Feb 29 2008 Death Star Hotel Being Built, World Is Doomed
This structure is being built in Baku, Azerbaijan (an ex-Soviet country between Russian and Iran). Now I'm a firm believer in honesty being the best policy, so why they're trying to construct this under the guise that it's to be the "Full Moon" Hotel is a mystery to me. Just come out and say it already, Azerbaijan. This is not a 521-foot-tall hotel with 382 rooms on over 35 floors. This is the end of life on earth as we know it. That thing is going to blow up the damn planet. I, for one, am scared.
UPDATE: False alarm -- just saw the rest of the pictures. Nothing to worry about. Turns out the damn thing is flat. No way is it large enough to house a superlaser that could destroy the planet. However it is large enough to expect a reasonably sized mini-bar in each room.
Two more from different angles after the jump.
Feb 29 2008 Skywalker Bike Would Hurt/Kill You To Fall Off
The 12-foot tall SkyWalker TallBike is way up there. A little too far up there if you ask me. I know several kids around town that have five and six-feet tall bikes, and even those things seem ridiculous. This one is so tall it has a ladder system built-in so you can actually get on the thing. And apparently they're rugged.
According to Koolkat, the 12-foot SkyWalker is so strong that it can easily take a 500-pound pilot, a little trivia fact that makes me imagine a Fantasia hippo driving one.
Sure I believe that it can hold a 500-pound rider, but what I want to see is a 500-pounder that's crazy (and nimble) enough to get up there. And could you imagine someone crashing and falling off this thing? That would be pretty awesome wouldn't it? Yeah, it would. How awesome?
A. So freaking awesome!
B. Bad to the ass!
C. Gnar Gnar Gnarly!
4. Pow Pow Powerwheels!
F. Dude, that's not right, it could really hurt somebody.
G. I am so f***ed up right now, somebody please put on some music.
If you answered D. "I once saw a guy try to grind a handrail on rollerblades but fell and busted his sack open and one of his balls unraveled onto the concrete" then you are 100% correct.
Another picture and video of the bike in action after the jump.
This week's earlier Papercut Art really got me thinking about paper in a bad way. Needless to say I've been looking up Papercraft stuff since then and wishing I was more patient and skilled with my hands. But alas, God gave me club-hands and they're good for very little but playing Whac-A-Mole without the mallet. At least I can still look at these marvels of paper. Well, not technically, since I was born with peg-eyes. My girlfriend describes them to me though, and they sound super awesome. Except I can't really hear because God forgot to cut out my ear-holes, so she just punches me in Morse-code. You know, sometimes I wonder if life could get any better.
Three more cool Papercrafts after the jump, one of K-3PO (C-3's bastard cousin), one of the Links from 4 Swords, and a really clever one from Paper Gear Solid (which might be considered cardboardcraft).
Feb 29 2008 Caught: This Is How My Girlfriend Tricked Me
This is an art piece from a recent exhibit entitled Come Up To My Bedroom at the Gladstone Hotel in Toronto. An ex-girlfriend of mine used an almost identical trap to capture me. Except I was lured onto the bed with a Wii and a four-pack of chocolate pudding. Little did I know what she had in store for me. Which, incidentally, was the worst year of my life. Sure getting to play the Wii right when it came out was awesome, but her monster hammer* was not.
*Hammer in this case means dong.
Looks Cozy Don't It? [electroplankton]
Feb 29 2008 Super Mario Bath Bombs Are Fizzy, Awesome
Super Mario Bath Bombs are effervescent balls of fun you drop into the tub whenever you're bathing. Once they hit the water they begin fizzing and foaming, "releasing a fragrant scent as they fill your bath water with yellow foam." Hrrm, no mention of what the scent is, and I'm not the biggest fan of yellow foam, but I can look past those things to get at the little Mario figurine hidden inside. And at only $6 a pop I'm going to collect them all! Man, these are way cooler than the bath bomb my little cousin had when I was bathing him. Yeah, it came out of his ass. It was gross and I left it in the tub for his mother to clean up.
Super Mario Brothers Bath Bombs [coolestgadgets]
Feb 29 2008 LEGO PC Has Wheels, Lots Of Colors
This is not exactly what I envisioned a LEGO computer case to look like, but what do I know? I'm just some dumb jerk that (sneakily) uses company time to blog on Geekologie. Anyways, this is a rather motley case mod with wheels. "The LEGO enclosure holds in a VIA Epia PD Mobo 1Ghz, Nvidia 6200 PCI Graphics, Laptop 80 Gig 7200Rpm Hdd, Laptop DVD, 1 GB Geil DDR memory, and 200 watt PS." Not impressed? Well I am. Well, not about the computer's specs, but I really do dig the case. And it has wheels. Wheels, man. I remember the first mobile case mod I built. It was a Commodore 64 duct-taped to a skateboard. And yes, it was as awesome as it sounds.
One more of the computer after the jump.
Feb 29 2008 Joke Sound Boxes Are Highly Questionable
Remember when the electronic whoopee cushion came out? How hilarious was that? It wasn't was it? No, it sure wasn't. Well following in the footsteps come these Prankster Sound Boxes. They're $10 light sensitive boxes that begin making their annoying sound when it's dark. You can choose from dripping water or barking dog. You know, this reminds me of the office prank I pulled a few weeks ago. What I did was fill the metal tube on my coworker's desk chair with raw shrimp. Slowly they started rotting and he couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from! It was hilarious until he figured it out. I wish you could have seen the look on his face when he finally finished beating the shit out of me. Priceless.
Annoying Light Sensitive Sound Box [7gadgets]
Feb 29 2008 Waffle Tetris Is Delicious But Needs Syrup
Well last week it was Tetris ice cubes and then a few days ago was Captain Quickfingers playing Tetris at supersonic speeds and invisibly, and now comes Waffle Tetris. As is evident from the picture, Waffle Tetris is Tetris played with waffle bits on a paper towel. What fun! And while the gamer is about to lay the current tetrad in a shitty spot, they've got the long stick coming up which they've been saving for that far right side. And you know what that means -- they'll have to munch the bottom four rows! How delicious. I've been so inspired I'm going to make some waffles right now and play a round, I'll let you know how it goes.
UPDATE: So I was out of damn waffles. I bet my dick of a roommate ate them all behind my back. I was determined to do some breakfast gaming though, so I gave it a go with oatmeal. Fail.
tetris waffles: how to play with your food [technabob]
Feb 28 2008 Cloud Streets Are Streets Of Clouds, Magical
Cloud streets are lines of clouds that form in unusual conditions.
The most favorable conditions for their formation occur when the lowermost layer of air is unstable, but is capped by an inversion-by a stable layer of air. This often occurs when upper air is subsiding, such as under anticyclonic conditions, and is also frequently found when radiation fog has formed overnight. Convection occurs below the inversion, with air rising in thermals below the clouds and sinking in the air between the streets.
There's a video of a plane flying over them after the jump, and I think you'll agree that these clouds are clearly the work of an evil sorcerer. Why the hell he's spending his time making cloud streets is anyone's guess, but I have a sneaking suspicion it has something to do with mobilizing his dragon army. I swear, those dragons are so freaking stupid they'd get lost without a line to follow. He needs to start breeding those dumb bastards with TomToms in their brains.
Continue for the video.
Feb 28 2008 You Deserve It: Home Installed Bowling Lanes
Are you a bowling fanatic? Does seeing The Big Lebowski give you a boner? If so then you're not invited over to watch it this weekend. Just kidding, you're more than welcome. But if you just plain love bowling and hate having to leave the house to hit the lanes, then how about getting your own installed? United Bowling will install two regulation lanes (complete with pin setter-upper, ball return and computer scoring) in your home for a paltry $88,000. Unfortunately I called and that cost does not include building the necessary 88' x 12' x 10' room. So, yeah. Thought I was going to pull a fast one on them. Nope. I still managed to sneak in the "Do you carry 12lb balls?" joke though. Freaking classic. I'm throwing rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude.
Another picture of the lanes, and a DIY video of some guy that made a 10ft lane in his garage, after the jump. If you watch the video make sure to notice the pin hit the camera at 0:37.
Feb 28 2008 Silicon Womb Thing For In-Vitro Fertilization
What you see there is the Anecova Silicon Womb, which is a device for women that makes in-vitro fertilization easier. Basically you load that bad boy with eggs and it allows the embryos to experience a natural womb feel thanks to the hundreds of 40-micron holes. Apparently this is a significant breakthrough in IVF technology and may aid many women looking to become pregnant. And for all of you out there that are, I really wish you the best. I also really wish you'd call me sometime. You know they don't call me Geekologie Wanker the Baby Manker for nothing. Actually I don't know why they call me that. Or what it even means.
Feb 28 2008 President's Home Theater Is Freaking Lame-o
This is a picture of the president's home theater. It looks pretty sucky. Not what I would have gone for at all. Come on pres, where's the Star Wars theme? I mean you could have gone with anything, like Star Trek, Terminator, the Batcave, the Nautilus, Indiana Jones, or just balls-to-the-wall expensive. But no, you go with a red and gold motif and freaking ottomans in the front row. What are you, a woman? Oh, it turns out Laura Bush was the one responsible for the decoration. Well I see who wears the pants in your relationship, Mr. President. That breaks cardinal rule 4 of being a man: Thou shalt not alloweth thine wife to designeth thy home theatereth. You fool!
Another picture of the room, along with one of what it used to look like, after the jump.
Feb 28 2008 Doomsday Seedbank Is Ready For Storage
The Svalbard Global Seed Vault in Longyearbyen, Norway is officialy open for business and ready to start collecting seeds. The vault will hold over 100 million seeds from all over the world in case the world (except Norway) explodes or is otherwise torn to shreds. The whole compound is made of fortified concrete and can withstand "nuclear missile attacks or a plunging plane." Well this is great news for the Geekologie writer, and I, for one, have already sent in several samples of my seed. *wink, wink* You catch my drift? It's a tomato hybrid I developed myself, I'm really proud.
A ton more pictures of the compound after the jump.
Feb 28 2008 USB Speedometer Measures Typing Speed
This $40 marvel of modern technology is a USB speedometer that measures your WPM. And not only that, it keeps a running total of how many words you've typed so far for the day. As you can see there in the picture the device tops out at a whopping 260 WPM, which is a staggering pace. Now I'm not saying I could type that fast, but I can. Well, if falling asleep with your head on the keyboard counts. Which to me it does. So somebody notify the Guinness people -- I want my name in the book and a plaque damnit.
usb speedometer guages wpm, not mph [technabob]
Thanks to the always beautiful Melissa for the tip
I love steampunk. I don't love steampunk taxidermy. The two go together about as well as my privates and a spiked bat. Which, from experience, is a painful match up. I'm sure there are some of you out there that can really appreciate these, but you're sickos. One more of a ferret after the jump, but you'll have to hit the gallery link to see the rest, I have morals and principles (not really) that prevent me from posting them myself. That said, I still want the Beaver PC.
Feb 28 2008 Eyeball Tattoos Give Me The Heebie Jeebies
A Toronto man nicknamed Pauly Unstoppable has been the first person to receive an experimental "eyeball tattoo". Basically a tattoo artist injected blue ink into Pauly's eye until it was completely blue -- some 40+ injections! Holy hellfire, shit and brimstone that is freaking nuts. Pauly had the following to say about the experience:
I really have to emphasize again that the procedure was extensively researched and done by people who were aware of the risks and possible complications and that it should not be casually attempted. Now that this experiment has been started, please wait for us to either heal or go blind before trying it.
Nice Mr. Unstoppable, nice. You are truly a testament to the strength of the human spirit. Willing to chance blindness for the sake of, uh, blue eyeballs. I was going to use an inkjet refill syringe to give my own eyes a little color, but I'll hold off until the experiments are complete.
Click the link for an uncensored version.
Rufus Terrill had a dream. A dream of a bar where bums in downtown Atlanta don't hang out and cause problems. Well that dream was quickly fading until he was struck with an idea. An idea of a robot. A robot that looks like a piece of shit and urinates water out of a magic wand. Enter Robo-Cop (aka Bum-Bot), Terrill's brainchild.
The four-foot tall, 300-pound body consists of an old smoker mounted atop an electric scooter. He's mounted a spot light, infrared camera, loud speaker, and water cannon inside the chassis, then wrapped the whole thing in rubber and painted it a menacing black.
Using a remote control and walkie-talkie Terrill notifies vagrants they're trespassing, and if they refuse to leave he douses them. The results have been met with mixed reactions. Some (drunk bar patrons cheering the robot on) think it's awesome. Others, namely the director of the homeless shelter up the block, think it's cruel and unusual. The police agree that if the water cannon is used unprovoked, that it constitutes assault.
Now I don't know how many bums out there are reading this, but if you are, let me give you some schooling: Don't fight the machine. A robot is only as tough as the pederast-looking guy with glasses that's holding the remote control. That is where you will find the source of the robot's power. And the keys to the cash register and liquor closet. Use this knowledge wisely, class is dismissed.
Feb 27 2008 Mario Themed Party: Why Wasn't I Invited?
Apparently some Danish students threw a Mario-themed party in the campus bar at the IT University in Copenhagen. As you can see they decorated the place with some stars and question blocks and made some special libations like the 1UP and Big Mario Shot. I just have one question guys. Where the hell was my invite? You know I like Mario, you know I like getting drunk, and you know I love
all dude parties bars.
Feb 27 2008 I Really Want One Bad: BookShelf Bed Fort
Let's be honest, if you didn't make forts out of blankets and pillows when you were a kid then you're either lying or had the shittiest childhood ever. And now, since you can use power tools and build things -- you can construct a sweet adult version. Built to store books and other knick-knacks, this "Uroko House" surrounds a bed and I really, really want one. I'm going to be moving soon, and since I'm not really good with tools, I was wondering if someone might come over and make one for me. I'd be more than happy to pay you with, you know, shout-outs on Geekologie. I'd offer something else, but my ex took everything in the divorce. And I mean everything. "What kind of a sick bitch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?"
A ton of pictures of the construction from start to finish after the jump.
Feb 27 2008 Optical Illusion Made Me Lose My Lunch
WARNING:LOOK AWAY OR SCROLL DOWN IF YOU'RE GETTING SICK OR HAVING A SEIZURE.
Walter Anthony creates optical illusions. The one there in the picture is called The Purple Nurple Optical Illusion and it made me puke up a grilled cheese sandwich, some southern style potato salad, two eggs, and a cup of tomato soup.
Anomalous Motion Optical Illusion aka Peripheral Drift Optical Illusion is characterized by anomalous motion that can be observed in peripheral vision. […]
Keep in mind that this is a static image. It is not animated in any way. but as your vision moves back and forth the center area seems to be moving toward the center (contracting) and the outer edges seem to be moving away (expanding) from the center. Also worth noting is that if you fixate on a point in the center and don’t move your eyes this anomalous motion will stop.
Wow, it's like I'm 14 again and I just took a couple hits of wicked acid. Except my friends haven't all run away and left me in the middle of the woods to bug out alone and cry for eight hours straight. And let me tell you one thing -- if you think tree spirits and forest gnomes are make believe, you're entirely correct. Or at least they don't come to the rescue when a gang of ogres beats you up for your pants and the whereabouts of some fairy princess.
Feb 27 2008 Star Watches Let You Know What's Up (!)
These Celestial Watches from Citizen let you know what's going on up in the heavens at any given time. They're a limited edition of 200 yellow ones and 500 blue, and run $585 for the large size and $449 for the smaller one. Basically the face rotates around in real time giving you an exact picture of the night sky that's currently visible. Then using the various dials you can, um, do other stuff that is way over my head because I'm a stupid a-hole. All I'm hoping is that it comes with an alarm that warns of an impending alien visit and subsequent probing. This alarm will be known as Uranus alarm, because it helps protects it from experimentation.
Celestial Watches [popgadget]
These salt and pepper shakers are shaped like maracas. So when you go to season your salad, mashed potatoes, meat or whatever the hell you kids are seasoning these days you can shake them like you're in a Latin band and really add some flair to the experience. They cost $60, which is pretty steep, but totally worth it. You should have seen my girlfriend shaking them around like a lunatic over her plate. She just looked so...musical. Actually, much more ridiculous than musical. I told her so and she broke the pepper one on my face and seasoned the wound with salt. ¡Dios qué dolor! Por favor, no mis pelotas.
Salt and Pepper Maracas [notcot]
Feb 27 2008 Papercut Art Is Stunning And Made Of Paper
Peter Callesen is an artist who cuts up paper into beautiful little things. Sort of like Papercraft, but he always uses the actual sheet from which the design was cut as part of the piece. They're all absolutely beautiful. I posted a few of my favorites, along with a link to the whole gallery after the jump, which is a must see. I really admire the time and patience this takes. I know, because I've tried to make Papercraft objects before and I sliced off a finger and glued my hand to my privates.
Several more pieces and a link to the gallery after the cut.
Feb 27 2008 Hotel In Istanbul Being Built Underwater
While not the first underwater hotel, the one being built in Istanbul does promise some questionable views. The seven-story hotel is being built in the Istanbul Bosporus Straight, where the visibility underwater is allegedly only 10 feet. So you can forget about any view like that one in the picture! You won't be able to see shit. Well, except the pervert with an underwater camera snapping pictures of you. And yes, I agree, that sounds almost too romantic.
Improv Everywhere, an improv troupe that is always up to some sort of ridiculous shenanigans, is at it again. This time a group of them bring full-sized desktop computers (complete with CRTs) into Starbucks to take advantage of the free Wi-Fi. Oh the hilarity. You should see the looks on the faces of bystanders. They're all totally thinking WTF. What a great prank. Almost as awesome as the prank when I hid under my girlfriend's bed and was going to scare her when she went to sleep. It was hilarious! She came home with my boss and another one of my coworkers and took turns doing them while I cried silently and tried to avoid the bedsprings. Yeah, I got her good.
Video after the jump, along with another one of their improv skits in which a ton of them come to a dead stop in Grand Central Station for five minutes. That one is actually worth watching.
Feb 26 2008 Steampunk Mouse Looks Hot To Operate
This steampunk mouse was made by modder Unklian. As you can see it's got all the requisite copper and wood flair. But one thing it has that you don't always see in steampunk designs -- a steam producing furnace! When connected to the computer the mouse's orange LEDs light up to give the coal a nice fiery glow. Sweet! Just like the Monster Cookies I made using Paula Deen's recipe. You hear that? That's the sound of my arteries clogging.
Two more pictures after the jump, one with the coals lit up. But can someone please call Roto-Artery-Rooter first, I think I'm going down.
Man I have no idea where to even begin with this one, but I'll try. Mr. Wang Wei, owner of Beijing BUBBY (I assume that's Chinese for booby) Robot Technologies, has created a robotic breast massager. Mr. Wei did this when he realized he'll probably never get to touch one himself. I've posted his very convincing business proposal after the jump, which is a must read and explains who can benefit from such a device. As a potential investor I had the unfortunate opportunity to give the device a go, and I've got to say: it felt the exact same as the other time I was groped by a robot with flower-shaped hands. And that one was a window washer.
Mr. Wei's very convincing business proposal after the jump.
Feb 26 2008 Adobe To Start Making Hardware Products?
Adobe recently displayed a camera lens they've developed that's capable of taking 19 different depth of field pictures with a single snap. Then, using their custom software they showed how you can manipulate a picture's focus and potentially bring objects at farther focal lengths into focus with nearer ones, etc. Pretty freaking neat. Adobe built this prototype to show off their software, but similar products could be on the market in a few years. And I'm going to buy one, damnit. I'm tired of all the hot girls in the background of my vacation photos turning out blurry because the camera decided to focus on my boring girlfriend.
Several more pictures, including one with an explanation of how the camera works, along with a video of Adobe demonstrating the prototype, after the jump.
Feb 26 2008 LEGO MP3 Players: The Best Of Both Worlds
Everybody loves LEGO. Everybody loves music. So the LEGO-looking MP3 player just makes sense. Homade MP3 players (guaranteed to be built by an actual prostitute) are available in a variety of colors and each "comes with a built-in rechargeable Li-ion battery that should give you about 6 hours of play time." They run $46, but you'll have to supply your own microSD packed with music. I'm still considering getting one. I think more things should come with LEGO-like styling. Like food. And as unbelievable as it may sound, my petition to get LEGO blocks represented in the food pyramid has been met with staunch resistance. But I shall not fail: Viva la LEGO food group revolucion!
Feb 26 2008 Reserve A Spot In Heaven & Sin All You Want
Worried about the life you've lived? Don't worry, I'm with you. But now there's hope for even the worst of us sinners thanks to a company selling reserved spots in heaven. That's right folks, for a paltry $12.79 you too can guarantee a pass to the cloudy oasis that is heaven.
The package includes:
Heavenly issued certificate of reservation registered in the Book of Light™
A First class ticket to Heaven. Why walk those stairs when you can fly?
The Official Heaven Identification Card so you can get around without getting hassled.
Heaven 101 mini informational guide. Don’t be a victim of culture shock. Get acquainted with the land.
Now if you're not satisfied with the Essential Package you can opt for the All Access Kit for $15.95. In addition to all the basic crap it includes an " all access VIP pass. This pass will grant you access to “VIP exclusive areas” including the Land of Milk and Honey and Thug Mansion, where all the elite get together and kick it." I do like milk and honey, so I may have to drop for the upgrade. Too bad I think this is all a sham. Yeah, it turns out the company also sells reserved spots in hell. That's what tipped me off. Because, let's face it, those spots come free and I've got a whole row reserved.
Thanks to Kelly, who doesn't need a stupid pass to be an angel, for the tip
Feb 26 2008 3-Year Old Knows Star Wars Better Than I Do
This is a video of a 3-year old girl describing what happens in Star Wars. She's really cute. According to the girl's dad:
She explained the whole movie to me in much greater detail but unfortunately I didn't have the camera going. When I finally caught her talking about the movie again she delivered this truncated, but still funny, version...Believe it or not, she has seen the movie only once, and I spread it out over three days so it wouldn't be too much all at once for her.
Wow little girl, wow. I don't even remember that much. If I was describing Star Wars it would go something like, "There were these two robots, one looked like a trashcan and I think the other may have been a rapper. There was a guy with a laser sword, it was freaking sweet. Then a dude in all black with a wicked voice choked a dude without even touching him. And get this, it all happened in space! Oh, and there was a hot chick with cinnamon rolls for hair.
3-Year-Old Summarizes Star Wars [gizmodo]
Feb 26 2008 It's About Freaking Time: Strap-On Chairs
I hate standing. Partly because I'm so portly, but mostly because I bought a pegleg out of the bargain bin at Deadeye Dave's Palace of Prostheses and it chaffs like something fierce. So boy was I excited when I saw these Strap-On Chairs. You strap them on some poor sucker's back or chest, and presto, a comfortable seat. Although I doubt that dude standing in the picture would remain upright for long if I sat in that chair. Of course I never actually would sit in that chair because that would put his privates too close for comfort. The kneeling guy though, I'd sit on that one. His design is better anyways because it's not just a chair, it's transportation.
Feb 25 2008 Conceptual Frame Tablet Thingy Is Awesome
Okay I know how much some of you hate conceptual products, but this one is pretty damn cool. It's a picture frame tablet device that provides the user with information about whatever you're looking at through it. Designed by Tokyo native Mac Funamizu, the unit uses a camera/scanner along with GPS and internet connectivity to determine what you're looking at and provide information.
Just frame anything you desire behind the glass window, from a building, to a car or piece of art and the image will be analyzed and searched on any number of sites like wikipedia, google or google earth.
Sweet, they should have come out with these years ago. Just imagine not having to guess which house is yours when you come home drunk. I mean, you wake up on your elderly neighbor's couch three times in a week and all of a sudden you have a "drinking problem" and a "breaking and entering problem". If that old hag would've painted her shutters a different color like I told her to it never would have happened. As often. It wouldn't have happened as often.
Several more pictures showing the devices capabilities after the jump.
New York company BrickHouse Security wants to help you end your marriage/kick your kids out of the house. How you ask? By selling you a $150 SIM card reader that can read deleted text messages.
"Have you ever wished you can spy on your wife, husband, teens or colleague's phone to see what they are up to? Are they being suspicious when on their cellphone? About half of spouses find something bad on their partner's phone. They think they're deleting their messages, but they're wrong," said BrickHouse President Todd Morris.
Todd Morris also said his past two wives have cheated on him and he's using the device to help keep a tight leash on his third. Just kidding, he didn't really say that. He was definitely thinking it though.
Texters, Beware [nypost]
Thanks to Christopher, who is right now enjoying a nice bowl of fruity pebbles N scotch, which he insists is the breakfast of champions (and the unemployed), for the tip
I'm from the school where you'd think more wind for a wind turbine would just mean more energy. Well, as this video proves, that is not always the case. Storm winds for this turbine spelled awesome disaster (although they spelled it awsum disastur, storm winds can't really spell) and a chance for super-sweet slow-motion replays. Poor turbine, just out there trying to produce some green energy, and next thing you know "BA-DOOOSH!" it's in a million pieces and generating no energy whatsoever. Sad, but fun to watch -- like a narcoleptic wiener dog (video of him after the jump).
UPDATE: Narcoleptic wiener dog video updated to much cooler one, thanks to Super Frank, my brother.
Feb 25 2008 Atari 2600 Cake Is Vintage And Delicious
Just a short time ago we featured the Atari 2600 Controller Cake, and now somebody went and made the whole console! Made by Cakes By the Pound in Los Angeles, this thing looks like beautiful retro deliciousness. And for all of you out there that think you're above eating a cake made to look like a 30-year old gaming console, I've got some news for your -- cake is delicious. I don't care if it falls on the floor and your dog picks it up, it's worth prying those jaws open and getting back.
NOTE: I have never eaten a piece of cake after it's been on the floor and a dog has picked it up. That is freaking gross. My girlfriend did though, she's nasty and loves cake more than I do.
One more closeup of the controllers after the jump.
Feb 25 2008 Pet Peek Makes Your Dog An Astronaut, Sad
Pet Peeks are torture devices for dogs that make them look like space cadets. They consist of an acrylic plastic bubble you install in the fence so your pet can see out. They cost $30 apiece and make me sad. I'm not really convinced that a Pet Peek is better than your dog just not knowing what's happening on the other side. I mean, why not just a hole? Ah yes, dogs can't wipe their snot on a hole. Nor can you sell them (except in donut form).
Pet Peek [zuzafun]
Thanks to Sophia, who is awesome as all hell, for the tip
This Guitar Hero inspired shirt lets you jam out when you want, where you want, provided you're wearing it. The $35 shirt features a Gibson SG electric guitar, complete with whammy, buttons and strum bar. Couple this bad boy with the Jada Air Guitar Rocker and presto -- you're the life of any party. And the by life of any party I mean someone who isn't invited anymore.
Feb 25 2008 Guy Plays Tetris Near The Speed Of Light
This is a video of a guy playing an arcade Tetris game. Fast. Like "wow" fast. He really likes to keep the right side open to drop the sticks in and get those four-banger drops. It's amazing. And to top it all off, after he beats the game at around the 5:10 mark the blocks on the playfield turn invisible and he still tears it up. Now I don't know if this guy is a magician or a government cyborg sent to take over the world, but regardless, he can play some Tetris. I bet he got to see the rocketship blast off and the whole Russian band on the original Gameboy version. That lucky bastard, I could never make it past level 9-3.
If you don't know what I'm talking about there's a video of someone beating Tetris level 9-5 after the jump.
Feb 25 2008 B-2 Stealth Bomber Crashes, I Cry
If you haven't heard the news, a B-2 Stealth Bomber crashed immediately after takeoff in Guam over the weekend. That's not it crashing in the picture. That's one with the cloud effect commonly associated with breaking the sound barrier (although this B-2 is not breaking the barrier, or as we like to say in the business "bustin' up in that noise wall"). The one (of 21) that went down was the Spirit of Kansas and was the first B-2 crash ever. Both pilots ejected safely but later wished they hadn't when confronted about the plane's $1.2 billion dollar cost.
A news story video after the jump.
Feb 22 2008 Han Solo In Carbonite Executive Desk Looks So Good I Want To Sit There And Whisper Sweet Nothings Into Han's Frozen Ears
Never before has my desk at work looked like such a piece of crap. Oh em gee do I need this Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite desk in a bad, bad way. It was made by Tom Spina Designs for somebody who is much wealthier and cooler than I am. They'll make you one too if you're rich. I'm starting to save today. And by starting to save I mean taking another loan out on the house with the intention of buying one of these, but then blowing it all on strippers and booze. Awesome desk though. And remember, friends don't let friends be asshats.
One more picture after the jump.
Feb 22 2008 Self-Healing Rubber Sticks Back Together
Ludwik Leibler is a chemistry professor in Paris that has created an artificial rubber substance that can stick back together with the same strength it had prior to being cut. The unnamed material is made in an earth-friendly manner from vegetable oil and urea (the stuff in urine that makes it delicious).
Break a rubber and the chemical welds - known as covalent bonds - are also broken. The trick was to replace the covalent bonds in rubber with weaker connections known as hydrogen bonds. These are like hands on neighboring molecules that can clasp together, but let go when broken. Dr Leibler quickly realized that this meant not only that the new rubber could be recycled and remolded many times over, but that if separated by a cut or break, the chemical hands at the fresh surfaces would still be waving about ready to bind again.
Now let me tell you, covalent bonds aren't the only things severed when rubbers break. No sir. Your whole life can get split apart. You know what I'm talking about don't you? I'm talking about accidentally having kids. And don't believe that baloney "the stork brings them to your house" nonsense either, it isn't true. That's just a lie your parents told you so they wouldn't have to say the word vagina.
Self-healing rubber bounces back [bbcnews]
Thanks to Frankie, who is both wild and crazy, for the tip
Feb 22 2008 Bookshelf Stairs Are Freaking Awesome
As I’ve mentioned before, I like books. So I was immediately drawn to this set of bookshelf stairs. As a matter of fact, I've been just sitting here staring (!) at them for ten minutes. So clever. While they may be a little difficult to clean, I really like the design. I really wish I had a stairway to literary heaven. Instead I have a ladder to a rented room in my uncle’s attic. It is neither literary nor heaven. However it is literally a haven. For rats.
Several more pictures after the jump.
Feb 22 2008 Sweet Cannon Will Look Great On My Desk
If there are two things I wish I could do at work they would definitely be 1. drink (well, openly), and 2. fire a cannon. And now thanks to the 25-Inch Field Cannon one of my wishes can become reality.
This cannon features an automatic charger mechanism for rapid, multiple firing plus an automatic flint igniter. Weighing 7 lbs, it operates on the same principle as a gas engine in an automobile--using gas, fresh air, and a spark. Powdered calcium carbide "ammo" is added to the water in the chamber of the cannon. The auto flint firing mechanism creates the spark to give perfect combustion.
It costs $150 and I just ordered one. I can hardly wait. I'm going to fire it off in celebration any time I complete a job well done. Like successfully logging onto the computer, making a phone call, finishing lunch, sending an email, etc. The other cubies will probably hate me but they're a bunch of dumb a-holes anyway. Say, that reminds me of a funny joke. I just flew back from a business meeting in Detroit and boy are my arms tired because I had to punch the shit out out of a coworker for taking the window seat.
25-Inch Cannon Goes Boom [ohgizmo]
The Emotiv EPOC is a neuroheadset unveiled at the Game Developers conference in San Francisco. You can use it to map different thoughts to perform different actions in video games.
The device can detect conscious thoughts, areas of brain activity, facial expressions and even some emotions such as frustration, shock and anger, and will cost about $US300 ($326) when it is released in late 2008. The EPOC will ship with a range of games designed specifically for the headset, but gamers will also be able to use it with existing PC titles by mapping certain thoughts to keystroke patterns.
Well there you have it folks, machines are officially going to be ruling our brains soon. I'll briefly describe what is happening using a driving metaphor. So here we all are, cruising down Route We Control The Computers and headed towards Paradise City. When all of a sudden a robotic tractor trailer veers into our lane, causing us to jump the median, spin out of control and sideswipe a Volkswagen. When we come to we realize we're no longer on the road we once were. No sir, we're speeding along in the HOV lane of Interstate The Computers Have Taken Over Our Brains and approaching the We'ref***edville city limits at an alarming rate.
A big thanks to Marcus, who is freaking awesome, for the tip
Feb 22 2008 Waveboat Is A Boat Attachment For Jet Skis
The Waveboat attaches to a Jet Ski in under 60 seconds and effectively turns your personal watercraft into a boat. It costs $8,000 but is currently only available for attachment to Yamaha Waverunners. That may change if they catch on. And I definitely see that happening. Just look at all the extra beer storage space it provides. You could fit kegs up there.
UPDATE: The Geekologie writer does not condone the act of drinking and boating. Despite the fact that they were seemingly made for each other. But trust me, I wrecked my buddy's boat. In my defense though that mermaid really did come out of nowhere.
This nonfunctional knitted gas mask was made by skilled craftswoman teriyakimoto for a friend to keep warm on his bike commute to work. It looks good and has more style than a boring "bank robber" style mask. I, however, prefer the real deal. I wear a gas mask I picked up from the military surplus store just in case anybody decides to chemically attack me. I was going to get one for my girlfriend too but I didn't have enough money. No worries though, because like the boyscout motto goes, "she's a whore and doesn't deserve one."
Knit gas-mask hat [boingboing]
Feb 22 2008 Tetris Ice Makes Drinking Much More Fun
Tetris makes everything better. That's why these Tetris themed ice blocks will make drinking more fun. Because there's Tetris involved. Now I'm not entirely sure how you could play with these, but I'm sure there's a way. I'm totally going to put some in the liquor bowl at my carnival festival this weekend. You're all invited, it's going to be great. There's going to be dancing bears, a ferris wheel, moon bounce, roller coaster, tilt-a-whirl, upside down pirate ship, a bunch of other awesome rides, cage fighting, little people, fire eaters, all the liquor and beer you can drink, and to top things off -- eating contests! Bring your own spoon and $10 for free admittance. I guarantee a good time and at least 30 people die from faulty rides and food/alcohol poisoning.
DOOT DOOT DOODLE DOOT DOOT DOO DOO DOOT
That's the sound a carnival makes.
Feb 21 2008 Elastic Bookshelf Is Simple And Stretchy
Despite Steve Job's accusation that "people don't read anymore", I still do. Today it was the back of a cereal box, yesterday it was a nudey magazine I found under my roommate's bed. Being such an avid reader, I need a good place to store all my literature. Enter the Elastic Bookshelf. Designed by Arianna Vivenzio, the form fitting shelf consists of an elastic band stretched over two pegs. I love it, so simple. Just make sure to hit studs when you're putting up the pegs or the bookshelf will transform into all your shit on the floor.
Feb 21 2008 WALL-E Gamecube Mod Looks Great
You know that Pixar movie WALL-E that's coming out in June? Yeah, well some guys got excited after seeing the preview and modded an old Gamecube into WALL-E the robot. Damn does he look uber-cute. Those eyes. I hope nothing bad happens to him in the movie or I'll probably cry. And by cry I mean punch the person sitting next to me and burn the theater down. Hey, I get emotional during robot movies.
A bunch more of the adorable little gaming system after the jump.
Feb 21 2008 It's About Freaking Time: The Nubrella
The Nubrella is a $60 hands-free umbrella. If you can't tell from the pictures it's fairly ridiculous looking. Now I've never been one to really care what I look like, particularly out in the elements, but I still don't think I could bring myself to don a Nubrella.
Nubrella is no ordinary umbrella, it stops rain, wind, snow and extreme cold- and keeps your head, face and shoulders drier than ever. It offers more protection, guaranteed! Yet, nubrella went one step further and is changing the game forever. With nubrella's new patent pending "shoulder straps" and "offset handle" you can now be completely hands free!
Wow, "changing the game forever", that's a pretty bold statement. Now exactly what game are we talking about here? I need to know so I'm never caught accidentally playing. Nubrella - I'd rather be soaked.
A couple more ridiculous pictures after the jump.
Feb 21 2008 R2-D2 Beanie Cap: Please Make Me One
This R2-D2 beanie cap is freaking awesome and comes complete with holographic projector nubbin! Oh man I want one so bad. A woman by the name of Carissa is responsible for the design, and has the pattern posted on her blog so somebody PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make me one. My head has been so cold this winter and this is just the thing to keep it warm. You see, all my hair was scorched off when I ran into a burning building to save an elderly woman and a bunch of newborn kittens/bunnies/puppies. Pretty heroic of me huh? Okay you got me, I'm going bald.
One more picture of the back after the jump.
Feb 21 2008 Killer Engagement Ring Can Actually Kill
Tobias Wong designed a line of engagement rings with the razor-sharp diamond pointing up. He believes that the engagement ring, long a symbol of unholy matrimony, should also be able to maim and/or kill. When fitted with a 1 karat or larger diamond, the otherwise unimposing ring becomes a lethal weapon. I like it, but already have a deadly ring. Sure it's just my plain gold wedding band, but it's definitely killing me. Slowly. I like to call it my torture ring. Horrible, horrible mistake.
Killer Engagement Ring by Tobias Wong [yankodesign]
Thanks to James, who has never shanked anybody who didn't deserve it, for the tip
Feb 21 2008 Another Awesome House I Will Never Own
The Quetzalcoatl Nest home was designed by the same architect as the Nautilus House featured last week. It's ridiculously ridiculous and I want it so bad but know I will never ever in my wildest dreams get to live in something half as cool (right now I'm living in a Dodge Neon on cinderblocks in a bad part of town, which is approximately one-quadrillionth as cool). So, yeah. Hold on somebody's at my trashbag and tape window. Oh, gotta go, I'm being robbed.
A ton more pictures after the jump, along with a link to the architect's website.
Feb 21 2008 Bravit Candle Is Neat, Expensive, Romantic
The Bravit Candle was created by Christoph Van Bommel. Basically you light the main wick, and then the flame can split and take different wick paths, sometimes with as many as 5 going at once. They cost anywhere from $80 - $170 depending on the size. The actual wick structure was "inspired from the molecular structure of cholesterol" and the candles were "specially designed for long romantic dinners, as the light can last up to 5 hours." Ah yes, the cholesterol inspired romantic dinner candle. I'll tell you what, I find cholesterol so romantic. Cholesterol and heart attacks both really get me in the mood.
Bravit, The Multi-flame Candle [cribfashion]
Thanks to Brendan, who knows how to wine and dine the ladies, for the tip
Feb 21 2008 Canadian Sells Governance Of M-81 Galaxy
Some Canadian on eBay is selling the rights to become "the rightful governor and overlord of Galaxy M81". Key features of the galaxy include an 11.6 million light-year distance from earth, a whole freaking shit-ton of stars, and a sweet black hole of 70 million solar masses in the center. While I'm all about ruling galaxies, I find the eBay auction a little questionable. For starters the person has 0 feedback, and secondly they mistakenly call Ursa Major (the Great Bear) the Big Dipper. While the Dipper is included in the Bear, it's not the location of the galaxy. Now I'm not saying that I'm not going to buy it, I just want to make sure I get my galaxy's worth before dropping the $1 opening bid and $14 shipping. Oh dang there's a notice.
* the (possible) inhabitants of galaxy M81 have not consented to being sold or governed. This would make you a certified galactic dictator!
* Seller offers no guarantees that the name you choose will be recognized by the scientific community.
* Photo is 12 million years outdated due to speed of light limitations.
* the total value of this sale is in the framed certificate.
Damnit, so much for the Geekologie Galaxy.
UPDATE: I can't believe you people are actually bidding on this thing. That said, I just made my $1 million bid. Suckers!
Thanks to Tyson, who already has his hands full ruling this galaxy, for the tip
Feb 20 2008 Bedu Emergency Kits Are Barrel Shaped
Bedu Emergency Rapid Response Kits allegedly contain everything you need to survive in a crisis zone. The kit, designed by Toby McInnes, includes "a tent, storage annex, photovoltaic strip tarpaulin/blanket, multifuel stove, lighting rig, tool kit, medical kit, water filtration system, generator and battery pack and emergency radio." These sound like a great idea. My only problem is the picture they're using. That does not look like a crisis zone. Where are the zombies and monsters? People do not wave to the camera in crisis zones. And what the hell is up with that Roman pillar in the back? You see it? The one next to the giant weed plant.
Another picture after the drop.
Feb 20 2008 Street Fighter 4 Is Coming Soon
Street Fighter 4 is coming soon to an arcade near you and that is like music to my ears. It's been far too long since I've seen Chun Li do her little upside down tornado kicky-thing. I can hardly wait. Of course there's no arcade around her so I'm going to have to actually buy the machine. You know, because I'm made of money. Did I say made of money? I meant full of shit.
Thanks to Jason, who could probably kick all the Street Fighter's asses at the same time, for the tip
Feb 20 2008 Get Green: Build Your Own Hobbit House
Let's be honest, the Hobbit houses from Lord of the Rings were awesome and we all wanted one. Maybe not to live in all the time, but at least as a vacation home or secret get-away from a nagging spouse. Well now is the time to build your own low impact woodland home.
You are looking at pictures of our family home in Wales. It was built by myself and my father in law with help from passers by and visiting friends. 4 months after starting we were moved in and cozy. I estimate 1000-1500 man hours and £3,000 (~$5,825) put in to this point. Not really so much in house buying terms.
Wow, I totally want one. I'm going all out Hobbit. Now somebody come over and help me saw my legs off below the knees.
Another picture, some specs, and a link to the build page after the jump.
Feb 20 2008 Digital Tattoo Is Conceptual, Questionable
The Digital Tattoo Interface was another entry in the Greener Design Competition that the gravity lamp won second place in. It's an electronic interface embedded under the skin that looks like a tattoo. It's nuts. You could use it as a phone, computer, or traditional tattoo by downloading a picture of a unicorn from the internet. It runs on blood by turning glucose and oxygen into electricity. I don't trust it. Mostly because Jim Mielke, the man responsible for the concept, ends his spiel with "This product is waterproof and powered by pizza." Now get real Jim, who's going to believe that? Everybody who isn't a raving lunatic knows a digital tattoo interface can't run on pizza. Spaghetti-O's maybe, but pizza? You so crazy.
Two more pictures with words after the hop.
Feb 20 2008 Tonight's The Night For Sky Watching
There's a total lunar eclipse tonight that you should probably step outside and take a look at later. "The moon will be completely within the shadow of the Earth as of 10pm EST, and won’t start to come out again until 10:50pm. During that time it’ll turn a lovely reddish-orange, thanks to the sunrises and sunsets refracting light past the limbs of the Earth."
Also during that time the US is going to try to shoot down the spy satellite we've been hearing so much about lately. They're going to use a modified SM-3 missile launched from sea near Hawaii and I'm totally going to go pick up the pieces which are expected to land in central Canada. They've got to be worth something right? It's like when I was a kid and dug up baby dinosaur bones in the backyard. I was so excited I tried to sell them to a museum. That's when my parents broke it to me that they were the remains of Nibbles, my guinea pig. Those assholes had told me he was on vacation.
Spacewatch: Wednesday Is A Big Night [ohgizmo]
Now I'm not saying this 7 ¾” X 3" pocket-sized Guitar Hero game isn't going to be any fun, it's just that, well, damnit, it's not. Okay maybe a little. For a minute. The questionable device has a number of songs from the first two video games and the neck of the guitar (which serves no purpose) folds into the body, so you don't have to worry about it poking a hole in your jewels. They hit shelves early next month for around $15. Just imagine -- how funny will it be when you can ask people if that's a Guitar Hero in their pocket or are they just happy to see you? If you answered not funny at all you're correct.
guitar hero: get in my pocket [technabob]
Feb 20 2008 Officer Rivieri Is Just Plain Nuts, Loud, Roidy
Apparently Officer Rivieri, the Baltimore police officer best known for his Grammy-winning single "Don't Call Me Man Or Dude" and title role in Roid Ragin' - Return Of The Teenage Headlock goes off the deep end on a fairly regular basis. Shown here is a Washington D.C. art student's video of his confrontation with Rivieri last summer. Now I'm not totally sure how a video of people's reactions to a shoebox with a radio controlled car underneath is considered art, or fun, or anything, but whatever. Rivieri to the rescue.
Thanks to Brendan, who fights everyday to keep the world a safer place, for the tip
Feb 20 2008 Nobody Says Happy 30th Better Than Mario
Well yesterday started with a totally amazing R2-D2 cake, so I'm gonna get this Wednesday party started with a Mario one. Made for some lucky 30-year old, it looks great and might taste good too. As you can see it's got some Piranha Plant enemies there and a nice little Mario-esque landscape. And let us not overlook the mushrooms and turtle shells. Never! You know, seeing awesome cakes like this really reminds me just how unloved I am and that nobody would ever make a cake like this for me. *sniffle* Hold me.
Full size pics after the jump.
Feb 19 2008 New Elmo Toy Is Amazingly Amazing, Scary
The Elmo Live toy due out this fall made an appearance at the 2008 Toy Fair and let me tell you -- the little red bastard keeps getting scarier and scarier. He can sit, stand, sing, dance, tell stories and jokes, and all around freak you out. I don't care what Mattel says, there's a little person in that costume. And that, my friends, is freaking wrong.
Feb 19 2008 Aquaskipper Looks Iffy But Could Be Fun
Aquaskipper is not Barbie's little sister donning a wetsuit, but rather a water vehicle capable of backbreaking speeds up to 17 mph. The 26 lb device is powered entirely by your body movement, which requires you to kind of awkwardly hump the device to get it to go. It looks like fun doesn't it? I'm going to see if I can find a video to post.
Okay I found a video. It makes it look not as much fun as I was hoping. Way less fun as a matter of fact. Oh, and the video is from 2006 so it's OLD. LAME. FRIST! I win. What sort of prize do I get? A black eye and a testicular roundhouse huh? Sweet.
Video after the jump.
Feb 19 2008 Cleopatra Would Have Dug The Pyramid Car
The "Dream Car" is an electric vehicle built by a father and son team. It's shaped like a pyramid. The name of the father responsible for the car is Greg Zanis, his two sons are Chris and Greg. A pyramid is defined as "A solid figure with a polygonal base and triangular faces that meet at a common point." This vehicles weighs over 8,000 pounds and has 80 batteries that power its 4 engines. It can go 45 mph, has a range of 80 miles, and recharges in about 4 hours. It cost $60,000 to build and doesn't have airbags. What is does have is awesome neon lighting (see picture after jump) and sweet pyramidal styling.
Did I mention it looks like a UFO? And obviously when I say UFO I mean UDO because it isn't flying. I bet Chris and Greg can't wait until they get to take their dates to prom in this thing. They're never getting laid! EVER EVER EVER! If a dove flies by a diamond the size of a bowling ball and brushes it with its wing ever so slightly once every 1,000 years then when the diamond is finally worn down to nothing they'll still be 40 trillion year old virgins. Just kidding, I commend the boys and their father on an awesome project.
Check out the sweet neon and a video after the jump.
Feb 19 2008 Man Creates Lamp Powered By Gravity
2007 Virginia Tech graduate Clay Moulton recently won second place in the Greener Gadgets Design Competition in New York City for the Gravia gravity lamp. According to my dictionary gravity is defined as "The natural force of attraction between the earth and my penis that makes it drag on the ground when I walk."
The lamp's electricity is generated by the slow fall of a mass that spins a rotor. The resulting energy powers 10 high-output LEDs that fire into the acrylic lens, creating a diffuse light. The operation is silent and the housing is elegant and cord free -- completely independent of electrical infrastructure.
To activate the lamp you simply move the weights from the bottom to the top, where they start their 4 hour trip down the tube. The light output will be close to that of a 40-watt incandescent bulb and Moulton estimates the device could have a lifespan in excess of 200 years (with the LEDs being the first components to go). A patent is currently pending for the lamp, and I hope to see them on shelves soon. And you know what else I hope to see on shelves soon? Girlscout cookies. It's annoying how you have to wait for the scouts to come around selling them. I think I missed them this year. I need those things damnit. The wife is getting very bent out of shape without her thin mints. Shes says she'll kill me if I can't produce a box by the end of the week.
Thanks to Kathleen, who appreciates awesome green gadgets, for the tip
Feb 19 2008 Eye Candy: Nintendo Character Evolutions
Not too long ago we posted the History of Mario Power-Ups and now comes the character evolution of Mario, Link and Donkey Kong. While obviously not a complete history, it's fun to look at and reminisce about anyways. Ah, it seems like only yesterday I was throwing my controller at the freaking television and crying to my mom because I couldn't beat the last dungeon in Adventures of Link. Wait, that was yesterday. I swear they made that game too hard.
Evolution of Nintendo Characters [notcot]
Feb 19 2008 Nerf Vulcan Is Fully Auto, Fully Awesome
Ah, Nerf guns. Many a fond memory of playing with those things. I had the old school one that shot the yellow foam balls. I forget the name of it. Something popper? I can't remember. What I do remember is the dog eating all the damn ammo. Then instead of playing with Nerf guns we shot Ping Pong balls out of our mouths at each other. Which was fun until my babysitter hit me square in the eye and I fell and broke my thumb. Good times.
To keep the foam-based childhood memories alive Nerf is releasing the Vulcan EBF-25 later this year. It's an "electrically powered, belt fed, tripod mounted, foam dart annihilation machine." It comes with a 25 dart ammo chain and runs on 6 D batteries (like my girlfriend's favorite toy). MSRP is a paltry $40 so you will definitely be able to afford one. For your viewing pleasure I've included a couple pictures of "Titan" from the new American Gladiators showing off the gun (and his) after the jump. Warning: the combination of wicked toy gun and hunky Gladiator may make you gay.
Hit it for the pictures.
Feb 19 2008 Princess Peach Does Not Fight Commando
Well, it's official folks -- Princess Peach will not be fighting commando style in the upcoming Smash Bros. Brawl. I have the disturbing pictures and videos to prove it. Now I could go on a tirade about how whoever the hell bothered freeze-framing the hell out of the game to get these pictures and videos is a sick and twisted bastard that's f'ed in the head. But, well, they saved me the trouble of doing it myself, so I won't.
NOTE: The Geekologie writer would not have done this himself. Video game chicks do not do it for him because he's a normal person that likes real women. Like those anime babes. Yeah!
NOTE NOTE: I don't really like anime chicks either. That was a lie to make all you pervos out there that do feel better about yourselves.
What could be considered NSFW pictures and video after the jump. You know, if you don't have the kind of job where you get paid to look at cartoon underwear from video games.
Feb 19 2008 R2-D2 Cake Is Amazingly Good Looking
Now we've seen Star Wars themed cakes in the past, but nothing on the level of realism and bad-assness achieved by this R2-D2 delicacy. Made by Mark Randazzo of Mark Joseph Cakes, this cake was probably the centerpiece of the awesomest damn party in the galaxy. Which, incidentally, I wasn't invited to. Everybody always seems to forget about the Geekologie writer when getting a shindig together. Like the time my parents left me locked in the car during my 5th birthday party.
Feb 18 2008 Super Massive Music Collection On eBay
A dude is selling his massive music collection on eBay. How massive is massive? Try 3 million records and 300,000 CDs. That, my friends, is what is known as a shit-ton of music.
From Thomas Edison to American Idol, this is the complete history of the music that shaped and defined five generations. 3 million records and 300,000 CDs containing more than 6 million song titles. It's the undisputed largest collection of recorded music in the world. About half of the recordings are new and never played, and every genre of 20th century music is represented. There are countless rare recordings worth hundreds, or even thousands of dollars each on the collectibles market. Organized and cataloged, the collection is meticulously maintained and housed in a climate-controlled warehouse. The estimated value of this amazing collection is more than $50 million.
Every recording in the collection was purchased by the collection's owner over the past fifty years and represents a lifetime of work and his desire to see the music preserved for future generations. Advancing age and health concerns are forcing the owner to sell.
The history of 20th century music belongs in a museum (existing or new), or a music library. The collection's owner is seeking a private collector or a philanthropist willing to buy and donate the collection. A donation would qualify as a tax-deductible event. The collection contains many thousands of duplicate copies, which could be sold individually on the collectibles market to recoup a substantial part of the purchase price.
The bidding starts at $3 million but if you apply for an eBay Mastercard you get $10 back after the purchase.
A couple pictures and a link to the auction and website after the jump.
Feb 18 2008 Broom Lamps Are WTF I Mean Come On
These are Brooms Of Light. They're brooms. They're lights. They're ridiculous. Each one packs a 6 watt low-energy bulb and "gives a surprisingly nice ambiance light".(?) They come in white, green and red and go with just about any decor in your closet. The best part is that buying one will only set you back $176. So you can get five of them for under a grand. Awesome, I know. I just bought them out.
Thanks to Dolores, who would make a great president, for the tip
Feb 18 2008 Flame Gloves Are Sure To Keep You Toasty
Let's face it, fire and gloves were practically made for each other. That's why the Flame Glove seems like such a logical invention. Basically it's a glove that produces a flame out of the index finger. I bet it's great for doing tricks at parties. You know, like the one where you light a girl's cigarette and then she calls you a dork and makes fun of you with all her friends. Classic.
Feb 18 2008 Pen Turns Your Writing Into Text Mesages
The D:Scribe is a pen that digitizes your writing to send as a text message. You write whatever you want, circle the name of the recipient, and the pen sends the data to your cell phone via Bluetooth, which in turn fires off the text or email message. The current status of messages is displayed on the pen's little OLED display. I'm really digging this concept. I love writing on bar napkins and hate typing text messages, so this would be perfect for me. Of course there's no chance in hell it would be able to decipher my handwriting. It looks like cuneiform, but with more hearts above the i's and unicorn doodles mixed in.
SMS And Email Pen [yankodesign]
Feb 15 2008 Teenager Alarm May Be Banned In England
If you haven't heard (!) yet, stores and malls in England have been using a device called the Mosquito Alarm to keep kids from loitering. It's basically like a dog whistle, but for kids. The device "emits high-frequency noise which is audible — and annoying — to young ears, but generally not heard by people over 20." Apparently it's the same frequency that kids have been using for cell phone rings to avoid adults hearing incoming calls when they're using them places they shouldn't. Now England's commissioner for children and a civil liberties group are joining the fight to ban the alarm devices. I, for one, don't live in England but am all for the use of these devices. Hell, I want one installed in the house. My son just isn't getting the hint. I turned his room into an office, changed the locks to the house, and the asshole still hangs out on the lawn. I mean Jesus, he's 14, time to leave home already.
High-Pitched, Anti-Teen Gadget Under Threat [therawfeed]
Thanks to Delphine, who is beautiful and can't hear these noises, for the tip
This is allegedly an "actual leaked phone conversation" between a customer and Dell sales rep. That authenticity can be debated all you want, but I'm posting it anyways. Mostly because Roberto, the sales rep, calls the customer a little girl -- repeatedly -- because the dude backs out of a sale. Now call me a bit extreme, but I would have reached through that goddamn phoneline and ripped Roberto's windpipe out had this happened to me. I swear, where's Officer Rivieri when you need him?
Feb 15 2008 Rejected Star Wars Promotional Products
There are tons of Star Wars products out there. Some are cool (like the LEGO sets) and some are less cool (like the lightsaber lamp). Well a long time ago (1999) in a galaxy far away (fine, the Milky Way) Pepsi and Luscasarts brainstormed a bunch of Star Wars promotional products. And these, my friends, are the rejects. There's everything here from the Han Solo carbonite fridge to a Death Star grill to an AT-AT Walker chair caddy. Check out the jump to see them all. And while Princess Leia lifesize dolls may exist, I was kind of hoping for a Darth Vader one. You know, so I could
fulfill a naughty fantasy punch him in the mouth.
All the failed products after the jump.
Feb 15 2008 Eyeball Stickers: No I Wasn't Sleeping!
People (like me) sleep at work, it's a fact. Developing spreadsheets and writing reports is often too daunting a task after a long night of heavy drinking. You need a nap first. To help prevent getting caught sleeping (and the subsequent unemployment) are these eyeball stickers. You simply stick them on your eyelids and sleep away. Be sure to shave off your eyelashes for the full effect. I think this is brilliant. True ingenuity at its finest right here folks. While I don't have the stickers, I'm going to draw some on and see how it goes. I'll update and let you know if it worked.
UPDATE: It didn't. Apparently these aren't as convincing when you're caught under the desk with a pillow and blanket.
Eyelid Stickers Let You Sleep At Work [techeblog]
Feb 15 2008 Video: The Secret Life Of Cell Phones
This is a little CGI video of what your cell phone does when you're not around. Who would have thought that shit had aliens in it!? Not me. I mostly posted this video because it made me flashback to something similar that happened to me at a Cracker Barrel. There I was, tripping balls and trying my damndest to focus on the Country Ham Platter before me. But this particularly spry piece of ham kept trying to sneak his ass off the plate! I had to continually scold and stab him to keep him away from the edge. And even though I had my fork and knife on top of him he managed to dive to the floor when I was gone watching my face melt in the bathroom mirror.
UPDATE: Turns out that wasn't really a similar experience.
Feb 15 2008 Fish Forest Fishtanks Are So Freaking Sweet
I love aquariums, they're so relaxing. I used to have one in my bedroom until the sound of it started making me piss the bed. However that may be worth it to have the beauty of an Adana Aqua Forest Aquariums bedside. They're amazing. However due the incredible plantlife contained in each, they're difficult to maintain. CO2 and fertilizer must be added to the tank, along with grow lights and a special filter system. I think this type of system might also limit the type of fish you can put in the tank, as I only saw tetras in the pictures (I could be wrong about this). All I know is that I want one yesterday. Unfortunately my cats would have a field day with the open top design. I learned this the hard way with the open top mouse cage I used to have.
RIP Professor Squeak, Squeakers, Cheddar, Cheerio, Mighty, Danger, Red Eyes, Mickey, Minnie, Pikachu, Stich, Whiskers, Jujube, Kitty Food, Rascal and Cheeky. You're missed dearly.
Hit the jump for a bunch more of the awesome aquariums, along with a link to their gallery that is a must see if you like there. And no, I've never actually had any pet mice. Those beady eyed bastards scare the shit out of me.
Many of you may remember the Rinspeed sQuba car posted a few months ago. It's a zero emission vehicle that runs off a rechargeable lithium-ion battery and can dive underwater. All we had back then were a couple of concept art pics, but now there's a video! Sure it's a ridiculously horrible James Bond parody with a mediocre Bond girl, but it shows the car in action -- underwater! It's definitely worth checking out. It's a 5:00 minute video, but the car doesn't go under until about 2:30, so feel free to skip there. And also, skip to my lou, my darlin'. Or, if that isn't your scene, you can skip out on your next bar tab. And if a bouncer happens to catch you just tell him the Geekologie writer told you to -- then tase that mother!
A long, long, long, long description of the vehicle and company after the jump.
Feb 15 2008 Fan Art Exhitbit Blows, Literally. HAHA AH!
Don't worry, I punched myself in the groin for the post title. Scott Snibble's exihbit Blow Up is a neat little POA (piece of art). Basically a person sits at the table and blows into the small fans. Then the large fans across the room replicate the user's breathing patterns. That pattern will be played in a loop until somebody else makes a different one. While certainly cool (!) it's not nearly as awesome as my Punch Up art exhibit. Basically a regular person punches a punching bag, and then a giant amplifies that punch and applies it to your face. It was a huge hit (!) until my giant ran away.
Another picture and a video of the art in action after the jump.
Feb 14 2008 Seashell House Is Unbelievably Awesome
This seashell inspired abode was built by designed by Senosiain Arquitectos for a couple in Mexico City. It's amazing. It has to be seen to be believed, so there's a bunch more pictures after the jump. My wife said if our next house isn't like this she'll divorce me. And I could tell she wasn't lying.
Taking cues from a Nautilus shell, the house is put together using ferrocement construction, a technique involving a frame of steel-reinforced chicken wire with a special two-inch-thick composite of concrete spread over it, resulting in a structure that's earthquake-proof and maintenance-free.
Before I saw this I didn't even know I wanted to live in a giant shell, but now I totally do. Anybody want to get together on weekends and start construction of something similar? And obviously by 'start construction' I mean go kill the world's largest nautilus and live in its shell.
A bunch more MUST SEE pictures after the jump.
Feb 14 2008 I'm Stuck On You: Suction Cup Implants
Personally I want to leave the world with as many suction cups as I came in with, but for some of you that may not be the case (please note my opinion of elf ears is entirely different). Enter suction cup implants. Sadly they're just plastic saucers implanted under the skin and don't actually stick to anything. There were done by Dark Freak at the Luck All parlor in Sao Paulo, Brazil and look reasonably like the real thing. The dude should have gotten them all along the insides of his arms though. That would have been way more octo-like. Oh well, you know what they say -- a sucker is born every minute. Oh my God did I actually just write that? You're damn right I did, and I'm sticking to it.
Tentacle Implants [notcot]
Mike Turner pimped out his 15 year old Civic with lots of what appears to be Bondo, molded cardboard and duct tape to create the AeroCivic. It has a drag coefficient of 0.17 (the new Honda Civic hybrid is around a 0.27) and gets 95 MPG when "driving at a constant speed from 30 to 65 MPH on a flat road in 80 degree temperatures with well broken-in tires." In any other circumstance it gets about 8 MPG. Just kidding. I admire your work Mike, and wish you and the AeroCivic the best in the future. Also, I hope you're already married. Because unless you're looking to bag Mother Nature herself, you're gonna have a hell of a hard time doing it in that thing.
Several more pictures of the AeroCivic after the jump.
Feb 14 2008 Kinetic Energy Powered Cell Phone Is Green
The Atlas Kinetic Cell Phone concept is made out of aluminum and glass. In the center you get to see the kinetic energy harvesting unit, which is similar to those in fancy kinetic watches. Turning the phone upside down a few times will juice the unit up enough to make and receive calls and text messages (which is about all the phone will do). I like it. Design is a little weird, but that's to be expected. And you know what else should be expected? Dinner on the table when I get home. I mean I've got two dogs and three cats and all they do while I'm at work is sleep their asses off. Is it too much to ask for them to put a damn Eggo in the toaster? I know those freaking cats get on the kitchen counter when I'm not around, don't tell me they couldn't do it.
A couple more pictures of the phone after the jump.
Thanks mom and dad. Thanks for nothing. Where was my Space Shuttle Bunk Bed growing up? I'll tell you where it wasn't. It wasn't in the pink room I had to share with my sister, that's for sure. Nope, the bed we shared was My Little Pony themed and had a purple mosquito net thingy hanging over it. So what if the Space Shuttle Bunk cost $2,595, was I not worth it? Oh I wasn't huh? What do you mean an accident? I never peed the bed. Oh, oh, I was the accident. Wow mom, wow. Well happy Valentine's to you too.
Space Shuttle Bunk Bed [nerdapproved]
Wow. Baltimore police officer Salvatore Rivieri goes off the deep end on a 14-year old skateboarding in a place he's not supposed to. It's pretty crazy. And by crazy I mean it looks like officer Rivieri may be roid raging. It was all caught on video via cellphone by one of the kid's friends. "Salvatore Rivieri, puts the boy in a headlock, pushes him to the ground, questions his upbringing, threatens to "smack" him and repeatedly accuses the youngster of showing disrespect because the youth refers to the officer as man and dude."
Obviously, your parents don't put a foot in your butt quite enough, because you don't understand the meaning of respect. First of all, you better learn how to speak. I'm not 'man.' I'm not 'dude,' I am Officer Rivieri. The sooner you learn that, the longer you are going to live in this world. Because you go around doing this kind of stuff and somebody is going to kill you.
The video ends when Salvatore finally notices the camera phone and says "You got that camera on? Cause if I find myself on Y...". Now I'm not totally sure what he was going to say right there, but if it was "outube I'll be suspended from the force", then he was right, because he was.
This coconut amp was built by Steve Lodefink. Not much else to say except it's awesome and will certainly add a tropical island vibe to your next jam session. I was once trapped on Monkey Island (best game ever) for months and was forced to exist almost entirely on coconuts. They were my life blood. I ate them, I drank them, I talked to them. I threw them at things, I played games with them, hell, I even made
love to the damn things a big SOS sign with them.
nutty as a coconut (amp) [technabob]
Feb 14 2008 Happy Valentine's Day, I Love You All
Happy Valentine's Day! I want you all to know that if you don't have a special someone in your life then I would be more than happy to substitute until said person is found. Partly because I'm such a nice guy and love you all, and partly because my girlfriend sucks and I can't stand her anymore. You see this LED display she made me? Cute right? Too bad she really meant it. I think it's the clap, but I'm going to the free clinic this afternoon just to be sure. It feels like someone took a blowtorch to my ding dong. Anyway, happy Valentine's Day everyone, stay clean.
Valentine's day projects [make]
Feb 13 2008 l337 Eye Chart Isn't Haxor Approved
This the l337 Eye Chart. It has some really basic acronyms people use online, but in the form of an eye chart! It says at the bottom if you can read it then you have l337 eyes. And I could, so my eyez must b teh l337! Unfortunately having l337 eyes doesn't come with wall hack capabilities, which is a shame because I think the couple that live next door are totally doing it.
l337 Eye Chart [neatorama]
Feb 13 2008 The Gun Washer Keeps Your Pieces Clean
The F636HT Heavy Duty Long Gun & Handgun System looks like a deep fryer for weaponry, but is actually a gun washing machine. The $7,100 unit can clean 10 handguns or 4 long guns at once.
The system includes: one (1) lube pan 35.5"X6" v-bottom construction with anti-splash dampers & cover. Two (2) heavy duty weapon racks with 5 removable compartments, tank cover, drip proof flange with built in rack shelf and carry handles, H.D. adjustable heater for parkerizing, variable power generator 3/4" S.S. front drain valve and rear fill port. 2 gal. CC235 clean concentrate, 6 gal. CC400L lubricant.
The company estimates you can clean about 1,000 guns with the system's initial 8 gallons of included lube. And that, my friends, is a lot of guns. And lube. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Indeed, the world's first slip-and-slide shooting range. Whee!
F636HT Heavy Duty Long Gun & Handgun System Cleans your Weapons without the Elbow Grease [uberreview]
Unbeknownst to me, Roto-Rooter (the toilet unclogging company) gave away a pimped out man-bathroom last year. It had a beer tap and 42" flatscreen and all this other stuff that is mandatory for a room that you shower and shit in. Well, to keep up with the hip 20-something crowd they're doing it again, this time for the ladies. Drumroll please: The Pimp My Powder Room Contest by Roto-Rooter! You can enter everyday online at their website for a chance to win. It includes all the must haves for a bathroom like a coffee maker, laptop, iPod touch, Nintendo Wii, flatscreen/mirror combo, new shitter, foot bath, virtual window and more. OMG, this thing is totally mine. I came into this ready to make fun of it, but I actually need all these things in my bathroom. I'm even digging the pretty princess pink color scheme. Hey I'm just saying...oh my god I sprouted a vagina!
That being said, I've tried to play Wii from the john before, and it isn't easy. I was getting into a pretty intense tennis battle on Wii sports when a particularly strong backhand sent me reeling off the commode and onto the floor, where, yeah, #2.
Feb 13 2008 Grappling Hook Launcher For Lame Ninjas
I'm a card carrying elite ninja and do all my grapple tossing by hand, so personally I wouldn't be caught dead with a pneumatic grappling hook (although I may be caught dead with a chest full of throwing stars).
A pneumatically launched tactical line-throwing system developed by DFT for Special Operations Forces. The T-PLS can launch a standard titanium grappling hook towing a 7mm Kevlar line in excess of 120 vertical feet using a regulated air source. Minimizing complexity and emphasizing durability, T-PLS brings a much needed capability by mitigating noise and allowing the SOF operator to reach new heights in tactical climbing missions.
The only thing it's missing is a device that automatically sends you up the rope, which obviously us real ninjas would frown upon. However for you out of shape and/or novice ninjas, this may be a necessary evil. I don't know about that marketing picture though. Are they implying that you can grapple all the way to the sun? How ridiculous! Because once I grappled to Mercury to kill an alien warlord, and that climb was about all my arms could take.
Grappling hook back-ups high tech gear [crave]
Feb 13 2008 Chocolate Scrabble Looks Yummy, Delicious
Chocolate Scrabble is a chocolate bar with the alphabet on it. It's 3.5 ounces of delicious dark chocolate. Unfortunately one set of the alphabet does not constitute the tiles necessary to play a round of the awesomest word game ever. So you'll have to buy a bunch of bars. Like 12 (the number of E's in a regular set). Then you'd have to eat 11 Z's, X's, and Q's along with a bunch other letters. Still, I love the idea. It looks a lot more delicious than the Scrabble tiles I made, which are razor blades. Deadliest game of Scrabble you'll ever play.
Chocolate Scrabble [core77]
Feb 13 2008 Animal Sense Devices Are Awesome
Masters students at the Royal College of Art in London recently displayed their current projects in a show entitled Work In Progress. These Animal Sense Devices come from students Christ Woebken and Kenichi Okada.
Curiosity and exploration is one of the major desires of children. We believe reality is tune-able and we developed a series of sensory enhancements as experiential prototypes. Can you retrain lost senses and instincts? Can you create an experience of feeling like an animal, even as tiny as an ant? How would kids feel if they can transform through to adults on the same eye level?
The Ant was designed to make kids feel 50x smaller, the Bird to retrain the sense for magnetic fields, and the giraffe to allow children to see on the same eye-level as adults. The giraffe is pretty self explanatory, and the ant one has a little microscopic camera in the right mitt (the little black dot) so you see closeups of the grass and feel small as you crawl around. The bird one though, I don't know about that. I think it lets you know which way the north pole is or something. That or it makes you think you can fly. Which, as my cousin who I tossed off the roof can attest to, kids can't.
A closer picture of ant-girl after the jump.
A 19 year old boy by the name of Kristian Allen Carl is convinced he's a vampire/werewolf hybrid. He also convinced a 15 year old girl that he met one night that he was, and they did it. After being arrested for sexual assault Kristian showed his canine teeth to police officers to prove he was said beast, but they didn't go for it. To make matters worse the nutcase told police that he has a guardian dragon that protects him from evildoers.
Whoa there Kristian, you've gone too far. A vampire/werewolf combination I could believe, but one with a guardian dragon? Get real. You know this really makes me question the validity of your hybrid claim. I'm starting to think you're just a guy that's seriously f***ed in the head. But to be safe we'll be packing both silver bullets and stakes when the hunting club comes to pay you a visit this weekend. Several of the guys are really excited about the prospect of bagging a vampire/werewolf hybrid. Me? I've starting to hope that dragon is real after all.
thanks to Brytne, who knows no news is good news, for the tip
Feb 13 2008 Fly Mask Has Drinking Tube, Looks Iffy
This sippy mask was made by artist Jennifer Maestre.
This mosquito-esque mask is made of coiled, sewn, polyester horsehair braid. One cool thing about this mask- it has a drinking tube up the proboscis. Nothing stinks more than having to remove your face each time you'd like a sip of something tasty at a party!
Cool I guess, but I question how often it would actually get use. I'm sure if you wanted to be an idiot like my roommates you could get drunk in it every night, but honestly, you don't want to be like those guys. For us normal people it would only be appropriate the one day a year it's kosher to dress in costume and get drunk as shit -- Valentine's.
A picture of it glowing in the dark after the jump.
Feb 12 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Philips Files Patent For Game Sytem With Throwable Monitor. Yes, Seriously.
Philips recently filed a patent for a video game system that includes a durable monitor that you can toss around as part of gameplay. WTF, you say? Indeed. The information included in the patent doesn't make much sense (although you can read it after the jump), so I'll just give you a breakdown based on the picture.
As you can see a man dressed as a woman dressed as a clown (198) throws the display (101) single-handedly in an arc, just missing the ceiling. At this time you roll out from behind a couch and stand there in the orthopedic boots your mom makes you wear (199). As the display (101) crashes to the ground you take aim at the image of a winged vampire carrying an olive branch (102) with the game system's included phallus (180). If your aim was true the console (103) sends wavey beams, otherwise known as IMGs, to the display's beam-receiver (105), letting it know you made a direct hit. The display (101) in turn sends more wavey waves back to the console (103) in the form of PROTs. The whole process is recorded via hidden webcam (150) and uploaded to the internet. I then download said video thinking it's going to be porn, but am disappointed when it's just two asshats playing some game where you throw a TV and try to shoot it.
I need one of these systems yesterday.
The patent description after the jump.
Feb 12 2008 Computer Mug Is Surprisingly Conceptual
Jason Farsai has conceptualized the Yuno PC, which is a computer in a coffee mug. He envisions the device having all the necessary morning computer applications: weather, time, traffic, stock prices, comic strips, and email. You can also upload your own screensaver images and just stare blankly at your coffee mug until 11 am like I do. Neat I guess, but completely impractical. Oh, and there's no mention of it being dishwasher safe, so that's, uh, a pretty major design flaw as far as I'm concerned. You got me, I only posted this because of those delicious looking griddle cakes in the picture. Huh? What do you mean it's an English muffin? Are you sure? Shit, well I'd still pound those hash browns.
Several more pictures after the jump.
Feb 12 2008 Samurai Armor For Man's Best Friend Is Old
So I find out several days after the sweet cat and mouse armor that pet armor has actually been around for quite some time. Exhibit A: Samurai dog armor, circa 1800. It likely belonged to a high-ranking samurai and includes such quality materials as "chanfron armor, doeskin leather, silk brocade, a hand-carved wooden mask and gold leaf." I will admit it looks pretty good, but let's get real -- a dog would look foolish in this outfit. But cats are a completely different story. It's like in the book of Genesis when God is making everything.
On the sixth day God created animals and he said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and cats. You heard me, cats. And I want them to have some sweet freaking armor. Oh yeah, now I'm talking. Battle cats baby!" And God saw that it was good. Especially the armored cats. He loved them the most.
See, straight from the Bible people, you can't argue with that.
Feb 12 2008 I Really, Really Mean It: Formal Apologies
Sometimes saying you're sorry just isn't enough. For those times come these Formal Apology Notices. You just fill in a few blanks, check some checkboxes, and ta-da -- you're forgiven (hopefully). Unfortunately they didn't work for me. In retrospect I probably should have filled them out instead of just giving a handful of blank ones to my girlfriend, but it's the thought that counts right? Well it turns out the thought she had was that I wanted her to apologize for something. So you know what she did? She punched me. A lot. I got a Formal Apology Notice the next day.
It has come to my attention that my action of knocking you the f*** out could be seen as hurtful. I never intended to not kill you. I want you to understand that I was merely trying to finally put you down so I could move out with my lover, though I can see now that it may appear that I was just trying to hurt you. Please accept my un-heartfelt apology. Moving forward, I will attempt to kill you for real next time. That said, I would very much appreciate it if you would just do it yourself already you pathetic loser. Sincerely, your soon to be ex-girlfriend.
She's such a card, she so loves me.
An Official Apology [electroplankton]
Feb 12 2008 To-Do Tattoos Are Ridiculously Ridiculous
To-Do Tattoos are temporary tattoos that say "to do..." and then have seven lines to write shit on. Now call me crazy, but I don't really need lines in order to write things on my hand. I've always scribbled important things to remember there, long before the advent of To-Do Tattoos. That being said, that person's list is ridiculous. Like they're going to buy milk and then go climb Everest. Get real. That person needs to add "lay off the PCP" and "stop making unreasonable lists" to their to do's. Now the other smaller list on the packaging, that one seems legit. "Buy eggs, light bulbs, sand paper, bacon, kitty litter, vodka". Mmm, that sounds gooood. Kitty litter and broken bulb omelets with a side of 120 grit and a cold glass of vodka -- just like mom used to make.
No PDA? Tattoo your to-dos [cnet]
Thanks to Darren, who doesn't need to-do lists because others always do the work, for the tip
Feb 12 2008 Whole Room In A Box : Suck It IKEA!
The CASULO is a room packed into a 90 x 120 cm box. It includes a wardrobe, desk/table, cabinet, rotating and height-adjustable desk chair, two stools, a bed and mattress, and set of shelves. It's not necessarily anything to impress a lady, but great for the person that squats in abandoned apartment buildings and may need to move at a moment's notice. Apparently it takes about 7 minutes from start to finish. And you know what else takes 7 minutes from start to finish? Making sweet love to my girlfriend. Twice. She doesn't call me Don Geekologie Juan for nothing. Okay, I make her call me that.
Two larger pictures and a video of the assembly process after the jump.
Feb 12 2008 Atari 2600 Cake Really Takes Me Back
Ah, the Atari 2600. Just thinking about it brings a tear to my eye as I flashback to a simpler time -- when games were basic, graphics were no-frills, and seeing a naked woman would have probably killed me. There's not too much information about this cake, except it depicts an Atari 2600 joystick, is completely edible, and was made by a pastry chef named Lisa. That and I want to eat it. I call the red button! And the stick as long as it's not a turd.
atari 2600 joystick cake for tasty retro gaming [technabob]
Feb 12 2008 Take A Peek Inside Darth Vader's Helmet
Apparently they have Darth Vader's helmet on display in the Star Wars exhibit at the Franklin Institute Science Museum I mentioned in last week's Yoda cookie post. So here it is. I'm glad there are pictures of it because I didn't remember it too well from the movie. Sure I can recall the part in Return of the Jedi when Luke takes it off and all, but I was too enamored with the dried and misshapen turnip that was Darth Vader's head to notice anything about the helmet. You remember that head? It looked awful -- kind of like a conehead, but with serious dents and scars. That shit kept me from sleeping for days. And I still won't eat turnips.
Several more shots of Vader's helmet, including a nice interior view, after the jump. I also included one of his busted-ass head, in case you forgot what it looks like.
Two Russian scientists claim that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), a particle accelerator in Switzerland, may be the world's first time machine. They're in the process of trying to recreate a miniature Big Bang. They're not sure exactly what will happen, but my guess is destroy the planet somehow. The first particle smash goes down in May, and they believe it may create a rip in the fabric of time, making time travel possible. I don't know about all that, but one time I did an experiment where I collided a subatomic toot with the particles of my jeans, creating a rip in the fabric of Levi's. But there wasn't any time traveling afterwards, just a stink and ruined pants.
News video after the jump, complete with some Back To The Future scenes
Feb 11 2008 OMGWTFBBQ Chicken Holder Is Iffy
The Col-Pop is the brainchild of BBQ Chicken USA (a Korean BBQ franchise). They have over 3,500 stores worldwide, but they're just making their way to the states (they have a handful of stores in NY, NJ, and NC), so you may have to wait a bit until you get to experience the awesomeness that is the Col-Pop. Basically it's a cup insert that perches your chicken nuggets safely and conveniently above your beverage. As you can see from the schematic there, it's pretty simple. Almost as simple as the version I created, which is liquefied chicken soda. Not only is it convenient, you don't have to worry about anybody trying to steal your nuggets. You know, because they're liquid and taste like shit.
Feb 11 2008 Dubai Building World's Tallest Arch Bridge
They do things differently in Dubai. They like their stuff bigger, taller, and more expensive than anywhere else. So it only makes sense that construction of the world's tallest arch bridge begins next month. The bridge will peak at 670 feet, have 12 lanes of traffic, and handle up to 2,000 vehicles per hour. Scheduled completion is slated for 2012, after $817 million in construction. Nice, Dubai, nice. You may soon own almost every single Guinness World Record, but you won't own one -- world's biggest drinker. I own that one, and I won't give it up easily. As a matter of fact I already had a whole bottle of Jack Daniels for breakfast. Literally, the whole bottle, glass and all. It's gonna suck to pass, but I'll deal with that when the time comes.
Feb 11 2008 USS New York Is Part World Trade Center
Maybe some of you heard this urban legend before, but I never had so I'm posting it. The legend goes that the USS New York, scheduled for christening March 1st, was made out of scrap metal from the World Trade Center. And it turns out that it's true.
It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World Trade Center. It is the fifth in a new class of warship -- designed for missions that include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft. Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a foundry in Amite, LA, to cast the ship's bow section.
The ship was named to honor the victims of the 9/11 attack and two other sister ships, the Arlington (Pentagon location) and Somerset (Somerset County, PA), are named for the same reason. The ship's motto is "Never Forget".
Thanks to Raul, who just renewed his terrorist hunting license, for the tip
Feb 11 2008 Grabit Pack: Fanny Pack Of The Future
I like the look of the Grabit Pack. It looks like some sort of military issue gun holster or something. But it was really designed to hold your cellphone, keys and wallet due to the inevitable Pant Pocket Ban of 2009. You can get both right and left-legged models and they run $28 including shipping. Speaking of left-legged models, I used to date a girl with a pegleg. Not one of those modern prosthetics mind you, I'm talking a straight-up pirate pegleg. I think it was actually from an old dining room table. We made a great match, she and I, seeing how we both had wooden prosthesis. Ah, Pegleg Pam, your Captain Stumpdong misses you.
Two more pictures explaining how to use the device after the jump.
Feb 11 2008 The Hello Kitty AR-15 Is Just So Damn Cute
A man modded an AR-15 with a custom paintjob to produce one of the cutest guns I've ever seen -- the Hello Kitty AR-15. As you can see it's pink and looks really good. But only in a "I'm totally secure with my manliness" kind of way. And to prove myself I just bit the head off a squirrel. See, all man damnit. That being said, I'm going to start sleeping with one of these instead of my old stuffed bear. Which, incidentally, is a grizzly I choked to death with my bare hands.
Several more pictures after the jump, including a break down and some firing shots.
Feb 11 2008 Burial At Sea: The Biodegradable Shell
The Shell is a pressed paper capsule that holds your ashes when you're dead. Your loved ones can write messages on the outside, or insert them into the convenient slot on top. Then they throw it overboard and you slowly sink into the beautiful blue yonder. The unit slowly disintegrates over time, leaving nothing behind. Awesome, I think this may be the way I want to go. I originally wanted to be packed with fireworks and dropped out of a plane, but I reckon this'll do.
Another picture of a woman holding one, after the jump.
Feb 11 2008 Ferrari Pedal Car Looks Fast, Probably Isn't
Berg Toys will be selling these Ferrari FXX inspired pedal cars starting next month. Standard models will go for $730, and Exclusive models will fetch a whopping $2,200 (more than my real car).
It’s got a seven speed transmission, an on-board computer, disc brakes and even semi-slick racing tires with Enzo inspired hubcaps. The exclusive version even has a racing-style bucket seat with a four point harness, a leather steering wheel and an aero kit...
Cool, but I'm going to hold out for the Super Executive model that I just wrote them and told them they should make. It costs $3,000 and comes with a live hooker in the trunk. Of course this thing doesn't have a trunk so you actually have to tow her behind in a Radio Flyer.
Feb 8 2008 Cat Armor Is Awesome, My Cat Wants Some
Jeff de Boer is an artist that believes that cats would look way more awesome if they were wearing some freaking armor. And he's totally right. He's been making armor for animals since the 90's, and started with protective gear for mice (see pictures after jump). He then moved on to his line of cat battle gear, and I've got to say, it looks great. I've got one cat in particular that would look great in these get-ups. His name is Tiny, but we call him the terrorist or Shitty Bill. He would totally rock the hell out of the neighborhood cats if we gave him a suit like this. Of course then the little bastard would probably turn on me and kill me in my sleep. So I'm just going to make him cardboard armor instead. If he's lucky he may get a tinfoil helmet, but definitely no lance.
UPDATE: Shitty Bill cried until I promised him a lance. So I guess I'll make him one out out of a broomstick or something.
UPDATE: Jesus, now he wants a mount to ride.
UPDATE: Tied him to the dog. They look great, totally ready for battle.
A bunch more pictures along with a link to the whole gallery after the jump.
Feb 8 2008 I Don't Know About This: The Taser Shotgun
The taser shotgun is a shotgun that shoots taser rounds. It sounds scary as shit because it is. I don't want to get hit by a shotgun or a taser, so this would be like a double whammy. A double whammy of pain. And pain, my friends, is bad. We all know that. What we don't all know is why the hell there's a taser shotgun on the market. So I'll ask my trusty Magic 8 Ball. "Outlook not so good." I couldn't have said it better, Magic 8 Ball, I couldn't have said it better.
A promotional video that's supposed to give you a boner after the jump. I put it up from Liveleak and Youtube, because the Youtube ones seem to get taken down.
I never got a chance to fly on a Concorde, mostly because I'm poor and don't like flying (or driving, or walking). But there may be a chance in the not-too-distant future to experience supersonic flight after all thanks to the A2. Nicknamed the "Son of Concorde" the jet is powered by liquid hydrogen and can reach speeds in excess of 3,400 mph. The plane will cruise at a 100,000ft altitude and travel from England or Brussels to Australia in under five hours. The plane seats 300 and tickets are expected to go for around $3,900. Which is a lot. Being able to join the Mile High and Mach 5 clubs in one trip would be pretty cool though. But still not as cool as making love with a jetpack on.
Feb 8 2008 Revolving Door Energy Harvester Concept
The Revolution Door from Fluxlab is a revolving door that would create energy via generator. Apparently the idea for such a device is old, and the implementation is difficult because weaklings already have enough trouble with revolving doors due to the seal created and their lack of hot, sweaty, rippling muscularity. However it was designed as more of a conceptual piece to get people thinking.
By mechanically harvesting a negligible amount of human energy and converting it to a tangible display through the use of a generator, the Revolution Door will directly communicate a single person's contribution to an energy cycle possible through the metabolic relationship between people, technology, and architecture.
I have no idea what that meant but I vehemently object to the part about people having relationships with technology and architecture. That's just wrong. I mean sure I humped a photocopier at an office party, but I was drunk and didn't even call it the next day. So it doesn't count. And neither does my brief fling with the Chrysler building.
A diagram of how the door is constructed after the turn.
Feb 8 2008 Patent 5163447: The Musical Prophylactic
Patent 5163447 describes a "force-sensitive, sound-playing condom." The safety device features "a chip-controlled piezoelectric sound transducer (18) which plays a melody or voiced message when during intercourse the contacts of the sound-playing unit are closed and the transducer is activated." The inventor, Paul Lyons, actually sent me a few samples in time for Valentine's last year, but the results proved disastrous. Apparently the Star Wars theme didn't make my girlfriend as amorous as it made me. Neither did the Darth Vader mask I insisted she wear.
The uncensored picture after the jump.
Feb 8 2008 Z-Coils: Go Go Gadget Stupid Springy Shoes
Well not only does this make two spring related posts today, it also makes this Inspector Gadget week at Geekologie, first with the personal copter and now the Z-coil spring shoes. First utilized by a clumsy cartoon inspector in the mid 80's, these shoes guarantee to aid you in your mission of capturing Dr. Claw and putting an end to M.A.D.'s illegal operations.
UPDATE: Okay, it turns out I bought a pair of these online one night when I was drunk and they just came. I've been running around the neighborhood and I've got to say, they're surprisingly comfy. I'm gonna take them out in a minute and do some tests to see how high they make me jump.
UPDATE: Not high enough to clear a bus, somebody call an ambulance.
Thanks to Sebastian, who can jump over buildings with a single leap -- barefooted, for the tip
Feb 8 2008 The Taste Is Strong With This Cookie
Well it's been awhile since we've seen any Yoda inspired delicacies, but at long last comes another, this time in cookie form. They were created by dessert maker Zoë Lukas to celebrate the upcoming Star Wars exhibit at the Franklin Institute Science Museum in Philadelphia. I'd eat one. Hell, I'd eat a bunch of them as long as they're not Yoda flavored. I've heard the taste of a 900 year old shriveled Jedi master just isn't as appetizing as one would think. Shocking, I know.
Another picture of the cookies after the jump.
Feb 8 2008 Zing! Food Fight Weapon Is Questionable
I enjoy a good fight as much as the next guy. I think they're the key to a healthy marriage and having dried food particulate caked all over the kitchen walls. To help the less adept food fighter Fred & Friends developed Zing! food launching spoons. As you can see they're spoons with a spring in the middle. Personally I have no problem getting a good launch with a regular spoon, but I studied food projectiles in middle school. You should have seen the shot I made two nights ago! I hit my wife right between the eyes with a good sized portion of tuna noodle casserole. She was pissed but acknowledged the great shot. Then she waited till I was loading the dishwasher and beat me in the skull with a meat tenderizer until I was unconscious.
Thanks to Sly, who is a craftier than a fox, for the tip
Feb 7 2008 Oh Nuh-Uh: Man Makes Folding Bike Wheel
Duncan Fitzsimmons has developed a folding bicycle wheel. That's him in the picture. Yeah, the one holding the folded wheel over his head. Duncan is working with bike part manufacturers to develop a "a really high end city bike or courier bike that can fold up into a package like a golf bag, which could go into an overhead rack on a train or go into a plane locker." Damn, that would be one hell of a folding bike. I want to see it happen. But I want it small enough to fit under my tophat. That way I can score a gig doing magic shows for birthday parties. "Okay kiddies, for my next trick I'm going to pull a bike out of my hat. But before this trick I need to ask if any of your mothers are single and lonely. Okay, one of you-- can you point her out to me? Listen kid, I can't tell if you're pointing to the ugly one in the purple or the one in orange with the righteous chest poodles. The orange? Really? Shows over kids, go get some cake."
Another picture and a video of the wheel in action after the jump.
Feb 7 2008 A Documentary About MMORPG Players
Second Skinis a documentary about massive multiplayer online role-playing games and the people who play them.
Second Skin takes an intimate look at computer gamers whose lives have been transformed by the emerging genre of Massively Multiplayer Online games (MMOs). World of Warcraft, Second Life, and Everquest allow millions of users to simultaneously interact in virtual spaces. Second Skin introduces us to couples who have fallen in love without meeting, disabled players who have found new purpose, addicts, Chinese gold-farming sweatshop workers, wealthy online entrepreneurs and legendary guild leaders - all living in a world that doesn’t quite exist.
Interesting. I actually just heard a story a few days ago about a guy that was two hours late picking up his fiancée from the airport because he had just got his mount in World Of Warcraft and absolutely had to ride it around for awhile before doing anything else. Not totally sure if he's still engaged or not. I think he is though, which makes his future wife one of the coolest chicks ever. Because one time I was three minutes late picking my wife up from work and she screamed at me, told me she wanted to drive on the way home, then proceeded to roll my arm up in the window and drag me six blocks.
Second Skin, A Documentary About Virtual Worlds & Gamers [laughingsquid]
Feb 7 2008 $6 Million Home Theater Makes Me Weep
Ever wonder what a $6 million home theater looks like? Well wonder no more. Pictured is a home theater owned by Jeremy Kipnis, a music engineer/producer. It's got 39 separate speaker units and 36 amplifiers. The entire equipment list will make you cry (which I have included after the jump for your sobbing pleasure). He plans to sell similar systems to other rich folks like Lucas and Spielburg, but for right now he's the only one that's gone so crazy. I mean $6 million for a home theater? If I had that cash I don't think I'd blow it all on a home theater. I'd buy a strip club. Now that's an entertainment center that's fun for the whole family. You know, if you're single.
A ridiculously long and unbelievable list of the theater's components after the jump.
Feb 7 2008 Rear-View Mirror Features Video Recorder
Sure police have had dash mounted cameras forever, so what makes the Rear-view Mirror Digital Video Recorder so special? Um, you see, it's, uh, inside the rear-view mirror and records traffic in case of an accident. Okay, you got me, I don't really care about it. I posted this because those two chicks in the backseat are totally about to make out. Who needs a traffic camera when you've got that kind of action in your own backseat? Not this guy. If I was there I would have ripped the mirror-cam off and jumped in the backseat quicker than you could say "who's driving the car?"
A MUST SEE video of an accident recorded with the camera after the jump. Call me crazy, but the person driving the car seems like they were trying to get in an accident. First they cut off the car in the intersection, then sped like a bat out of hell.
Feb 7 2008 PS3 Rainbox Six Mod Is A Little Las Vegas
This PS3 console diorama was created by German modder Butterkneter for a special UbiSoft Rainbow Six Vegas promotion. As you can see it's a little mock up of Las Vegas casinos. It looks good, but takes up a lot of room. I don't think that would fit in my entertainment stand. Besides, where are the hookers? No Las Vegas diorama is complete without a couple scantily clad streetwalkers. Like Sparkles and Ginger, who both treated me really well the last time I was there ;)
Honey -- if you're reading this that was just a joke. I really was at the convention the whole time, I didn't even have time to gamble (snicker) let alone visit prostitutes. Seriously, I swear.
Sparkles and Ginger -- You owe me for the free advertising.
A couple more pictures of the mod after the jump.
Feb 7 2008 Magnetic Curtains Are Kind Of A Neat Idea
These magnetic curtains, by designer Florian Kräutli are, you'd never guess by the name -- magnetic. The curtains contain hundreds of little circular magnets, allowing you to arrange your window treatments with just the right amount of crinkle to suit your taste. I'm really digging them. Almost as much as I'm digging that room in the picture, which, incidentally, is my office. We don't have desks or anything, just a couple of chairs and lots of debris on the floor. The boss said it's supposed to increase productivity, but so far it's just increased the occurrence of all-day office chair races.
A ton more pictures of the curtains after the jump, with a bunch of closeups.
Feb 7 2008 Don't Push That Button: Rent Or Lease Your Very Own Underground Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Base. Who's With Me?
So who wants to go halvsies (or thirdies/fourthies/etc.) with me? I've always wanted an underground missile base from which I could
rule the world throw wicked rave parties. For rent or lease is the former Larson Air Force Base Complex 1A Titan ICBM Facility in Washington state. Prices start at $495/month for a 1200 sq. ft floor in the equipment terminal building and go up to $1,500/month for an entire missile silo (160' tall, 44' in diameter, 150 ton doors). I'm thinking we'll go for a silo. It also says that they'll remodel to suit, so maybe we can get some work done before moving in. Like painting over the tags that vagrants have spraypainted everywhere (see pictures after jump). I'm calling right now to see if any missiles are included, and if so then I'm putting down a security deposit immediately. So anybody that's down to move to Washington state and live in a missile silo with me should leave a note in the comments. It's going to be way fun. And lonely. So bring board games. Winner gets to push the launch button.
Several pictures of what non-paying tenants (aka squatters) have done to the place after the jump.
For $10 you can pick up a Halitosis Detector that lets you know if you have funk breath or not. Because you can't always trust the 'breathe into your hand and sniff' method. The unit has a little LCD face that changes based on the severity of your breath. If the little guy screams "oh shit!" and the device catches fire it's time for a whole tin of Altoids. God this reminds me of a professor I had a few years back (who I've mentioned before). She had the rankest damn breath on the planet. You know how people walk their dogs and use a bag to pick up after them? Yeah, well it was like her lunch bag got switched with one of those and she ate the contents anyways. And if you think I'm joking you can ask my buddy -- he had to be hospitalized after going to her office hours one afternoon.
Feb 6 2008 Fake iPhone Is Fairly Convincing, Expensive
The C-002 is a very cleverly named iPhone clone.
This is the ultimate rock solid 99% iPhone clone and is selling like crazy. It is unlocked so just plug your SIM card in and you are good to go. Comes with one year warranty. Sells for only $239. No contracts. No rate plans. Just your existing SIM card is enough.
First, I've got the feeling that more than 1% of iPhone functionality is missing here. Secondly, I thought fake iPhones were sold by men in trenchcoats and/or in back alley markets for $40. I mean $240? That's real money. For a not real iPhone. However I may have to drop for one after reading a particularly poignant review.
this phone is shitting on people if i get this can i use any sim card that is not cut on or do i have to have sim card that is turned on plz respond asap
Hmm, well it appears that person doesn't own one, but has heard from a reliable source that the unit defecates on people. Interesting feature, but I'll pass after all.
A worthwhile video of the thing in action (why he chose that Eminem song is a mystery to me) and product specs after the jump.
Feb 6 2008 Mini Helicopter: Go Go Gadget Deathwish
First the personal hover device, and now the personal helicopter. Allegedly it's the world's smallest (and probably most dangerous). Now I value my head (mostly for my handsome face, my brain is pretty worthless) so you won't catch me anywhere near one of these things. But for the more adventurous person maybe this could be fun. And by it could be fun I mean it could be the last thing you ever do.
Feb 6 2008 Shogun Robe Features Killer Looks
The Shogun robe is limited edition. Only 30 are being made and each will go for about $500.
“Shogun” is the name of the collaboration between young, innovative design studio Form Us With Love and prestige manufacturer of cotton terry, Pellevävare. The result is a limited edition of 30 exclusive robes of terry strategically reinforced with cotton canvas. “The inspiration derives from the Japanese medieval warriors and their protective outfits. We wanted the user to feel like a general, stepping out of bed, putting on his weekend uniform and start plotting strategies for the day.
I managed to ninja my way into the warehouse and steal one, and I'd like to think I look better than that pasty Martin Sheen lookalike in the picture. The robe definitely helps me get in the mood to "start plotting strategies for the day". This morning I woke up, planned a sneak attack on a bunch of pancakes, and utterly destroyed them. Then I proceeded to prepare for a much more difficult battle -- a platoon of Wild Turkey. I'm halfway through and I'm afraid I'm losing the fight. I can't see straight anymore and I think I cut myself with a steak knife trying to stab the bottle.
Several more closeups of the robe after the jump.
Feb 6 2008 Stormtroopers Root For The Winning Team
Maybe stormtroopers aren't as foolish as I first thought, fighting for the dark side and all. Seen here is a trooper taking a break from the traditional all white uniform to don a Giants inspired one at the recent Super Bowl. Apparently he picked the right team to fight for this time. Good for him. No word on how many cheerleaders he got to slay after the game, but my guess is between zero and none. But still, cool costume.
Thanks to Bas, whose friend actually took this picture, for the awesome tip. Bas, by the way, has been known to take cheerleaders from both teams home after a game, because he's that cool.
Feb 6 2008 Itch-Free Sleeping Gown Makes Me Wonder
There are a number of reasons why one might not get a good night's sleep. At the top of my list are a wife that sleeps too close, two dogs that prevent me from stretching my legs out, and three cats that want to rub their a-holes on my face all hours of the night. Itchiness is a far distant worry. But for those of you that find it at the top of your list, there's Dermasilk. It's a material made into a ridiculous looking outfit that "regulates body temperature and allows skin to breath." Interesting. Yeah, and it's being developed by the Travelodge hotel chain. Whoa, not sleeping there anymore. You sleep in a Travelodge and you get the itchies. Probably from bedbugs and people's you-know-what. And you do know what I mean when I say ‘you-know-what’ don't you? Well think about it -- what do people do in hotel rooms? They eat and leave chip crumbs everywhere. So it's probably chip particulate in the bed that makes you itch.
Sleeping Itch Free [electroplankton]
Designed with a similar premise as the Cornershot, the Concealed Engagement Unit by Aimpoint allows a shooter to take aim while mostly behind cover. I guess the only thing you'd have exposed would be your hands and maybe your arms. The device is basically a sight that is viewed at an angle and can be flipped in and out of use quickly. Simple enough. I was going to get one installed on my BB gun until I realized my mom took it away from me for shooting the heads off her terrorist roses. I tried to explain I was protecting the house from flowery insurgents but she slapped me. Hard. It happened so fast it may have actually been a roundhouse kick.
Feb 6 2008 Oh Yeah!: Customize Your Own Lightsaber
As this guy, or anybody over at the NY Jedi Academy will tell you, a true Jedi needs their own custom lightsaber. And swinging around a spraypainted fluorescent bulb just doesn't cut it (as much as I want it to). Enter the Force FX Lightsaber Construction Set. As you can see it comes with a variety of different parts so you can mix-and-match your own custom blade. You even get to choose the color of the light, thanks to the tri-color LEDs. It plays authentic sound effects from the movie and you can score one at Amazon for $100. But be careful, because the print there in the lower right corner specifically states "product specifications & colors subject to change". So if you open the box and find your lightsaber has been replaced with a karaoke machine, don't say I didn't warn you.
build your own lightsaber [technabob]
Feb 6 2008 Jet Engine Cowling Reception Desk Is Sleek
This desk, brought to us by the same company that made last week's Ejector Seat Office Chair, is made from a real Boeing 747 Jumbo Jet Engine Cowling. The desk measures 100" in diameter and is sanded and polished to a beautiful shine. Not only that, but the secretary in the picture looks pretty hot. She certainly brings new meaning to the phrase "man I'd love to do that chick in the middle of a Boeing 747 Jumbo Jet engine cowling that has been turned into a desk" doesn't she? Yes, she does.
Feb 5 2008 Canon Printer Costs $280,000, Takes Up 33 Feet Of Wall Space, Is Ridiculous, Blocky, Complicated And Poorly Named
The Canon ImagePRESS C7000VP has one of the lamest names for a printer ever. Why not the Canon Big F'er? Or maybe the Canon Baller?
The C7000VP requires 33 feet of wallspace and costs a shade over $280,000. It comes with a trimmer, finisher, inserter, stacker, binder, capacity for 10,000 sheets of paper, and can print 70 pages per minute at 1200 dpi. The internal computer is a dual core 3.0ghz Xeon with 2 gigs of ram and a couple raided 80gb HDs.
Wow. I paid $160 for my printer and it takes up one-cubic-foot of space on a stack of books next to my desk. Obviously mine wasn't made for an office setting though. And apparently neither was the outfit I wore to work today. But I contest -- nowhere in the company's dresscode are assless chaps explicitly prohibited. I think my boss is just jealous he doesn't have junk in his trunk like I do. And by junk I mean remnants of toilet paper.
Feb 5 2008 Say Hello To My Little Friend: The Spice Gun
The spice gun, designed by Zhu Fei, holds three different spices and will blast them onto your food.
The Spice Gun is different from the other casters, it has more fun! When you pull the trigger it compresses the air in the air bag. The handspike will push the bottom of the seasoning bottle to make the nozzle in the turntable retract and spray the seasoning.And it looks like a little gun, awesome! I don't know about using a compressed air spice dispenser, but I'll give it a go. Sure brings new meaning to (here it comes!) pepper spray. Ho ho, that was funny. What a knee slapper! Just kidding. I'm actually going to start drinking until I forget I ever wrote that. Then I can wake up tomorrow morning and actually respect myself. Unless I sleep with another dog like I did over the weekend. No literally, a dog. God I'm f***ed up.
dining in 2015 contest [designboom]
Thanks to Melissa, who gives me a reason to wake up every morning, for the tip
Feb 5 2008 Jedi Ginsu Knife Will Slice Your Fingers Off
This is an infomercial for a Jedi Ginsu Knife. It looks like a mini lightsaber. It cuts bagels and potatoes. It (sadly) doesn't cut off any of the speaker's fingers. I'm upset about that. I'm also upset about the destruction of rainforests. So I'm going to make a difference. Now that my girlfriend left me I have a lot more free time on my hands and I vow to not just use it watching adult movies online and abusing myself.
Starting tomorrow. Alright, no more after this week. 2009 will be my year of action. Goodbye rainforests.
Feb 5 2008 LEGO Bible: The Brick Testament
Apparently The Brick Testament has been a work in progress for over six years, but I'd never been made aware of its existence before, so here it is. With over 3,600 scenes from the Bible, all the classics are illustrated in awesome LEGO detail. I looked through a bunch of them and was pretty impressed with the work. I tried to find the one where the Twelve Apostles were throwing a party but forgot the booze and Jesus had to turn Peter's swimming pool into Jello shooters, but I guess they haven't done that one yet.
A bunch more pictures and a link to the whole gallery after the walk on water.
Feb 5 2008 Portable XBox 360 Elite Laptop Is Legit
Benjamin Heckendorn aka Ben Heck has done it again, this time modding an Elite laptop to include an XBox 360.
The portable Xbox 360 features a Halo 3 theme, and is based on the Elite’s internals. Under the hood, the laptop offers a 120GB hard drive, the new 65nm CPU, and a special direct DMI-to-DVI connection which keeps the video signal digital all the way to the laptop’s ample 17-inch LCD screen.
It also has a built-in Xbox Live camera and is pretty much the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. So Ben, I was thinking maybe sometime you and I could get together and hang out. You know, shoot the bull, maybe watch you build me one of these. Of course I'd pay for it. And by pay for it I mean convince my sister to sleep with you.
A couple more pictures, a video, and a link to Ben's build page after the jump.
Feb 5 2008 Peruvian Anti-Riot Police Look Awesome
Well, I'm moving to Peru to join their anti-riot police. Just look at those outfits. This picture was taken during a parade celebrating Peru's independence day. Just look at those guys, most don't even need to have their eyes open to march. You just plow through whatever comes your way. Did I mention the uniforms really accentuate the area right below the belt? Because they do. Take that guy in front for instance. It looks like he’s packing a 5-pound sack of potatoes down there. He also gets +1 point for nonchalantly drawing attention to it when the picture was taken.
Thanks to Mastermind Unknown, who riots on a regular basis, for the tip
Feb 5 2008 Adidas Halo Shoes Are Highly Questionable
Adidas is only making 100 pairs of these Halo inspired sneakers. As you can see, they're constructed of black leather, some other material with guns printed on it, and come complete with blue accents. They cost $110. Personally I don't know why they made them. Hardcore gamers like myself don't buy or wear crap like this, we wear slippers. And it takes a real man to admit that. It also takes a real man to admit that you pee in a wastebasket because you refuse to take a break from gaming. Which, uh, I may admit to if enough people agree it makes me a real man.
UPDATE: Girlfriend just caught me peeing in wastebasket. Relationship over. Evidently not real man.
Ugly-Ass Halo Shoes [albotas]
Feb 5 2008 Wicked MASHERTRON Robot Suit On eBay
A Canadian by the name Steve Masher made a pretty wicked robot costume and is selling it on eBay. It's called MASHERTRON (an homage to his sweet last name).
The suit comes with Z0M190D type 2 deathray, composite fiber chest armor and whatever awesome name you want to call the head. selling because i am starting collage next year and it is very expensive. if you ask nicely i might be willing to include the ax for free as well.
He might include the ax!?! I thought the suit alone was enough to justify the $503 starting bid. Just look at that extensive use of packing tape to hold his horn thingies on. That stuff doesn't come cheap folks. And the death ray on his arm? Awesome. I'm just glad he was smart enough to not point it directly at the camera for the picture, otherwise we'd all be dead.
NOTE: I'm not totally sure, but this auction may be a hoax. Mostly because the seller mentions starting "collage" next year, which I'm pretty sure is an art project made out of cut-up magazines and is not "very expensive" like he claims.
Thanks to Ryan, who doesn't make cardboard armor because he values his sex life, for the tip
Feb 4 2008 Mana Potion: An Energy Drink For Gamers
Mana is an energy drink made with gamers in mind. What makes it specifically designed for gamers you ask? The name. Each 40mL bottle promises +160 mana, 5-8 hours of smooth, jitter-free energy, and a citrusy taste. It also promises a life of celibacy. A 6-pack will set you back over $27 after shipping and a 24-banger will run you over $90. Oh, and if you're guild finds out you're spending that kind of money on a ridiculous energy drink they'll probably kill your character and kick you out. Just kidding, they'll all give you high-fives and ask where they can get some.
Thanks to Casey, who doesn't need mana potions to stay healthy, for the tip
Feb 4 2008 Turn Your Living Room Into A Shooting Range
Just the other day I was thinking how great it would be to shoot guns inside the house. Now thanks to the N Range Indoor Shooting System my dream can become reality. The systems range from $1,300 for the Standard, to $3,500 for the Executive one seen in the picture. The key to the system is the ammunition used, which requires you to use a special conversion barrel in your weapon (included). The projectiles used with the system contain no gunpowder.
The N Range™ proprietary target Ammunition is designed to provide you with a safe low velocity, low energy, low smoke and low noise round that enables full function of your firearm and provides realistic recoil. The round is a two-primer expanding cartridge design. This proprietary system makes it possible to use a large enough primer to expand the cartridge and cycle the firearm but not affect the charge of the separate smaller primer used to propel the aluminum projectile at the necessary low velocity for safe indoor use.
Wow, it's sounding less and less fun the more I read. So I'm just going to stop now. Low noise, low velocity, low energy, no gunpowder. It's like you're not even shooting a gun anymore. Sounds about as awesome as trying to knock an empty soda can off the top of the television with a rubber band. Which is what I'm doing now. I'd actually be watching television but I accidentally shot it back when discharging weapons indoors was still fun.
Feb 4 2008 Brass Knuckles Mug Is Not Actually Brass
Where I work we have a coffee social every morning from 10 - 10:30 a.m. Seeing as how I try to do as little work as possible I always take advantage of this opportunity to escape Cubeville. The only problem is that people try to be social. Listen, I'm there to nurse my hangover and avoid work -- not to hear about how sick your kids are. So maybe Thabto's MUG might help get my point across. Available in both blood stain and butterfly (wtf?) models, the mugs resemble brass knuckles. Except they're ceramic and will probably shatter into your hand if you ever try to punch someone. While I admire where this product was going, I think there's a much better way to let people know how tough you are and that you should be avoided during coffee socials. Two words: territorial pissing. I come down when the social starts, get my coffee, and then urinate in the corner by the vending machines. Nobody comes within eight feet of me. Hell, most people leave altogether. But just to be safe I still wave a knife around.
Brass Knuckle Cups (Part II) - Thabto MUG [trendhunter]
Thanks to Sebastian, who is lucky enough to be able to kill people with a look, for the tip
Feb 4 2008 Homemade Flashlight Is Relatively Bright
Optics engineer Ralf Ottow built himself a flashlight. But not just any flashlight -- he built a 38-million-candlepower flashlight with a plasma mercury arc bulb. He calls it the Maxablaster. I call it bright as shit.
The Maxablaster creates a highly focused beam of light with a high UV content not so different from a star. So UV-filtering glass was added to block the potentially harmful rays—though evidently this thing is still plenty bright enough to burn skin, as it has Ottow's on at least one occasion.
Sweet. And I thought last week's Wicked Torch was something. I'm going to make one and use it instead of candles for my mother-in-law's birthday cake. I'm not totally sure how old she is, but 38-million sounds close enough. True story, she used to date Methuselah's older brother.
Feb 4 2008 The Rolling Bench Keeps Your Pants Dry
A lot of people don't like getting their butt wet by sitting on a wet bench. For these people I give a piece of advice: stand. But for those who absolutely must rest their legs there's the Rolling Bench. It's a wooden slat bench that can be turned via crank to expose the dry underside. You can use it to crank bums and/or old ladies off the bench as well. While a novel concept, I imagine they'd be expensive. And it's not like a wet bench is that big a deal in the first place. Just do what I do and sit on a stranger's lap. If it makes them uncomfortable you know you've found a good spot. It's when they invite you to sit on their lap that you have to be careful.
Wet Benches Suck [electroplankton]
Thanks to Nils, whose IQ rivals that of Einstein, for the tip
Feb 4 2008 PlayStation 3 Ripoff: The PolyStation 3
British gadget reviewer Dr. Ashen recently took a look at the sweet new miniPolyStation 3. In case you really can't tell, it's a turd molded to look like a little PS3. You don't even plug the thing into a television, it's got it's only little screen that pops out. It's totally awesome and I want one for my upcoming birthday. Along with a lapdance -- from a chick (unlike last year) that's a non-relative (two years ago).
Worthwhile video review after the jump.
Feb 4 2008 Little Fire Extinguisher Looks Like Grenade
Are most of your fires really small? If so you should consider this little extinguisher -- the PinQY (~$79). It's (brilliantly) marketed as "the discreet tool for putting out the beginnings of a fire." First of all, what in the hell are the "beginnings" of a fire? Marketing departments are seriously taking liberties with product descriptions these days. And discreet? I've never felt embarrassed about having safety equipment around because it doesn't go with my decor. Which is why I parked a fire truck in the kitchen. Well that and I like tooting the horn.
Tiny fire extinguisher can save you from tiny fires [dvice]
Thanks to Tom, who can extinguish fires with his bare hands, for the tip
Feb 4 2008 Gameboy Bricks Are What They Sound Like
Some guy in the Netherlands is making Gameboy shaped bricks. They're bricks that look like Gameboys but can't play Tetris. He's charging €31.30 (~$46) per brick with worldwide shipping included. $46!? You could pave your sidewalk with real Gameboys for cheaper. There's a picture of some glazed ones after the jump, but he doesn't sell them that way -- you have to do it yourself. Just make sure to not to drink any of the glaze if it's lead-based. I know what you're thinking -- who the hell would drink glaze anyways? And the answer to that, my friends, is me.
A picture of some glazed ones, along with a Gameboy sidwalk, after the jump.
Feb 1 2008 Navy Tests New Railgun, It Looks Promising
The Navy is hoping that their newest 10 megajoule railgun (topping their old pathetic 9 megajoule) will replace the standard 5-inch guns on most of their ships. Projectiles fired at this energy level reach about 5,600 mph, but the Navy isn't stopping there. They have their eyes set on a 64 megajoule system capable of shooting at over 13,000 mph and hitting 5 meter targets from 200 nautical miles.
To give you a sense of scale, an 8 megajoule test shot has an impacting force that the Navy describes as being the equivalent of “hitting a target with a Ford Taurus at 380 mph.”
I don't know about the whole Ford Taurus comparison, what I want to know is whether this level of energy is in excess of the 1.21 jigowatts needed to power my flux capacitor. Somebody please do the math. I'm trying to time travel here people. I'm stealing electricity from both my neighbors but I'm still nowhere close to 1.21 jigos. I'd do the whole lightning bit, but frankly it scares me. As an added bonus anybody who helps me break in and steal this electricity (if it's enough) gets a free historical figure's autograph or pet dinosaur, your choice.
Two wicked videos of the gun in action after the jump.
Feb 1 2008 Poor Thing: Sports Car Has Identity Crisis
Apparently Rinspeed developed this vehicle long before their sQuba car, but it's just making its rounds on the internet, so here it is. The Splash is a little sports car (0-60 in 5.9) that, with the push of a button, turns into a little hydrofoil boat capable of 45 knots (~52 mph). It's powered by natural gas and there's no word on price or if they're even available. I really admire Rinspeed for their multipurpose vehicles, but it seems they can't think outside the land/water box. Try this one on for size Rinspeed - the Blastoff. It's a car and a rocketship. You can drive it to work or the freaking moon. It's got wheels and an engine like a car, but it also has hyper-thrusters and all that space technology stuff too. Yeah, and it's modeled after an old El Camino. Is that specific enough to secure a patent? I don't want anybody stealing my idea.
Another picture and a video after the jump.
Feb 1 2008 NosePouch: People Still Use Handkerchiefs?
I had no idea people still used handkerchiefs. I thought they were banned in the 90's because it's disgusting to carry a snot filled rag around with you all day. Apparently I was wrong. And apparently they've been upgraded to feature a pouch for your nose. NosePouches are a modern miracle of nose-blowing technology and cost about $2 apiece. I don't need one because I don't blow my nose, it hurts my head. I usually just wipe it on my arm because I'm gross. That and I heard if you blow your nose too hard your arm explodes. True story -- that photo I manipulated in Photoshop proves it.
Thanks to Kelly, whose beauty makes my head explode, for the tip
Feb 1 2008 Fishtank Looks Like Habitrail, Wicked Bong
The Silverfish Aquarium designed by Octopus Studios is a gnarly looking setup for your fishy little friends. Each 60 gallon setup is custom made, costs $3,400, and is allegedly self sufficient. I think they're freaking awesome and I want one so bad. So so bad. Almost as bad as I want to live in a human-sized habitrail. Which I would give both my nuts for. It'd have all kinds of funs stuff like rope swings, ball pits, cargo nets and pools. Man that would be so awesome. And by 'man that would be so awesome' I mean I'm stoned to all hell. But it'd still be awesome even if I wasn't, I think. Oh my god I think I just saw Jesus riding a Vespa.
Hit the jump for a closeup of one of the bubbles.
Feb 1 2008 Holographic Water Monster Promotes Movie
Sony recently installed this holographic water display in Tokyo to hype the upcoming film Water Horse: Legend of the Deep aka Puff The Magic Water Dragon II. I think it's about a boy who has no friends except the Loch Ness monster. Great premise. I bet the dragon's secret gets out and then the authorities come and trap him and then the boy has to save him. End of story. You should thank me, I just saved you $8. $16 if you were taking a date. $40 if she's anything like my girlfriend and would want a Coke, popcorn, candy, nachos and two hotdogs.
Thanks as always to Ben Hur, who has a dragon of his own, for the tip
Feb 1 2008 This Meeting Is Boring: Ejector Seat Chairs
How many times have you sat through a boring meeting wishing you had an ejector seat that could blast you through the ceiling and into the women's restroom on the floor above? Never? Well I wish that all the time. Anyways, if you're the 'top gun' in your office (I'm actually cutting myself for saying that) let everyone know with a genuine ejector seat from a B-52 Stratofortress. Available from MotoArt for an undisclosed amount of money, you can get either an upward or downward ejecting model (this one is a downer) used on the two decks of the plane. Unfortunately the firing mechanism is absent, so you'll have to pack your own fireworks under the chair for effect. "This meeting sucks. Oh shit, I've been hit by a boredom bogey! BAIL BAIL BAIL!! PPSSSHHOOOOW!!!!!!!!" (this is when you light the fireworks and run for the door while it's smoky).
Thanks to Andrew, who knows when it's time to bail, for such a fine article
Feb 1 2008 Livingstones: Pillows That Look Like Rocks
I don't have much information about Livingstones, except they're pillows that look like rocks. They're made by a French company and come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Based on the pictures it would appear that kids love sleeping in them and they look good in a ridiculously modern room. These are definitely on my 'to get' (or maybe 'to make') list. I'm gonna put them out in the living room and wait for my roommate to get real comfortable with them. Then I'll replace them with real rocks. He'll dive in and break every bone in his body! Good times, good times.
Thanks to Drew, who I wish I could take cool lessons from, for the tip
Feb 1 2008 USB EcoButton To Help Save The World
Pushing the Ecobutton sends your computer into energy saver mode. So all you have to do is plug it in, load the software, and then anytime you leave your computer station slam that sucker. Of course you could manually send your computer into energy-saving mode, but nobody does that and jamming on a button is a lot more rewarding. Plus the program it comes with keeps a running tab on the CO2 and money you've saved so far. The company making them believes "a business with 50 computers would save 6.80 Tonnes of CO2 and over $1,500 USD per year of electricity by using the EcoButton (were it employed to reduce a suggested average of two hours of non-machine use per day)."
Not too shabby. I love mashing buttons and I love the world, so I'm totally down. I'll slam the button as hard as I can and yell "Greener than you are, you earth-destroying a-holes!" Then I'll make my way through the cubicle farm picking fights with coworkers that don't have one. I know what you're thinking -- this Geekologie writer sounds like a real dick. But I prefer to view myself as more of a modern day Captain Planet with anger management issues.
As Cute As An EcoButton: Computer Energy Saver [treehugger]
Thanks to Sebastian, who loves and cares about the world as much as I do, for the tip