Note: Dealing with some personal issues today, not sure how much I'll be around but I'll be back tomorrow in full regalia for sure.
This is a video of a clam trying to bury itself in the sand during low tide. It makes some fun noises then finishes with whatever the hell is going on above. You know, the last time I saw a clam my buddy was trying to bury about sixty of them in his stomach to win a bet. I only wish I still had the vomit video on my phone to play at his upcoming wedding.
This is the Chilli K188 cell phone/fidget spinner from India (and available on Amazon India in a variety of colors for around 1,100 rupees, ~$17) It's a super basic cell phone (it can make and receive calls and texts) that doubles as a fidget spinner you can use while you're anxiously awaiting a return text from your crush. SPOILER: It's never coming. "Why not?" Because you own a fidget spinner cell phone.
Keep going for a closeup and a video review of the phone while I invent yo-yo and slap bracelet cell phones and become a millionaire overnight. Or try to catch the tooth fairy in a jar using an animal tooth I found as bait.
Because people will absolutely buy it and think they're the coolest thing since pre-sliced hot dog buns, Snapchat has just released a Halloween costume version of its famous dancing hot dog filter. You can get one on Amazon through Snapchat's parent company Snap Inc. for $80. Everybody will want to take a picture with you -- you'll be the hit of the Halloween party! Oh...wait -- there's six other dancing hot dogs already here. Better luck next year.
Keep going for two more shots, including one of the wiener behind the wiener.
This is a timelapse video of veterinarian Andy Manoloff creating a photo-realistic pumpkin carving (well, as photo-realistic as a pumpkin carving can be, which isn't very) of his pet Pomeranian, Sophie. He really nailed it. I was going to do the same thing for my dog but my mom yelled at me when she saw me with the knife. Also, based on this man's steady hands and precision with a razor blade, I'd feel 100% confident with him operating on me. "What did you do this time?" I really don't want to talk about it. "Did you reverse swallow a Sharpie?" I don't know what that is. "It's when you stick one too far up your--" Yes, that. I did that again.
Keep going for the video, as well as several very impressive superheroes he's carved in previous years.
This is the Get What You Get gumball machine at Elm Street Tattoos in Dallas, Texas. You just pay a tattoo artist $100, and they'll give you a token to put into the machine. Whatever design comes out they'll permanently ink on you. (If you really don't like the design you can get another token for $20, but there are no refunds). Obviously, this makes the tattoo decision making process much, much easier except I already know what I want and it's a penis with dragonfly wings.
Boogie, a shop employee, told the Dallas Observer, "All of these tattoos I would price out between $160 and $180 ... maybe $250."
Tattoos will be completed on a first-come, first-served basis. If there's no line, you can get yours right away. If all of the artists are booked, you may have to make an appointment.
Interesting. This is perfect for the person who wants a tattoo, but doesn't particularly care what it is. The old 'I don't know, just give me something.' I still remember my first tattoo like it was yesterday. It wasn't yesterday though, it was actually next Friday, I just have a time machine.
Keep going for an Instagram video of somebody using the machine.
This is an example of one of the shipping container homes built by MODS International and available for purchase on Amazon for around $36,000 (plus ~$4,000 shipping). Each 320-square foot home (twice the size of my current apartment) comes complete with a bedroom, bathroom (with shower, toilet and sink), a kitchenette, living area, dying area (just kidding you can do that anywhere), appliances, and heating and air conditioning. Plus you can presumably ship yourself to a different location if you get tired of where you're living/the cops are closing in. I'm going to buy one then ship myself around the world aboard a cargo ship. Bon voyage! "You're going to die." I'm already dead.
Keep going for more shots of the interior and exterior.
Note: This is just a picture, you actually have to go to the website to experiment yourself.
This is Halloweensoundboard.com, a Halloween themed soundboard website created by sound designer Matt McCorkle that allows visitors to 'experiment with eerie ambiances, twist music into otherworldly soundscapes, and play sounds reminiscent of horror movies.' I just spent twenty minutes making the perfect Halloween track to play at my party. I especially like the Skeleton song instrumentation. This party is going to be so great! "Nobody is going to show up." Nope, only the corpses I reanimate with black magic. Plus, okay, probably the cops again.
Thanks to hairless, who hasn't bobbed for apples since he was five. That's too long! (Unless you just turned six)
Because the world is rapidly coming to an end, Private Jet Studio based in Moscow, Russia will rent Instagrammers a grounded Gulfstream 650 jet with professional photographer for 2 hours for around $244 (~$191 if you bring your own cameraman or just plan on taking selfies) so they can trick their followers into thinking they live some sort of luxurious lifestyle. Granted I'm sure there are legitimate photographers who need shots inside or outside a jet for their own purposes, but if you really are just an Instagrammer renting a grounded to fool your followers, you need to take a long hard look at your life, then start living a completely different one.
Keep going for a couple more shots of the possibilities.