WTF Is That?!: Gigantic Hercules Beetle Pupa

April 27, 2017

This is a video of a Hercules Beetle pupa writhing around in somebody's hand. I thought it was a mutant sweet potato at first. Then I thought it was a lobster. Now I'm fairly certain it's an alien. I can't even believe things like this exist on earth. Or whatever planet they came from originally. "It came from earth." But you can't prove that. Same goes for mushrooms and sexual reproduction. You know why? Because I think both *putting on cool guy sunglasses* are out of this world. "You're an idiot." There's no denying that.

Keep going for this video as well as one of a Hercules Beetle in larval form, and one in its final form.

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Hiding In Plain Sight: Can You Spot The Venomous Snake?

April 27, 2017

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This is a shot of a venomous copperhead (Agkistrodon contortrix) camouflaged in the leaf litter along a hiking path. Can you spot it? I couldn't spot it. Of course I'm also complete shit at the Hidden Pictures on the back of Highlights magazines, so take that for what you will. I added a shot after the jump of the snake circled so you can find it but if you want a POTENTIAL SPOILER: It's directly in the middle of the photo. This is exactly why I don't like hiking. Well, that and the exercise aspect, but mostly this. Fine, the exercise mostly, but still, snakes are a good excuse to bail on a weekend hike with friends, especially if you lie and say you've been bitten in the past and almost died. Tell them you can't even believe THEY'RE willing to risk their lives on a hike. Really sell it, then suggest meeting for bottomless mimosa brunch instead.

Keep going for a shot of the snake circled in Geekologie pink.

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Cat Playing With Vacuum Attachment Keeps Getting Its Mouth Sucked In

April 26, 2017

This is a short video of Garfield's much more active sister Rijka repeatedly getting her mouth sucked into a vacuum hose attachment while trying to lick the air being pulled in. I particularly liked the sound her tongue makes when it's slapping around in the breeze. *shrug* I'm a simple man, with simple likes and dislikes. "What are you likes?" Pizza, tacos, sweets, video games, good happy hour specials, and the sound this cat's tongue makes. "And dislikes?" Everything else. "What about me?" I love you, that's different.

Keep going for the video while I Google if it's a proven fact that orange cats are the black sheep of the feline genus. Every one I've ever known has been...special.

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Thanks, Internet: Kermit The Frog Performs R. Kelly's 'Ignition (Remix)'

April 26, 2017

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Seen here about to get a mouthful of snout, this is a video of Kermit The Frog performing R. Kelly's 'Ignition (Remix)', courtesy of editing by Mylo The Cat (previously). You know I actually catch myself singing that song in the shower from time to time. But more often than that I catch myself laying on the floor of the tub with the shower running trying to figure out just where my life took a wrong turn. Did you know if you snort food coloring you can cry different colored tears? "That's probably a good place to start looking." No, I only got into that recently. I'm thinking maybe when I learned out how to get the microwave to run without the door closed.

Keep going for the video, as well as the original. Toot toot, beep beep!

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Adjustable Ear Plugs With Four Levels Of Noise Control

April 26, 2017

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This is the Kickstarter for Knops, a pair of ear plugs that allow you to adjust the amount of noise you hear. The plugs' outer rim can be turned to allow for four different levels of use: clear sound (no dampening), city noise, live music, and total isolation. Obviously, I'm a total isolation guy myself, but that's just me, and, like they say: no noise is good noise. "It's news, not noise." Whatever, I had my earbuds in. You can get a pair of the already-funded Knops for $62, which should ship this November. Alternatively, just cover your ears with your hands all the time like a normal person. "That's not what normal people do." I CAN'T HEAR YOU. "Take your hands off your ears." I can't, I glued them there. "Then how did you just hear me?" I read your lips. Now I'm reading your mind. "What am I thinking?" GW can't read minds! "Impressive." Thanks, it's a gift. Just kidding it's a curse everybody hates me and thinks I'm ugly and I know it.

Keep going for their Kickstarter video.

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Move Over Chocolate/Vanilla Swirl: Almond Charcoal Black Soft Serve Ice Cream

April 26, 2017

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These are a handful of people's attempts at artistic Instagram shots of the almond charcoal flavored black soft serve ice cream available from the Los Angeles based Little Damage ice cream shop. Mmmm, almond charcoal -- I wonder if it tastes like the time I got my stomach pumped. You may recall this post from last year of another ice cream shop in New York City selling scoops of coconut ash flavored ice cream. This is soft serve though. I don't really like soft serve that much, although I have always dreamed of sticking my head under the the spigot of one and seeing how long I can last before my IBS kicks in and I ruin all the carpet of that Sizzler between the taco/pasta bar and emergency exit.

Keep going for a couple more shots, including one of Powder holding a cone.

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Dammit Mother Nature, Calm Down: An Alligator Biting Another Alligator's Head

April 26, 2017

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Seen here looking like some foreplay I want absolutely no part of, this is a video from the 18th hole of a golf course in North Carolina of a 12-foot alligator biting and refusing to let go of an 8-foot alligator's head, despite the second gator clearly trying to use their safe word. Or maybe they're fighting over who gets to eat the ball some golfer sliced into the water hazard. Whatever the case, I would not be standing that close to them. You never know when they could join forces and decide humans don't bite back. Except me -- I'm like Jaws. Not Jaws the shark though, Jaws from the James Bond movies, who actually bites and kills a shark in this scene from The Spy Who Loved Me. Sadly, no spies have ever loved me. They all just pretend to so they can milk me for government secrets, then leave me tied to a hotel bed for housekeeping to find. "Did they at least sex you first?" No, but Natalya did have the decency to rent me an adult movie before stealing my briefcase and leaving, although Uncle Sam footed the bill because the hotel had my government credit card on file. *shrug* Just your hard-earned tax dollars at work.

Keep going for the video.

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Dear God: A Pizza Inside A Burger With Pizzas For Buns

April 26, 2017

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This is a video from the uninsurable folks at Youtube channel Hellthy Junk Food documenting the construction of a burger with a pizza inside the patty, and pizzas for buns. Me? You'd swear I have two slabs of chiseled granite for buns. "They look like cottage cheese." Only when I clench them. Man, college me would have been all over this burger. Now? Now I have to eat healthy because my metabolism has slowed to a snail's pace and I'm gaining weight by the hour. I swear by the time I leave work today I'll be a different pant size. And the exercise regimen my doctor has me on doesn't seem to do anything. All I have to look forward to anymore are cheat days. "Let me guess -- every day that ends in Y?" No -- every day that begins with me sobbing in the shower. "So....." Let's say five days a week.

Keep going for the entirely too-long video, so feel free to skip around.

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