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Absinthe Lollipops Sadly Won't Do Much

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Lit brand absinthe lollipops are lollipops made with real absinthe. They cost $10 for 4 or $25 for 12. The company says they're 100% legal because all the alcohol burns off during the production process. Which makes me wonder if they're really the good absinthe. You know, the stuff that makes you feel drunk, high, and tripping at the same time. From the company's website:

Will these lollipops get me wasted?

- Our lollipops will make your tongue tingle and you'll get chattier, but that's pretty much it. However, absinthe lollipop experts have found they go really well with drinks!

First of all, what in the hell is an "absinthe lollipop expert"? And secondly, that's no way to sell an absinthe lollipop. The description should read as follows:

Will these lollipops get me wasted?

- Hell freaking yes they will! You'll be sent on an intergalactic trip to Holyshitland as soon as you take a lick. The crackhead on the street corner tried one and said it was better than smoking rocks. Try one and you'll slice an ear off and give it to a hooker before you can say "Damn, I'm tyrannosaurus wrecked, what the hell happened to my ear?".

UPDATE: It appears the company has changed their FAQs section since our incredible review of their product. The statement above used to exist, but has since been removed. That's the power of Geekologie people. Pulitzer prize winning shit.

Product Page

thanks to prick, who can be a real dick at times, for the tip

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