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Oh Wow: Blood Sport Immersive Gaming System Takes Some Blood Whenever You Get Shot In-Game

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This is the Kickstarter for Blood Sport, an immersive gaming system that takes some of your blood intravenously whenever you get shot in-game. Blood Sport is being developed with the hope they can eventually organize gamer blood-drives, where everybody gets together to game for a good cause. Basically, the system works by rerouting the signal that would make a controller's rumble-pack rumble to turn on a blood collection machine instead. But what if my controller is rumbling even though I didn't get shot? Maybe I'm just crossing some rough terrain! Unfortunately, I've never been able to give blood before because I'm a passer-outer, but I would be willing to give this a go. Maybe it'll take my mind off things long enough to make a worthwhile donation. But please -- be ready to yank the cord on the XBox before it sucks me dry.

Keep going for their Kickstarter video.

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Walking On Breakfast: Bacon & Egg Printed Shoes

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These are the Mozo Bacon N' Eggs Sharkz Shoes. They were made for working in a kitchen and cost $35. Did I mention they have bacon and eggs printed on the top of them? Because that's their big selling point. It's like breakfast, but on your shoes. Which is probably one of the worst places to have your breakfast. I like my breakfast ON A PLATE. Jk jk, I like my breakfast eaten directly out of the fast food bag it came in.

Thanks to E V I L A R E S, who is so evil he orders all the hash-browns in the drive-thru so the next 10 people can't get any while they cook more. I'LL KILL YOU.

Take All My $1's: The Unofficial LEGO Strip Club Set

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This is the LEGO strip club set being sold by Citizen Brick. It costs $275 *spit-take* and includes over 80 custom printed elements including hologram foil stamped mirrors and 4 stripper minifigs. Plus it has some LED lighting to give it that authentic nudie bar feel. Still, $275? That' a little out of my LEGO strip club budget. Which is why I just built my own out of bricks I already had. Sadly, my mom smashed it to pieces when she found out what it really was (I had told her it was a rec center).

Keep going for several closeups (no nips, sorry).

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Pukey: Video Demo Of What It Will Be Like To Ride The New World's Tallest (Over 500-Feet) Roller Coaster

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This is a video animation showing what it will be like to ride the Skyscraper roller coaster at Skyplex in Orlando, Florida. The roller coaster will begin construction in 2017 (so plenty of time for the world to end in the meantime) and reach a height of over 500-feet when completed. You think puke falling from 500-feet could kill a person on the ground? "No." What if that puke had marbles in it? "Why would puke have marbles in it?" Because I like to put things in my mouth and sometimes I swallow them.

Keep going for the video.

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Cool As A Cucumber: Man Calmly Sips Beer While 35 Armed Russian Gangsters Storm Restaurant

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This is some Russian security camera footage from the Sagittarius bar in which 35 armed gangsters rush the place to beat up a table of five dudes, before all rushing back out. Meanwhile guy in the middle just sits there calmly sipping his beer. I've read a bunch of responses to the video and everyone is all, "Oh man, what a badass!" and "This guy is hardcore!" You see, what they don't realize is HE WAS IN ON THE WHOLE THING. He's probably the one who tipped off his buddies that now was the time to come kick ass. Of course, this is Russia we're talking about, where every young male's favorite pastime is trying to die in the name of excitement, so maybe he really just didn't give a f***. Thankfully, I was able to get him on the phone for an interview. So, my Ruskie friend -- let's say you're walking down a railroad track and you hear a train coming -- what do you do? "Stare it down until it jumps the rails." My God, how do you even walk with balls that big? I would have guessed you have to balance on them like one of those bears at the circus.

Keep going for the video.

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Cutting A Rug: Ronan Accepts Star-Lord's Dance-Off Challenge In This Guardians Of The Galaxy Outtake

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To remind everyone that that the DVD/Blu-Ray release of the movie is just around the corner (December 9th), Disney just released this outtake from Guardians of the Galaxy in which Ronan accepts Star-Lord's challenge to a dance-off, with Gamora and Drax The Destroyer even getting in on the action. Impressive, but nothing compared to my dance moves. I haven't won the Intergalactic Dance Competition three years in a row for no reason. There was a very good reason -- I pleasured all the judges. And some of those alien judges, man -- tons of penises.

Hit the jump for the video.

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Time Travelin': Blinking Light Flux Capacitor Wristwatch

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This is the Flux Capacitor wristwatch available from ThinkGeek ($50). The flux capacitor actually flashes to tell the time, and the date is displayed on the time circuit LCD display below the capacitor. Hold on, I'll just copy the explanation while I eat one of the saddest gas station sandwiches I've seen in awhile.

Press the bottom button and then get ready to count lights. Time is divided into hours, minutes first digit, minutes second digit - so it looks confusing, but is very easy to read. (Example: 10 lights, 5 lights, 3 lights = 10:53 - and it repeats). At the same time, the time circuit LCD display will show you the date. But the Back to the Future Flux Capacitor Wristwatch just doesn't tell the time - with a press of the middle button, you can also activate "Time Travel" mode, where the Flux Capacitor will flux and the time circuit will display a random date.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? "Nobody wears watches anymore?" Besides that. "Something about the sandwich you just ate?" How do you f*** up chicken and swiss on rye so hard? Sounds impossible, right? Yet here I am. And in thirty minutes, moaning in a bathroom stall. I guess I should start hydrating now.

Keep going for one more shot.

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Swing From My Branches?: Custom Built Groot Swingset

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This is the custom Guardians of the Galaxy Groot swingset built by somebody for the upcoming reality show 'Super Fans, Super Builds'. I auditioned to be on the show, but they didn't pick me on account of not being a particularly super fan of anything, or a particularly good builder. I know -- apparently some reality shows have standards. I'm as shocked as you are.

Thanks to mark and E V I L A R E S, neither of which invited me to the park to see who could jump the furthest out of a swing. Lame, guys, I thought you two were into having fun.