This is a video of Doug the Pug dressed up as all the characters from Stranger Things. I thought he really nailed it, especially Dustin and Lucas and Barb. Poor Barb, she never stood a chance. She can't even shotgun a beer without stabbing herself and summoning the monster to come kill her. Now I've seen a lot of beer shotgunning accidents in my day, but Jesus, Barb, get your shit together.
Keep going for the video.
This is the $235 'Octopus George' felted wool backpack crafted by Alexander Dedkov and Olga Kotova of Etsy shop OrangeCatMinsk. It looks like a giant orange octopus and has two compartments -- a large flat one against your back, and the chunky one that makes up the head. And what's more appropriate than an octopus backpack, since octopuses are so notorious for storing things in their heads. Stuff like shells, pirate treasures, mermaid secrets. "Octopuses don't store things in their heads." What are you, some kind of marine biologist? I mean I'm sure a couple of you are, but, SAD FACT: less than one out of every fifty children who want to be a marine biologist when they grow up actual realize their dream. The odds are even less for children who want to be astronauts or wizards. Adult life is hard. I mean, for some people. *waves magic wand to engage spaceship launch protocol* Later suckers!
Keep going for several more shots.
Note: Larger version HERE in case you're not taking a drug that lets you read the unreadable (or at least makes you think you can).
This is a chart made by the folks from harm reduction website TripSit detailing the most and least dangerous drug combinations to take recreationally (or non-recreationally if your doctor is trying to kill you). Apparently that lower right corner is a real doozy. I learned a lot by looking at it. Mostly that if you do all the drugs at once you'll probably die. Or maybe they'll all even each other out, who knows? Me? I don't do drugs because I'm training for the 2018 Outerspace Olympics and can't risk getting busted with anything in my system and miss out on my chance to win a kryptonite metal. Then I can finally defeat Superman and steal his cape so I can fly. "His cape doesn't make him fly, it's just a cape -- he can fly without it." Who the hell wears a cape if they don't have to? "It's part of his costume." So even if I stole it I couldn't fly? "Nope." I'll take whatever drugs you've got. Also -- does the skull and crossbones on that bottle mean the stuff inside is really good, or really bad? I'm only asking because I already drank a quarter of it when we were talking Superman.
Thanks to Rose, who encourages you all to be safe out there. Remember: knowing is half the battle. The other half is playing it cool so your boss doesn't know you're tripping at work.
These are the Space Egg silicone molds created by design firm DOIY. You can buy them from their official site for around $11 apiece, or other places for possibly cheaper (they're on Amazon for around $7 apiece HERE and HERE). When used properly, they make sunny-side up eggs that look like a rocketship and astronaut. When used entirely improperly they look like silicone egg molds dangling from your privates with your penis through the yolk part. Wow, if you wanted me to make pancakes so bad you could have just said so.
Keep going for several more shots.
Butterfly candles: even rattlesnake people love them.
This is is a video of the Dragon Lady Eva Tiamat Baphomet Medusa and all the body modifications it has received (the Dragon Lady prefers the pronoun "it", like a snake) over the last 20 years to become more like a Western Diamondback rattlesnake. The Dragon Lady, who is a pre-operative transgender woman, believes rattlesnakes are its real parents after its birth parents abandoned it as a young boy. Body modifications include numerous tattoos and piercings (including armpit piercings, it also eventually wants to be 100% covered in tattooed scales), a forked tongue, pointed teeth and fangs, shaved nose (with all cartilage and septum removed), horn implants, eyebrow dome implants, the whites of the eyes dyed green, and ears removed. Wow, and I don't even have the guts to commit to a henna tattoo. Hey -- you do you, live your life. *excitedly shaking baby rattle* Sorry that's the best I can do I can't speak Parseltongue.
Keep going for a video interview.
Note: Larger, prettier version HERE.
This is the $35 Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope soundtrack released on picture disk vinyl (previously: The Force Awakens soundtrack on vinyl with spinning TIE fighter hologram). Each of the two records has a different picture on front and back. In this case, the Death Star/Darth Vader and X-Wing battle/Han and Chewie. Which is your favorite? Personally, I don't pick favorites, which is what makes me such a good boss. "But you're not a boss." Yeah but if I was one I would be a good one. You there, peon -- lift my feet up on my desk for me, I want to look casual for my next meeting. See? It just comes naturally to some of us.
Thanks to carey, who heard if you play the Imperial March backwards it sings 'Jar Jar is the chosen one' over and over.
This is a beautiful timelapse video made by Greta Life, that demonstrates earth's rotation in relation to the stars, which stay fixed in the video. Wait -- the earth rotates? How come I don't feel it? Are you sure this isn't just part of some fake science conspiracy used to keep the population in check so we don't start asking questions about whether earth really is the center of the universe and has a core of molten chocolate? Because I've eaten a lot of chocolate in my life and it never seems to run out. Are we actually mining crude oil or liquid chocolate? I've seen videos but they look awfully similar. Now if you'll excuse me, can you watch my tin-foil hat while I run to the restroom? I can't wear it while I pee or the interference makes me miss the urinal and I'm friends with the custodian and I'm not trying to make his job any harder than it already is.
Keep going for the video.
This is a shot of an injured Northern Mockingbird who got a custom pair of cardboard 'snowshoes' to prevent its feet from knuckling, a condition that's apparently common in young birds and makes it difficult and painful to walk or perch. The shoes were crafted by folks at the California Wildlife Center, who say it usually takes about two weeks of wearing the shoes for a bird's feet to be fully functional again. Yay! This particular mockingbird is already healed and just about ready to be released back into the wild, where it will presumably mock the shit out of other birds' mating calls to steal their girlfriends and have sex with them. Tweet tootle tweet!
Thanks to Gaby, who offered to make me a cardboard snowshoe to cure my clubfoot. Don't bother, Gaby, I've already come to accept it as the weapon God intended it to be.
