need one though. Nope, I need two. That way I have a backup in case I crash the other trying to jump over my neighbor's house during a stunt spectacular. Don't worry though, they have a pool in the backyard for me to land in.

UPDATE: Greetings from the ICU! I guess it's the other neighbors with a pool.

A bunch more pictures of the bike (including some action shots), after the jump.

Continue Reading " MonoTracer Covered Motorcycles For Sale "

Apr 14 2008 The Real Sumo Fighting Series Made Me Sick

This is a sumo wrestling video. A "real" sumo fight. You get to see the lightning, snow storms, fireballs other shit they call from the heavens in order to defeat their opponent. It's questionable. It may even be CG. One thing is certain though -- don't watch it if you're epileptic. I'm serious about that. It damn near gave me a seizure (starting around 0:50), and I don't have any known health issues (minus chronic headaches caused by the sound of my wife's voice), although epilepsy may run in the family. One time my brother and I were playing Q-Zar laser tag and all the flashing lights caused him to collapse and start spazzing out on the floor. Since he was on the other team I just stood there and shot him repeatedly. I ended up with the high score that round.

Youtube (there's a whole series of these things if you like them)
via
The Real Sumo Fighting [albotas]

Apr 14 2008 LEGO Chess Set Finally Looks Worth Playing

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LEGO has had several different chess sets in the past, but they were fairly boring looking. Now they've has ramped it up a notch and is releasing a set that makes playing chess look as fun as two-hand touch football with a bunch of naked cheerleaders. You can pre-order the 2,481 piece (576 of which are the individual shiny block tops on the playfield) set now, and it ships July 1st. Unfortunately it costs $300, making it too rich for my blood. Which, incidentally, is 65% Goldschläger, so that's saying a lot.

Another picture of the set from the opposite side after the jump.

Continue Reading " LEGO Chess Set Finally Looks Worth Playing "

Apr 14 2008 Halitosis Detector Also Features Alcohol Meter

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We featured another stink-breath detector on Geekologie a while ago, but that one didn't have a back-lit screen or breathalyzer, so it sucked. But the Etiquiette Checker ($59) does, so while it still sucks, at least it's the lesser of two suckages. You just blow into the device, and it gives you a score from 1-6, 1 being go French kiss the hottest chick you can find, 6 being you may have just licked a dog's ass. But this marvel doesn't end there, no sir. It also gives you a blood alcohol reading in 0.05 increments (kind of useless). Remember the first time one of your friends got a breathalyzer and you all went out to see who could blow the highest? I do, it was great. I thought for sure I was going to win with a 0.27, but my buddy Shitty Bill ended up blowing us all out of the liquor with a 0.38.

R.I.P. Shitty

UPDATE: Glad this guy wasn't there.

Electronic Etiquette Checker [ohgizmo]

Apr 14 2008 New Space Invaders Game Coming To Wii

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A new Space Invaders game (Space Invaders Get Even) is coming out for the Wii later this year. Instead of trying to fend off the pesky bastards, you actually control them in an attempt to dominate the planet.

Using the Nunchuck, you direct a UFO to drop hundreds of aliens on forest, city and military targets, destroying everything in their path. You'll be able to command the invaders to swarm and group in a variety of attack formations.

Well hot damn, it's been awhile since I've done any serious invading. Mostly because the last time I tried making an invasion it didn't go so well. It was the women's locker room, and some buff chick wet-towel whipped me in the eyes before I even saw a tit.

One more screen shot after the jump.

Continue Reading " New Space Invaders Game Coming To Wii "

Apr 14 2008 Marvel Vs. DC Custom Painted Nikes On eBay

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Up on the auction block are a pair of custom painted Nike Air Force Ones (size 9.5) featuring Marvel and DC comic book characters. They're currently at $50.99 (reserve not met) with 4 days, 8 hours remaining.

This is a custom pair of Air Force 1s that were handpainted and airbrushed to the highest of standards. This pair features numerous comic book characters from both Marvel and DC. The characters on each shoe actually fight THROUGH the pair! On each pair there is 9 characters. That makes 18 characters on one pair of sneakers. Any one who has some knowledge on sneaker painting knows how tedious it is to paint ONE character! Attention to detail is so incredible, that there were 9 different shades of blue, 6 different shades of red, and much more color variation on each character. Perfect for the comic book fan (apologize to any Robin fans). Perfect for display, but also ready for wear.

Who will win the epic battle of Marvel vs. DC characters? Does Batman die? Will The Punisher punish? Does the Hulk get with Wonder Woman? Will Catwoman and Psylocke tear each other's tops off and wrestle in a kiddy pool of Snack Pack brand pudding (like in my dreams)? Tune in next week to find me passed out on the kitchen floor while my wife stacks empty boxes on my back and a cat pees on my feet.

Several more pictures along with a link to the auction (with even more pictures) after the jump.

Continue Reading " Marvel Vs. DC Custom Painted Nikes On eBay "

Apr 14 2008 I Want To Be A Pusher When I Grow Up

This is the job I want when I grow up. And no, not because it gives you a great opportunity to cop the occasional feel.

Oshiya, or "pusher", is an informal Japanese term for a worker who stands on the platform of a railway station during the morning and evening rush hours, and pushes people onto the train. This video is a good example of just how crowded it gets on Japanese trains.

Oh man that's great. I love how the pusher starts shoving the guy in the white coat when he's nowhere near the door. So awesome. I could totally do that for a living. I'd love my job so much I'd even go above and beyond the call of duty, constantly honing my ability to efficiently get people on the train. I've already got a few new proprietary techniques in mind. Namely kicking and pile driving.

Youtube

Thanks to Robin, who would make the best pusher sidekick ever, for the tip

Apr 14 2008 Steampunk Star Wars Figurines Aren't Metal!

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These are a set of steampunk Star Wars figures made by some guy named Sillof. As you can see, they're steampunky. This guy makes all kinds of custom figures so his site is definitely worth checking out if you're into unique figurines. Nothing on the site is for sale, as Sillof does this strictly as a hobby that helps him relax (I drink beer and yell at the television). I thought R2-D2 (despite his proportions) and C-3PO looked the best, followed by the miniature King Kong figure (in the rear) and Demi Moore as that strumpet from the Scarlet Letter.

A bunch more, including Vader and stormtroopers, as well as a link to Sillof's massive gallery, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Steampunk Star Wars Figurines Aren't Metal! "

Apr 11 2008 My Childhood Sucked Without The NapTV

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NapTV is a little stool with a flatscreen built into the underside you can lie underneath it and watch cartoons before your afternoon nap. It is pretty much the awesomest damn thing I've ever set my eyes on. I love how in the picture they show a kid sitting on top reading a book. Ha, good one -- kids these days don't know how to read. Anyway, the NapTV is still just a concept, but if there's enough interest I'll beat up Sung-kyu Nam (the designer) and start manufacturing them. I already made one, and I must say -- it was freaking awesome. I say it was awesome because my roommate sat on it when I was watching Dora The Explorer and it broke. Into my face. So there I was, lying supine on the living room floor with a 320 lb man crushing broken glass into my eyes with his ass. And you know what? The audio still worked.

NapTV So Wrong that it Just Might be Right [uberreview]

Apr 11 2008 Tavern Tax: Guy Does Your Taxes At The Bar

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Carmine Sodora is an accountant. A genius one. Why? Because he posts up in bars and does your income taxes for you.

Sodora founded Tavern Tax in 2005. For 10 weeks leading up to the April 15 deadline to submit U.S. income tax returns, he brings his tax-filing services to bars on weekday nights and weekend afternoons. At an Irish pub on Wednesday night, Sodora set up shop under a "Tavern Tax" sign with a fold-up table covered with a framed photo of laughing friends, his laptop and a lamp. One by one, clients relaxed in the chair across from him, handing over documents and sipping on beer. "I always say to people, 'Where's your beer? I can't have one but you can,'" Sodora said.

Stop right there. I retract my "Carmine Sodora is a genius accountant" statement. How in the hell can you trust someone that doesn't drink while filling out tax forms? Exactly, you can't. I don't let anyone do my taxes that isn't at least eight W-2's to the wind. Which is why I did them myself this year. Today in fact. Penis jokes are deductible, right? Right?

Taver Tax Service Mixes Beer and Taxes [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat, who doesn't have to pay taxes because he has a personal pardon from Turbo, the tax god, for the tip

Apr 11 2008 Designer Foosball Table Looks Bathtubby

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This is a foosball table created by GRO design and Tim modelmakers. It's called '11 - The Beautiful Game', because 11 is the number of players on each team (not including humans), and it's beautiful when you kick somebody's ass and they have to buy you a beer. The table is going to be exhibited during Milan Design Week from April 16th - 21st, so someone go check it out and try to break a player off for me. While I can certainly appreciate the thing's design, it would probably be annoying to play on. Especially with the chrome handles. That said, this table gives me an idea. The idea for a bathtub foosball table -- that you actually play in the bath! Oh man, I would never leave. I'd sit in there wailing away until the water was cold and I was all pruney. I mean toy boats are still fun and all, but I'm a big boy now. Well, not big enough to bathe unsupervised, but I'm getting there.

More pictures and a video (warning: the players suck) after the jump.

Continue Reading " Designer Foosball Table Looks Bathtubby "

Apr 11 2008 Digital Looking Watch Is All Analog, Awesome

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The Di Grisogono Meccanica DG watch looks digital, but is purely analog. Only 177 are being made, and each contains over 651 parts.

The mechanically operated digital display of the second timezone shows tens of hours, single hours, tens of minutes and single minutes, all displayed by mobile microsegments driven by an assemblage of 23 cams connected to a set of gears and a triggering and synchronization system. The time information is displayed by an array of 23 horizontally and vertically positioned microsegments. Vertical segments are 9 mm high and weigh at most 25 milligrams while the horizontal segments measure 2.90 mm in length and weigh only 10 milligrams. The segments have four faces: two opposing visible faces fitted with colored strips and two opposing unmarked faces. Time changes are effected by 90° rotations of the required segment or segments. Involving one to twelve segments, time changes are lightning fast.

Freaking awesome! Man, I want a digital looking analog watch. Especially one that's more expensive than a house. I swear, I'd just stare at it changing time all day long. Plus it'd probably cover the cancerous looking mole that I'm too afraid to go get checked out. If it has hair growing out of it does that mean it's safe?

A couple more pictures after the jump.

Continue Reading " Digital Looking Watch Is All Analog, Awesome "

Apr 11 2008 Kit-In Box Prevents Unwanted Keyboard Cats

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Kit-In Box is not exactly what it sounds like. I thought it was going to be a box you order that comes with a kitten (like a Cabbage Patch doll, but furry and alive). It's not. It's a little wooden bed that clamps to the side of your desk so your feline friends don't sleep on your keyboard (as they are so fond of) when you're trying to work. They cost $50 and come in cherry, birch, and mahogany finishes. I need several, because my girlfriend has four cats. Well, three cats. One beaver.

A picture of what the unit looks like with two little dogs in it, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Kit-In Box Prevents Unwanted Keyboard Cats "

Apr 11 2008 Sony Making Picture Frame-Looking TV's

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Sony's new line of E4000 LCD's were designed with wall aesthetics in mind.

Sony's pushing its new Picture Frame Mode and four "blend in frame colors" hard as its looks to differentiate the 32- and 40-inch Full HD LCDs (and a wee 26 inch of unspecified, sub-1080p resolution) from the competition. As such, the TVs will display one of six, pre-installed images like Van Gogh's Wheatfield with Cypresses.

Or if pre-loaded pictures aren't your scene you can upload whatever you want. So yeah, pretty looking televisions that blend into the background. Awesome. Just look at the picture, you hardly even notice the TV, right? Actually, where is it? Oh shit -- spotted it. There on the left, next to that chair. Woody looking, nice design.

Sony's Bravia E4000 series is pretty as a picture [engadget]

Apr 11 2008 IKEA Turns Japanese Monorail Into Showroom

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IKEA, best known for their sweet coffee table that I bought, has turned the Kobe Portliner Monorail of Port Island, Japan into a traveling showroom. As you can see it looks like someone threw up all over the place. It will remain that way until May 6th, so if you're in the area go check it out. While the bright colors and nutty patterns make me a little queasy, I still think it's a great idea. They should totally pimp out the D.C. Metro like this. That way when the guy sitting behind me pulls his thingy out and starts beating it against the back of my seat I can at least pretend I'm in a furniture store.

A bunch more pictures of the pimped out trains after the jump.

Continue Reading " IKEA Turns Japanese Monorail Into Showroom "

Apr 11 2008 Crashed B2 Stealth Bomber Looks Sad

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Remember the story about the Stealth Bomber that crashed in February? Well here's the aftermath. I know, it's almost too sad to bear. What was once a wicked $1.2 billion technological marvel is now a burnt-out shell of its former self. *sniffle* I hope we can all learn a valuable lesson from this. Namely that my girlfriend should forgive me for crashing her car into her cousin's wedding party. Let's just say the dramatic entrance I had planned for the event went horribly, horribly wrong.

Another picture of a much happier B2 after the jump.

Continue Reading " Crashed B2 Stealth Bomber Looks Sad "

Apr 10 2008 Boy Builds Homemade 1:2 Scale Panzer Tank

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This isn't the first miniature Panzer tank we've featured on Geekologie, but it certainly is the most plywoody one. Kettering University mechanical engineering student Will Foster built the 1:2 scale tank using plywood, a three-cycle diesel engine, and a bunch of other random crap. It has a top speed of 20 MPH and can shoot paintballs, golf balls, and empty Red Bull cans out of its air cannon. Will estimates it's got about $2,000 worth of parts in it, but says he's spent over $10,000 due to the trial-and-error nature of its construction. Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, it's got a sweet "420" painted on the turret in red. Will, you funny little stoner you -- so crafty. Seriously though, I commend you on your ability to finish a project while smoking the chronic. Did I say chronic? I meant schwag (and maybe the occasional beaster). Still, good job -- the only thing I ever made in college when I was high were straight D's.

Video of Will and the tank after the jump, along with a link to the longer article.

Continue Reading " Boy Builds Homemade 1:2 Scale Panzer Tank "

Apr 10 2008 Skirt Mousepad Cover Is Disturbing, Fetishy

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I don't even know what to say about this. It's a jean skirt that you put your mouse and mousepad into. That way when you're computing it looks like you have your hand up a skirt and you're clicking around like a crazy person. What in the hell are the matter with these people? Whoever makes these things is freaking nuts. I mean, come on. A lightweight polyester-blend I could understand, but denim? Ridiculous. And sick.

Another picture of the thing in use after the jump.

Continue Reading " Skirt Mousepad Cover Is Disturbing, Fetishy "

Apr 10 2008 Paintball Turret Will Keep Kids Off Your Lawn

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The EMT Wireless Paintball Sentry Turret is just what I need to keep those damn neighborhood kids off my lawn and out of my flowerbeds.


The $1959 setup includes the paintball turret, a substantial tripod base, CO2 tanks, a color CCD camera with video transmitter and a wireless remote with a nice little 3.5-inch monitor (or a 7.5-inch upgrade pictured above) so you can aim at your unsuspecting victims. The controller's joysticks pan and tilt the turret, and can fire up to 400 paintballs with the push of a button. The whole rig runs on rechargeable batteries and CO2, so you can use it anywhere (although there is a slight up-charge for weatherproofing).

You can even upgrade to a high-res camera, big-screen goggles, and a larger ball hopper. Holy hellfire do I need one of these. Just think of all the fun you could have with those religious zealots that come by trying to pass off their literature. Just kidding, I wouldn't shoot them. I like to see the expressions on their faces when I answer the door pantless with a beer in one hand and my girlfriend's ass in the other. "Ooh, sorry, looks like we caught you at a bad time, we'll just leave this pamphlet here by the door." "Hey honey, show them that trick you do to pick up the dollars when you're stripping."

remote-controlled paintball turret is ready for action [technabob]

Apr 10 2008 Security Briefs Prevent Theft, Unless Thief Is Really, Really Desperate Or Just Plain Gross

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Security briefs are underwear that have a nasty stain in the back and a hidden Velcro compartment in front to stash your valuables. They cost $10 and are pretty gross. The idea (I presume) is that the shifty maid cleaning your hotel room will go through your bags looking for treasure, instead find what appears to be the skid marks of a landing seven-forty-shitven, puke in your suitcase, and quit her job. She may become a nun or prostitute, but she won't ever work at a laundromat.

An uncensored picture after the jump (like I really did a good job with the box).

Continue Reading " Security Briefs Prevent Theft, Unless Thief Is Really, Really Desperate Or Just Plain Gross "

Apr 10 2008 Sleek, Sexy, Daddy Likes: Cellphone Watch

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Here at Geekologie we've already seen several different cellphone watches, but they looked like shit. This one doesn't, and I would wear it. The Van Der Led WM2 Cellphone Watch comes out on Monday (April 14th) and will cost $471. "It's got a tiny 1.3-inch, 260k color touchscreen display, stereo Bluetooth, and boasts up to 240-hours of standby or 300-minutes of talk. Plus 1GB of storage for your MP3 or MP4 files. As usual, transfer data via USB." And also as usual, I can't afford it. I swear, when are these companies going to start sending me complementary products so I can actually review them? I mean Geekologie is a serious news outlet. I promise I won't say anything bad. Unless they suck, in which case I'll have to tear into them like my wife into a box of Little Debbie cakes.

1:10 P.M. UPDATE: The wife called to inform me that she DOES NOT like the Strawberry Shortcake Rolls.

1:22 P.M. UPDATE: Called again. Just ate a box and retracts previous statement.


Van Der Led's WM2 cellphone watch
[slipperybrick]

Thanks to Anthony Hotpants, who should cool those things before they catch fire, for the tip

Apr 10 2008 Godfather Art Made From The Entire Script

godfather-script-art.jpg

This is a picture of Don Corleone holding his cat. It's made from the entire Godfather script in varying shades of black (and a little red). A 24" x 30" poster will set you back $14, an unsigned giclee (limited edition of 1,000), $100, and a signed giclee (limited edition of 250), $300. They're awesome and I want one. And not just because I grew up wanting to be a gangster and watched that movie like a bajillion times. No, it's mostly because my "old men holding cats" poster collection simply won't be complete without it.

Hit the link for the product page where you can see a super high-res version.

Godfather Pop-Art Print

Thanks to Pat, who has been known to make offers that can't be refused, for the tip

Apr 10 2008 Star Wars Fett's Vette Music Video Is Okay

Another Star Wars rap song with music video. I'd heard the song before (by mc chris), but never seen a video (which is made from clips of the movies appropriate for the current lyrics). It helps. But I still can't get past the sound of his voice sometimes and why he's rapping about Fett's Vette. I don't remember any Corvettes in the movies. Is that even what he's talking about? I will admit though, the Vette gets 'em wet is a car for balding middle aged men with subpar dongery money.*

*To any Vette owners out there, I'm just jealous. Not only am I balding and seriously not packing any heat down there, but the transmission dropped out of my Metro and now I'm stuck walking everywhere.

Youtube

Thanks to Nicole, who moonlights as a bounty hunter herself, for the tip

Apr 10 2008 Custom "Nintendo All-Stars" Painted Shoes

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Up for auction on eBay are a pair of custom painted "Nintendo All-Stars" Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars Hightops. The pictures are of a pair that the seller made for a friend, but if you win the auction he'll paint you some, any size, and with any custom touches you want included (your name, a different colored Yoshi, nude princess, etc). They really are well done. Current bid is $255, with a little over 3 days remaining, so don't forget if you're really interested. I'd buy them but I just don't think I could rock them. Nope, I could only ROCK THE HELL out of them. Damn somebody please buy them for me, I swear I'll do them justice. Hell, I'll do them justice league.

Hit the link for a bunch more pictures, including some of the process.

Continue Reading " Custom "Nintendo All-Stars" Painted Shoes "

Apr 9 2008 Brilliant!: A Wheelchair Pedal Attachment

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Who uses wheelchairs? People who are too weak to walk, people with legs that don't work, and me if the grocery store has any complementary motorized ones (my legs tire easily). The common denominator here is walking, or more specifically, a lack of walking ability. So why not just pedal instead? That's the idea behind the Pedalofit (NOT the name I would have chosen). Actually, it's a wheelchair attachment used as a rehabilitation tool for people to help gain the muscle and coordination back in their legs. And as you can see -- holy shit is that Dick Cheney in the picture?

The Dude: This is Cheney...on the left there? So he's a crip-uh...handicap...guy?
Brandt: Mr. Cheney is disabled, yes.

Pedal Powered Wheelchair Seems So Wrong [ohgizmo]

Apr 9 2008 Mario "Frustration" Levels With Commentary

This video has been around for a while, so you may have seen it already. And if you have, that's awesome, you should definitely mention it the comments section. I saw it some time ago myself, but not with this guy's voice-over, which made it better. It's probably NSFW though, since every other word the dude says is a curse word. Oh, and it's unbearable long, so let it download and then just skip around for about 30 seconds or a minute (depending on how you feel) to get the gist. If you like it there are about a million other videos on Youtube of hacked Mario levels that are unbelievably impossible (search mario impossible or mario frustration and feel free to post links to any good ones). While it does look tempting to give playing one a shot, I know exactly how it'll end -- with my leg stuck in the television and bleeding (yes, I had to buy an old CRT from the thriftstore after my ladyfriend traded the LCD for "the most comfortable pair of shoes ever").

Youtube

Thanks to Randomnigel, whose blog I found this on, for having it there

Apr 9 2008 Watch Only Tells If It's Day Or Night, Has Rusted Looking Bezel, Costs $300,000

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Admittedly we've seen some really freaking ridiculous and expensive watches here in the past, but the Day&Night watch from Romain Jerome takes the cake for the least bang for your buck. It has a Tourbillon movement that only tells you if it's day or night. All this for $300,000. Holy sundials, Blindman, that's a ripoff. Yes, it is. And the real sick kicker is that the thing sold out within 48 hours of its release, making it an instant timeless (!!) classic. WTF!? I mean, for only $30 you can call me whenever you want and I'll tell you if it's day or night. Or you could, oh I don't know, open your eyes. I'm downtown right now, and I swear, the first person I see wearing an expensive watch is getting shanked.*

*Shanked is prison-talk for being stabbed with a makeshift knife. In this particular instance, a sharp piece of tailpipe that broke off when I was trying to parallel park.

$300,000 Watch Doesn't Tell Time, But Shows if The Sun is Up [gizmodo]

Apr 9 2008 Indiana Jones Figures Are Cute, Big Headed

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These are two Indiana Jones (well one Indiana, one Henry) figures available from PansonWorks. Each costs $30 and would look awesome on my bookshelf. Damn, I just love that Indiana. I was so inspired by the movies that I actually took an archaeology course in college. I had to pay a $60 lab fee, which I assumed was for a fedora and a freaking bullwhip. Wrong! I got a crappy little pick and brush. Talk about a let down. There was no temple of doom, no last crusading, just a horrible damn professor that stared off into space when lecturing. I egged his house after he failed me.

A picture of PansonWorks Street Fighter figures (also $30), just for the halibut, after the jump

Continue Reading " Indiana Jones Figures Are Cute, Big Headed "

Apr 9 2008 BB Gun With All Kinds Of Stuff Hanging Off It

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This is the Walther NightHawk BB Gun. As you can see it looks like they threw on every extra peripheral possible. It's got a flashlight, red dot sight, muzzle compensator, microwave, and I think I saw a hot tub. Okay, so no microwave. Still, it is pretty sweet looking. Unfortunately the $160 gun only holds 8 rounds per clip and shoots at a paltry 360 FPS. But besides that, it's cool. Did I mention I like the styling? I like the styling. I think this is just the thing to tote when I'm breaking into the neighbor's house to steal beer at night when I'm too drunk to drive. I've got one on the way, so I'll update and let you know how Mission Too Drunk To Drive But Not Drunk Enough To Sleep goes.

UPDATE
: He shot me... the old bastard shot me... he had real gun... bleeding... lots... someone please call... Domino's... see if one of their drivers can... ugh... swing by with a case...

Video review of the gun after the jump.

Continue Reading " BB Gun With All Kinds Of Stuff Hanging Off It "

Apr 9 2008 Questionable: Cheese From Women's Milk

breast-milk-cheese.jpg

Well ever since yesterday when the ick-factor was ramped up with (fake) baby chocolates and disgusting health drinks, the grody tips have been pouring in and making me even sicker. This is one of the lesser ones -- women's breast milk cheese from France. Allegedly Le Petit Singly is a farm that specializes in the stuff.

Le Petit Singly is a farm that specializes in making cheese from women's breast milk. Are you imagining the milking process? Admittedly, that imagery makes me come to the conclusion that it's an absolutely bizarre and crazy world of cheesemaking in little ole Singly, France. But, no. I think the "donors" bring their milk to the farm, or something like that.


The cheese is produced exactly like it would be for cow's milk and apparently tastes like it has hints of hazelnut. I still have my doubts about its existence, though. The farm says the cheese is rich in vitamins and nutrients but I don't think these survive after being ultra-pasteurized. Also, they have an "AB" label, which is the official label for organic products. Does that mean that the women all grazed on organic?

Hoax potential aside, I'd eat the hell out of some breast milk cheese. I bet it's delicious, and I love hints of hazelnut. It's like when my wife was pregnant with our daughter and I tried to get a little suckle on the proverbial teat. I barely got a taste before she kicked me in the privates and told me I was "stealing from the baby". I told her that that was bull, the baby was stealing from me. And she continues to -- 1 down, 17 to go.

Human Breast Milk Cheese Made In France [whytraveltofrance]
(apparently for the breast milk cheese)

Thanks to Richard, whose curiosity got the best of him, for the tip

Apr 9 2008 Little Girls: A Working TV For Your Dollhouse

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Hell yes that's a dollhouse. A dollhouse with a television. Brett Foster, whose daughter loves dolls, made one for her, and is now selling the 1:12 scale sets online for about $200. You can connect whatever you want to it, including a receiver, DVD player, X-Box, PS3, etc. etc. Oh my God, that give me an idea! Did you get the same one? Super Smash Bros. Brawl at 1:12 scale!! Hell yeah, that would totally suck.

Two more pictures after the jump if looking at pictures of dollhouses with wee-televisions is your prerogative.

Continue Reading " Little Girls: A Working TV For Your Dollhouse "

Apr 9 2008 Sure, Why Not: Face-To-Face Tandem Bike

tandem-bike.jpg

The Face-to-Face tandem bike is the brainchild of Taiwanese inventor Chen Yugang. It took him about a year to work out the logistics and build the thing.

His new bicycle can be ridden face-to-face, conventionally or even back-to-back as the seats rotate and the gears can be set to move the bike in either direction. "The bicycle is very easy to change. Any person can change the riding mode in around 10 seconds without the help of tools," says Chen. "Face-to-face is suitable for a parent and child, or dating couples, while the back-to-back mode gives both riders a good view, and the one at the back can have both hands free to shoot pictures or eat snacks."

I was skeptical about whether or not your knees would bang the other person's when you were riding, so Chen was kind enough to let my girlfriend and I take it for a test spin. It really is great for dating couples -- so romantic. There we were, riding along, eyes locked (practically having eye-sex), when, BAM! I slammed her into the back of a bus. Get well soon, honey.

P.S. But not too soon, I'm trying to put the moves on your roommate.

Video of a similar bike, with front rider riding forward, and back rider backwards, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Sure, Why Not: Face-To-Face Tandem Bike "

Apr 8 2008 Protect Ya Neck With A Bulletproof Hoodie

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The Defender Hoodie is bulletproof (and questionably stabproof and taseproof). It comes packed with "2mm of Type IIA bulletproofing, enough to stop a 9mm full-metal-jacket round at a velocity of 1,090 feet-per-second." Unfortunately it costs $600 and doesn't have any bulletproofing in the hood. So you better hope whoever has beef doesn't have any aim. And now, a word from the Wu-Tang Clan.

I see em duckin my dart gun, bustin, from every angle

Worldwide total carnage, the sickest flow
that be code named Agent Orange, killin you slow
It's only right you pay homage
to those that's bout to blow like that shit up your nose, solid
as a rock when I strike target, ver-bal
Be screamin on you like a drill sargeant, her-bals
got me where I wanna be right now, don't know the time
Check the hour on your sundial, watch me shine
Drunk off of cheap wine
Each line be on point when I speak mine
On behalf of my crew, SUUUUUUUUUUU, Enter the Wu

Oh man, I love that part about being drunk off of cheap wine. I've been known to do that. Seriously though, I think we can all agree gun safety is the real issue here.

Defender Hoodie: Look Good, Avoid Bullets [gizmodo]

Apr 8 2008 Pizza.com Domain Name Fetches $2.6 Million

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The pizza.com domain name sold at auction over the weekend for a staggering $2.6 million. It fell short of the price paid for vodka.com ($3 million) and the 1999 sale of business.com for $7.5 million. It was sold by Chris Clark, a man who registered the domain name 14 years ago for $20. Well way to go Chris, how about ordering the Geekologie writer an XL with cheese and mushrooms with your newfound wealth? Oooh, and some of those cinnamon sticks. What do you mean no cinnamon sticks? You cheap bastard.

Pizza.com domain name fetches millions [news]

Thanks to my boss, whose Subway sub I stole out of the fridge in the breakroom, for lunch

Apr 8 2008 Best Infomercial Ever, I Mean That, EVER

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Now we've seen a lot of awesome freaking commercials here at Geekologie, but this one may take the cake. It's for the $600 Beamz Laser Music System (Beamz Lazer Muzic Zyztem was already taken). It's basically six lasers, and anytime you break a beam with your fingers/hands a different sound is triggered. You positively HAVE TO WATCH the entire 3:00 video (after the jump). Now I've been known to set up a camera and film myself doing stupid things before, but never have I ever looked this ridiculous. It's almost too much to bear thinking these people are real and can wake up in the morning and face themselves in the mirror. That said, the laser thing they're playing is the awesomest freaking thing I've ever seen.

MUST SEE VIDEO after the jump.

Continue Reading " Best Infomercial Ever, I Mean That, EVER "

Apr 8 2008 Bleeehhh!: You Don't Even Want To Know

blaaaaaah!.jpg

Okay, since the baby chocolates turned out to be a hoax, submitter beefytee decided to really ramp up the creepy, disturbing factor to an 11 with this tip. If you've recently eaten lunch or are about to, save reading it for later.

Placenta 10000 is a jelly drink. With placenta. Pig placenta. 10,000 mg worth (hence the name). I just puked in my mouth. Now it's dribbling out onto the keyboard.

Placenta is said to have regenerative properties, especially concerning beauty, and can help with dieting as well. At about $8 per drink, it's expensive, but Japanese aren't exactly known for sacrificing their health and looks for a couple of bucks either.

If 10,000 mg/serving just doesn't cut it for your placenta-loving pallet, they have a Placenta 400,000 concentrate (on the left in the picture) so you can make...Ms. Piggy... bleeeehhhh!!...cocktails.

Placenta 10000 jelly drink is FOSHU for beauty [cscout]

Thanks to beefytee and his incredible steak shirt for the tip

Apr 8 2008 Shirtless Bandit Steals Netflix Discs, Is Caught Red (Mailer) Handed By Hidden Spy Camera

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This is the Shirtless Bandit. He likes chips and watching Netflix rentals -- but not his own. He just steals them from his neighbors.

After having to file multiple Netflix movies as "lost in the mail" I began to get suspicious that there was more than just a careless mailman at fault. So what better to do than point a video camera at the mailbox and try to catch a Netflix thief.
Since both my roommate and myself worked second shift jobs, we would be physically unable catch the culprit in action. And although suspicion was strong that it was the white-trash tenants in the first floor of our duplex, suspicion alone would not be enough. We needed something tangible, something we could take to the police if we felt the need. We needed him caught on camera.

Needless to say they did, and he got busted. But not before they drove his head into the mailbox a few times. Just kidding. I would have though. Shit, you steal my Netflix DVDs and I'll pack the mailbox with explosives.

UPDATE: I called a friend at the post office to check the legality of packing a mailbox with TNT, and surprisingly, it's frowned upon. That's okay though, I come prepared. Plan B: Make a mailbox costume, stand by road with a tire iron.

Two more pictures and the VIDEO of Captain Dipshit of the USS Shirts Are For Pussies, along with a link to the whole story, after the jump

Continue Reading " Shirtless Bandit Steals Netflix Discs, Is Caught Red (Mailer) Handed By Hidden Spy Camera "

Apr 8 2008 Nap At Work With The Nappak Sleeping Cube

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If there's one thing I hate about going to work, it's the lack of comfortable places to sleep during my afternoon siesta. Enter the Nappak Sleeping Cube. It's an inflatable cubby where you can stretch out and doze to your heart's content. Not exactly a cube, but that's okay. While it certainly is better than napping face down on your keyboard, I have a few other suggestions for great places to sleep at work (based on several years experience).

The trunk of your car
Benefits: Cozy, dark, can add pillows and blankets.
Drawbacks: Getting locked inside. Being rear ended mid-nap.

Bathroom stall

Benefits: Easily accessible, private, can urinate as you nap.
Drawbacks: Gas, bathroom noises, legs falling asleep.

Your boss's desk, with his secretary.
Benefits: Lockable door, someone to spoon, potential to get some (or at least cop a feel).
Drawbacks: Possible sexual harassment case and/or disease. Boss kicking in the door, yelling at you. Termination.

A couple more pictures after the jump.

Continue Reading " Nap At Work With The Nappak Sleeping Cube "

Apr 8 2008 2008 Rube Goldberg Machine Contest

The Rube Goldberg Machine Contest is held every year at Purdue and requires contestants to complete a simple task with a complex machine in 20 or more ridiculous steps. Last year's objective was to juice an orange into a pitcher and pour the juice into a cup. This year's was to build a hamburger with patty, two vegetables, and two condiments. For the third time in four years the Purdue Society of Professional Engineers took top honors. Coincidence? I think not. I have the feeling there's something fishy going on here. Let's review the evidence: The contest is held at Purdue. Purdue wins a lot. *puts feet on desk, lights pipe* I think my work here is done.

Another video about the winning team and machine after the jump.

Continue Reading " 2008 Rube Goldberg Machine Contest "

Apr 8 2008 Disturbing: Baby Chocolates Are Scary, Edible

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Ryan, who sent this tip, wrote to let me know that Geekologie hadn't featured anything creepy in a while, and this was his suggestion. It's a baby (complete with a hose bigger than mine) made entirely of chocolate. I think the hair is a little suspect, but what do I know? I'm only Willy Wonka's apprentice. And no, I don't shower with the Oompa-Loompas, so I've never seen them naked. Quit asking.

UPDATE: FAKE! FIRST! FUCK they're not chocolate they're made of silicon or something. Scary baby cake added after the jump to make up for it (Thanks M).

Several more after the jump.

Continue Reading " Disturbing: Baby Chocolates Are Scary, Edible "

Apr 7 2008 AWESOME!: Geekologie Featured On BBC

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I don't have a television anymore because my wife sold it for six boxes of Girl Scout Cookies and two pints of Ben and Jerry's. But if I did I may have caught Geekologie featured on BBC! Whoooooweeeee! So yeah, we're big time now. Really up there with the giants. Like Andre and, um, Jolly Green. The picture features a transcript of the show, or you can go here and click April 4th to watch it. But just skip to 21:00, that's when the good stuff starts. I can't wait to tell my parents, they're going to be so proud! Well, as proud as they can be of a son who writes lewd jokes for a blog all day.

Webscape on Click [bbc]

Thanks to Mr. Kezzzs and Adrian, both of whom I will buy a beer the next time I'm overseas, for the tips

Apr 7 2008 Man Builds Canoe Out Of Used Chopsticks

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Shuhei Ogawara is a former city employee of Koriyama, Japan. He worked in city hall, and one day decided that it was f'ed up all the cafeteria's disposable chopsticks were going in the trash after a single use. So what did he do? What any normal person would -- he somehow retrieved said chopsticks and made a freaking canoe.

Ogawara spent over 3 months gluing 7,382 chopsticks together into strips to form the canoe shell, to which he added a polyester resin coat. The canoe weighs about 30 kilograms (66 lbs), which is a bit heavier than an ordinary cedar canoe, but Ogawara is confident it will float. A launching ceremony is planned for May at nearby Lake Inawashiro.

That's awesome. As someone who regularly throws things in the lake to see if they float, I'm behind you, Ogawara. Also, I stabbed my roommate with a used chopstick once. But not before I coated the tip with wasabi. He died. Suck it, poison dart frogs.

Canoe made from disposable chopsticks
[pinktentacle]

Thanks to Melissa, who never lets me down, for the tip

Apr 7 2008 Yes!: Super Mario Piranha Plant Dongwear

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This is a pair of underwear available on Etsy featuring a silk-screened piranha plant from Super Maro Bros. They run $17 and are made from American Apparel undies (unworn), so they're sweatshop and scabies free. Now maybe I'm only speaking for myself when I say this, but doesn't that piranha plant look like the scary man-eating dong that chases you in your nightmares? Anybody else getting that?

Piranha Plant Underwear
[gonintendo]

Thanks to Ryan, whose member wouldn't even begin to fit in those things, for the tip

Apr 7 2008 3-D LED Cubes Are Out Of This World, Not Literally Though, They're Not Alien Or Anything

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This 3-D LED cube was made by Chinese manufacturer Seekway and features a 16 x 16 x 16 grid of lights for a total of 4,096. That's a good amount. "The system is capable of displaying animations at up to 30 frames per second and each dot can be individually addressed for both color and intensity." There's a video of the cube in action after the jump, and I suggest you watch it and just vibe out for a little bit. You deserve it. If the boss comes by and asks why you're watching Youtube videos on the clock you just look him/her dead in the eye and tell them it's not Youtube, it's some computer virus you got when you were downloading porno. Works every time.

Video after the jump.

Continue Reading " 3-D LED Cubes Are Out Of This World, Not Literally Though, They're Not Alien Or Anything "

Apr 7 2008 Cheap: Beadsprite Magnets For Sale on Etsy

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These are video game sprites made out of those little beads that you iron and melt together. I posted the Mario ones, but the seller has others, including some Earthbound and Final Fantasy. They all run between $4 - $5.50, so they're affordable. Of course, you can make your own if you're crafty and your mommy lets you use the iron. Mine doesn't (read: I scorched my genitals thrice), so I'd have to buy them. I am allowed to play with the beads though. Delicious.

Beadsprites on Etsy

Thanks to Jen, whose husband is clearly a very lucky man, for the tip

Apr 7 2008 NSFW: Star Wars Rap Song With Movie Clips

This is a rap song made with Star Wars clips. It's NSFW. No nudity or anything, but lots of bad words and heavy sexual innuendo. It made me feel dirty. Which, for a guy who doesn't shower and eats off the floor, is really saying something. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Another tamer Star Wars rap video, along with my favorite Star Wars song (IAM's L'empire Du Cote Obscur) after the jump. Link to the lyrics too, since it's in French.

Continue Reading " NSFW: Star Wars Rap Song With Movie Clips "

Apr 7 2008 Tape Dispenser Looks Like Cassette, Clever!

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This $25 tape dispenser looks like a cassette. A cassette tape! How very clever of someone. You can choose a red or green label, and both models dispense a long, thin, sticky plastic film (aka tape). I like it, it's got old school flair. If I didn't already steal six tape dispensers from work I'd consider getting one. Speaking of stolen goods, someone at the office made off with my "World's Greatest Lover" coffee mug. And no, it's not a "World's Greatest Animal Lover" mug with animal scratched out. Psyche! Of course it is.

Tape Dispenser Product page

Thanks to Brendan, who actually has one of those big golden wrestling belts proving he's the world's greatest lover, for the tip

Apr 7 2008 UFOCap Keeps You Dry, Abstinent

ufocap.jpg

The UFOCap is a hands-free umbrella that makes you look like a giant condom. The thing looks so ridiculous that the majority of people in the advertisement refused to wear them. Currently only available in Korea, they probably won't make it much further. I still want one though. No, I take that back, I'm saving myself for a Nubrella. And for marriage. Otherwise Santa might fill my stocking with reindeer shit and I'll be forced to kidnap the fat bastard.

UFO Cap Makes You Look Like Spin Top, Repels Rain and Women [gizmodo]

Thanks to Andrew, who attracts women like it's his job (which it may be, I think he's a gigolo), for the tip

Apr 4 2008 Ergonomic Coffee Mug Fits Your Lips

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This is a coffee mug designed with a thin wall at the top that's slightly curved to conform to your lips. Now, you know how much I hate to brag, but I can drink like a grown up and don't have any problems with a regular mug. But if you're one of the people out there that can't manage to drink your morning coffee without spilling all over yourself, I have an alternative solution: Ask your mommy to get you a sippy cup the next time she's at the store picking up your diapers. Oooh, burn!

Ergonomic cup design conforms to shape of your lips [dvice]

Apr 4 2008 Piratey Music Video Made With Playmobil Sets

This is a music video for Camphor's song "Castaway". It was made with Playmobile (LEGO's less modular bastard competition) pirate sets. I'm posting it because:

1. I liked the song
2. I love toys and videos with toys
3. I love pirates
4. I am a pirate
5. I'm dating a ninja
6. She gave birth to a knight
7. I don't think it's mine
8. It's Friday
9. I ain't got no job
10. I've been drinking since last night because I thought yesterday was Friday
11. I'm a pirate
12. My girlfriend's a strumpet

Adorable pirate music video [notcot]

Apr 4 2008 Maze Lock Guarantees You'll Perish In A Fire

defendius-door-lock.jpg

Is escaping your home in case of an emergency too easy? Need more of a challenge escaping during a fire? How about adding the Defendius Door Chain from Art Lebedev (maker of the Optimus Maximus). As you can see it's a maze. A maze of death. By fire. No word on price or if the damn thing is even real, but if you really want a challenge trying to get out of the house I'm your man. For $30 I'll stand in the doorway attacking you with a can of mace and taser while you try to get by. Slip me an extra fiver and I'll even bat you in the nuts a few times.

UPDATE: Turns out it was a hilarious April Fools joke! AHAHAHAHHA. So funny. *wipes tear* Thanks a lot Jack, you dick.

Defendius door chain [artlebedev]

Thanks to Jack (not the island guy), who can solve mazes and word searches in record time, for the tip

Apr 4 2008 Printer Tattoos Provide Instant Street Cred

printer-tattoos.jpg

A company is selling printer paper that can be used to make temporary tattoos. You just Photoshop yourself a wicked skull and crossbones or unicorn, and you're good to go.

Once it's printed you just need to apply an adhesive sheet to the printout and smooth out any bubbles. When you remove the adhesive sheet, the printed tattoo will be left with a sticky surface allowing it to be applied to your skin with a wet sponge. The tattoos are water-based and non-toxic, so while they'll stick around for about a week if you avoid bathing or showering, they can easily be removed with just soap and water.

Each sheet costs $5. While this is pretty neat for kids under the age of 10, if you want to earn real street cred you need to do what I did: Get in a bar fight and kill some dude with a highball glass. Then make sure to be represented in court by a public defendant so you're guaranteed a max sentence. While you're in prison kill somebody else (go for someone small) and get your cellmate to tattoo a blue tear under your eye using a sharpened spork from the cafeteria. Presto -- when you're out of the slammer everyone knows you killed somebody. Sure you may lose your virginity in the communal shower, but hey, it's all part of the experience.

Inkjet Tattoo Paper Is Another Way To Avoid Those Painful Needles [ohgizmo]

Apr 4 2008 Woman Dies, Is Buried With Cell Phone, Still Pesters Husband Via Text Messages

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Sadie Jones died five years ago and was buried with her most valuable possession -- her cell phone. Now her grieving widower, Frank Jones, claims to be receiving text messages from beyond the grave.

Shortly after his wife's death, Frank claims to have had a missed call on his mobile, which didn't ring. "The call was from my own home number, but there was nobody in the house," he explains. "When I went inside there was a smell like cigarettes which Sadie used to smoke and the smell of her perfume." The 59-year-old also claims that his late wife has been sending them all SMSes from beyond the grave. "There have been messages with words Sadie would say but there's no number."

First of all, when I die (which will likely be sooner than later -- I <3 you, booze), please don't bury me with my cell phone. When I'm gone I don't want any of the people I know calling and disturbing my eternal slumber. I freaking love sleeping. And while text messages from beyond the grave is certainly interesting, I think we're missing the real issue here -- the supernatural cell phone battery. That thing holds a charge for five years? Shit, mine's dead (!) after two days.

Dead Woman Buried With Cellphone Allegedly Sends Texts to Husband [gizmodo]

Apr 4 2008 Elephant Paints Elephant Portrait, I Want It

This isn't a gadget or gizmo. It is, however, awesome. It's an elephant painting a picture of an elephant -- holding flowers! Now I'm not saying that this pachyderm is smarter than a human, but it's definitely smarter than all my friends. Who, if you must know, are a rag-tag bunch of no-talent asscaps. The video is long, so feel free to skip around. But don't skip breakfast -- it's the most important meal of the day. Say, this reminds me -- one time when I was a kid, my parents took me to the circus (which I will never go to again) and there was a guy in the ring whose job it was to catch elephant shit with a shovel before it hit the ground. So this elephant starts to squat and he comes running -- but he couldn't hold the shovel up due to the weight of the turdage. It kept banging on the ground and spilling! Oh the hilarity! My brother and I heckled him the whole time.

Youtube

Thanks to Steven, who knows what's up, for the tip

Apr 4 2008 Sustainable Dance Clubs Aim To Be Greener

sustainable-dance.jpg

Sustainable Dance Clubs are designed to reduce the outside energy needed to get your groove on in a dimly lit room with a bunch of other people grinding "all up on that ass". The first is opening in Rotterdam this weekend and features a dance floor that harvests dancing energy via piezoelectricity. This energy will be used to power the club's LED lighting. Not sure what's powering the speakers, but my guess is magic. Hey, anything that makes the world a little greener is cool in my book. And they could really harvest some serious energy from my wicked moves -- I dance my ass off. Literally, I lost a cheek.

A video explaining the dancefloor and a picture of me after a hard night of partying after the jump.

Continue Reading " Sustainable Dance Clubs Aim To Be Greener "

Apr 4 2008 Busted: Boy Charged For Camera Taser

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Remember the disposable camera taser from a month ago? Well it turns out a kid got busted after making one and bringing it to school. Shocking (!), I know. He claims to have gotten the instructions on the interwebs (but not from me, I just linked to the DIY page). The boy was charged with possession of a weapon at school, attempted assault and breach of peace. Way to go dipshit! To his defense though, we all did the same thing when we were that age. At least I did. One time in homeroom I told the inbred yokel sitting next to me jam a clothes pin into an electric socket and it would spark. She didn't believe me. I warned her though: only hold the wooden part, don't touch the metal. It was awesome. There was a big blue spark the size of a basketball, then the electronic clock in the room went out, along with the air pump in the fish tank. She was sent to the office. Next period I had to run the mile in PE, and when I was coming in (after about six minutes), there was the principal waiting for me at the finish line. I puked on his shoes.

Teen Booked In Modification Of Camera Into 'Taser' [wcbstv]

Thanks to Mike, who doesn't need a stupid camera taser because women already find him electrifying, for the tip

Apr 3 2008 April Fools' Zelda Trailer Made Me Sad, Angry

This is a trailer for a Legend of Zelda movie that was apparently made by IGN as an April Fools' joke. What in the hell is the matter with those sick bastards? Sure the World Of Warcraft thing was awesome, but joking about Zelda? I've killed people for far, far less. I'm trying to not care though. I've been telling myself that Link looks nothing like he should. I mean really, did you ever envision Link as a homeless smack addict? And Zelda? Don't get my started on her. She's far from the boner-inducing princess of my dreams. Looks like she got hit with the Triforce Of Fugly. That two-bit strumpet. I mean I'd still do her. Damn you IGN!

Legend of Zelda Movie Trailer Debut [ign]

Apr 3 2008 Selfy The EasyBed Makes Itself, Is Dangerous

easybed.jpg

Selfy the Easybed shares its name with a hooker I used to frequent when I was with my first wife. But this one isn't a bucktoothed whore, it's a bed that makes itself. Displayed at the ongoing International Exhibition of Inventions in Geneva, it's the brainchild of Enrico (Suave) Berruti.

The bed sheets are connected to a couple of fasteners which roll along a set of metal rails attached to each side of the bed. Once the sheets are completely spread out, the metal rails automatically lower, creating a neat finish.

Since there's no video and I'm horrible at visualizing things I have no idea what that means or how the hell it works. However, I do have the distinct feeling that it has the ability to crush a still-sleeping lover. After all, what better way to get a one-night stand up and on her way, than, you know, having to call an ambulance.

Selfy The Self-Making Bed [ohgizmo]

Apr 3 2008 Shoes Have Headlights, Rubber, Lots Of White

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Well in the pictures after the jump they look all white. Admittedly, in that picture they look gray on top. But I digress. They have headlights in the toes.

Pioneer is a concept shoe that coverts kinetic walking energy into electrical energy. There's a tiny battery that charges up with each step and can keep the headlights on for a full 12 hours straight dispersing light at 1.5 meters.

Wow, they've had these for years. My niece even has a pair. Every time she takes a step Dora the Explorer and little pink butterflies light up on the sides. I went for a pair, but alas, no 11's. Personally I have no interest in this model. Perhaps if you're a night runner looking for a little extra safety these would come in handy (read: footy). But I've been running (from the authorities) in the dark for years without any problems. Except for the times I've hidden under overturned kiddy-pools. They always check under those.

NOTE: If you foresee yourself being chased by a ninja in the future do not buy these, you'll be totally f***ed.

Several more pictures after the jump.

Continue Reading " Shoes Have Headlights, Rubber, Lots Of White "

Apr 3 2008 Star Wars On SpikeTV Bus Stop Advertisement

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Here's a clever advertisement spotted in New York for the upcoming Star Wars movies being shown on SpikeTV starting tomorrow. As you can see it's a bunch of lightsabers and the text "Use only in case of Sith." Well isn't that some shit? What if you're being mugged by a non-Sith? You're just supposed to stand around and take it? F that. You want to hear the real kicker? I tried to steal one and it turned out to be a colored fluorescent tube! The damn thing broke in my hand when I tried to remove it. Not only that, but I think I may have accidentally inhaled some fluoro-dust. And, contrary to popular belief, it does not make you glow like a fairy.

Another picture of the ad during the day after the jump.

Continue Reading " Star Wars On SpikeTV Bus Stop Advertisement "

Apr 3 2008 Mario Bento Boxes Look Amazing/Delicious

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Bento is a Japanese single portion packaged meal, often compartmentalized and with some artistic flair thrown in for good measure (and to make kids want to eat it). This Mario-themed bento is a good example. My wife has been obsessed with them for quite a while, and is always hollering at me to come in and look at some particularly good looking bento she's found on Flickr. God knows she could never actually make one herself. There's a whole bunch more Mario-inspired bento after the jump, so check them out. They all look good, and are making me hungry. Say, looks like the cat is hungry too -- oh, it appears he's going to have a little asshole. I guess I'll pass on lunch after all.

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more Mario bento.

Continue Reading " Mario Bento Boxes Look Amazing/Delicious "

Apr 3 2008 Running The Numbers Art Exhibit Is Staggering

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I know what you're thinking -- the Geekologie writer has lost it and is posting fuzzy pictures of a scrambled skin-flick on Cinemax. Well, you're wrong. What you're actually seeing is a picture of two million plastic beverage bottles -- the amount used in the United States every five minutes. It's a piece in an exhibit entitled Running The Numbers, by artist Christ Jordan. That particular piece is actually 60" x 120", and there is a partial zoom and close-up after the jump, along with two others - plastic bags and cell phones. Check them out, and definitely hit the link to his gallery for a whole bunch more. They're definitely all worth seeing. And while you may argue with the statistics Chris used, I think we can agree that it would be fun as hell to dive into all those plastic bottles.

Kidding, these pictures are disturbing. If you need me I'll be hiding in the closet weeping into my blanky for the rest of the day.

Two more and a link to the very worthwhile gallery after the jump.

Continue Reading " Running The Numbers Art Exhibit Is Staggering "

Apr 3 2008 Scary Robot Lady Follows Your Cursor Around

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This is a picture of a scary webpage you can go to where that creepy woman there follows your cursor around and freaks you out. It works, I am freaked. I actually got so scared that I tried moving the cursor around erratically in an attempt to break her neck. But alas, cyborgs are trickier to kill that I had initially anticipated. Give it a go yourself, but be warned: you will cry, mess your pants, and put your fist through the monitor*. That, or fall in love. With a robot face on a website. In which case you need to get out more.

*Geekologie is in no way, shape, or form responsible for messed pants or broken monitors.

CUBO Scary Woman

Thanks to Jenny, the lovely bloggess, for the tip

Apr 3 2008 This Flying Lawnmower Is The Awesomest Thing I've Seen All Morning Besides My Roommate Running Through The Screen Door

Maybe you've seen this video before, because it's been around for awhile. But you know what? Suck it! *Does that stupid wrestling thing where you X your hands over your genitals* So, yeah, I didn't mean that. Anyway, this lawnmower has a secret. And that secret is the power of flight! It can't cut grass for shit, but I think we can all agree that's a small price to pay for such radical awesomeness. I was so inspired I wrote a poem about it.

Look at the lawnmower fly
High, high up in the sky
It may not cut grass
But that's okay with me
I don't cut the grass anyway
That's why I bought a goat.

*fingers snapping* Thank you, thank you. Honestly though, this thing is sweet. What could be cooler? Nothing. Well, except maybe a flying ride-on mower.

Youtube

Thanks to Matthew, who doesn't need a lawnmower to fly because he was born with a jetpack, for the tip

Apr 2 2008 Problem Solved?: Tree Produces Diesel Fuel

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The Brazilian tree Copaifera langsdorfii (aka the diesel tree or kerosene tree) produces a natural diesel fuel that requires very little filtering (one pass through a coffee filter) before it's ready for use. Just kidding about the coffee filter thing, I don't know what it takes. You stab the tree and presto, delicious, natural diesel. Unfortunately the fuel only has a shelf-life of 3 months. I was still excited at this point, until I started doing a little further research (being the intrepid reporter than I am) and found a source (wikipedia) that states "despite its vigorous production of oil the tree does not grow well outside of the tropics and does not show promise as a reliable source of biodiesel." So yeah, shit. But who knows, maybe with a little genetic modification we can have them walking around and talking like the Ents in Lord Of The Rings. Then we won't need cars, we'll just ride those leafy bastards.

Gasoline Grows On Trees [gizmodo]

Thanks to Bigjerm, who doesn't need gas to run because he's a solar powered sex machine, for the tip

Apr 2 2008 Surround Sound Chair Looks Ridiculous

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There's a lot of things I'd do for awesome surround sound. These things include, but are not limited to: selling myself in the back of a U-Haul, lying, stealing, cheating on my taxes, drinking a gallon of milk in under an hour, and jumping out of a tall tree. However this D+S Surround Sound Chair just doesn't do it for me.

This chair prevents sound from reflecting off the walls and the ceiling and thus prevents it losing its vital character. The Chair has two speakers in front of you which is mounted on an adjustable tubing that can be fully adjusted. Two flared sound vents sit just next to your ears and look more like small trumpets. Two more circular speakers above your head complete the speaker quartet. And for some thumping bass, you have a nice sub woofer that sits neatly beneath the chair.

It costs $3,000. But if you're interested I would recommend waiting to pay until there are actual photographs proving its existence. Like those Bigfoot pictures. I was a complete non-believer until I saw those. Now, not only do I believe in monster trucks, but I think they're totally awesome.

D+S Surround Sound Chair puts normal speaker setups to shame [bornrich]

Apr 2 2008 Pole Dancer Alarm Clock Looks Cheap, Just How I Like My Alarm Clocks, Wine, & Women

stripper-alarm-clock.jpg

This Pole-Dancing Alarm Clock looks like an utter piece of crap, a lot like the USB Stripper. It costs $40. What do you get for your two Jacksons?

Product Features:
• Spinning Pole/Dancer
• Music
• Time
• Alarm

Awesome. So she swings around to the tune of some cheesy song. On an alarm clock base that you can't even read the time on. Where in the hell do they come up with this garbage? It's uch junk. And how about the way they're objectifying women? Downright tacky. I swear, I'm tempted to write the company making this and tell them how disgusted I am. I wouldn't pay a single red cent for such a crappy crap crapingly *girlfriend steps out of room to stuff her face with ice cream* AWESOME alarm clock that I simply MUST have. One for each room of the house. Oooh, and one for the dashboard of my car. What the hell, one for the back window too.

Pole-Dancer Alarm Clock helps you rise to the occasion [dvice]

Apr 2 2008 Famous Photographs Recreated In LEGO

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Mike Stimpson is a UK based photographer that recreates famous photographs using LEGO. This one is Lunch Atop a Skyscraper, from the 1932 photograph of the building of Rockefeller Center (see actual photo after the jump). Looks good. Reminds me of the Brick Testament, just much less biblical and more black and white-ical. Which, FYI, is far different than Neutical, which is a testicular implant for neutered dogs.

UPDATE: Turns out Neuticals are no longer just for dogs, but now come in equine/bull and feline models (click sizing chart and pricing guide to check them out).

Hit the jump for several more, along with links to the rest, his picture set-up gallery, and some cool Star Wars scenes.

Continue Reading " Famous Photographs Recreated In LEGO "

Apr 2 2008 Walking Bike Features Sneakers, Horrible Ride

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The Walking Bike was designed by Max Knight (not to be confused with Max Rook or Max Bishop) and has a wheel of shoes instead of the traditional metal and rubber. I swear I've seen this idea in a movie or something. Anybody else remember that? Anyway, the thing actually goes, and there's a video of it in action after the jump. And by "in action" I mean a guy attempting to cross a street on it, realizing it was a bad idea, and getting off.

Hit it for the video.

Continue Reading " Walking Bike Features Sneakers, Horrible Ride "

Apr 2 2008 Software Program Detects Female Beauty

pretty-woman.jpg

Tel Aviv University student Amit Kagian has created a program that can detect female faces and features that will be considered beautiful by most people.

It uses 98 parameters that showed up in the faces ranked most beautiful by 30 test subjects, including facial symmetry, hair color, skin texture, and deviation from what was determined to be an "average face."

Allegedly it has proven to be accurate at predicting faces that test groups will find beautiful as well. Super duper, but I don't care. You want to know what a beautiful woman looks like? I'll tell you: She has hair on her head or is bald, has teeth (at least some, but none is okay), preferably doesn't wear a patch (although I can make exceptions), and lacks a penis or it is at least smaller than mine. Actually, scratch all that, my only requirement is boobs. Big or small, I love them all. Hey, that rhymed. I love you ladies. *blink* Damnit, that was supposed to be a wink. *blink* Aww, screw it.

Software spots femaile beauty, but we can already do that [dvice]

Apr 2 2008 Space Invader Pillows Will Invade Your Dreams

space-invader-pillows.jpg

HAHAHAHHH!! Did you read that title I wrote? Do you get it? Because I don't. I asked my roommate if he thought it was funny but he just swung his bong at me. So I guess it's not. Oh well. Anywhichway, these are 30th anniversary Space Invader pillows. They're available for pre-order (shipping in July) and cost $30 each. Now don't get me wrong, I love Space Invaders, but I don't know if I need them in bed. I mean what if one of those little alien bastards tries invading your ear while you're sleeping? Then what? You gonna blast yourself in the head to get him out? Because I've got the feeling that'd f*** your brain up. Bad. Not that I care about my brain all that much, but my ears? Jesus, I've got great looking ears.

Space Invaders 30th Anniversary Pillows [albotas]

Apr 2 2008 Fastest High-Resolution Inkjet Printhead

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Kyocera recently announced it has created a printhead capable of printing 1,000 A4 pages per minute at 600 x 600 dpi (~17 pages/sec!). That seems pretty damn fast. I can't recall the last time I needed 1,000 pages a minute, but it's for commercial applications anyways, and I hate commercials. Global sales of the head started this month, so they should be out there pretty soon. Oooh, this gives me a business idea. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I thought so, I knew you and I were on the same page. Two words: Let's pirate nudey mags.

1,000 sheets of A4 paper per minute [7gadgets]

Apr 1 2008 World Of Warcraft Console Game Coming

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Blizzard recently announced a console version of World of Warcraft is in the works. It's called The Molten Core and gameplay consists of ogres, fire monsters, and other nasty f***ers duking it out in the center of the earth (I assume).

"Blizzard got its start in console gaming, and we've always been excited about returning to this arena," stated Mike Morhaime, CEO and cofounder of Blizzard Entertainment. "Additionally, we've wanted to reintroduce the 40-player raid dungeon experience for some time. With World of Warcraft: The Molten Core, we're able to do both."

No word on a drop date, but I guarantee my MMORPGROTFL playing roommate will stay up for three days playing it non-stop when it does. You should have smelled him after his last go at it -- ripe. And not strawberries and peaches ripe either, I'm talking baby shit ripe.

A ton of must see screenshots, concept art, and a link to the trailer after the jump.

Continue Reading " World Of Warcraft Console Game Coming "

Apr 1 2008 Fullmoon Table Is Sweet, Glows In The Dark

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The Fullmoon sideboard table by Sotirios Papadopoulos (hell yeah!) has a giant, and accurate, picture of the moon on it. But that's not all! It, get this -- glows! In the dark. It's painted with a special eco-safe glowing paint that is only slightly radioactive. Not enough to really do anything to you, but don't have children. Not that they'd be affected by the table or anything, I just don't like kids. Kidding, I love the little bastards. And the table won't really do anything to you. Except keep you up at night. Maybe stub your toe in the morning.

A picture of the table being not so glow-y after the jump.

Continue Reading " Fullmoon Table Is Sweet, Glows In The Dark "

Apr 1 2008 Dude Builds LEGO Miller Park, It Is Awesome

Tim Kaebisch is the 22-year-old Brewers fan behind this wicked LEGO Miller Park. It combines two of my favorite things in the whole world -- LEGO and beer (loosely). I don't drink Miller though. Anyways, Tim has been working on the design for over 7 years, and this is the model's 4th major version. It features a fully retractable roof & outfield panels, and cost several thousand dollars in blocks. Good job Tim, my hat is off to you. My pants, however, are not. I mean they're off, just not off to you. That would be weird. HEY BRENDA! WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE A PICTURE, IT'LL LAST LONGER! I really wish I had an office instead of a cube, my coworkers are total pervs. PAUL, NO! TURN AROUND! YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS WALKING BY HERE.

Tim's Build Page

Youtube

Thanks to Adrienne, who can't look in a mirror without the fear of killing herself with her own beauty, for the tip

Apr 1 2008 Man's Visual Database Of Star Wars Figures

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This may look like the character selection screen from the LEGO Star Wars game, but it's not. It's a man's visual database of all his Star Wars figurines. As you can see he has several. Over 600, including doubles. I like his little database, you can view it anyway you want: by the movie or series the toy came from, year, etc. Nice. Say, you don't happen to offer this service for others do you? I've got a little collection that could use some organizing. Hell, I'm not ashamed -- I'll just come out and say it. Power Rangers. Are you happy now? The cat's out of the bag. The eagle has landed. My penis is waving goodbye. Watching his hope of ever meeting a vagina quickly fade into the distance.

My Star Wars Collection
via
My Star Wars Collection [likecool]

Apr 1 2008 Pixel Sofa Features Big Squares Of Color

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The Pixel Couch was designed by Royal College of Art graduate student Christian Zuzunaga and will be sold by Italian furniture company Moroso. No word on how much they'll cost, but they look like vomit. I want one badly. If you have a girlfriend like mine that's prone to puking and peeing the couch (I TOLD YOU I'D TELL EVERYONE!) then this thing would be perfect.

UPDATE: The woman called and told me to take the post down because she's embarrassed. I told her to relax, that it was an April Fools' joke. She said it wasn't funny because she really does pee the sofa. I just laughed and hung up.

Two more close-ups after the jump.

Continue Reading " Pixel Sofa Features Big Squares Of Color "

Apr 1 2008 Video: Road Safety Awareness Test

I think somebody else might have sent me a tip about this video, and if so I apologize for not being able to find it again. My inbox is so jam-packed with requests for my bank account information and advertisements for incorrectly spelled dong-enhancing pills that I may have deleted it. Anyway, this is a public service video for road safety. I don't want to ruin it, but I thought it was pretty neat when I watched it. And no, it's not an April Fools' joke. Nor are there any boobs.

Youtube

Thanks to Jered, who is awesome as hell and a great cyclist, for the tip

Apr 1 2008 Steampunkish Vader Mask For Sale On eBay

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This is a steampunkish Vader helmet some dude made out of an old mask bought from Disney World 14 years ago. It's looking alright. Nothing I'd have on display for every girl that came over to see, but definitely something I'd don in the bedroom for a choice few. The auction includes a chestpiece/respirator (picture after the jump) and currently stands at $22.28 with 2 days and 9 hours remaining. However the reserve has not been met. And you know what else hasn't been met? My soulmate. Well, she's probably been met, just not by me. And knowing that she's out there doing battle with some other Jedi's lightsaber makes me sick to my stomach.

A couple more pictures after the jump.

Continue Reading " Steampunkish Vader Mask For Sale On eBay "

Apr 1 2008 Pii Pii Brothers: Exactly What Is Sounds Like

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Super Pii Pii Brothers is exactly what it sounds like: a virtual peeing game. It's available now for $35 from ThinkGeek and comes with a pair of underwear to connect the Wiimote to.

The play mechanics are simple. Prepare yourself by strapping on the included belt harness and jacking in your Wiimote. A series of toilets are presented on screen and the challenge is to tilt your body to control a never-ending stream of pee. Get as much pee in the toilets as you can while spilling as little on the floor as possible. Sounds easy eh? Well the toilets open and close whack-a-mole style and occasionally the stray cat or other cute critter pops up. Spray a cat for extra points.

Wow. Thankfully it's an April Fools joke. Because now I'm gonna manufacture the game and get rich. Rich I say!

Uncensored picture and a video of my girlfriend playing after the jump.

Continue Reading " Pii Pii Brothers: Exactly What Is Sounds Like "