This is a video of a goat with a bleat that sounds like a heavy beer drinker burping/about to puke. I was not expecting that. Of course I also wasn't expecting my entire Facebook feed to be overrun with almost every single one of my friends posting the absolutely awful pictures they took of the eclipse today, yet here we are. Cool, we get it, you're alive and have access to the outside. *popping pill* What a time to be alive. "Was that a cyanide capsule?" God I wish, just a multivitamin. "By multivitamin do you mean boner pill?" Yes I do, now it's best you stand back.
Keep going for the video. The goat does it twice, once at the beginning and once at the end.
This is a video of South Korean beatboxing star Bigman's performance for the 2017 Asia Beatbox Championship Solo Battle Wildcard. It is most impressive and I can't believe somebody can even make all those sounds. Me? I'm only good at making one kind of sound. "Fart sounds with your armpit?" Exactly. Plus they sound extra juicy if it's hot out and I've been sweating.
Keep going for the video, it really is worth a watch, especially if you're into this sort of thing.
This is the Head Case luggage cover sold by FireBox. For $26 - $39 (depending on luggage size, available in small, medium and large) they'll print a stretchable polyester spandex luggage cover with your face or anybody else's face on it. Then there's no way anybody can confuse your luggage for theirs. Unless of course your doppelgänger was on the same flight and also bought a Head Case. PROTIP: Use a picture from the night you passed out and your roommates drew a penis on your forehead for easier identification.
This is some traffic cam footage of a sinkhole swallowing a street in China, and a scooter driver plunging in afterwards. Thankfully, the driver escaped with only minor injuries, which is a relief because I assumed he plummeted straight to the center of the earth and was burned alive. Minor injuries sound way better than that, but nowhere near as sweet as winning the lottery.
Keep going for the whole video. Also, I liked how his headlight flashes around in the hole for a second before it disappears. I don't know why, but I did.
This is a video of Toronto, Canada commercial real estate broker Zev Gitalis taking his 97-year old grandfather for a spin in his new Tesla. His grandpa is very impressed with all the features, almost to the point of losing his mind. You know I rode in a Tesla once, I thought it was okay. "That was a Taurus." I was wondering why it took almost a minute to hit 60MPH. In grandpa's own words:
I haven't had an experience like this in my life, I don't remember ever seeing such forward looking things. That's what they are. They look like a century from now.
Oh, to be old again. Honestly, I was more impressed with his grandpa's mental clarity than I was with the car. When I'm 97 (which is incredibly unlikely) I'm just hoping I don't poop my pants waiting in line for my fast food breakfast in the morning. And it BETTER be fast. Come on -- I don't have much time left on this planet, how long do hash browns take?! Also, nice try, Elon, but I recognize a thinly veiled Tesla commercial when I see one.
This is a video of Banks (presumably like Piggy Banks?) the pig getting tricked into exercising with the old carrot on a stick ruse. You know I actually tried the same thing with my dog once with much less impressive results, presumably because she doesn't give a shit about carrots. Then I replaced the carrot with a Slim Jim and...yeah. There's a reward if you find her.
These are several shots of 2-year old Olive the chameleon wielding tiny weapons. In owner Emma Ward's own words while I try to teach my dog how to wield a bow and arrow without accidentally shooting me in the ass while my back is turned. *ahem* Margaret -- that WAS an accident, right?
"Knowing she likes to grasp anything that goes in her hands, I thought Lego swords and Evangelion weapons would be an interesting idea," Ward told Chron.com. She got the nearly 2-year-old Olive in April 2016 from a reptile exhibition in Detroit, and they have been best friends ever since.
Great, so not only are chameleons masters of camouflage, but they can also wield weapons now. Obviously, it's only a matter of time before some evil villain employs an army of weaponized chameleons to do his bidding for him. And on that day THE WORLD WILL BE MINE -- MWAHAHAHAHA! "Because you are that evil villain?" That's what I was insinuating, yes.
Keep going for a couple more shots as well as somebody else's flying squirrel holding some weapons and somebody else's teensy chameleon holding a gun because you should never have to go into battle yourself (unless it's a duel, in which case teaming up is generally frowned upon).
This is 'Water vs Gravity', a video of YouTuber and fighter pilot Linkerius demonstrating his ability to pour and drink water out of a cup while doing barrel rolls in a jet. I mean, impressive, sure, but wouldn't it have been easier to just pack a Capri-Sun? We've sent humans to the moon, man, you don't have to drink out of a regular cup in your fighter jet.