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Photos Of Divers Caught In Middle Of Whale $#iT Storm


These are the photographs taken by Canadian diver and photographer Keri Wilk after a particularly crappy encounter with a sperm whale. Apparently the 'shit as much as you can and wave it in the face of whoever you don't want around' defense technique is equally effective under the sea as it is above. SPOILER: upcoming quote likening the shit cloud to chocolate milk!

"At first, it seemed like a regular bowel movement," Keri explained.

"Four of us looked at each other with confusion, then back at the whale, expecting that any second its call from nature would come to an end.

"Instead, the whale bobbed up and down, spun in circles and waved the poo in every direction for several minutes while we just sat back and watched."

Scuba equipment can disturb whales, so Keri prefers to dive with just goggles and a snorkel.

"After a few waves of faeces were released and stirred vigorously by the whale, the water was like chocolate milk, I couldn't see my hand when I held it in front of my face.

"I had poop in my eyes, mouth, wetsuit, everywhere and I was soaked in it from head to toe. But, after leaving the cloud, it quickly washed away, and didn't leave a smell on us.

Wow, I can honestly say with almost 75% certainty that will not be on my bucket list. Befriending a mermaid who knows the way to Atlantis and is willing to take me there? Absolutely. Being trapped in a whale's shitstorm and getting some in my mouth? No. "Then why only 75% certain?" Things change. Maybe I'll have done so much by the time I'm 60 that swimming in a whale's rich chocolately Ovaltine will be the only adventure I have left.

Keep going for a bunch more shots of the wow, that shit got real-real.

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Mother Outraged Over 'Satanic' Lights On School Bus


Some arguably bored and misguided mother in Tennessee is outraged after discovering the lights on the back of a school bus appear to be upside down stars (aka "satanic pentagrams" to some people), sending her off on her own personal crusade for Christianity. "Wow -- we really need more people like her in the world," nobody just thought.

The mom told WMC she snapped a photo of the brake light on a Durham School Services bus in Cordova.

"Anyone who fears a God, if not God and Jesus Christ, should be outraged..."

The mother says it's appalling the brake lights are shaped like a pentagram.

"If you can't put a cross on there, you can't put a pentagram on it," she said.

The meaning of the upside-down pentagram and whether or not it's even satanic aside, I will say this: after literally five seconds of internet sleuthing you know what I found? Pictures of the same star lights installed point-side up! (Pictures after the jump) They're just star-shaped lights, lady -- just like the topper on your Christmas tree! Which, come on, you really should have taken down already -- it's almost February. Now: less senseless complaining, more putting ornaments back in their boxes.

Keep going for shots of the lights installed point-side up. Although the one bus's number is '666', so this lady might actually be on to something.

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Your Pain Brings Me Great Joy: 8.5-Minute Compilation Of Things Breaking, People Getting Hurt


Note: Video contains some solid bad words on account of things not going as expected.

This is a spectacular 8.5-minute video compilation of things breaking (usually through attempted feats of jackassery), often resulting in people hurting themselves. There are so many good ones. Obviously, it brought me great joy. Except the human cannonball at 2:47, that's a respectable profession and whoever set up that shoddy catch-net should be ashamed of themselves. ALTHOUGH -- every good (read: still alive) human cannonball knows the first rule of safe human cannonballing is ALWAYS CHECK YOUR OWN NET. You should never put your life in the hands of somebody else. Unless you need surgery and aren't a doctor, in which case I'd still suggest taking a trip to the hardware store and trying it yourself first.

Keep going for the video.

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Noooooo, Say It Ain't So!: Skymall Files For Bankruptcy


In heartbreaking news for anybody who's ever needed to find a place to hide a booger without the passengers next to them noticing, infamous purveyor of shit/crapola Skymall has announced it's filing for bankruptcy. Apparently people discovered you can shop on the internet. I know, I'm as shocked as you are.

"With the increased use of electronic devices on planes, fewer people browsed the SkyMall in-flight catalog," [Chief Executive Scott] Wiley said.

The increase in the number of airlines providing Internet access "resulted in additional competition from e-commerce retailers and additional competition for the attention of passengers, all of which further negatively impacted SkyMall's catalog sales," he added.

Ahahahhahaha, I was right. I mean, of course I was right, it's just a weird feeling. Why order from Skymall when you can order from Amazon and actually buy something you're going to use? Now I'm no air marshal, but I do carry a fake plastic badge and flash it at the stewardess while I demand free drinks. Shortly after I usually get to meet the real air marshal.

Thanks to Michael K, who was hit so hard by the news he took the rest of the day off.

That A Prison Tat?: Ass-Awful God Of War Kratos Tattoo


Nailed it.

This is the God of War Kratos tattoo some poor schmuck got on his calf. As you can see, the artist responsible probably shouldn't be giving tattoos. Or giving anything for that matter. I wouldn't even trust a handjob from somebody with so little talent and hand-eye coordination.

Thanks to SlasherScott, who wonders how a person could even sit through getting that whole tattoo without ever taking a peek and realizing it's probably better to just cut your losses and ask the artist to stop where they're at.

Man Plays Real-Life Pac-Man In Bud Light Commercial


This is a Bud Light Super Bowl commercial (you're doing it wrong) in which some random guy is allegedly picked to play a giant game of real-life Pac-Man. SPOILER: He manages to beat the level, despite the blaring DJ and all the beautiful people screaming at him. And his reward? A single Bud Light bottle, apparently to make up for the one he never even got to take a sip from at the bar when he was chosen to play.

Keep going for the commercial.

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New Laser-Etched Metal Is So Hydrophobic Water Droplets Bounce Off Like Bouncy Balls


This is a piece of metal that's been laser-etched with "micro- and nanoscale structures" by scientists at the University of Rochester to increase its hydrophobic (water-repellant) properties. The scientists believe it's a significantly better solution than chemical coatings, not only in effectiveness, but in durability (it allegedly won't wear off). Obviously, I want my skin etched like this so I never have to carry an umbrella.

The applications can be revolutionary: From the construction of airplane surfaces--which will avoid water freezing of the fuselage--to non-stick pans to phones to computers to TVs to cars to whatever you can imagine made of metal. They are also thinking of applying the technique to create 100-percent efficient water recollection systems in underdeveloped countries and the creation of latrines in areas where water is not abundant enough to allow for effective cleaning.

Heck yeah, I'd love to pee on something like this. Which reminds me -- when I was growing up my best friend's house had carpet in the bathroom. Like, around the toilet and everything. That still grosses me out. Granted I'm not sure how that relates to this story, but to be honest I'm not sure how most of the stuff I say ever relates to the story. This is just par for the course. "I give it a double-bogey." I'll take it, now let's hit the clubhouse for some cocktails.

Keep going for two videos including demos but also a whole bunch of talking.

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Beautifully Stretched 1965 VW Microbus Limousine


This is a 1965 Volkswagen microbus that's been meticulously restored and stretched into a limo. It's up for sale on eBay now for $220,000, which could probably get you just about any other car you've ever dreamed of. Maybe two. Maybe even with enough left over for a decent pre-owned jetpack. The bus was restored with only the finest in high-end parts, has 33 windows, custom sound and light systems, and can seat you and up to eleven of your best friends. Don't have any friends? Welcome to the club. I meet at the bar and just stare at my beer and slowly peel the label off.

Keep going for a bunch more shots.

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