This is a shot of the human figure spotted outside somebody's window who lives somewhere where it gets cold (I moonlight as a detective). How did that even happen? "Dripping water and freezing temperatures." You would make a great science teacher. Except this isn't science -- thats clearly an ice wraith if I've ever seen one, and I did see one when my family was vacationing in Canada. Everyone was so nice up there except for her, she was pure evil and tried to steal my soul. "Did she?" You tell me -- feel my hand. "Oh my God, you're freezing!" Haha, yeah, I just ate a whole quart of ice cream.
Thanks to Robyn S, who's convinced that's a White Walker who froze to the window sill when he tried licking it.
This is the Power Ranking Guide To Hostess Snacks created by Lucas Peterson of Lucky Peach. It ranks Hostess snacks based on taste and the snack's appropriateness for a pet name. I don't really agree with it. First of all, their powdered Donettes are delicious (although you do need to chase them with a lot of milk to avoid looking like you're coughing up chalk dust), and I think Donette is a great name for a pet. And so are Fruit Pie and Ho Ho and Suzie Q. Secondly, now I'm hungry for everything on this chart except coffee cakes, vanilla Zingers, orange cupcakes and mini muffins. Also, not to sound like a Hostess snob or anything, but you forgot the cinnamon rolls (not to be confused with the honey buns) and devil's food flavored cupcakes. Now how am I supposed to take your chart seriously?
Thanks to Christian, who may only eat those little bread wafers they give you at church on Sundays.
This is the exploding Death Star lamp modded from an IKEA PS 2014 pendant lamp by Instructable user MariaK64. You can follow a tutorial she made HERE or HERE. Basically it involves buying an IKEA PS 2014 pendant lamp, then masking and painting it to look like the Death Star (the lamp already expands like that with the pull of its string). Simple enough. So simple I think I might even be able to do it. "Stop eating the paint." But my mom forgot to pack me a lunch!
Keep going for a couple closeups and a video for the full effect.
This is a video of the Rube Goldberg style billiard shot set up and executed by the folks at the Allstars Sports Bar in Bristol, England. It took eleven hours to arrange and test, and two minutes to run its course from beginning to end. Unfortunately, despite all the effort involved, it appears they couldn't get a person with a steady hand to film it. What the hell is wrong with you? Maybe don't drink so much before you start filming your lengthy billiard shot. I think I got motion sickness. *pukes into wastebasket* Of course it could have been the chicken sushi I made for lunch. "You ate raw chicken?" Well it was still partially frozen. I wanna be a chef like Gordon Ramsay.
Keep going for the shot, but don't expect any Oscars for best cinematography.
This is a very short video of a woman throwing a ping-pong ball to her cat Moe, which apparently activates his off switch. Maybe it was just too much for his little feline brain to handle. FUN FACT: the average cat brain is 5cm (~2 inches) long, weighs 25-30 grams (0.88-1.06 ounces) and accounts for about 0.91% of its total body mass. For reference, the average human brain is about 15cm (~6 inches long), weighs 1,300 - 1,400 grams (46 to 50 grams, or around 3 pounds) and 2.33% of total body mass. Except mine, mine is more like a cats and the rest is all penis.
Hit the jump for the video while I sprinkle catnip under my roommates door and let the cats wake him up trying to get to it.
This is a video of World's Strongest Man contestant/Game Of Thrones' Gregor Clegane (The Mountain) Hafthor "Thor" Bjornsson competing in a 46kg (~101 pound) washing machine throwing competition. Unfortunately for him, his throws were not enough to beat those of Zydrunas Savickas, who also happened to take first place in the 2014 World's Strongest Man competition, leaving Bjornsson with second. That must be some rivalry they've got going. You know I've never thrown a washing machine before but I did kick one after it bleached my favorite hoodie and I did have to go to the doctor for complications stemming from an ingrown toenail. Also it's kinda frustrating to see these guys throwing perfectly good washing machines when I have to share two of them with the thirty other jerks who live in this building, none of whom have the common courtesy to clean the lint trap after using a dryer. I leave passive-aggressive notes in red ink.
Keep going for the competition, and I'm pretty sure Savickas tears a buttcheek at 2:20.
This is a video of the equivalent of 200,000 sparklers being lit at once. I say the equivalent because it's not actually 200,000 sparklers, it's 100kg (~220 pounds) of "powdered sparkler mixture" being lit at once. Presumably because somebody wanted to save money and avoid taking all those sparklers out of their little boxes. Come on -- there are no shortcuts in life! Just kidding, there are plenty of shortcuts in life, but they usually involve driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Oh shit here comes a tanker truck.
Keep going for the video of New Year's came late/incredibly early this year.
This is a video of backyard survivalist Joerg Sprave demonstrating the fully automatic crossbow he built using wood, giant rubber bands, and a cordless drill. It works unsurprisingly well, because Joerg's weapons almost always work flawlessly, despite their complication. This guy should work for NASA or Home Depot. Obviously, I'm gonna need him in my crew if I expect to survive the zombie apocalypse. Now -- and I'm just throwing this out there, but I think wearing me on his back like a backpack is probably best.