Let's Go: 'Nearby' Star Has Seven Earth-Like Planets Orbiting

February 22, 2017

seven-habitable-planets.jpg

TRAPPIST-1 is an ultra-cool (temperature-wise, not leather jacket and Ray-Bans) dwarf star some 39 light-years away. And it has not one, not two, not three, not four, not six, not eight, not nine, not ten, but SEVEN potentially habitable planets orbiting it. Well what are we waiting for? Let's strap on our space helmets and go f**k those planets up too!

The discovery, reported Wednesday in the journal Nature, represents the first time astronomers have ever detected so many terrestrial planets orbiting a single star. Researchers say the system is an ideal laboratory for studying alien worlds and could be the best place in the galaxy to search for life beyond Earth.


The newly discovered solar system resembles a scaled-down version of our own. The star at its center, an ultra-cool dwarf called TRAPPIST-1, is less than a tenth the size of our sun and about a quarter as warm. Its planets circle tightly around it; the closest takes just a day and a half to complete an orbit and the most distant takes about 20 days. If these planets orbited a larger, brighter star they would be fried to a crisp. But TRAPPIST-1 is so cool that all seven of the bodies are bathed in just the right amount of warmth to hold liquid water. And three of them receive the same amount of heat as Venus, Earth and Mars, putting them in "the habitable zone," that Goldilocks region where it's thought life can thrive.

I know 39 light-years isn't that far in the grand scheme of the universe, but in the practical scheme of the universe, that is far as shit away. A light-year, as I'm sure you're aware, is the distance light travels in a year, or around 5.9 trillion miles. So 39 light-years is around 230 trillion miles. For reference, our own sun is around 92.96 million miles away, or 8 LIGHT-MINUTES, and we haven't even visited it yet! "You're an idiot." Whatever, you send me there and I'll plant a flag on it.

Thanks to Tank, who's convinced the secret to the universe is actually at the bottom of the ocean. Atlantis?! "Yep." I knew it!

Man Demonstrates His Technique For Drinking Six Beers Simultaneously

February 22, 2017

six-beer-chug.jpg

This is a video of some genius demonstrating his technique for drinking six tall beer bottles simultaneously, presumably because he took too long picking out his party shirt that all his friends are already done pre-partying and ready to hit the club. That shirt does look sweet though. And wearing dark sunglasses inside -- I love that look. It's the look of a man who isn't afraid to chug six beers simultaneously behind his mom's ironing board. Somebody needs to issue this man an unrestricted baller's license, STAT.

Hit the jump for the video, then meet me in the parking lot and we can each shotgun a warm beer from my trunk.

Continue Reading →

Beautifully Shot Drone Video Footage Of Jetpack Flight

February 22, 2017

jetpack-video.jpg

This is a video of a man demonstrating a jetpack built by JetPack Aviation of California. It was shot predominately with a drone by Devin Supertramp and his crew, who always do a beautiful job. The only problem with these jetpacks (minus their bulkiness, incredibly short flight time, and cost) is that they sound like you're getting sprayed in the ears with a pressure washer. How am I supposed to get my James Bond on with a jetpack that everybody can hear from a mile away? Regardless, will I still be able to bed the Russian lady spy? You bet your ass I will! *woman speaking in Russian* I don't understand her, what did she say? "She said your penis is the size of nesting doll." Well that's not bad. "The last one inside." Man I thought spies were supposed to know how to keep secrets.

Keep going for the video.

Continue Reading →

Alex Trebek Rapping The The Rap Category Answers On Jeopardy

February 22, 2017

alex-trebek-jeopardy-raps.jpg

These are two videos of known hater Alex Trebek announcing the answers in the recent 'Let's Rap, Kids!' Jeopardy category. In the first video he's just reading them, but in the second video, edited by Twitter user tole_cover, there's a beat and some effects added. I learned a lot by watching it. Mostly, that some people have more than their fair share of free time on their hands. How is it I go to bed every night having accomplished nothing on my to-do list, and there are people out there making Alex Trebek rap edits? "You lay in the shower three hours a day." I HAVE A CONDITION. "What is it?" I like hot showers and pretending everything is going to be okay.

Keep going for the videos.

Continue Reading →

Drone Footage Of Water Pouring Into Lake Spillway In California

February 22, 2017

lake-spillway-drone-footage.jpg

These are two drone footage videos of water pouring into the Glory Hole spillway in Lake Berryassa in Napa, California after recent heavy rains. The spillway is capable of draining 48,400 cubic feet of water per second into Putah Creek at the base of the Monticello Dam. Engineering, isn't it amazing? "You aren't going to say anything about glory holes and putas?" No I am not, I'm taking the high road today. And not just because I'm pretty sure I suffered a mild stroke last night, but I do believe God is trying to tell me something, and that something is get your shit together before I lightning bolt you and you don't have time to seek atonement for all your sins. And boy do I have a list of sins to make up for. You know how every year Santa makes a naughty and nice list? Imagine the length of both lists combined. Then imagine every year's list since Santa began Santa-ing all compiled into a single volume. Double that and you've got yourself an idea of what I'm dealing with.

Keep going for the videos, the second of which starts at 1,000 feet then descends into the spillway and almost gets taken by the water.

Continue Reading →

Life In A Nutshell: This Furry Dog Trying To Get A Treat Off The Coffee Table

February 22, 2017

dog-treat-fail.jpg

This is a short video of a furry dog trying to get a treat off the coffee table. His technique is awful (it looks like he's just trying to scratch himself against the table), and, ultimately, he pays the price. He should have just jumped up there. True story: last weekend I came home and walked in on my dog standing on the kitchen table eating a partially used napkin (I reuse napkins, which are technically ripped pieces of paper towels, because I care about the environment). She acts like I don't feed her. She eats better than I do. I cook her steak and chicken and rice. *smells dog breath* At least what she eats smells better. "What the hell do you eat, GW?" Mostly dry dog food.

Keep going for the video.

Continue Reading →

Interesting: Obese Men Last 90 Sec Longer In The Sack

February 22, 2017

obese-bed-time.jpg

A recent study conducted by Turkey's Erciyes University (which hopefully involved timing couples going to Humptown with a stopwatch while cheering them on/taking bets), there's a direct correlation between physical size and endurance. Did you hear that? *jigging belly* Come get some, I may be chubby but I can least last longer than *falls asleep*

The reason behind this is because overweight men have a higher presence of estradiol, a female sex hormone, which actually inhibits the male orgasm.

Apparently the average man climaxes after six minutes, while an obese man can take up to 7.5, neither of which is anything your girlfriend is going to write home about. Mostly because people don't discuss their sex lives with their parents. She'll definitely tell some of her girlfriends about it though, then you'll always wonder when they're around if they know you're a sprinter and not a distance runner. And keep in mind this is for obese men, not morbidly obese men, who may never finish and will die on top of you.

Thanks to Thaylor H, who agrees trying to argue that you only last a minute because you're at peak physical fitness is an uphill battle.

Magical: A Song Made From A Picture Of A Unicorn

February 22, 2017

unicorn-song.jpg

This is a song made from the picture of the unicorn seen above. Youtuber Andrew Huang used a picture he drew (inspired by the Archie McFee Magical Unicorn Mask) to map out a MIDI file and play it (the trend was apparently started by Savant, who has a bunch of other examples of musical pictures on his Facebook). It's surprisingly beautiful. It kind of reminds me of a song from an old point-and-click King's Quest game. I miss those games. I tried playing the new Telltale King's Quest game but it just wasn't the same. Times change. Maybe I've changed. Do you...think I've changed? "Only for the better." Did my mom pay you to say that? I know she worries about me.

Keep going for the video.

Continue Reading →