Geekologie I Watch Stuff The Superficial Hedonistica

Why Not?: X-Men/Adventure Time Character Mashups

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This is a series of X-Men/Adventure Time character mashups created by illustrator and graphic artist Katie Goodrich. I don't recognize any of them. I think the first one is Geordi LaForge/Gumbi? If we're being honest, I don't really know any comic book or cartoon characters and I'm probably not qualified to be writing Geekologie. I've just always been great at faking it. ESPECIALLY sexually. "He thought he was supposed to put in my belly button." Honey! "More than once." You're embarrassing me! "He tried to tie his penis in a knot so he could last longer." Okay now that I thought would work for sure.

Thanks to Philly, who wants to mash up characters with themselves to make their evil twins.

Wow, What A Talent Show: Kid Flips Bottle Of Water And It Lands Standing, The Crowd Loses Its Mind

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This is a video of some kid (who's clearly Joe Popular) participating in his high school's senior talent show. His talent? Flipping a plastic bottle of water and getting it to land standing. And that's what he does. Then the entire crowd explodes like it's the most amazing thing they've ever seen and they've never heard of Youtube. Man, it's scary to think these kids are our future. When I participated in my high school talent show I beer-bonged a half gallon of milk and six raw eggs without stopping. Now that's real talent. What have our youth become?

Hit the jump for the video of what has to be one of the whitest talent shows in history.

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Seizures For Everyone!: Sensory Overloading Ultra-High Definition Video Of Japan's Robot Restaurant

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This is an ultra-high def video (make sure to crank up the HD or it'll just look like Technicolor snow) of Japan's Robot Restaurant, which puts on some sort of seizure-inducing robot parade while patrons eat. Definitely not the place to go if you're looking for a nice relaxing dinner. Personally, when I dine I like to be ULTRA relaxed. Know what I'm saying? "You like to eat in bed." My bedside table isn't a mini-fridge for no reason.

Keep going for the video.

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Awww: 9-Year Old Gets Pokemon Card Collection Stolen, Cop Gives Him His Collection

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9-year old Bryce got his binder of Pokemon cards stolen while walking to a friend's house to trade. Apparently some little jerk a couple years older just ran up and snatched the binder and ran. Bryce's mom called the cops and 26-year old Cleveland police officer James Grotenrath and his partner Ken Kirk responded. Then, after finishing his shift that day, Grotenrath returned to Bryce and gave him his own extensive Pokemon card collection, including a rare, banned card. Now just a minute while I hide all my Star Wars action figures then report a robbery and pray the responding officer also collects Star Wars action figures.

"I grew up with Pokemon, I loved Pokemon as a kid and I would be heartbroken too if my cards were taken from me," Grotenrath said.


[On the rare card he gave Bryce] "It's a banned card of Pokeman and there's only about ten of these in the world and I have one of them," explained Bryce.

"It's a priceless item, but it's better to see someone else smile, and in my book, like my partner says, it's just happy to see a citizen smile instead of always frowning upon us and looking the other way," said Grotenrath.

In even more happy news, police were able to locate the kid who stole Bryce's collection and secure the binder, although several cards were already missing. Police gave the thief a stern "talking to" but didn't file any charges because why not let this kid grow up to be a dirty thief? I would have scared that little shit straight. YOU WANT TO GO TO PRISON, BOY? YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'LL DO TO YOU IN THERE? THEY'LL CHEW YOU UP LIKE A DOG BONE. THEN HACK FOR AWHILE BEFORE COUGHING UP LITTLE PIECES OF YOU ONTO THE CARPET AND RE-CHEWING THEM. "You are sure you aren't being a little rough on him?" Ma'am, please, I'm doing my job. Maybe if you weren't raising such a turd I wouldn't have to be here. "But--" WOOF! WOOF!

Keep going for a video news report.

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What Have We Become?: Painted Nose Twerking Video

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Please sneeze.

Because God must be so proud of us now (extinct us like the dinosaurs, just do it, please), this is a video of a woman with a little naked lady painted on her nose making her twerk by poking her butt around with her finger. Apparently this is a thing, and if you search Youtube (which I can't recommend) there are a bunch of these kinds of videos. In related news, when is the next SpaceX rocket launch and how tight is security?

Keep going for the video.

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So, It's Come To This: A K-Cup Style Vaporizer For Weed

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This is the CannaCloud from CannaKorp, a vaporizer that heats single-use weed pods in a minute, and, judging from the picture, gets you so high you just stare at the thing and forget to go to work. The company hopes to bring the product to market in early 2017. I dunno, I thought existing vaporizers that don't use single-use pods were just as quick and easy to use. What's the purpose of this, to know exactly how much THC you're vaporizing? To get a better control of your high? I guess that's not a bad idea if you're about to go to a job interview. This product is a pretty smart business decision though, provided the pods actually catch on (which, for the record, I highly doubt). You see you don't really make your money selling the devices, you make your money selling the pre-packaged pods. Don't believe me? Just ask Keurig. "I couldn't understand them." That's because they were face-down swimming in their Scrooge McDuck money vault. Now, are you thinking what I'm thinking? "We start selling single use pods of oregano to high school kids?" You and I are like, born business partners. Now let's hit up the grocery story, we can take turns pushing each other around in the cart.

Keep going for one more shot and a video demonstration of the device.

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Star Trek Shuttlecraft Inspired Camping Tent Concept

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This is the Star Trek Federation shuttlecraft inspired camping tent concept designed by Dave Delisle. The shuttlecraft's thrusters double as the tent's carrying cases. Sadly, it will probably never become a real product because I question the market for a probably expensive Star Trek Federation shuttlecraft camping tent. And that's a shame too because I would totally set that up on my bed as a permanent fixture. Then ask my girlfriend at night if she wants to "come play space with me." She won't answer because she doesn't exist. I will go to bed alone in my shuttlecraft tent bed and flip through the pages of an alien nudie magazine with a flashlight. I will do this for years.

Keep going for a couple more shots.

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Tesla Driver Asleep On Highway Using Autopilot

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This is a short vertical video of a Tesla driver apparently asleep behind the wheel with the car's Autopilot feature engaged. Or maybe he's just driving with his eyes closed. I've done that before. RECENTLY. Now my car's in a creek and I need a tow. Let me borrow your AAA?

The Autopilot function requires the driver to be alert and ready to take control at any time, and will emit sounds and display alerts when the driver needs to take over. In the event that the driver can't be raised, the vehicle will activate its hazard lights and move towards the hard shoulder, where it will then stop. But in the video, the Tesla seems to be slowly trundling along with the driver fast asleep.

What's the word on police pulling you over for this? Because they will, right? I know I would. Just kidding, I would never pass the physical fitness test to become a cop. I am a couch tomato. "It's potato." What? "You're a couch potato." I'M A TOMATO. "You're a potato." Those are fighting words, pickle!

Keep going for the video.

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